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30th.
A new season of Bridgerton is here and with it, a new season of Bridgerton the official
podcast.
I'm your host Gabby Collins and this season we are bringing fans even deeper into the
tunnel.
Watch season three of the Shondaland series on Netflix.
Then fall in love all over again by listening to Bridgerton the official podcast on the
iHeartRadio app Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
Subscribe to catch a new episode every Thursday.
Listen to Flipian Mekas Road Trip on the iHeartRadio app Apple Podcasts or wherever you get
your podcasts.
You may know Jackson Pollock, the painter famous for his iconic drip paintings.
But what do you know about his wife, artist Lee Krasnick, on death of an artist Krasnick
and Pollock, the story of the artist who reset the market for American abstract painting,
just maybe not the one you're thinking of.
Listen to death of an artist Krasnick and Pollock on the iHeartRadio app Apple Podcasts
or wherever you listen to podcasts.
Get emotional with me, Radee Devleukia, in my new podcast A Really Good Cry.
We're going to be talking with some of my best friends.
I didn't know we were going to go there on this.
People that I admire when we say listen to your body really tune into what's going on.
All sorts of books that have changed my life.
Now you're talking about sympathy.
Which is different than empathy, right?
Never forget, it's okay to cry as long as you make it a really good one.
Listen to a really good cry with Radee Devleukia on the iHeartRadio app Apple Podcasts or
wherever you get your podcasts.
Hello everybody and welcome back to the psychology of your 20s.
The podcast where we talk through some of the big life changes and transitions of our 20s
and what they mean for our psychology.
Hello everybody, welcome back to the show, welcome back to the podcast, new listeners,
old listeners, wherever you are in the world.
It is so great to have you here back for another episode as we of course break down the
psychology of our 20s.
Today I have a little bit of a different episode for you guys, one that is quite vulnerable.
It has been a while since I have given you guys a mental health update.
If you have been with me for this whole journey since the beginning of the show, you'll
know that when I first started I spoke super openly about my own mental health.
This is of course a psychology podcast.
Psychology is in the name.
I don't think that it comes as a surprise that being so passionate about this stuff does
come from personal experience.
Since the beginning I have not been shy about talking about my own mental health.
I did an episode on my own experiences with antidepressants, maybe a couple of years
ago now.
It feels really personal to come online, come into your ears and talk incredibly candidly
about something that we are often very private about.
Sometimes I think it's over sharing.
Sometimes I wish that I hadn't spoken about it earlier in my career when I first started
this podcast.
But then there are other times when I hear other people having these conversations about
their struggles with anxiety and with depression and with whatever they're going through.
It really helps me to see these people that I admire, whose work I love, who I respect,
kind of let us peek behind the curtain and show me and show their audiences that life.
It's not perfect in that no matter what they're kind of online, persona is no matter what
they're talking about, the advice they're giving what they're showing, they have their
own stuff.
Each of us has their own stuff.
And I think that it's seeing the benefit that that has for me that makes me want to talk
about it more.
And I kind of had this realization the other day that if we all kind of wait for other people
to reduce the stigma, nobody is ever going to say anything.
Nobody is ever going to speak up because there will never be an example set.
There will never be somebody to base our experiences off or to base the acceptance that we will
receive from our experiences off.
So that's kind of what I wanted to do today just to sit down with you guys and just give
you an update about how I'm going about what's been happening in my life, what's been
impacting and influencing my mental health, what's been working.
I really want to bring that kind of positive aspect to things.
What's actually been working and what is my deal with medication?
Am I still taking my antidepressants?
The answer is no.
And I want to kind of just explore why that was the right decision for me.
And I do want to say very quickly, this is once again an incredibly personal episode.
That's about my life and my experiences.
Please do not take anything that I say in this episode as I guess advice for you.
Maybe it is helpful hearing my story.
It doesn't necessarily mean that what I'm doing might be what you need to do or not do
or that my journey is going to be identical to yours, whether you are early on in your
mental health journey, whether you are a long way in like me, whether you're just listening
because you care or because you have a friend or a family member who's going through this,
I think it's just about having a sense of community around what is such a highly prevalent
experience in our 20s and beyond.
