This message comes from Warby Parker prescription eyewear that's expertly crafted and unexpectedly affordable Glass is designed in -house from premium materials starting at just $95 including prescription lenses stop by a Warby Parker store near you How to win friends and influence people First published
in 1936 You know and you read this thing you can see Why it is number one Dale Carnegie writes in this up hepped up Style you don't you don't think of the word moxie much anymore, but when you read this This is typical he writes in preparation for writing this book.
He read everything he could find on the subject and um Then he was saw this stuff that he and his trained researcher read to figure out how the great leaders of all ages had dealt with people He says I recall that we read over 100 biographies of Theodore Roosevelt alone We were determined to spare no time
no expense to discover every practical idea that anyone had ever used throughout the ages for winning friends and influencing people Anyway on um page 61 of the edition that I have Dale Carnegie tells one of the many many stories he uses to illustrate the very main idea that underlies the whole book
He says um I Often went fishing up in Maine during the summer Personally I am very fond of strawberries and cream, but I have found that for some strange reason fish prefer worms So when I went fishing I didn't think about what I wanted.
I thought about what they wanted I didn't bait the hook with strawberries and cream rather I dangled a worm or a grasshopper in front of the fish and said wouldn't you like to have that?
Why not use the same common sense when fishing for people?
To win friends and influence people Dale Carnegie says over and over in the book think about what they want People he says are only interested in themselves and if you can get yourself to the point where you are genuinely interested in them and what they like and what they want Then they will like you
and they will do your bidding Okay, so imagine you are 11 years old and your dad notices that you don't bring many friends around the house And he takes you aside, and he gives you a copy of this actual book This happened this happened to Paul Feig growing up in suburban, Michigan At first I didn't
know what to think first of all if you ever seen the book It's got this picture of Dale Carnegie on the front who is you know somewhere in his 60s or 70s wearing you know those?
Mr.. Menace glasses the dentist the menaces dads you dad used to wear was sure it's kind of white slick -back hair he looked like every guy that was in my dad's koanis with him and Didn't seem to me like a guy who particularly would have that many friends or much influence over people He'd written the book
so Yes, so my father went on to make this speech basically about how now that I was getting older I was 11 years old that I it was time for me to kind of get social skills that he assumed I didn't have now in fact in school Paul had plenty of friends He's kind of a class cut up and his way of winning
friends was the same as other kids He talked about what they saw on TV.
He tried to be funny It was just around the house that he was quiet and withdrawn But he figured you know he wanted to be more popular.
He wanted more friends So he decided to try out some of the techniques in the book and I went through these and you know principle number one was Become genuinely interested in other people principle number two was smile Principle number three was remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest
and most important sound in any language I was wondering about that one in particular if as an 11 year old you tried to employ that one Well, the hard thing was when you're 11 years old the only thing you ever call anybody is by their last name so I was kind of confused as to whether that sort of applied
and this started a bit of a Panic in me because I suddenly didn't know well, maybe people would like me better if I did that And so I remember getting to school the next day and my friend Dave Flurry who I'd always called Flurry Remember going up to him going hey David.
How's it going? And he gave me the strangest look Paul used techniques from the book to try to talk to girls asking them about themselves what their dad's did for living just you know showing an interest in them as the book suggests and It kind of freaked them out because you know kids do not talk like
that and I would sit at lunch with my friends and Kind of they would be on a story and I would want to throw in as I normally would but kind of went Oh, wait.
No, I should I should sit back and listen and really be attentive and would nod and oh Oh and it then then what did your brother do?
Oh did he punched you really and and and what happened then and I became this sort of mini analyst Where I was sort of trying to get kids to tell me their innermost secrets But what happened was my father kept checking in with me at night and he goes so did you read that book?
Do you have you tried any of these things out?
So I felt like I needed more proof and More proof to take to your dad.
Yes I needed a tangible thing to show my father that I had become popular and was winning friends and influencing people So when Paul's teacher decided to do this exercise where they elected a class president He ran Anyone and his father was very very pleased.
The book was working There was just one problem One of the things I hadn't banked on was that as class president, I actually had to do something.
I Was so not into this.
I Was just hating it because I just wanted to get back to my life with my friends well, the teacher was dissatisfied and the students were dissatisfied and and the teacher suddenly decided well you know what and she got him and she said there's a Process in our league in our political system in this country
called impeachment And she looked out and she said how does everyone feel about our class president Paul What would he say to his father The whole experience with Dale Carnegie actually left Paul with fewer friends and less influence over people It was confusing.
Oh the idea is the book put into his head I couldn't get out of my head the fact that my dad had given this to me and the fact that he was so concerned That I didn't have friends And so I started getting nervous.
Like well, maybe he's seen something that I don't know It was strange.
I would start to see Things that weren't there like somebody would sort of laugh at what I say and they turn away to look at something and suddenly I was envisioning that as they're turning away with their their back to me They're making the sort of face and rolling their eyes of like.
