You're listening to Tales from the Cloud Sea, an improvised comedy adventure podcast where kids are at the helm.
Everything you're about to hear is completely made up on the spot.
No script, no plan, no rules.
Tales from the Cloud Sea.
If you're looking for a new adventure high up in the atmosphere Avast your wishes There's a new transmission Coming through in a world where mischief's near No time for panic on the old Skytanic So let's set sail for a new frontier Tales from the Cloud Sea The stories made up spontaneously To welcome aboard There's a world to explore Tales from the Cloud Sea Tales from the Cloud Sea prepare for episode 22 lost on lava island okay dad we'll try your hot sauce again all right well now remember try with care if not respect because carl's homemade kumama hot sauce is uh let's just say it is pretty spicy i got some milk so that it when our tongues burn off we can smart that is smart sweetie that's smart you want to just put a little bit on a cracker there okay now remember this is this is made with real bell peppers so just careful that's all i'm saying okay all right here you go me too me too are we all gonna do it at the same time yeah all right yeah cheers toast our ritz crackers there and oh oh give me that milk all the milk quick i don't taste anything yeah it tastes like Are you okay, buddy?
Are you coming down with something?
You should be getting that bell pepper heat right about now.
Dad, this is just a really nice, mild, flavorful sauce.
I love the saltine flavor.
Really?
Dad, you're sweating.
Oh my gosh, yes.
Here, let me give you a towel.
Let me pat myself down with that kitchen towel there.
All right, i might have to take a little break down in the east wing bathroom.
Kids, if you can just let that, keep an eye on that.
I need it, needs to, it needs to.
Okay, i'll be right back.
Take the milk.
He was holding his butt as he was running.
We know what he's gonna do.
Well yeah, the east wing bathroom is for one thing.
Yeah hey, do you think maybe we should take some of this?
Not sauce to not sauce?
Yeah, let's do it.
Yeah, i've got the bottle with dad's face on it.
Great, and i'll take the skim milk.
Yeah, I don't know why dad buys skim milk and then puts ice in it.
I know.
It's like it looks blue.
It's not even real milk.
Yeah, it's like white food coloring in water.
Okay, so you have the milk, and I've got the hot sauce.
Do you want to run up to the attic?
Yeah, let's go.
I mean, that's going to be at least 45.
Oh, yeah.
At least.
To an hour.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Oh, wait.
I want to toss the gallon up to you.
Ready?
One, two, three.
It spilled.
Okay.
Okay.
Sorry I didn't put the lid on it.
I'm just going to smell a little sour.
Yeah.
Okay.
Sorry.
All right.
Got the bottle.
Okay.
Yep.
Yep.
I'm putting the top on.
You ready?
Yep.
Here we go.
Whoa.
Oh, man.
Eating my hot dog.
Hot dog me.
Loving my hot dog all day.
Stop it.
Oh, yes.
Oh, long ago.
We're here.
I only have one hand.
Hey, Cranklin.
Cranklin, you just popped up out of nowhere.
Are you trying to get me hot dog?
That's what it feels like.
I notice your hot dog doesn't have any condiments on it.
Would you like to try this condiment?
The condiment?
Yeah, it's our dad makes this pepper sauce.
Who is this handsome fellow?
That's our dad.
Look at him.
Yeah, that's our dad.
You come from good stock.
I'm going to look like that one day, probs.
Probably.
You already do, my lad.
You already do.
Look like a 46-year-old man.
Yeah, I did draw a mustache on this morning.
Okay, yeah.
You look good with a mustache, Arthur.
Aw, thanks.
Yeah.
Hey, I've got millions of fake moustaches in my stash.
Okay.
Yeah, let me try it.
Okay, here we go.
Have some skim milk if you need it.
Okay.
It's not very satisfying.
Holy moly, that's me mouth on fire!
Oh my god!
Give him the milk!
Give him the milk!
Drink it!
Give him the milk!
It's a little bit better.
Do you like it?
Me hot dog.
Yeah, I like it.
I like it.
I'm sweating a bit.
Oh, wow.
Maybe it's an adult thing.
Here's a kitchen towel.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Yeah, maybe things get hotter.
You want to try it too, Franklin?
Okay.
Okay.
Here you go.
We'll just put it on your finger.
He's going to blow a gasket.
What's all this palaver going on out here?
Well, it's not anyone eating hot dogs, I'll tell you that.
There's no hot dogs on this ship.
No, no, there's not.
Wait, I...
Wait, what's that smell?
Oh, it must be these children.
They smell like... moist...
Bell peppers and lightly curdled milk?
That is us!
That's us!
Yeah!
You're right this time!
Well, finally you admit it, you smelly little children.
Would you like to try our dad's hot sauce?
Nut sauce?
You'd love it.
It's a condiment.
If I had a hot dog to put it on, maybe.
Oh.
Wait, I...
I get just a little whiff of that as well.
No, no, that's not one.
No, no.
It's on your breath!
No!
Oh, your breath smells like hot dogs.