So to kind of catch you guys up, which sounds so weird to say, but yeah, to catch you guys
up, I've been struggling with anxiety and depression for a very long time since I was 16
years old and that was almost a decade ago.
So I've definitely been around the block with it.
And I think a unique part about my experience personally was that I had a lot of shame
for a long time around the fact that I didn't look depressed, right?
That I was still able to be very high functioning.
I was still able to go to university and do really well.
I was still able to work full time.
I was still able to run this podcast and run a business and run my life and have
very fruitful relationships.
And for a while, I just kind of felt like because I had developed such routine coping mechanisms
that meant that I could kind of, you know, live this life where it looked like nothing
was wrong.
And then I was always happy and everything was going really great that maybe if I kind
of just stopped talking about it, that would be reality.
Or kind of on the other side of the coin that I didn't have a right to talk about it
because people kind of had it worse.
And I think those thoughts often came to me when everything was going really, really
well.
And that is the thing about life.
Yes, bad days are promised, but good days are also promised.
That is what we don't remember is that on this like mental health roller coaster, which
is what I like to call it.
There is kind of this weird spectrum between almost forgetting about it sometimes, forgetting
about, you know, the dark thoughts, forgetting about not wanting to get out of bed, forgetting
about the crippling anxiety when you can.
And then like the worst days of your life, like it feels like the kind of sliding, like
the slide or the distance between those two extremes of mental health, it can switch
between them almost overnight and it's the days in between when you do feel kind of normal
that go by the quickest.
And I would say a few months ago when I was, you know, riding this said roller coaster,
I felt very much like I was going down, like I was getting to the point of really pushing
myself kind of into a cave, kind of into a dark space.
And the way that I kind of knew that that was happening was I was becoming incredibly
detached from reality.
And I know that sounds really, really scary, but I think that it's just something that I'm
used to in a sense.
And yes, it is still terrifying, but I feel like because it's happened so many times,
because I can see it as the beginning of a downhill for me that I've become quite neutral
about the experience.
And when I say becoming detached from reality, I don't mean psychosis, I don't mean hallucinations,
I mean that it feels like there is this foggy wall between me and everything going on
in my life.
That means my relationship, that means my friendships, that means with my work, with my family, with
my experiences.
It feels like it feels like if somebody said to me, this is a dream, this isn't real,
it wouldn't take that much convincing for me to agree with them.
And for me to be like, oh yeah, you're totally right, I'm dreaming right now.
Like there's something about this that feels off.
The other sign to me that I think my mental health is getting worse is that I become very
existential.
And big questions like ideas around death, like their ideas around purpose become very,
very scary.
And when they pop into my mind as, you know, trains of thought often do, it just feels
like as soon as they're there, they are the only thing that I can think about and that
they take up the whole space.
And I cannot escape them.
This is often, you know, I say it as if it's like a very instantaneous thing in that one
moment I'm not thinking about it the next moment I am.
No, it's often like certain things in my environment that will really trigger this for me.
Like certain movies, certain songs, just like certain conversations.
And I become hyper aware of and hyper focused on avoiding those triggers on like avoiding
for example, the Truman show.
That is a movie that I just know that I can't watch when like my mental health is going
really poorly because I will, it's very easy to like be like, is that real?
Is that true?
Is that what's happening to me?
So it's kind of like the best way I can describe it is that the film and the layer between
reality and fiction or fear becomes quite thin.
And if you are somebody who has a similar experience to me, if you're somebody who has
struggled with good days and bad days when it comes to their mental health, you will
know that once you've kind of been to the other side of that divide, once you have like
lived in that, I don't know like that world of just like chaos and fear and just like
disassociation, you realize how quickly and how easily it is for you to pass over to that
side of things.
And so it can become very difficult to live life and to feel present because you are kind
of in like the survival mode where you are, there's some part of your brain that is just
beating back fear and just beating back those dark thoughts and beating back all those
intrusive feelings and ideas that just kind of threaten to bubble up.
So yes, sorry, that was a very intense tangent, but a couple months ago I really noticed
that that was kind of taking hold and there was a few things that really triggered it for
me.
It's often, I often think that I am somebody who is very good at managing stress and I
am not.
I don't know how I've convinced myself.
I went to the doctor the other day and they were like, have you had any moments of stress
and I was like, no, not really.