Oh, what an idiot And and started noticing in the teacher that when I would raise my hand and answer a question Something in her face that kind of was like she was tolerating me you know, it's so interesting about that is that the book made you act in a way which was completely phony and Calculating
and so then the thought entered your head.
Maybe everybody else is acting phony and calculating as well Yeah, it was almost like I'd been given this sort of handbook to the human mind that I didn't want Well from WBE Chicago, it's this American life I'm Ira Glass today on our program with a new year upon us people making resolutions Some of them
trying to figure out how to be more successful this year than they've been in the past We asked the question.
How do you win friends and influence people?
We have stories today of people climbing to be number one How do they do it?
What is the fundamental difference between them and everybody else?
We answer that question today in four simple lessons that will change your life forever Or possibly won't Lesson one to make a friend be a friend David Sedaris has an instructive tale of how as a boy with help of his dad He tried to bridge the chasm that divides the popular kids and the unpopular Lesson two
stay in touch Yes, my friend you can learn so many things about being a better friend a better spouse a better business person If you would simply imitate recent US diplomatic and foreign policy Lesson three People like you if you put a lot of time into your appearance in that lesson We hear the story
of how a simple Superman costume changed one man's life for the better Lesson four just be yourself Jonathan Goldstein demonstrates how to be bested by the most popular most handsome most powerful man in the world and Not feel bad about it Stay with us if you care about your future This message comes
from picture house presenting porcelain war Chronicling three Ukrainian artists who choose to stay in their native country armed with their art their cameras and for the first time in their lives Their guns now playing select cities coming soon to a theater near you This message is brought to you by NPR
sponsor Lisa in collaboration with West Elm discover the new natural hybrid mattress expertly crafted from natural latex and Certified safe foams designed with your health and the planet in mind visit lessa .com to learn more This American life today's show is a rerun how to make friends and influence
people lesson one to make a friend be a friend Well writer David Sedaris tells this story about the popular crowd and how easy it is to enter This was recorded for a live audience This story begins on Labor Day when David was a kid at the Raleigh Country Club in North Carolina.
I Was in the snack bar Listening to a group of sixth graders who lived in another part of town and sat discussing significant changes in their upcoming school year according to the girl named Janet neither Pam Dobbins nor JJ Jackson had been invited to the fourth of July party hosted by the Pile twins
who later told Kimberly Matthews that both Pam and Mike were out of the picture as far as the seventh grade was concerned totally completely out Janet said who've I didn't know any Pam Dobbins or JJ Jackson, but the reverential tone of Janet's voice sent me into a state of mild shock Call me naive,
but it had simply never occurred to me that other schools might have their own celebrity circles At the age of 12.
I thought the group at EC Brooks was if not nationally known then at least its own private phenomenon Why else would our lives revolve around them?
I? myself was not a member of my school's popular crowd But recall thinking that whoever they were Janet's popular people couldn't begin to compete with ours Then I worried that our popular crowd couldn't compare to those in Charlotte or Greensboro not to mention the thousands of schools located in other
states What if I'd wasted my entire life comparing myself to people who didn't really matter?
Try as I might I still can't wrap my mind around it They banded together in the third grade and Carlsworth Christy K more Deb Bevins Mike Hollowell Doug Middleton Thad Pope This was the core base of the popular crowd and for the next six years my classmates And I studied their lives the way we were supposed
to study math and English So complete was their power that I actually felt honored when one of them hit me in the mouth for the rock He Got me after school and upon returning home I ran into my sister's bedroom hugging my bloody Kleenex and crying it was sad Lisa was a year older, but still she understood
the significance did he say anything she asked Did you save the rock My father demanded that I retaliate saying I ought to knock the guy on his ass How dad all bologna clock him on the snot locker, and he'll go down like a ton of bricks He was mistaking fad for a bully which was a different crowd altogether
Besides who did my father think I was?
Boys who spent their weekends making banana nut muffins did not as a rule Excel in the art of hand -to -hand combat.
I Mean come on dad Lisa said wake up The following afternoon, I was taken to dr.
Pavlich for x -rays The rock had damaged a tooth and there was some question over who would pay for the subsequent route canal I figured that since they'd conceived me given birth and raised me as a permanent guest in their home My parents should foot the bill But my father thought differently He had
decided the Pope's should pay and I screamed as he picked up the phone book, but you can't just call fads house Why the hell not he said don't they have a telephone?
Well, of course the Pope's had a telephone probably three or four with a separate line for the children.
I Imagined fads as a state -of -the -art desk model with blinking red lights alerting him that Doug or Christie was waiting on line one Equipment was not the issue.
My father's voice simply did not belong on the Pope's telephone It wouldn't fit with their things a Meeting was arranged for the following evening and before leaving the house.
I begged my father to change his clothes He'd been building in addition to the carport and wore a pair of khaki shorts Smeared with paint and spotted here and there with bits of dried concrete Threw a hole in his tattered t -shirt without squinting.
It was possible to see his nipple What the hell is wrong with this he asked we're not staying for dinner, so what does it matter I Yelled for my mother and in the end he compromised by changing his shirt From the outside that's house didn't look much different than anyone else's Just the standard split
level with what my father described as a totally inadequate carport Mr.
