This message is sponsored by Greenlight.
Grownups, as our kids grow up, certain parts of parenting get easier.
You can have longer talks.
They might grab their own snack, put on their own shoes.
But one thing that never magically gets easier is teaching kids about money.
That's where Greenlight comes in.
Greenlight is a debit card and money app made just for families.
Grownups can send money to kids, keep an eye on spending and savings while kids build confidence and financial literacy that will last them a lifetime.
Kids can try out their own saving, investing and spending with little games that make money feel less confusing and more well real.
One of my favorite features is the chores system.
You can set up one-time or recurring chores and reward kids with allowances when they're done.
When I was a kid walking our two dogs, getting myself out into the Boston cold wasn't my strongest skill.
And I also always felt guilty about asking my parents to pay me for the chores that they offered to pay me to do.
If we'd had something like Greenlight... set up to easily deposit funds when I finished chores?
Those dogs would have been getting so much exercise!
Fast forward to grown-up me trying allowance with my six-year-old.
We had the three classic buckets save, give and spend but somehow mysteriously the spend bucket kept borrowing from the other two buckets when we weren't looking.
Greenlight would have made that whole system so much clearer and easier for everyone.
Greenlight is the easy, convenient way for parents to raise financially smart kids and families to navigate life together.
Maybe that's why millions of parents trust and kids love learning about money on Greenlight, the number one family finance and safety app.
Don't wait to teach your kids real-world money skills.
Start your risk-free Greenlight trial today at greenlight.com slash whatif.
That's greenlight.com slash what if to get started. greenlight.com slash what if.
What if kittens break the clock?
What if you could fly or travel back in time?
We welcome you to What If World.
What If World?
This is What If World.
Hey there folks, and welcome back to What If World, the show where your questions and ideas inspire off-the-cuff stories.
I'm Mr. Eric, your host, and today we have remastered our most popular holiday special of all time, The Cthunkle Carol.
Yes, it is a two-part episode, so we will play the next episode for you in two days' time.
This story is from a few years back and it's kind of the beginning of Cthunkle's journey into slightly less villainousness.
I hope you enjoy it, and we'll see you after the holidays for a brand new episode.
Now let's get started with a question from a listener named Otto.
Hi, my name's Otto, and I am six.
I live in Belize and my what-if question is what if Mr Eric had a surprise birthday party for Gothanko?
Bye!
Oh Otto, what a thoughtful question.
Let's get some ideas what we might give Cthunkle from a listener named Lars.
Hi, my name is Lars.
I like dragons.
My question is what if Cthunkle managed to take over Waterworld?
Bye, I like your show.
Wow, Lars.
Cthunkle is going to be very excited.
Folks many, many kids have asked Pretty much the same question about Cthunkle taking over.
What If World?
So if you're listening out there and you ask me any version of that question, I want to thank you.
Now finally, we're going to add on one patron question from May.
May is seven.
And she writes What if Cthunkle had to help Robot Llama pick the right saxophone?
And it took them 12 years.
Okay, I do not know how I'm going to fit that one in.
But we're going to have fun trying.
Now let's get Guthunkle in.
I am already here.
Oh, wow.
It's weird how I didn't see a giant squidopus in my office before.
I exist in all dimensions at all times.
Oh, then did you already hear the surprise?
No, just because I was here doesn't mean I was paying attention.
Well, Guthunkle, all the kids wanted to give you a birthday present.
Interesting.
As a timeless being, it is always my birthday and never my birthday.
I'm getting a weird energy from you, Cthunkle, so I'm just gonna push past this.
I'm sorry.
Ever since I failed to take over What If World for the 14th time, I've been feeling a little down.
Well then sit back, Cthunkle, and listen to this story.
It's about a time where you really did take over the world.
I can't really sit.
I'm a writhing mass of tentacles.
Yeah, but if you go crisscross applesauce?
I'm afraid that could end the universe.
Uh, okay, then just stand back and enjoy.
We're gonna take a quick break, and then we'll come back with What If World's Cthunkle Carol.
Hey there, grown-ups!
Mr. Eric here to tell you about a new YouTube show we love.
It's called The Park Players.
Imagine a series of whimsical sketch comedy shorts featuring our furry and feathered friends, city animals that chit-chat in the park about relatable kiddo moments like dentist trips and sandwiches.
If you grew up loving the warmth and humor of early Sesame Street... you're in for a treat.
As a huge fan of all puppets, muppets, and fraggles, I find the park players really charming.
It's friendly and funny and always celebrates joy and playing outdoors.
It's an analog alternative for today's digital world, reminding us that everyone in the park is welcome.
So gather your family, grab a comfy spot, and let the silliness unfold.