I just like finished a book and I just like moved and I just like moved into a house
by myself and like, yeah, like all these big life changes have happened in the past
year, but no, I'm not stressed.
And the thing is is that I am good at processing stress because I am good at making it invisible
to myself.
I am good at making it a non-problem, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't go away.
I think stress is a lot like energy where it can never like, unless you fully sit with
it and let it live out its path, it does not disappear.
It just moves to somewhere else in your life or somewhere else in your body.
So I was super overwhelmed with that.
I was definitely burnt out and I mentioned, I've already told you guys this that I finished
my book and it's not coming out for a while, but what essentially happened was I finished
the book.
I got immediately sick like for four weeks I had tonsillitis for four weeks ridiculous.
And then I experienced just this like deep sense of sadness.
That's the only way that I can describe it.
And I was looking into it.
I'm very, you know, because I was curious.
I was like, you know, it's funny that this is, you know, my job is to like think about
the psychology of our twenties, but I actually also do a lot of it in my own life and a lot
of investigation.
And I came across this like idea of gold medal syndrome, which seems very timely considering
the Olympics are just about to start.
Very excited for that, but a side note side bar.
There is this concept of gold medal syndrome.
That's very common amongst like Olympic athletes.
That's where it came from where there are these people who spend a great deal of time.
Sometimes their whole lives wanting to be the best or wanting to finish something, wanting
to win that gold medal.
That is like the focus of every moment of their waking hours, every day of their life,
everything they eat, everything they do is directed towards this one goal.
And when they achieve it, they realize that it is quite empty and not only is it quite
empty, but if everything in your life has been towards a destination, life seemingly kind
of ends at that point, you never think about after, you never think about, you know, what
comes next.
And I'm definitely not comparing my situation to literally being the best athlete in the
world, but it was very much like, okay, this is what I've always wanted.
This is the opportunity of a lifetime.
I'm just going to put my head down and I'm just going to work towards this goal.
And when I'm done, that's it.
Like what's next when you're done?
What?
And it's, I was speaking to my friend Alex about this the other day.
And I was saying when you are somebody who has put a lot of pressure on themselves, who
has high functioning anxiety, it's very difficult to ever be satisfied with what you have
accomplished or done so far.
And so I finished the book, I got sick, and then the fear kind of started up again of like,
okay, what's next?
But also like, was that even good?
Like what's my life without a project?
What is my life without something to keep my mind preoccupied?
And I think that that is what it is at the end of the day.
It is needing something to keep my brain focused.
It's like when you put an iPad in front of a kid so that they don't like have a look
at the world and like cry over it.
That's what I was doing with all of these projects I was putting an iPad in front of me.
That's what it was.
And so yeah, I kind of just ended up pushing myself a little bit too hard and really ending
up in a little bit of a ditch on the side of the road for a month, for a month or so,
a couple of months.
And this kind of also coincided with a decision to go off my medication.
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The joy is the story of how a group of people brought music back to Afghanistan by creating
their own version of American idol.
The danger they endured.
They said my head should be cut off.
The joy they brought to the nation.
You're free completely.
No one is there to destroy you.
I'm John Legend.
Listen to Afghan Star on the iHeartRadio app Apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcast.
Hi listeners, I'm Andrea Gunning, host of Betrayal.
This season on the podcast, we follow Stacey Rutherford.
We thought she met her soulmate when she laid eyes on Dr. Justin Rutherford.
They fell in love and it was better than she ever imagined.
This family doctor, beloved father and treasured husband had dark secrets.
He had sworn to do no harm but would resort to any means necessary to save himself.
I'm excited to share this Betrayal story with you and even more excited to tell you
that you can get access to all episodes 100% ad free with an iHeartTrueCryingPlus
subscription, available exclusively on Apple Podcasts.
Plus you'll get access to the next episode one week ahead of everyone else, available
only to iHeartTrueCryingPlus subscribers.
You'll also get access to all episodes from Betrayal season 1 and season 2 ad free as
well.
So don't wait, head to Apple Podcasts, search for iHeartTrueCryingPlus and subscribe
today.
Hi listener, I'm Carol Fisher, host of the Girlfriends, Our Lost Sister.
I'm so excited for you to hear the brand new season where we're uncovering a 35 year
old mystery.