Pope answered the door in a pair of sherbert -colored golf pants and let us downstairs into what he called the rumpus room.
Oh I said this is nice The room was damp and windowless and lit with hanging Tiffany lampshades The shards of colorful glass arranged to spell the words bush and Budweiser Walls were paneled and the furniture looked as though it had been hand -hewn by settlers Who'd reconfigured parts of their beloved
conestoga wagon to fashion such things as easy chairs and coffee tables He directed us towards a sofa and asked if we wanted anything to drink coke a beer I Didn't want her to pleat Thad's precious cola supply, but before I could refuse my father said sure we'd have one of each The orders were called
up the stairway and a few minutes later mrs.
Pope entered the room carrying cans and plastic tumblers She set the drinks before us I noticed that her son had inherited her blunt slightly upturned nose Which looked good on him, but caused her to appear overly suspicious and judgmental So she said I hear you've been to the dentist She was just trying
to make small talk but due to her nose it came off sounding like an insult As if I just had a tooth filled and was now looking for someone to pay the bill I'll say he's been to the dentist my father said Someone hits you in the mouth with a rock and I'd say the dentist office is pretty much the first
place a reasonable person would go Mr.
Pope held up his hands whoa now he said let's just calm things down a little He yelled upstairs for his son and when there was no answer he picked up the phone Telling Thad to stop running his mouth and get his butt down to the rumpus room ASAP a rush of footsteps on the carpeted staircase and then
Thad sprinted in all smiles and apologies The minister had called the game had been rescheduled hello, sir, and you are He looked my father in the eye and firmly shook his hand holding it in his own for just the right amount of time With others our age the gesture appeared forced and sloppy, but that seemed
born to it While most handshakes mumbled his clearly spoke Saying both we'll get through this and I'm looking forward to your vote this coming November.
I Thought that seeing him without his group might be unsettling like finding a single arm on the sidewalk But Thad was fully capable of operating independently Watching him in action.
I understood that his popularity was not an accident Unlike a normal human he possessed an uncanny and holy natural ability to please people Much like a Whitman sampler he seemed to offer a little bit of everything Pass on his athletic ability and you might partake of his excellent manners his confidence his cultish
enthusiasm Even his parents seemed invigorated by his presence All right, then mr.
Pope said now that everyone's accounted for I'm hoping we can clear this up Sticks and stones aside.
I suspect this all comes down to a little misunderstanding between friends.
I lowered my eyes Waiting for Thad to set his father straight friends with him.
I Expected laughter or the famous Thad snort, but instead he said nothing and With his silence he won me completely a Little misunderstanding.
That's exactly what it was The immediate goal was to save my friend and so I claimed to have essentially thrown myself in the path of Thad's fast -moving rock What the hell was he throwing rocks for my father asked what the hell was he throwing a mat Mrs.
Pope frowned implying that such language was not welcome in the rumpus room.
I mean Jesus Christ the guy's got to be a complete idiot That's war he hadn't been aiming at anything and I backed him up saying it was just one of those things we all did Like in Vietnam or whatever It was just friendly fire My father asked what the hell I knew about Vietnam And again Thad's mother
winced saying that boys picked up a lot of this talk by watching the news Oh, you don't know what you're talking about my father said What my wife meant?
Mr. Pope said all baloney.
I Looked at my father then a man in dirty shorts who drank his beer from the can rather than pouring it into his tumbler And I thought you don't belong here More precisely I decided that he was the reason I didn't belong How was a person expected to fit in when he'd been steadily poisoned by his parents?
Fed little doses until he was ultimately so contaminated that no one would have anything to do with him The hokey Greek phrases the how -to lectures on mixing your own concrete The squabble over who would pay the stupid dentist bill little by little it had all seeped into my bloodstream Robbing me of my
natural ability to please others Well, mr.
Pope said I can see that this is going nowhere My father laughed saying yeah, you got that right It sounded like a parting sentence, but rather than standing to leave he leaned back on the sofa and rested his beer can upon his stomach We're all going nowhere At this point I was pretty sure that that and I
were envisioning the same grim scenario While the rest of the world would move on in a year's time my filthy bearded father would still be occupying the rumpus room sofa Christmas would come friends would visit and the popes would bitterly direct them towards one of the easy chairs Just ignore him they'd
say He'll go home sooner or later in The end they agreed to pay for half the root canal not because they thought it was fair But because they wanted us out of their house Some friendships are formed by a commonality of interests and ideas You both love judo or camping or making your own sausage Other
friendships are forged by a mutual hatred of a common enemy On leaving Thad's house.
I decided that ours would probably be the latter We'd start off grousing about my father Maybe going so far as to scratch up his car and then little by little we'd move on to the hundreds of other things and people That got on our nerves You hate olives.