Ready to join the fun?
Check out The Park Players on YouTube at youtube.com slash at parkplayers.
That's The Park Players on YouTube.
Enjoy!
Grownups.
If you're looking for a way to make bedtime, car rides and travel more enjoyable for your kids, you've got to check out Yoto, our favorite screen-free listening device.
It has totally transformed our routine, and we've just released three Yoto cards for all of you.
All ad-free and remastered, putting your kids in control.
Whether you pick our best of stories, our meditations or our original Guilds and Goblins campaign, our Yoto cards are packed with adventures and calming stories that spark imagination and help kids wind down after a busy day.
So give the gift of What If and support our show this holiday season.
Head to whatifworldpodcast.com slash Yoto.
That's whatifworldpodcast.com slash yoto.
Our story starts in a What If World not quite the same as the one you know today.
Because Jacob Molomo and Ebenezer Carthunkle had taken over.
Maniacal laughter.
They ruled What If World with an iron fist or tentacle and lava hand, until Molomo got so old that he finally returned to the earth, leaving Cthunkle to rule alone.
Barb Cratchit, do not share your maniacal laughter with mine.
It was Ithmus Eve, some seven years later, and Cthunkle was working in his drafty little office beside the one Clark.
He hadn't scared away or eaten.
Oh, you good uncle.
I need you to sign off on these outrageous rent hikes for all your tenants across What If World.
Yes, the perfect East Miss bonus to them is getting to give me even more money.
Ha.
Oh, barb cratchit, you can call me barbara.
This rent hike is hardly outrageous at all.
Oh, i was just thinking.
Maybe in the holiday spirit people have had a rough year.
What if we gave them a little break?
Just then a portly gentleman strode into the office.
Portly, i hardly think.
Oh no, indeed I am portly.
What business have you with me, portly gentleman?
You know, I have a name, probably.
But that's not important.
What is important is that this is the season of giving.
Yes, giving more power to me.
Here he goes again.
Yeah, you're not gonna get any donations out of this guy.
It was Kafunkle's nephew, Fred.
Uh, why are you all bothering me?
I'd like a donation.
I just want to invite you to my ifmas party.
I'm honestly just trying to clock out.
Gotta get home to the family.
It's ifmas tomorrow, you know.
I'll make this easy.
No donations.
Oh, so only a singular donation.
No, none.
Fred, I'm not coming to your party.
You make all the hors d'oeuvres with your long slimy tongue and it's gross.
Says the guy with all the oozing tentacles.
And Barb Cratchit.
Barbara's fine.
We've worked together for seven years.
Which makes firing you all the sweeter.
Well, I got off easy.
No, I'm going to eat you.
I shouldn't have said anything.
Okay, I'm just gonna go, Uncle Kotanko, so don't worry about eating anybody else.
Merry Ifmis.
Everyone who says Merry Ifmis should be eaten by me and then used as an Ifmis decoration.
Wait, no, because then that would be like in the spirit of Ifmis or something, possibly.
I've got to think of a more on-brand punishment.
Oh, I've got a dozen, but you just fired me, so, uh, forget about it.
I've got an idea.
Does it involve me spitting you out?
No.
Yes.
Then save it.
And Cthunkle went home.
He had a giant fortress in the middle of the city of Wendon.
And in the middle of that fortress was a horde of gold and jewels and toys, all untouched.
Ah, yes.
My horde of all the riches of the world is coming along nicely, I see.
Good night, horde.
Good night, Kazankul.
Horde?
Was that you?
No, it's me, Molamo.
But you were a volcano that went extinct.
Now I'm a ghost of an extinct volcano.
And indeed, there floated a ghostly volcano person covered in thick chains.
Let me guess.
Those are the chains you use to imprison those who disobey you.
They were.
But now they are my own chains.
Because I was mean.
No, no.
It's true.
And now you're even meaner than me.
Yes, I thought you'd be proud.
Your last words were, Be even meaner than I was.
I know, I know, but I wasn't a very happy person.
And I didn't have any friends.
You and I didn't even really get along.
I know.
It was a beautiful unfriendship.
That's not a thing.
I'm going to cut to the chase.
You'll be haunted by three spirits.
I don't believe in ghosts.
You're an interdimensional squidopus talking to an ethereal volcano.
What's your point?
Whatever.
Learn your lessons or suffer the same fate as me.
I'm already alone, friendless and immortal.
Yeah, but I've also got these chains.
I can carry a few chains.
No, they're itchy chains, though.
Itchy chains.
So itchy.
But my delicate tentacles, I already moisturize twice a day.
Expect the first spirit.
Soon, and then the next one after that.
And so on, and so on, and so on, and so on.