But for those of you who didn't hear season 1 or just want to listen to it again, you
can now get access to all episodes of that first season of the Girlfriends.
100% ad free through the iHeartTrueCryingPlus subscription, which is available exclusively
on Apple Podcasts.
You'll also get access to every single episode of the Girlfriends, our Lost Sister ad free
and one week early, only available to iHeartTrueCryingPlus subscribers.
So what are you waiting for?
Find Apple Podcasts, search for iHeartTrueCryingPlus and subscribe today.
Every weekday we bring you conversations with the culture makers who inspire us, like
our recent episode with legendary singer, songwriter and mental health advocate, Joel.
All of our hearts are destined to be broken at some point.
It's what we do with the pieces that make us extraordinary, and so it's each of our
jobs to learn to become alchemists, to turn the poison into medicine.
And we all have some kind of resource available to us.
Listen to the Bright Side from Hello Sunshine on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or
wherever you get your podcasts.
So I have been on antidepressants for I think around three and a half years, and when I went
on them I was in a really bad space.
I was super low.
I had been in hospital.
I don't think I've ever said that before, but I was just, I was not well.
I was really, really sick.
And I had reached like a crisis point.
I went to my doctorate.
You know, there was a lot of discussions happening around that time, and like one of the first
lines of defense, I think, against moments like that is they put you on medication.
And at the time I was so like looking for any solution to like the chaos in my brain
that I was like, this will have to do.
This is what I need.
Just give me, just give me an answer.
Give me an antidote.
I spoke about this in my episode on antidepressants, but when I first went on them, it was awful.
I will be completely transparent.
It was awful because of like the physical reaction that my body and my brain had to them
because I was on SSRIs, which is selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors.
Essentially what those are meant to do is mean that there is more serotonin available
for your neurons to essentially use.
So you know, if sadness, depression is caused by the lack of serotonin, if we make more
of it available by preventing our synapses from taking it back, meaning that there's more
in that space, then the sadness is gone, right?
It really takes a biological approach to our mental health.
The thing about that though is that if it's the chaos that your brain does not have enough
serotonin, providing it with more or having making more serotonin available to it is going
to have some other reactions.
What I found was that I was just dizzy all the time.
I was tired, constantly tired.
I would wake up and by like 11 a.m., I just, I could not keep my eyes open.
I was fuzzy, I was nauseous, after like around two months, I would say that kind of one
away.
And that was three and a half years ago.
And since then, it has been a daily thing that I do, I take my medication.
And I haven't really thought anything of it.
I definitely did experience some emotional numbness at the beginning, but the further
along I got that kind of one away, I've always thought, is it because my emotions came
back and rebalanced?
Or is it because I just got used to this being the norm?
You get too deep in the weeds with that question.
You will never get your way out.
But basically I think the purpose that medication served for me, because I think it is really
important.
I will say that.
I'll get to my decision to go off it in just a second, but I do think that it's really
valuable and it does really help some people.
And if it is something that is like offered to you, do your research, but definitely like
for me, it helped.
And it helped because it was a security net, right?
There are a bunch of like coping skills and strategies that I needed to learn that weren't
going to help me without the security net, right?
Like I needed, it's like practicing a new trick.
Like I needed the safety of knowing that everything was kind of working in my brain and trying
out these new tactics wouldn't be like life or death.
I couldn't fall, I couldn't fail.
And so I got better at them, I built them up.
And now it just feels like I've got the tricks.
I don't need the safety net anymore.
And I want to know what life is like without this medication.
Having been on it for such a long time, knowing when I went on it that I would be on it for
such a long time, I'm in a completely new chapter of my life now.
When I went on them, I was still in Canberra, I was just finished uni, I was in a different
relationship, I had different friends, I had a different financial situation, I had different
job.
Everything about me was very, very different.
And I was also, and I was just, I was very vulnerable.
And I was very, and I'm going to say this word, weak.
And I'm not saying weak in the sense of like I was weak because I was struggling with
my mental health and I'm strong now.
I was weak in that I had just been carrying this huge thing for so long and I'd run out
of strength, right?
I'd run out of energy because of everything that was like accumulating in my life that
was putting pressure on me.
Now I have my coping mechanisms, first of all, I know how to manage my anxiety.