I imagined him saying I Hate him too As it turned out the one thing we both hated was me Rather I hated me that couldn't even work up the enthusiasm The day after the meeting I approached him in the lunchroom where he sat at his regular table surrounded by his regular friends Listen, I said I am really
sorry about that stuff with my dad I'd worked up a whole long speech complete with imitations But by the time I hit my second sentence he turned to resume his conversation with Doug Middleton our perjured testimony My father's behavior even the rock throwing.
I was so far beneath him that it hadn't even registered poof The socialites of EC Brooks shown even brighter in junior high but come 10th grade things began to change Desegregation drove a lot of the popular people into private schools and those who remained seemed silly and archaic Deposed royalty from a country
the average citizen had ceased to care about Early in our junior year that was jumped by a group with a new black kids who yanked off his shoes and threw them in The toilet I Knew I was supposed to be happy but part of me felt personally assaulted Yes, he'd been a negligent prince yet.
I still believed in the monarchy When his name was called at graduation, it was me who clapped the longest Outlasting even his parents who politely stopped once he'd left the stage.
I Thought about that a lot over the coming years He's the poet laureate of Lichtenstein the surgeon who cures cancer with love The ninth grade teacher who insists that the world is big enough for everyone When moving to another city, I'm always hoping to find him living in the apartment next door We'll
meet in the hallway and he'll stick out his hand saying excuse me, but don't I shouldn't I know you?
It doesn't have to happen today, but it does have to happen I've kept a space waiting for him and if he doesn't show up.
I'll have to forgive my father David Sedaris recorded at the Detroit Institute of Art by WDET He's the author of many fine books He's on tour this year in New Zealand Australia Hawaii and so many of the 50 states find out when he's coming to your town at David Sedaris books comm Coming up.
It's okay. If you're not Superman unless of course your girlfriend used to date Superman That's in a minute Chicago Public Radio when our program continues This message comes from NPR sponsor Lisa good sleep should come naturally and with the new natural hybrid Mattress it can a collaboration between Lisa and West
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This American life matter glass each week in our program Of course, we choose some theme bring you different kinds of stories on that theme today show how to win friends and influence people We have four lessons on the subject today.
We've arrived at lesson number two Stay in touch Well, the United States of America, of course does all kinds of things to try to win friends and influence people among the world's nations We organized sanctions against rogue states we rally countries on trade issues and once upon a time on environmental
issues and sometimes You get the sense that when we're rallying nations into a coalition for this or that Us diplomats have to make the kinds of phone calls that are not easy to make They have to talk to countries that are angry at us for one reason or another They have to talk to countries that we'd
acted all interested in for a while in the past and then we just kind of stopped calling interesting case in point shortly after September 11th back in 2001 as the United States tried to organize nations into a coalition to fight the Taliban The Secretary of State back then Colin Powell was in the paper
saying things like our sudden interest in Pakistan Was not quote just a temporary spike in American interest That we had quote an enduring commitment and that Pakistan was quote a great Muslim nation Which makes you wonder what were those first phone calls like back then?
Well back in 2001 we first broadcast today's show one of our contributors Tammy Sager tried to imagine exactly that I Pakistan it's America.
How are you? Oh my god.
I Almost didn't recognize your voice.
It's been so long Listen, um, I was just getting together this little coalition and I was like, who have I not seen for Pakistan?
Oh, yeah. Well, how are you?
How's cashmere? That's yours, right?
Oh, you're kidding me now when I think of cashmere I think it's yours.
That's here. Just straight out Pakistani cashmere.
Oh god Well, we will see you at the coalition then.
Oh God, I can't believe I forgot this.
Um, also wondering maybe if you could bring along some full exchange of intelligence And you supports no big deal if you forget, but if you do, that would be great Alright, okay.
See you soon I India it's America.
Yes No, I have been thinking about calling you like every night I was like gotta call India, but you know the time difference Oh, how are you?
How's cashmere? You're kidding.
No, come on. That's yours, isn't it?
So, how are you? Listen getting together a little coalition Wondering if you'd be up to join Pack a hoop pack a stick and I didn't even think of calling them.
Well, do you want me to because I will I Don't know I I don't care what this is about you India Yes, it is Okay, okay, we'll see you real soon Love you.
Is that weird to say doesn't feel weird?
Okay Hello, I may have please speak to Iran hi, it's America Hi Yeah, yeah, yeah, god it feels so weird to talk to you again I know we haven't talked God since the hostage crisis and that was just Well, you know, it was one of those things where it was just you know It was easier to just stay away and just
sort of repair myself a little bit So and I just figured you're in the same place You know Maybe I'll see you.
Maybe I'll fly overhead in your airspace.
Okay Don't freak out if I do All right Talk to you soon Hello China, hi, it's America.
Hi, um, I This is hard I wanted to apologize About the plane.
Yes, I'm so sorry Yeah, and about the embassy and blew up and about that fishing boat.
Oh My god you right it was Japan I'm so ah No, you do not look alike.
I'm sorry. No, that is me being a big fat jerk.
I am so sorry. Ah Well now I feel like twice a jerk, okay Listen I am getting together coalition and Wondering if you'd be up for it.
Oh Good. No, I you know what?