No, it doesn't.
You're thinking of someone else.
Joe!
Where's Joe?
Hey, how's it going, everybody?
Joe, have you been boiling up any of your famous hot dogs?
No, I've been working on a hot dog substitute made purely of eggs.
And pennies.
An egg dog.
Do you want to try some of this sauce on it, Joe?
Oh, sure.
I like sauce.
Here you go.
What in the world?
Here, have some more.
Have some more.
I'm gonna pour milk on you.
I wanna try it.
Just put a wee drop on Inca's tentacle there.
Okay.
Alright, and then I'll put it in me mouth.
I think that's... I've had water that's spicier than that.
Hey!
Okay.
I'm getting nothing from that. it's okay yeah no that's that's awful but it's a nice flavor right it's good no it's no i hate bell peppers taste like dirt and cellulose cellulose cellulose that sounds delicious it's time for me to send the two of you on a dangerous mission Because I got bored of all of this tasting.
We're out of milk.
Sorry.
Sorry.
So there's some in my shirt, so you can wring it out.
Yeah.
You can have this jug, though.
It's empty.
Use it for something cool.
Oh, yeah, you could put, like, a little, like, votive candle in there.
Oh, cool.
You could cut a hole there and make a little burn feeder out of it, probably.
Oh, a burn feeder!
That's a great idea.
That's very nice.
Ah, if you turn it over this way and put four stools under it and cut a little hole in the top, you could make a piggy bank.
What is this, arts and crafts hour?
I do have a little craft room off the side of the treasure room.
I do, yes.
Wow, I didn't know that.
That's cool.
That's right.
Sometimes when I'm just hanging out with my booty, I like to make things.
Oh yeah, you're a tinkerer.
I like to tinker with me booty.
That's what dad was doing when we left.
Yeah, our dad was tinkering with his booty.
This daddy urs.
He seems like a bit of a pirate himself, am i right?
I mean, he sails the seas of our Toilet.
I don't know.
Yeah.
It's true he does.
Actually, you can see their father right on the carton here.
Let me turn it around.
Look at this.
Yeah, that's not your father.
Yes, it is.
He's a handsome man.
That mustache is so bristly.
You could use it to scrub the deck of the skytanic.
Yeah, you should give him some of the captain's um beard salve.
Oh, that's a nice idea.
I do make me own beard salve, that's true.
Wait, what do you make it out of?
Whatever I can find.
He's allergic to high fructose.
I use mostly fructose, though.
Oh, man.
But not high fructose.
Just regular old fructose.
No, regular run-of-the-mill fructose.
Oh, I love that.
That he can tolerate.
He can do that.
All right, all right.
Cranklin' hit it.
Cranklin's blown a gasket.
And he's still recovering from the heat.
My name is Arthur.
I'm from Georgia.
And I think you should go to Lava Island.
The people are named Lava Heads and they are all trying to look for the golden fireball.
And there are also fire goblins and
Wait a second, Arthur.
Was that you, Arthur?
Uh, no, but it sure sounded just like me.
It did sound just like you.
Wait, are you telling me that there are people with the same name on the mythical Earth?
Yeah.
Yeah, you don't have people with...
No, you have to go down to the name registry in the cloud scene.
Make sure your name hasn't been taken by anyone else.
Oh, wow.
Oh, I've been wanting to get my hands on the golden fireball for years, but so have everyone.
They're all looking on Lava Island.
This sounds like a pretty dangerous place.
It's very dangerous.
It is the most dangerous place on the entirety of the Cloud Sea because the lava heads if you make them too mad, their heads will blow.
Ka-blam!
You'll blow right with them.
Right, right, right.
Children, if you'll follow me, I've got something I think might help you.
Okay.
I hope it's fire suits.
Okay, bye, Captain.
Bye, Joe.
Bye, Captain.
All right, I'm going to go down to my crafting room.
I've got some scrapbooking to do.
I'm going to refine my spicy water recipe.
Oh.
Joe makes the best spicy water.
All right.
All right, follow me.
Okay.
Okay, listen, before we go any further, I brought back a hot dog making machine from me vacations.
Okay?
Yeah, and so you cannot tell Joe and you cannot tell Captain.
Okay.
Because Captain is, well, we call him Hot Dog Head. because he loves them so much.
He'll go crazy, okay?
His hot dog head will explode like the lava.
Like the lava heads.
And Joe gets a bit, you know, hurt when you, when you eat something.
But i'll tell you what.
I can't eat another egg.
I can't do it and i won't do it.
I don't blame you.
Wait, can you make anything out of a hot dog with this hot dog machine?
Yeah wow, you can put like anything in there.
It'll make a hot dog.
Yes, like a brownie hot dog.
Well yeah, but it always comes out hot dog, right.
So no matter what you put in, it turns anything into hot dogs?
Yes, yes.
So it turns into all beef?
You don't have all of these where you're from, eh?
No, no.
Okay.
Well... Wow, it's like a particle rearranger?
Yeah.
I don't know what a particle is, but okay, yeah.