I went on my SSRI, so I'm both anxiety and depression.
I know how to ride the wave, I know how to manage it, I know how to calm myself down,
I know how to interrupt irrational and intrusive thoughts.
I know what I need to implement when my mood starts to turn.
And I also have a stable relationship with like the most amazing supportive person.
I have a job that brings me fulfillment.
I have very safe and secure and loving friendships, which I don't necessarily think that I had
back then.
And this is the most important thing.
I have peace.
I have a real peace to my life.
And oh my gosh, saying that makes me want to like knock wood because I don't want that
to go away.
But I think when you're in your early 20s, right, everything is just so fucking chaotic.
Everything is a mess and there is drama and there are friendship breakups and there
is upheaval and there are transitions.
And that has been the last three years and I feel like I've come out of the tunnel and
I've just seen this whole new world and I don't need what I had before.
I don't need the drugs.
I don't need it.
So what has that been like going off it?
So this is not meant, obviously, not medical advice, but a fact about winning yourself
off antidepressants is that if you stop cold turkey, you are going to suffer.
Like it is going to be hard and having been on them for so long, it really was not recommended.
Like it's not recommended to just be like, okay, like I'm doing amazing.
I'm just going to stop this right now.
It's absolutely no health advice or like no expert opinion or no assistance.
So I wanted to taper off them.
I wanted to kind of put in a plan and I talked to my doctor about it.
I was like, okay, let's do this across like two to three months and we're going to slowly
lower my dosage and then we're going to slowly lower what I'm taking until eventually
like one day I just don't need it anymore.
Like I just, I stopped taking it all together and yes, there will still be symptoms, but
there'll be lesser.
Let me tell you, I do not know how I would have done this just going off all at once because
the thing like the experiences that I've had, it's really made me realize that these
drugs like do actually change something very like fundamental in your brain.
I've been having like brain zaps and I don't know if you know what this is, but I'll
be like going around my day and it would just be like somebody has just like set a shock
wave through my brain to my fingertips.
I have been feeling really, really dizzy and like my vision has been really disturbed and
also really irritable, like super irritable, super short, unable to really like engage with
people.
That was kind of like the last week, last couple weeks like I'm over that hump now.
I can see things really like changing for the better, but it takes a toll on your relationships
and those around you as well and it took a toll on kind of working on like passion and
like my hobbies because it just felt like, okay, I'm having to adjust to this like new
way of going about things and I have to adjust to essentially what is a withdrawal, a withdrawal
from something that I can acknowledge held me up for many, many years.
So that's kind of been where I'm at with that whole experience.
It's been three and a half years, I'm going off my antidepressants, I'm going off my other
medications as well, not yet, but in the next couple of months it's a slow process and
I feel like I've been complaining, I'm actually feeling really, really good about things.
I'm feeling really, really good about things and the reason why is because I spoke about
that kind of hard period I was having a feet like a month back.
A few months back, I got my time and I was all wild up.
Earlier this year I spoke about how I was having that hard time after the book when I got
sick and I just feel like it was hard, it was difficult, I was sad, I was losing touch
but I got through it and I got through it in a way that I think I would not have been
able to do before and it made me realize that I was ready.
So these are some of the other things that have been really, really helping me and I know
some of the most sound cliche but it's like an army of tools, right?
It's not just like one tactic is going to fight all the battles for me, it is a layered.
I think having that foundational support system is amazing and real shout out to my partner,
he is the most beautiful, wonderful person and I don't know what I would do without him
and yeah it's just a crazy experience to have that kind of healthy sustaining love.
That's just like, it's just like a big warm hug like you're going to get through anything
that you're getting through and you know it's so different from what it was like when
I really first started acknowledging these problems when I didn't have that and the person
I was with was you know probably contributing rather than helping so that's a big thing
but the other thing is I've been doing this thing that a friend taught me called my smile
file.
I get really kind of held up in the details of life particularly like obsessing and
ruminating over negative things and I think that if you're somebody with depression or
if you're going through a depressive episode that is a huge component of it.
It's not just like you know it's not that an uneven number of bad things happen to people
with depression versus people who don't have depression.