Yeah, I know you share a border with Afghanistan So I don't want that to be weird cuz I'm not inviting them But if you could come that would be great Okay, really look forward to seeing you.
You know what? I bet in an hour.
I'm gonna want to call you again That's a terrible chance but I I know I make it every time.
Okay. I'll talk to you soon.
Bye I Tami Sager she is a performer and writes for TV most recently on the brand -new show.
They call it late night with Jason, Kelsey Lesson three people like you if you put a lot of time into your appearance To prove this simple point we have this true story of moral instruction told by Luke Burbank about something that happened to him years ago I was in the Las Vegas Airport when I noticed
this guy dressed like Superman I'm talking red boots blue spandex leggings a yellow belt a big S on his chest and of course a long red cape I Was struck by how authentic the outfit was and the fact that he didn't have any baggage No suitcase, no backpack.
No wallet. No keys.
He looked calm and happy and sort of out of place Since I was in Las Vegas I figured he was some performer from one of the casinos who was running late and didn't have time to change or something I didn't think too much more about him until I was getting on the plane I noticed that there was much more
excitement in the air than I'm used to on a flight home from Las Vegas They were talking about this guy dressed as Superman Turns out he was sitting right behind me at one point the co -pilot got on the intercom and announced that Superman's hotel it called and That he'd left his Pokemon pajamas in his room
that they wanted to know where to send them Everyone cracked up including me, but Superman didn't say anything He just sat there with a slight smile on his face During the flight a steady stream of guys on their way to the bathroom would ask a Superman.
What do you need the plane for?
Women tended to ask why he had the costume on Generally, he kept his answers short and polite He didn't parade around the plane or call extra attention to himself And I remember thinking that he seemed pretty normal for a guy in a Superman costume My friends and I came up with a theory that he'd lost
a bet so when the plane stopped over in San Jose I decided to talk to him His real name is Mark Weisenbeek I met with him a week later at his condo in Auburn, Washington a suburb about 20 minutes south of Seattle He wasn't wearing the costume when I showed up, and I asked him how often he actually did
Every weekend I get a chance to put it on I'll put it on Every day that I don't have too much scheduled.
I'll pop it on a Lot of times I can't wait to pop it on because you know as soon as someone sees you their day is different They've got a story to tell and it's something that they're always going to remember And I'll guarantee you that the pilot on that flight that we're we're on is still talking about this That he
had Superman on his plane yeah by the way did that didn't get on your nerves And they said that thing about your Pokemon pajamas now Now you get you get used to it, and it's it's I I don't see it as a as a cut But more a compliment that that they even mentioned to the whole plane that that Superman was on their
flight his Two bedroom apartment is filled and I mean filled with Superman memorabilia Superman dishes Superman sheets on the bed a Superman mousepad golf tees paper clips you name it in The living room just to the right of the TV hang five Superman costumes side by side Then there are the Batman masks
probably eight of them sitting on dummy heads It feels like a locker room for superheroes He started dressing a Superman two years ago after his wife died in a car accident Well, I'd never had anyone real close to me pass away before Your grandparents they've lived a full life and you're expecting that but someone
so young and beautiful with their whole life ahead of them It just it just really hit me that she doesn't have any more tomorrow's and and I thought well I better start getting as much out of today each today as I can and what would help me do that and and I enjoy wearing the costumes and I just couldn't
wait to go out somewhere and have a bunch of people see it and it's just been a real kick ever since Do you remember the first time you wore it out in public what was that like?
When I completed my first costume, I had to go down put some gas in the car and I climbed out of the car and I and I'm putting the fuel in and the cars pulling up to the signal We're going nuts and I knew right then that I'm on to something.
This is gonna be a lot of fun And and the neat thing is is when they honk at you, they're all looking and and you hear this talk in the car Oh look, they're super and they're super and and then the neat thing is is they won't stop honking until you look at them They have to have that eye contact with you
knowing that They're looking at you and that you see them looking at you and then the whole cycle is complete and then everyone's having a good time Mark had always been a collector of Superman stuff But after his wife died, he decided to go for broke and spend most of his money on an original costume
from the TV show Superboy He's only tried that costume on once.
It's too special to wear outside Instead he taught himself how to sew and started making his own Superman outfits Which frankly, I thought were better looking than the one he bought Mark also owns a Batman costume that George Clooney actually wore in the Batman movie He wears Superman in the summer
and Batman in the winter The Batman outfit is made of foam rubber and is warmer Which he needs because he doesn't like to cover the costume with a coat when he goes outside but here's the Superboy costume as seen on TV by millions worn by Gerard Christopher.
He was He took over the show in the second year through the fourth year They had a different actor do it the very first year But as you can see that the seam along most of the yellow here is hidden except for these three areas And like a man marks attention to detail when it comes to his outfits is incredible
He says that authenticity is the key to being taken seriously If if it wasn't a hundred percent then then I would be letting down the costume I'd be letting down the people looking at it You can get your your little $40, you know Halloween costume ones that are great for the office party and that's
fine, but but to go out in public Unless you look like you're right off of the movie screen then then I don't suggest that you do it because you'll be a joke then You Doesn't feel like have you replaced your wife or the void that your wife's passing left Have you replaced that a little bit with your pursuit
of the Superman and Batman stuff?