Wow.
Man.
So you just put garbage in there and make hot dogs.
Oh, I didn't think of that.
That's a great idea.
I've only been putting foodstuffs in there so far.
Oh.
Oh, well, that's fine.
But you've really opened things up for me.
I mean, be careful.
Well, we'll see, okay?
Right.
All right, now follow me.
I really do have something to help you, but I also needed to say zip the lip on the hot dog machine.
All right, got it.
Done.
Okay, okay.
Now, I have installed...
A new moving walkway.
Wow, you've done a lot.
Yeah, I have, okay?
Because sometimes you want to get somewhere, but you don't want to walk, right?
Wow.
This does all the walking for you, okay?
Now, to be fair, it's only two feet, okay?
But I am telling you, you're about to have a run of your life.
Here we are.
You know, you can put hot dogs on there and then you can put like a lamp on top and you can keep hot dogs warm all day.
Oh, that's a good idea.
You are a wee genius.
I've just been to the gas station.
You could put the walkway in the machine and it turns into a big old hot dog.
So you could have just a bigger hot dog.
Well, I'll think about that one, little man.
Well, think about it and let me know what you think.
Yeah, okay.
Okay, here we are.
As you know, in this trunk I have lots of things that can help you.
And in particular today, I have some fire safe suits.
And I do believe you're going to need them.
Or your head and hair and body will melt.
Oh, wow.
I know.
This is probably the most dangerous mission.
Oh, my gosh.
What is this made out of, asbestos?
Yes.
Oh, this is the best.
Nice.
OK, Arthur, that was a good one.
Yeah, it was pretty good.
You've been reading, have you?
Something like that.
All right yes, please don't take these off.
Okay, they're really lovely.
It's really dangerous.
Yes, i did bedazzle them myself.
Well, and i see that you have chrysidolite, which is a blue kind of asbestos, running through.
Yeah yeah yeah, really nice.
I was gonna say mine's a cool puke green color.
Yeah, that's a bit of citrine in there, as well as a bestis.
Oh, that's cool.
Anyhow, follow me back on the moving walkway, if you will.
Okay, yeah.
Done.
Okay, cool.
Okay.
Yeah, that's great.
Straight up to the cloud car we go.
Up this ladder.
Okay.
Okay, be careful.
One rung has been missing for two weeks.
Don't know where it is.
Little concerned.
You could turn it into a hot dog.
Oh, yeah.
Hot dog ladder.
Alright, here we are, children.
Please, be safe.
If you come back safely, I'll give you a hot dog, okay?
Yes!
You can smuggle it back to your world.
Oh, cool!
Make your trash hot dog.
Thank you.
Thanks, Dobbins.
All right.
Let's hop in the car.
All right.
Okay.
I'm going to push the button.
I'm going to pull the lever.
Okay.
Ready?
Yep.
Go.
Whoa.
Oh.
Oh okay, welcome to lava island.
Oh, i am magmar, the official greeter, the official greeter.
Oh, this is basalt, my trainee, my trainee.
Good job basalt, basalt Wow.
So my name is Amelia, and this is my brother Arthur.
I'm Arthur.
Oh, nice to meet you both.
I would shake your hands, but my rocky palm is so hot it would probably burn you off.
Oh, well, thank you.
We'll just wave.
Yeah, no thank you.
Yeah.
So we're trying to find a golden fireball.
Oh, you and everyone else.
Let's call them treasure.
Tourists come to Lava Island from all around because they've heard the legend of the golden fireball.
They're all trying to look for it, but no one has ever found it.
Right, Bay Salt?
Right, Bay Salt?
No, now you try.
Now you say the thing.
Now you try it.
I'll watch you do it.
Now you say the thing to them, and I'll see how well you do.
You do it.
You're doing great, Bay Salt.
Bay Salt.
Bay Salt.
Bay Salt.
Bay Salt is my brother's kid, and I'm trying.
Trying to find a job for Baesalt here on the island.
Baesalt has tried to work in the oven mitt factory.
That didn't work so well.
All right, Baesalt, you got this.
Uh, island.
Nice!
That's right, that's right, Basil.
It is an island, and people look for the... Island!
And then they find the island so they can discover the... I... So close!
Feather.
Ew.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
So close.
That was good, though.
He is a large chunk of rock.
That's not too bad.
Ignis.
Yeah.
Oh, good.
Good.
Yeah.
Good.
Well, listen, the legends say that the Golden Fireball exists at the bottom of the Great Caldera.
People have been looking for it for many, many years and never have found it.
But it's great for tourism.
Has anybody gone to the bottom of the caldera?
Oh, yes, many times.
They've made... like magma submarines to go down there, and nope, nobody's found it.
Magma submarines?
I think they're barking up the wrong volcano, personally.
Oh, that was good, Basil.
Oh, good barking.
That was a bark.
That was relevant.
Yeah, that was good.
Good boy.
We heard.
Yeah, because you're lava heads.
Correct.
We don't want to get you too excited.