Sometimes of course they're triggering factors and triggering experiences but it's not
like the world hates people with depression more it's not like the universal god is giving
them more experiences is that we it's that I found that I just tend to focus on those
bad things a lot more and it just feels a lot heavier and it feels like I can see my
friends be like oh yeah the shit thing happened and like I can move past it and for me it's
like no I can't so what I've been doing the counteract that is called a smile file.
So anytime something good happens anytime I get like a lovely message from one of you
guys you guys are the best like I take a screenshot of it I take a photo of something
beautiful that I've seen and I put it in a folder so that when I'm sitting on my couch
at the end of the night and maybe just feeling really terrible there is there's immediate
space I can go to that is just everything positive in my life and it's grounding it's really
grounding to have like the reality that I live a good life presented to me right there.
The other thing that I think was one of the co I don't think I know this was one of the
things I really worked on last three years was like reworking my negative beliefs and learning
that how I perceive those negative thoughts is a choice those negative experiences are
always going to be there bad things always going to happen bad thoughts might always happen
but how I think about them is going to determine what I do with those things and whether and
it please do not misconstrue my words and think that I'm saying like you can choose to
be happier you can choose to be sad absolutely not it's that I can choose to think about
them in a way that is constructive or unproductive let me give you an example and we've been vulnerable
so far let's go even deeper I another component of this is that I have been struggling at times
with like resentment towards my friendships and feeling like you know there are certain
relationships that perhaps I've outgrown and that there is you know there is an inequality
there and and perhaps the love that I give them and the love that I'm receiving back.
It's just I think it's just part of life you know you're not always going to be on the
same page as certain people and there was definitely like a point where I realized that
perhaps I was giving a little bit too much to people who didn't they didn't deserve it
everybody is deserving of all the love that you can give them but that maybe that love
was should be reserved for people who were willing to reciprocate the fact that I make
plans who were willing to support me as you know as a business as a creator as a person
you know when I did cool stuff they were willing to be like that's cool and they were willing
to get out and support it and so there was definitely a bit of resentment and I'll admit
that we're doing an episode on that soon navigating resentment and I think previously I would
have been like wow I'm so angry at my friend because they really didn't show up for me
and why didn't they show up for me probably because I'm a bad person probably because I
did something that like upset them probably because you know I don't deserve love and
probably because I'm doomed to be lonely you can see the thoughts spiral right it's
like second nature to spiral and the trick is for me was to be like alright what's that
first negative thought that's going to set off the chain reaction like I am not worthy
of love or you know I've done something wrong I'm a bad person and just look at that
thought and be completely and entirely rational about it what evidence is there for that
being the case where did I think when did I pick up on this fact that you know the fact
that my friend isn't supporting me or showing up for me means that I'm a bad person is
that actually the only explanation and the best explanation and then it's also you know
even going a step back and being like okay yeah I really resent my friend for you know
I feel like they don't care about me and instead of being like that says everything about
me and that's going to ruin my day and ruin my life and completely turn you know everything
to shit it's like okay I'm gonna accept that and be neutral about it and all I'm gonna
do is change my expectations and just change my opinion towards the situation yeah it's
not fun it's not great and that's it there's nothing more to it than that the situation
has contained the situation is just the situation it's not my life so that has been something
that's been really really helpful and obviously like it's a lot more complicated than that
it was a whole process of like cognitive behavioral therapy that I absolutely recommend but
then there are also behavioral changes I hate to be cliche but I've been exercising
a lot and gosh if it is not true that it does make you feel better it's not a cure it's
definitely not a cure but again it's a strategy it's a strategy for releasing a lot of pent-up
anxiety and for me actually what really helped was when I was first like you know when
everything first started happening I was having a lot of panic attacks and when I first
started getting like that racing heart the symptoms that was really scary and I felt
like as soon as my heart rate was up as soon as like my blood was running I was going to
have a panic attack and what exercise really helped me realize was that I can activate
that same physiological state myself and the worst case scenario doesn't happen and I
can actually get myself back down I can you know get my heart rate down I can calm myself
down I can cool myself down so that was also a component it wasn't just the physical
endorphins it was the mental exercise and the mental control that exercise gave me and
I also have kind of turned down drinking a lot drinking for me and I've spoken about
this before has definitely been a bit of a mental and psychological crutch because