It definitely takes your mind off of it any kind of a diversion or Activity instead of thinking about things that you've lost is is always a plus the costumes To be able to wear those in public.
I don't know Exactly how she would have taken it I miss her a lot.
I I think of her every day, but the way I think of her now is that I just have a feeling that that that she's out there and that that she's helping with this Two or three times a week mark goes to bars in costume.
I asked if I could go with him to see for myself He suits up and we climb into his car a white 1992 Pontiac Grand Prix with customized Superman plates We'll just hop in the Superman mobile here.
Yes, you can see about my license plate So you've got the the Superman floor mats floor mats I Got the neat little hanging flying thing here a nice little custom logo on my steering wheel Now I notice you put down a t -shirt.
Is that so your boots don't get scuffed?
Yeah, I still want to scuff the back of the heel there Yeah, I was gonna get a vet but then for my work I needed a back seat Well, I'll just get something that's spunky in Corners and accelerates to something that's fun So, where do you figure out a Superman wants to go on a night like tonight?
Jeez on a Monday night gosh Oh we could head down to a Couple of local places here.
I don't know how busy they're gonna be Auburn where Mark lives is not exactly a hotbed of nighttime activity It's claimed to fame is that you drive through it to get to the areas only Ikea at night Your options are fast food or a sports bar We go to a sports bar as we got closer.
I started to get nervous I worried we were gonna get laughed right out of the place Mark and I were like anti superheroes He a grown man dressed as Superman me a grown man following him around with headphones and a shotgun Microphone he was like super geek and I was his geek protege We pulled up to
the sports page pub Mark was excited.
I was worried It was Monday so the bar was only about half full most of the people were in their 20s and they were playing pool a lot of them had tattoos and piercings Mark said the crowd looked a little young he said the outfit does best with people over 40 people who grew up with Superman How about a diet
coke and a coke please?
Mark who doesn't drink gets a soda and goes straight for the area with the most people in this case over by the pool tables He stands there with his diet coke and waits for people to approach out of the first six people we talked to Four had the same question I Started to feel really protective of mark
I wanted to explain to everybody the story of his wife dying I wanted them to like him, but even though I thought things were going badly Mark was enjoying himself sipping his coke and fielding questions about the costume I should point out that marks in pretty good shape.
He looks good in the costume After we'd been there about 20 minutes We decided to leave on the way out we bumped into a group of guys sort of blocking the exit You know where to win The guy stood chest to chest with mark for a second Mark had told me he'd never had anyone trying to beat him up before
and I was thinking this might be the first time Then before I knew it the guy was giving mark a hug not a full -blown hug It was one of those I'm not gay side hugs that guys give each other still It was a pretty big change of attitude for someone who seemed ready to fight 30 seconds earlier He was saying
dude it takes a lot of guts to wear that and that sucks about your wife When people talk to him like this mark chalks it up to the costume, but I'm not sure that I agree I think they actually like him in spite of the costume.
He's out there all Vulnerable with no defenses and no aggression and he's excited to be in spandex leggings and a superhero cape I don't know all the classic one -liners.
I don't know the the all the current ice breakers you can go into a bar and you can be a fly on a wall and just look and and watch everyone what everyone's doing and And you can be yourself and and not really have to interact with a lot of people you can turn around and go into that same place with a costume
on and Everyone just has to interact with you It helps that he doesn't seem to notice when people laugh at the costume He assumes that everyone who approaches him is into his outfit and it's kind of a self -fulfilling prophecy He acts like they're into it.
And so he acts nice and when someone acts so nice It wins them over You Look Burbank, here's the public video show livewire as well as the daily podcast too beautiful to live They're available wherever you get your podcasts Another final lesson of our show lesson four just be yourself some people are very
clear that they are not Superman and they are at peace with that and So what if you know that you are just yourself just regular size no special powers?
We have the story of one such man whose lack of superpowers is pushed into his face all the time Because of circumstances that will become all too clear to you Jonathan Goldstein tells the story She missed normal men Lois wanted someone normal.
I'm not going to say I want over a class act like Lois Lane through anything other than the fact That I was a normal mortal She had had her fill of the night rides over metropolis on Superman's back She had done the demystifying.
I'm letting you get to know the real me trips to the fortress of solitude He had even taken her to Niagara Falls to see the statues made of wax that honored him there and because she insisted They took the train.
It drove him crazy He would turn to her and say do you have any idea how ridiculous this is for me?
And then he would laugh he would laugh because he loved her and despite all of this she had decided to leave him I First met Lois at a charity penny arcade event at one point in the evening as I stood hunched over a pinball machine I looked over to my side and there was Lois Lane just standing there
watching me The left flipper wasn't working, so I tried to keep the ball on the right But when it came down on the left together we would yell like a couple of kids rolling down the side of a mountain I've always wanted to reach in there and hold the silver ball in my hand.