So if you don't think it's in the bottom of the caldera, where do you think it is?
Oh, well.
Magmar.
Well, I think the fire goblins have it.
But no one would dare go to the territory of the fire goblins.
Never.
No, you would at your own peril.
It is far too dangerous in that realm.
Everything here is at our own peril.
Yeah.
We have suits on that will protect us.
But the fire goblins?
Oh, they're sneaky and tricky.
Why, i bet they'd find a way to get those suits off of you.
And oh no, they can't trust a fire goblin.
Have you ever met a fire goblin?
Oh, no way i would.
I stay so far away from them.
Oh well, what's something we could do to trick them?
Is there something they hate?
Uh, me know this one.
Oh, good, Basalt.
Good, good, good.
Me know trick.
Oh, cool, Basalt.
If you go down, okay.
See this mountain over here?
Yeah, that is a mountain.
Go round mountain.
Uh-huh.
Couple of times.
Okay.
Yeah.
And... And that's a trick?
They hate that?
No, there's more to trick.
Oh, okay.
Me lost me train of thought.
No, you go around.
Two times.
Okay, okay.
On the third time round, fire fairy appear.
Okay.
She know everything.
So we have to go around three times?
She tell you how to trick goblin.
Oh.
She very beautiful.
Maybe we go around the mountain.
With us?
Basel, where is this coming from?
Do you like the fire fairy or something?
I've never heard you put three words together, Basel.
Where did you hear this?
Did you go around the mountain when I wasn't paying attention?
K-Salt, I told you stay away from that mountain.
It's far too close.
Far too close to the fire goblin territory.
Far too close to the fire goblin care, yes.
Me no, but me ran into fairy one day and me fell in love.
And she tell me all sorts of cool things.
Listen, you two, don't listen to my nephew.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
The fire fairy is a legend.
Fire fairy clearly doesn't exist.
Doesn't exist except for when I smooch.
I've been around that mountain two times and I never saw a fire fairy.
But did you ever go around a third time?
Yeah, a third time.
Well, I did it two times.
I mean, the first time I was looking...
Kind of like you know not super, like just casual looking.
And the second time I looked really hard.
You really looked.
Never saw a fire fairy.
Gave up.
It's a legend.
Let's, oh, look, another load of tourists are coming.
I've got to go and do the spiel.
Got to go do and spiel.
Finish up with these two and send them on.
All right.
Oh, hello there, people.
Welcome.
Hi, Magmar.
I'm so sorry I couldn't help myself.
My name's Basalt, at your service.
What?
Yes.
He doesn't think I know anything, but actually I'm the most intelligent creature on this island.
Or at least the fire fairy would say so, wouldn't she?
Wow, Mesa, this is amazing.
So can you help us?
Absolutely.
Do we really have to walk around this mountain two times, three times?
Three times.
Okay.
Yes.
There is a faster way around the island which I use.
Oh yes yes, but it's very dangerous and i don't think children should be using.
What is it?
What is it?
Yeah, see over there at the edge of the island.
Yes um, those are scooters.
They're fire scooters yes, and you must take the scooters And you must go around the island three times.
And then you shall see my love.
We're scooter masters.
We're great on scooters.
That won't take any time at all.
When you see her, I will tell you this.
You must have a poem ready.
Oh, Arthur's got poems.
Yeah, I got poems coming out of my armpit.
Yeah.
Say your poem to her and bow three times.
Three times?
Okay.
Yes.
Okay, let's... Until the basalt center.
And by the way, don't tell my uncle that I'm intelligent like this.
I hate to work.
I hate it.
I'd much prefer to just follow him around all day.
What a chap he is.
Okay yeah, your secret's safe with us whip sealed.
Hey, all right, these should be really fast if they have fire coming out of them.
Right oh, are you kidding me?
I'm so excited.
Okay ready yeah, i'm ready.
There's a big gaping hole.
Where?
Right in front of us.
Oh!
Oh, my gosh.
I'm sorry.
I was looking.
Oh, my gosh.
It's OK.
It's OK.
It's OK.
There's certain buttons on this scooter.
Maybe there's a jump button we can leap over the hole.
Yeah.
OK.
OK.
OK.
Can you read the back of my scooter?
Can you read those buttons?
Yeah.
This one says stop.
This one says smoke screen.
And this one says jump.
Maybe we should try the jump.
Let's try the jump one.
OK.
Ready?
Yeah.
Ready?
Did you see how high that was?
Yes, I was up there with you.
That's so cool.
Oh, my god.
OK.
All right.
We got to go around two more times.
OK look look okay hello, oh hi, you're beautiful.
Oh bonsoir.
Oh, you must be the fire fairy.
Oh yes, i am the fire fairy.
Hello, oh hi.
Um uh, basalt says hello and he sent us here, oh Bonsoir.
Bonsoir.
Bonsoir to my best arts.
I will not talk to you further unless you have a poem for me, okay?
Oh, yes.
Arts are kidding.
Roses are red.
Nice.