Molemo, you're not actually fading away as you talk hard to get used to ghost powers too.
That's another bad thing okay well, i'm just gonna go to bed then, and goth uncle left molamo and his horde crawling into his canopied bed and pulling the curtains closed when a bright light shone from beyond his curtain to bed.
Oh, what's happening?
So sleep.
Do you have any idea how late it is?
I'm from Ifmis Past, where it's always earlier than now.
I still think you're being rude.
And the little fairy ghost pulled apart his bed curtains.
Come, with but a touch of your tentacle upon my robe, we will travel back in time to your past.
I don't need you to explain time travel to me.
Cthunkle grabbed the fairy's robes and...
I remember this place.
They were in a snowy schoolyard, and a young, excited robot llama ran up to Cthunkle.
What are you doing for the holidays?
I'm just staying at the school.
I'm pretty sure I'm as old as the universe, so I don't really have parents.
Why don't you come with me and help me pick out a saxophone?
Why are you showing me this memory?
It took us 12 years to find that saxophone.
We had to leave school and get jobs so that we could afford to continue the search.
You were a very good friend, weren't you, Cthunkle?
And they were at an old music shop.
Cthunkle and Robot Llama were closing up for the night when their boss came up to greet them.
It's old Fuzzywig, alive again.
Oh, hello, old Fuzzywig.
Merry Ifmas.
I keep telling you it's not a wig.
I'm not bald.
We were just saying your name, old Fuzzywig.
Oh, of course you are, and I was just playing along knowing that I, of course, have plenty of luscious hair atop my head.
What a weird thing to say.
Listen, kids, you've been wonderful employees, and as an if-miss present, I made you that saxophone.
Wow.
That's so generous.
Yar, it's me finest work.
It's seriously almost good enough.
I'll put it in the maybe pile.
Yar, yar about that.
You're gonna have to clear out all your old saxophones from the maybe pile in me back office.
I've got to close the place down.
No.
Worst if miss ever.
Or they just keep hiking up the rent.
That's horrible.
We should do something.
Take over the world.
That seems like an overreaction.
Maybe we could effect change on a smaller scale.
But I like where your head's at.
Here, I can introduce you to me friend Molamo.
He's always talking about taking over the world and such.
Wow.
Do you see, Cthunkle?
You used to want to help people.
And those same people used to care about you.
Well, thank goodness you're not showing me all the horrible things I did after that.
I really wanted to, but we're just running short on time.
Come in and know me better, man.
If Miss Present, you're supposed to let me get him back to the bedroom first.
And a giant jolly green dragon crashed through the wall of old Fuzzy Wig's shop as the ghost of If Miss Pass disappeared, floating away like twinkling stardust.
Ifmiss Present, why did you burst through the wall after inviting me in?
I don't know.
I'm very impulsive.
Let's go get smoothies.
I don't want a smoothie.
No, it's fine.
I know a great place.
Climb on my back.
I will fly us there.
You know, I can fly on my own.
And the ghost of Ifmiss Present picked up, Cthunkle and burst through the ceiling of Old Fuzzy Wig Shop.
Will Ebenezer Cthunkle change his ways?
Will he ever spit out the portly gentleman?
Let's hope so.
Will Robot Llama ever find the right saxophone?
We'll find out soon in the exciting conclusion.
But soon is too long.
I know, Cthunkle, but look on the bright side.
I prefer the dark side.
Well, as a timeless being, it'll still be your birthday.
And not my birthday.
Yeah, that's confusing.
But I hope you enjoyed the first half of your story.
I can't wait to hear how I finally defeat these ghosts.
Yeah, it could happen.
Folks at home.
Can you remember one unfair thing Cthunkle did in this story?
What was unfair about it?
These christmas carol stories always focus on helping the rich mean person.
What's another version of the christmas carol that you can imagine that isn't focused on the rich old man?
Who would the ghosts haunt or help, and how might these other characters affect change?
With or without scrooge's help, talk to your grown-ups And maybe your conversation will inspire your next.
What If?
Question.
When that happens, please get your grown-up's permission to email hello at whatifworldpodcastcom and share your ideas as a write-in snapshot of your artwork or a voice recording of your What If?
Question.
You can support What If World by going to whatifworldpodcastcom.
Slash support to get ad-free episodes released early, monthly bonus content and more.
And if it's not the right time to support What If World, you can just leave a nice rating and review wherever you listen and maybe toss in a What If question for fun.
I'd like to thank Karen O'Keefe, my co-creator, my producer, Miss Lynn Craig Martinson for our theme song, and all you kids at home who aren't just generous every now and then, but try to treat others fairly year-round.
Until we meet again, keep wondering.
This is What If World.