I said I never thought of it that way said Lois and Five minutes later she was ripping open an empty pack of clorets and writing her number down on the white inside Lois was the kind of woman.
I had always dreamed of Lois was the kind of woman who made you feel like I am a man who dates Lois Lane and As simple as all that sounds it's the best way I can describe it When I was a child she was the girl who brought Oreos for lunch and during recess held me cruelly aloft on the high End of the seesaw
as I squirmed and begged in high school She was the teeny -bopper who wanted nothing to do with me Who saw me as nothing more than a bad aftertaste like the kind you get when you almost vomit and can taste the vomit But you don't actually vomit.
That's what I was to her In college Lois was the board cachette who in a show of university learned largesse Languidly offered me her leg in the cafeteria and said feel how strong my calf muscles are She was all of these but then the moment Lois handed me her phone number she became something else entirely
She became a woman who had chosen me At first I was a novelty in the beginning Lois would kiss my forehead and tell me she loved how squishy my arms were In a good way she'd say they're so easy to fall asleep on I Wasn't embarrassed by my softness in fact all the things my old girlfriends found unattractive
and gross about me Lois found charming Once I drew eyelashes above my nipples and smeared lipstick around my belly button Lois swooned as I made my fat guts singer sweet songs of love.
I liked making Lois laugh One evening I purchased a jar of olives simply because one of them pressed up against the glass Looked like an old man with a little stroke mouth full of pimento.
I Gave him a voice.
I made him say things like get me out of here and my ass is asleep Lois appeared to find this delightful I Although they were broken up Lois and Superman decided to remain friends and since they traveled in the same circles I knew it was only a matter of time before Superman and I would meet and I knew
that when we did By any possible system of measurement he would destroy me Lois told me that I should expect a call from Superman one of these days because he was really anxious to meet me and Several weeks into our relationship.
I got the call When I answered the phone I felt my chest Titan Look, I'd like to keep Lois in my life.
He said and I guess that means we should get to know each other I don't want to make this into a big deal The lowest tells me you're between jobs right now and I could use a sidekick I'm trying to change my image.
I don't want to come off as such a lone wolf anymore It would be part -time and I could teach you a thing or two Look don't get me wrong.
I said you do great things wonderful things And what do I do if I make it to the post office to buy stamps before noon?
It's a miracle Silence he said cutting me off, but he didn't say it in the way you'd think all capital letters He said it quietly sadly almost Silence just think about it When I saw Lois that night for dinner She had already spoken to Superman and she was going on about my sidekick ship like it was already
a done deal It's just what you need to get back on the workforce She said and she looked so pleased that before I knew it.
I was drinking glass after glass of red wine Promising her that it really was no big thing Lois is just so beautiful when she's pleased I The next morning I met Superman for lunch and before I could sit down in the booth he handed me a rumpled paper bag What's this I asked your new outfit.
He said He showed me off to the bathroom and in the toilet stall I changed into what was essentially a skin tight black unitard There was no cape The whole thing succeeded in making me look skinny -legged and rotund Across the chest in small new courier font was the word Stuart I Pointed to the name
as I walked back to the table It's your sidekick name Superman said and you're not supposed to wear underwear with your uniform I spent most of my time wearing my stewart outfit in his apartment Ironing his costume fielding calls from the press and popping boils on his back with a nail and an almanac
And in between Superman had me doing non -stop sit -ups He called my gut to crime against humanity.
His favorite joke was to put his hand on my stomach and ask how many months?
But he wasn't perfect either From up close Superman stank of brill cream and he had this way of getting when he was being all solemn Where he would use words like shall and vex Also, he's really full of himself but through all of his talk I would try to maintain eye contact with him and as I did I would think
to myself I Have seen Lois in her underwear and tonight when I go home, I might see her in her underwear some more.
I Wouldn't put it past the bastard to read minds As horrible as it all got in the evening There was Lois and she seemed so proud of me.
But still Superman was always an unspoken presence between us.
I Always knew he was out there feeling better than me And when I looked at Lois sometimes I knew she knew I was thinking it And I guess it sort of made her want to think about it a little herself It all came to a head one Thursday night There was this Thursday night tradition where all the superheroes
got together for beer and chicken wings And on this particular Thursday night Lois was going to join us The superheroes would sit together at one table capes all undone laughing and slapping each other on the back While the sidekick sat over at another table commiserating and trash talking.