Violets are blue.
Yes.
Lava is hot.
You know what to do?
Pick up a stick.
I'm still going.
Oh no sorry, i'm sorry, it's okay, it's dramatic pause.
Just pick up a stick.
His name's not nick.
Just take it apart.
Boy, do i love to fart.
Take it downtown.
Around and around.
I'm going in the water.
Boy, do I love Harry Potter.
Now's the time for me to rhyme and to end this poem.
And I'll tell you why.
Thank you.
I hope it works.
Arthur, that was amazing.
Thanks, Amelia.
We have to bow three times.
Oh, yeah.
Okay, okay, okay.
One.
Two.
Oh, thank you.
That was a beautiful, beautiful poem.
That was really good, Arthur.
So how can I help you?
We're trying to find the Golden Fireball.
Everyone on this island is trying to find the Golden Fireball.
It sounds like you don't like that.
No, it's our Golden Fireball.
We take people to the Great Caldera to see if they can find it, but it is not in the Great Caldera.
We all know it's not.
It's with the fire goblins?
Yeah, it's with the fire goblins, yes.
Could you tell us how we could fool or trick the fire goblins?
Oh, sacre bleu.
No.
There's no fooling the fire goblins.
The fire goblins are tricky, they're crafty.
They are the ones who have created the entire island.
They know everything about it.
I am very smart and Basalt is very smart, but we are not the smartest people on the island.
The fire goblins are.
Oh, okay.
I mean, Amelia, you're pretty smart.
I'm pretty smart, but I don't know if I'm fire goblin smart.
No one is.
But I would love to have a dialogue.
Well, I can tell you where to find the fire goblins.
They will be happy to have a visitor because no one else on the island likes to talk to them.
Kind of rude.
Oh, well, we were talking to Magmar.
He said he'd never even met them, but he didn't like them.
I'll say this about the other rocks that live on this island.
They are set in their own ways.
They're very stubborn.
Yeah.
It's a very oral history kind of culture here.
So people, you know, one person had a fire goblin experience that was really tricky 150 years ago.
And now everybody's like, oh, no, we don't like the fire goblins.
Oh, yeah.
They're rude, but they're very smart.
And they're not bad, they're just rude and smart.
Like French people.
Yeah.
Okay.
That's a place from where we're from.
Yeah, it's our descendants.
So you have oral history problems as well, is what I mean.
Yes, we have tremendous oral history problems.
I have cavities all up in my molars.
So here's what's going to happen to you little children.
There is a door in my mountain.
I will open the door for you.
Go straight to the center of the staircase and go down the staircase and the fire goblins will greet you at the gates.
Cool.
Thank you so much.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Please don't keep telling people that French people are rude.
Oh, yeah, you got it.
Bonsoir.
Bonsoir.
Bonsoir.
She was kind of pushy, huh?
Gosh, so rude.
Yeah.
Right?
Okay.
Let's see.
Oh, look at the staircase.
Cool.
I'm going to slide down the rail.
Oh, yeah.
Do it.
Okay.
Oh, it's a spiral.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Oh, oh.
Hello?
Um, hi.
Hi, my name's Amelia.
This is my brother, Arthur.
Hi.
Oh, yeah.
Yes, human children.
Yes, we are.
You must be a fire goblin.
Wouldn't you like to know?
But yes.
Yes, we would like to know.
It's really nice to meet you.
I am the least smart of the goblins, and that is why they put me at the gate.
Okay, you still seem pretty smart.
Well, I'm just not very good at tricking people.
Well, that's okay.
Yeah.
They're so cool that you're, like, made of fire.
Okay, let me do my spiel.
Here we go.
Hi.
Welcome to the center of the mountain.
My name is Blepharis.
Blepharis?
Wow.
You.
And I cannot let you pass unless you answer me a riddle.
Okay.
Oh.
The problem is I don't actually know any riddles.
Oh.
And this is where now I'm sorry I can't possibly.
Do you know a riddle?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
What?
Yeah, go, Millie.
You got this.
Yeah.
Okay.
What, um, I'm trying to think of a real one.
It's a good one.
It's a good one.
Um, what's hot on the inside but cold, what's hot on the outside but cold on the inside?
Ooh, I love riddles.
Mmm.
Mmm.
A fireball?
My dad's hot sauce.
Okay.
Good one, Amelia.
Good one.
You should have gotten that one.
I always hand it to you.
Listen, please don't tell them down the road that I didn't know any riddles.
Oh, no.
This is the fifth job I've been through and I really can't lose another one.
Oh, oh, here's another one.
Okay, I got a good one.
I got a good one.
Okay.
I'm not alive, but I grow.
I don't have lungs, but I need air.
I don't have a mouth, but water kills me.
What am I?
Oh, I think they fell asleep.
Okay, cool.
I guess we'll just hop over.
Yeah, good idea.
Okay, okay, let's keep going.
Okay.
Hey, what you doing here?
Oh, hi.
Hi.
Hey.
Hi, I'm Amelia.