it does really slow everything down it is a depressant that's like that's a kind of
drug it is alcohol is is a drug and it's a depressant so when I was super super anxious
it would make me feel like a lot more in control it would make me feel like you know okay
well I can't be you know those negative thoughts and those spirals about death and about
the end of the world and world and about my you know love ability and love ability about
my you know my worthiness and all those things I can't think about that for that long
when I've had like four glasses of wine because I'm going to be on the next thing pretty
soon so it was definitely a crutch and although it reduces my anxiety in the moment like the
next day I wake up and I am incredibly anxious and incredibly sad and incredibly down because
that is the chemical reaction that alcohol is going to have on my brain and so I just
didn't want to be reliant on that anymore and I didn't want it to be this yo yo coping
mechanism that you know reduced the mental tension one moment and then just like accelerated
it the next and it's been great it's honestly been great I didn't episode on this I think
at the start of the year that was like why we should quit drinking should you quit drinking
in your 20s and it's not that like alcohol has no place in my life at all I never drink
I do still drink but what I've been doing is choosing like one day a week that I get
to drink and it's not like I'm going to go out and binge drink on that day but it's about
really repositioning alcohol is like a celebration or like yes it is a part of my life but it's
a special part of my life it's like something that I'll only do if I'm going out for like
a really fun dinner with a friend or like date night with my boyfriend or my mom's in town
or a birthday instead of it you know being something that I'm like oh should I have a drink
when I'm home alone like I just don't do that anymore because if I only have one day
to drink I want to use that day the best that I can so yeah those have been my strategies
those have been the things that I've been changing and also just working with a therapist
just working on like you know being somebody who is responsible having a good life and
I know that sounds really intense maybe I don't know what you're I might I don't know
I'm thinking about what you're thinking about my words which is strange but I just I've
just want to feel like I'm in control of creating a good life for myself and the only way
that I can prove that to myself is by actually doing it and by actually making things better
for me whether that is exercising whether that is not drinking whether that is prioritizing
good loving sustainable and just like filling fulfilling friendship over temporary associations
you know that is a choice and I think when it comes to your mental health there is so
much that you don't get to control that the things that you do get to control feel really
important and feel really really significant and I just want to take as much of that as
I can and to have as much agency as I can and you know I just feel like I'm doing a lot
better and maybe maybe that will change maybe the roller coaster will suddenly turn a corner
but I feel prepared and it's kind of emotional to say that because I just feel like for a
long time I always felt that I was just kind of strapped in and whatever life wanted to
throw me whatever my you know mental health wanted to throw me I just had to like bear
it and I just feel like I'm bigger and I'm stronger now and I have my strength back and
I have a say and I have things to do and things to like I kind of have a voice and I can
kind of yell back at it a little bit so I hope that has maybe resonated with you I hope
that this has kind of helped you I don't know what you're going through it might not be
the same as me you might not relate but maybe there was somebody who does and I just wanted
to kind of share that it was really bad once it's better now and it might get bad again
but it's going to be okay and then I'm you know I lived through it and I'm doing so much
better and I'm really happy and that is that that is really the mental health update for
you guys so thank you for making it this far thank you for listening and yeah thank
you for just being there thank you for giving me my dream job gosh this is a sappy episode
but you know what sometimes you just got to do it sometimes it can't be all scientific
we got to be we've got to be an elf feels a little bit we've got to be really pulling
the curtain back on like the 20 something life so if you did enjoy this episode please
feel free to leave a five star review on apple podcasts Spotify wherever you are listening
right now make sure that you are following along with the new episodes happier episodes
more informative episodes and if you have an episode suggestion if you want me to talk
about this more if you want me to talk about this less if you have something that you're
going through that you want to know the psychology behind please feel free to dam me at that
psychology podcast make sure you're following us over there and we will be back on Friday
for another episode until then be safe be kind and be gentle to yourself and we will talk
soon.
A new season of Bridgeton is here and with it a new season of Bridgeton the official podcast
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The Black Effect presents Family Therapy and I'm your host Eliaconic.
Jay is the woman in this dynamic who is currently co-parenting two young boys with their former
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David he is the leader he doesn't want to leave me.
Well how do you lead a woman?
How do you lead in a relationship like what's the blue part?
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Imagine this your parents sign away your childhood to an academic psychological study and what
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