I Looked around my table There was an angry looking hunchback the Green Lantern worked with and Wonder Woman had brought along a sad -eyed mousy college -aged girl Who sat sketching on napkins all night The Flash had taken on this grizzled old sack of bones who smelled of cabbage and urine that he called
Benjamin Superman told me that Benjamin was the Flash's dad who the mother had recently thrown out The Flash was afraid that if he left him alone, he would commit suicide So he put him in a leotard and took him around with him mostly leaving him in the car and Then of course, there was Batman sidekick
Robin I looked over at them Superman and Batman the best of buddies and I imagined what their conversation was on the night They learned of me and Lois It was as I sat there Imagining the two of them laughing at me their massive upper torsos jerking in a manner that is impossibly manly That I saw Lois walk
through the door Superman caught her eye and she made a beeline right over to him Instinctively, I rose from my seat Superman turned to me and our eyes locked Much has been written about Superman but there is an aspect to him that is very difficult to describe There's a certain feeling one gets when looking into
his eyes and of all the articles I've read there's nothing that touches on it It's inhuman and hypnotic, but it's not just that Being looked at by Superman makes you feel more there than anything even a dozen TV cameras And it's not simply that you're there but that you're there swaddled in layers of reassuringly
moistened towel. Let's It's comfy and cozy and I cannot explain it well enough As she kissed Superman's cheek hello, I turned around and walked out of the bar Because I was in my steward outfit.
I didn't even have pockets to dig my fists into Sometime after one in the morning Lois showed up at my place full of apologies She had gone over to sit with me, but I had already left She spent the whole night talking with Superman.
She said that he's been really depressed I've never seen him like this.
She said I'm actually a bit worried.
He's obsessed with the emptiness of the universe He said that after we broke up he went looking for God literally looking for God Zipping across the universe and he came back with nothing.
I Wasn't in the mood for a big Superman as a man of constant sorrow routine But she was clearly on a roll and I didn't have the heart to stop her I never realized how obsessive he can be.
She said he told me there was once a certain way I flipped my hair that so beguiled him.
He spun around the earth reversing the moment 75 ,000 times I never knew that I Felt myself almost throw up He's just so intense she continued and this planet can be so cold Did you know that on Krypton when two people fell in love they became inseparable and they learned to move together in unison?
They even had special clothes.
They wore He said that on Earth these kinds of garments had names like fundy's and were only sold in the pages of pornographic magazines Superman says the earth is a sick sick place My fear wasn't that Lois would get back together with Superman because by this point I knew it was only a matter of time
before she would But that she would describe the summer we spent together as the most miserable depressing and disgusting time of her life.
I Already knew how it would infuriate him.
I could hear him making stupid jock jokes with her You don't need supervision to see through that sap you would say After she went home, I decided to take a walk and clear my head I did so while cursing Superman until there were tears in my eyes.
I Had only walked a couple of blocks when I ran into Clark Kent I had been introduced to Clark at a couple of Lois's soirees and although I hardly knew him.
He was someone I really liked He possessed what I felt from my citified point of view was genuine small -town warmth, and I just enjoyed being around him He told me I looked terribly sad Terribly sad people didn't say stuff like that anymore Having him called me terribly sad instead of depressed or bummed made
me already start to feel a little bit better He asked me if I wanted to grab a beer and I said sure I Told Clark all about the evening and he listened to me.
That was all I really needed just then to be listened to How do you know she'll go running back to Superman asked Clark?
You should hear the way she talks I said you have any idea how much Superman can bench press Superman once went back in time and beat up Hitler.
I mean who can compete with that?
Clark started laughing so hard people at the other tables turned around to look at us.
I was on a roll With his laughter egging me on I told him all the things that over the last few weeks.
I wished I had said to Superman You're such a phony.
I said you have this idea of what it means to be human, but it's a parody Humans feel pain, and you don't understand what pain is You may be super but you are certainly not a man Clark thought that was just perfect He put his arm around my neck and rocked me back and forth and we both laughed and laughed
Jonathan Goldstein his podcast heavyweight.
It's gonna be coming back soon with a brand new season of their show ["Guitar Solo"] Laura Brogham is produced today by Starley, Kind and Myself with Alex Blinbert, Wendy Doran, Jonathan Goldstein, Senior Producer for today's show is Julie Snyder, Technical Director is Matt Tierney, Production Up from Michael
Garofalo, Laura Smith and Lily Sullivan.
Help on today's rerun from Henry Larson.
Special thanks today to Alan Masret, Kevin Petrowski, Leslie Zane at the Carriage House Theater at Montalvo.
Thanks to Brian Mandel for real advice on influencing others.
Thanks to Edie Rubidowitz, Lee Thompson, BJ Fogg, Dan Lewis.
Music help for today's show by Sarah Val.
This American Life is delivered to public radio stations by PRX, the Public Radio Exchange, to become a This American Life partner, which gets you bonus content, ad -free listening, and hundreds of her favorite episodes of the show right in your podcast feed.
Go to thisamericanlife .org slash LifePartners.
That link is also in the show notes.
Thanks to Zoe Stroll -Progham's co -founder, Mr.
Doree Malatia. You know, we remind him, over and over and over.
You're not supposed to wear underwear with your uniform.
I'm Eric Glass, back next week with more stories of This American Life.
Music Next week on the podcast of This American Life, Alan cut down two trees in his front yard.
And when he did, he made some enemies.
There was this crow sitting in the front lawn, and as soon as the crow was out of my sight, that's when I got this thump on the back of my head.
Grows are vengeful, they hold grudges, Alan tried to make amends.
But is that possible with an angry bird?
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