This is my brother, Arthur.
Hi.
How'd you get past Bletherus?
We solved her difficult riddles.
Well, that seems impossible because we don't give her any riddles.
She's not very smart.
Oh.
Oh.
Well, we gave her some riddles and then she fell asleep during them.
And then we just walked right over her.
Oh, that's very clever of you.
Well, good job.
Hello.
Thank you.
Hi.
Hi.
My name is Quickspark.
Hi, Quickspark.
That's a cool name.
Cool name.
Yeah, thanks.
I like it.
I got it because I'm a spark and I'm quick.
Cool.
Oh, yeah.
You're a real firecracker.
Yeah, we don't get a lot of visitors.
All right.
We don't get a lot of visitors around here.
We were just looking for the golden fireball.
Oh, no.
What?
Uh-oh.
What's wrong?
We got problems.
Now we got problems.
Now we got a problem.
You and me, we got a problem.
We got a conflict.
Because we're looking for a fireball?
Yeah, you can't have that.
That's ours.
What does it do?
It heats the entire island up.
Oh.
Yeah.
So it's real important to us because it's a golden fireball and if we lose it, then everything gets cold.
And all those little lava heads up there.
Well, they turn into Ignatius heads and they all fall over.
Oh, no.
I don't know.
Igneous heads.
Oh, no.
Ignatius the Igneous.
Wait, Millie, can I have an aside with you for a second?
Yes, excuse us for a moment.
Yeah, whatever.
Hey, if we take this treasure from them, it's going to harm the land.
I don't think that's ever happened before.
Yeah, I don't think we should do that.
I don't think we should do that.
Is this the first time we're not going to bring treasure back to the captain?
Well, we didn't say we're not bringing treasure back.
We're just not bringing the golden firebook back.
Okay, maybe we can find something else.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, okay, okay.
Um, hey, we're back.
Oh, hey, hey.
Nice to see you.
You might have heard us.
Did you hear us?
Yeah, I did.
Shoot.
We don't want to take your golden fireball, but we do need to bring something back to our captain.
Yeah, make him happy.
But we don't want to destroy your island.
Oh, well...
Truly, I appreciate that tremendously.
As a resident of this island, that's very nice.
We just went and saw Avatar and we learned that it's really bad to destroy somebody else's environment.
I don't know what that is, but you took a good lesson away from that.
Oh, yeah.
It has unobtainium.
That's all you need to know.
Yeah, unobtainium.
It sounds really great.
You can't get it.
It's unobtainium.
No, it's unobtainium.
Oh, that makes sense.
This is very good storytelling.
I tell you what we got a gift shop around the corner that nobody goes to.
Perfect, what we got in that gift shop is little keychains, little golden fireball keychains.
I can give you like 60 of those, because again, we get no visitors.
Oh yeah, you want them.
Yeah please perfect yeah, it's no problem.
Hey, you want a mug?
We'd love a mug.
We can put the keychains in the mug.
Oh, my gosh.
Arthur, that's brilliant.
Thank you.
That's real nice.
You know, I also got some oven mitts and a couple of... Oh, no, thank you.
No, thank you.
Yeah, no?
No, no, thank you.
All right.
Well, that's fine.
Suit yourself.
You want a T-shirt?
Yeah!
It's made out of asbestos.
Oh, good.
Yeah, you're welcome.
Yeah, it says, I visited Lava Island while I got with this stupid T-shirt.
Oh, oh, oh, wait, wait.
Quick, Spark, check it out.
Quick, Spark, look at this.
Look at this.
I think I got something that's going to turn the corner on our gift shop that no one ever comes to.
All right, Sparky, shoot.
What do you got?
It's a replica.
Are you following me here?
It is a replica golden fireball.
Look at that.
What do you think?
I think when they hear about this, people are going to come down and they're going to want to shop here.
Excuse me, sir.
Who are these?
Who are these?
These are some little kids.
Who are these ugly people?
They're kids.
They smell real bad.
Don't worry about it.
I spilled some milk on me.
Oh, that'll do it.
No offense.
No offense.
You are ugly, kids.
Yikes.
They're not on fire in any way.
It's real weird.
Listen, you ugly kids, we're trying to figure out why none of the tourists ever come down here.
Probably because you come ugly.
And we think maybe I'd ask you two dummies.
Yeah, well, I got a couple ideas.
Don't be rude.
Yada, yada, yada.
Talk, talk, talk.
Did you get to the point already?
Hey, quiet.
Whoa, whoa.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
She's lighting fire with fire.
Now, hold on a second.
If there's one thing the fire goblins respond to.
I just said quiet.
Oh, I like it.
Yeah.
Look, if you want to be respected, you got to respect other people.
Oh, yeah.
You just don't call us ugly and you let us talk and you listen to us.
It kind of goes against our rude policy, but whatever.
All right, I'll try anything because our store is going out of business.
Quickspark and I invested all of our money in this thing.
Well, look, we can take this replica and we'll show people what they can get at this shop.
Wait, are you those influencers?
You want, like, some free stuff?
Could you just pay for it or something?
Yeah, how much is it?
I don't know.
I would take 17 gold doubloons.
I would take some mild sauce.
I'm pretty hungry.
We have sauce.
We have sauce.
Wait, no, no, no, no.
You probably don't got mild sauce.
Trust me.
It's like water.
Yeah, you got a cracker?
Yeah, we got crackers.
We got a firecracker.
Go ahead, put it on there.
Here you go.
Here you go.
Whoa, that is mild.
Yeah, yeah.
Quick spark.
Quick spark.
Try this.
Try this.
I don't taste nothing.
It's great.
Oh my god, all of our food down here is so hot.
We never get mild.
That's amazing.
We can't taste anything but heat.
It's great.
This is so good.
Oh, quick spark.
I don't know about you.
I would give you the replica that mug.
Yeah, the whole.
Take the whole thing.
You can take our entire inventory because with the people that are coming now, we're going to get all that money back.
So you go for it.
And I'm very hungry.
Thank you.
Enjoy the sauce.
We're going to reverse engineer that recipe.
Next time you come down here, that ugly face is going to be up there on the billboard.
Our father is very handsome.
Yes.
That mug is ugly.
Absolutely he is.
We're going to get all our best ding-dongs working on it.
It's going to take a long time.
What has he got, a ditch caterpillar crawling on his lip?
What is that?
Sorry, they got past me.
Yeah, Bletherus, we knew it was going to happen.
Bletherus, Bletherus, Bletherus.
No, it's worked out okay.
It's a good thing, Bletherus.
Give Bletherus a chance.
We did give you a chance in at least four other positions and you're not very good at any of them.
But you know yeah, this time it's all right.
So okay, whatever.
This seems like an internal matter.
Maybe we should get out of here.
Yeah, you'll have things to discuss.
I'll take you to the gate.
Oh, thank you.
Good job, Bloodthirst.
Yeah.
Good riddance.
Bye.
And thank you.
Bye.
Yeah, thanks.
Bye, stinkos.
We like you.
Bye.
Thanks.
They got to work on the customer service.
Yeah, they really do.
I'm sorry.
That's so weird.
That's okay.
It's okay.
We got everything we needed.
We have a beautiful replica of the golden fireball that won't. harm the environment?
Yeah.
And you did great.
Any chance I could grab one of those t-shirts?
Oh, you know, we just got the one.
Yeah.
Hey, I have a keychain, though.
Yeah.
Oh, cool.
Hey, Blutherus, maybe you should run the gift shop.
I think that you would bring in a lot of people with your sweet kindness.
I don't know.
I'll think about it.
All right.
Okay.
And goodbye.
Goodbye.
This is the weirdest one.
Yeah.
That's for sure.
Let's get out of here.
Let's go back up the steps.
We have a lot to carry.
This is a lot to carry.
This is a heavy gold.
Do you think this is made out of real gold?
Bonsoir, children.
Oh, hey.
Hello.
Fire fairy.
I see you're laden with touristy goods.
We are.
Would you like a fairy hand?
Oh, yes.
Please.
Thank you.
How did it go?
It went great nice, we had to tell them to be quiet.
Oh yes, they were very rude.
They were very mean.
Yeah, that's tracks, you know.
Mean on the outside, nice on the inside.
Yeah, they gave us all this nice stuff.
That's very nice.
Well, this is very pretty productive then.
I appreciate you coming here and visiting.
We appreciate you.
Oh, thank you.
No one ever appreciates me, because everyone gets tired after going around the mountain two times and doesn't do the third one.
Tell you what.
Baesalt sure does appreciate you.
Oh, yeah.
Baesalt and I will be having a delicious dinner over an open grill later tonight.
Oh, that sounds lovely.
Yes, it will be very nice.
That is not for you to see, though, okay?
Would you like a keychain?
Oh, yes, thank you.
If you don't mind, I'll take two and make them into earrings.
Oh, yeah, that's a great idea.
Thank you.
Thanks.
Here's our car.
All right.
Bye.
Thanks, Fire Fairy.
You are very welcome.
Mercy indeed.
Au revoir.
Bye.
Au revoir.
We're going to have to explain this to the captain, but it's a lot to explain.
But hopefully you'll understand.
Yeah, I hope so.
Okay, you ready?
Yep.
I'm pushing the button.
Okay.
I knew it!
What?
What is that device Dobbins?
Fess up!
It smells like hot dogs.
No, this is a whatchamacallit.
You haven't heard of this?
You've been making hot dogs without me?
What?
Wait, wait.
It says on the side hot dog machine.
What?
Yeah, that's a ruse.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
The kids are back.
The kids are back.
What have you got for me?
Oh look, look at that.
Yeah, it's a beautiful frozen fire sphere.
That's it.
This is it.
This is the golden fireball.
It's awfully cold yeah yeah, and it looks.
Is it made of a plasticine sort of material there?
Yeah, so it turns out, if we took the real golden fireball, the real golden fireball, this is it.
Oh, it's beautiful.
Oh, it's very light.
I didn't think it would be so light.
I'll just carry it over here to the... Oh, no, your machine, Dobbins.
It's sucking it in.
It's sucking it in.
Wait, what's happening?
Oh, wait, your machine, it's cranking and turning and... Oh, my God.
I better get this away.
Wait, no, something's coming off the side.
Hot dogs!
Hot dogs!
Hot dogs!
It is a hot dog!
Hot dog!
Oh, I knew it!
Okay, yes, it is a hot dog machine.
I'm sorry.
Wait a second, though.
Look.
It's a plastic golden hot dog.
Golden hot dog.
Wow.
That's booty.
I want to put that golden hot dog in my booty.
That's mine.
That is mine.
Get away from it.
Give me that.
Oh, wow.
Okay.
So you don't mind that I have a hot dog machine then?
I do.
I've been trying to make eggs into hot dogs for four months, and you didn't tell me?
This machine will just do that, man.
This is a violation of trust.
It's also a violation of physics, but I love it.
All right, I'm taking this golden hot dog down to me booty.
You won't see me for a while.
Goodbye, you smelly children.
Bye, Captain.
Bye, Captain.
Glad you liked the golden fireball.
Enjoy.
Now you smell like...
Sulfur and kimchi juice.
Bye!
I love kimchi.
Children, are you okay?
You're not burnt up.
We're not burnt at all.
The suits helped a lot.
The suits helped and that wasn't... Oh, thank goodness.
Because that was really, you know, an experiment.
That wasn't the real Golden Five.
Oh, i know children, i could tell yeah, but you know what?
Let him be happy.
It still looks good.
Yeah, it looks cool.
And now it's a hot dog yeah, which i guess i can't decide if he's gonna eat it or not.
It's tough to say.
Hopefully he'll just keep it.
I did make you some garbage hot dogs though.
Yeah, I am very happy to say I took trash from the captain's bathroom.
Oh.
And I have made two delicious hot dogs which I would love to see you enjoy.
Oh, well, I mean, it smells like a hot dog.
Yeah, that's the thing.
Usually smells like garbage.
Yeah.
Looks like a hot dog.
Smells like a hot dog.
Yeah.
Yeah.
All right.
Let's see you eat it.
Yummy, yummy.
It's actually good.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
You can put anything in there and it'll be fine.
It's better than tuna casserole.
Oh, for sure.
Yeah.
It's like a real hot dog.
I think there's a Q-tip in this one.
Yeah yeah, it tastes a hint of q-tip with a bit of earwax.
Yeah, that's what i love about it.
Yeah, it does turn it into a hot dog, but you've got traces of what was.
There's like a band-aid.
There's like, for sure, a band-aid in there.
Maybe edible stuff would be better.
Yeah, maybe this should be used with edible food stuff.
Okay, I'll consider it.
But thank you.
Thanks so much.
We did it.
We'll finish it later.
Yeah, I'll put this in my pocket.
Yeah.
Thank you.
All right, children, here we are.
Okay.
Thank you.
Careful now.
Careful now.
All right.
Goodbye, children.
I'll see you next time.
All right.
Thank you.
See you, Dobbins.
Thanks, Dobbins.
Goodbye, arthur.
Amelia, get get down here quick.
Where did you go?
Oh sorry, oh my gosh.
How long has this been bubbling down here?
This has been on a hot it's.
It's reduced down to almost nothing.
Look at, oh it, let me turn my sauce.
It's like black and i wonder if it even takes.
Oh my gosh.
Is it good?
Is it good?
That's delicious.
Let me try it.
Oh, mmm.
You know, kids, sometimes accidents can lead to good things.
Like penicillin.
That's right.
Anyway, all right.
I'm going to have to write down how long that was burning.
Okay, great.
Well, kids, I'm glad we didn't start a house fire, but I think I've got a brand new hot sauce.
Yeah, is there a hint of Q-tip in there?
Just a hint.
We hope you enjoyed this episode of Tales from the Cloud Sea.
Amelia was played by Megan Leahy.
Arthur was played by Karen Cassidy.
Dad Captain, Hot Dog Head Squid Hand.
Magmar, the Official Greeter, and Sparky were played by Travis Sharp.
Dobbins, Basalt the Trainee, and Blezzaris were played by Amanda Lee Williams.
Joe, the Fire Fairy, and Quick Spark were played by me, Eve Krueger.
Our producer, editor, and sound designer is Matt Silverman, who also played Crinklin' the Robot.
This episode is brought to you by Arthur from Georgia.
Thanks, Arthur.
If you have a friend or family member who loves adventures, laughs and booty as much as you do, tell them about Tales from the Cloud Sea.
And if you know where the Skytanic should sail next, call Cranklin and leave a voicemail.
834-5394.
That's cloud four, key four.
You can also call Cranklin right on our website, talesfromthecloudsea.com.
Maybe your island will be the next great adventure on Tales from the Cloud Sea.
