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Let's get into it.
Ugh, our 20s.
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Hello everybody and welcome back to the psychology of your 20s.
The podcast where we talk through some of the big life changes and transitions of our
20s and what they mean for our psychology.
Hello everybody, welcome back to the show.
Welcome back to the podcast.
New listeners, old listeners, wherever you are in the world, I am so glad you are here
back for another episode as we break down the psychology of our 20s.
Today we are going to talk about quite a special 20-something experience.
One I think a lot of us perhaps are looking forward to maybe even fantasize about or perhaps
it is your reality right now.
This is your current situation.
You're looking for some tips and a better understanding of the psychological experience
that you're going through.
What are we talking about?
Well we're talking about living alone in our 20s.
I think about 5-10% of 20-something year olds live alone and that is the highest population
highest in the population except for people over 60 who often do so in the wake of a divorce
or a separation or a death whereas people in their 20s are actively choosing this kind
of lifestyle.
It's really a bit of a right of passage to say that you lived alone, to have that experience
of being completely responsible for your house, your space, your life.
It feels very adult, so beyond the days of living with family or friends and it's also
really scary.
There are a lot of other factors that come into it.
Loneliness, financial anxiety, it's strange really to be in your 20s and you still in
many ways feel somewhat like a child but when you transition to living alone it is this
very distinct sense of like, oh this is the moment when I became an adult.
Now I have to pay rent, now I have to decide what to eat but dinner every night whether
the house gets cleaned or not.
That's on you and it's this level of responsibility but also independence that feels very serious
and very sacred.
I think living alone in your 20s is so much more than just getting to decorate your own
space or recharging on your own, playing your music as loud as you want.
It is this like very privileged journey that also contains a lot of psychological growth
and answering a lot of core questions about who you are, like how much social connection
do I really need.
What are the fears that I'm going to have to face but I'm not constantly surrounded by
people, how am I going to pay all of my bills?
Like everything in life, every decision we make, there are pros and cons and I think
underneath it there's even more psychology that is influencing our decision and our experience
and when it comes to living alone in your 20s that is also the case.
So that's what we're going to talk about today, why, like what are some of the things that
people worry about, what are some of the concerns but also what does psychology and some research
have to say about many of the benefits and how to successfully embrace the solitude of living
alone so that you don't feel isolated, so that you don't feel overwhelmed, so that you
don't feel, I guess lonely, that's basically the agenda for today's episode.
Now this is coming in an amazing time for me.
Obviously I pick the episode topics, so it's no coincidence that we're talking about
this this week because I draw so much inspiration for this podcast on my own life as someone
who is right in the middle of their 20s, I have recently just moved into my own place
after about almost eight years of living in unicommidation and sharehouses.
It has been the most liberating but also scary transition because it is this complete
shift from always having someone around, someone to talk to, to being basically alone for
like 70, 80% of the day and especially because I work for myself and I work from home, I
don't have the typical work schedules specifically like I don't have an office to go into every
day, I don't have a regular work routine, regular exposure to colleagues and the same people
and that was a big source of fear for me in making this decision.
I think the nature of working for yourself and then also living by yourself is that you're
kind of denying yourself a great deal of incidental social interaction that most people would
get from their 9 to 5s or their roommates.
I'm also someone who is very extroverted which I know means I need a great deal more social
interaction, you know being an extroverted individual, I draw energy from others rather
than from solitude and it was definitely something I found difficult when I moved to Sydney
and when I quit my full-time job last year.
So I was not naive about the challenges and also my particular sensitivity to loneliness,
I'm going to put it that way.
However, I also knew at the time when I was making this decision that A, I needed the
space, I needed more room because I was working, living, doing everything out of one tiny
room in my old house and it was kind of beginning to blow the lines of like leisure and like sleeping
and then like work time.
And also I wanted the freedom to do what I wanted with my own space, keep it as clean
or unclean as I wanted and more importantly it was that sensitivity and fear of loneliness
that was actually both a consequence and somewhat of a benefit or an allure or a challenge
for me.
For so long probably since I was a child I've had this intense dread about feeling lonely,
not even about being lonely, about like not even about being alone but feeling lonely.
And it's one of the things I fear most in the world to the point where it's highly irrational,
it's probably more like a phobia, like autophobia.
And it's kept me from doing a lot of things that I've wanted to do in my life, it's really
paralyzed me at times, it's caused me to pursue bad friendships, stay in terrible relationships,
say no to opportunities because I was terrified of what it would mean to be lonely in a new
place, what that would mean for my mental well-being.
And I think I had it in my mind that I wanted to live alone for a while but the one thing
that was kind of standing in my way was am I going to feel lonely.
And I didn't want my fear of loneliness to prevent me from entering this next chapter,
from entering this next chapter very much willingly.
I had like a conversation with my boyfriend about this at the start of the year where we
were basically like, do we just move in together?
Because both our circumstances were changing, it just kind of seemed like the natural thing
to do.
But personally, I knew that I needed to have the experience of living alone for a year
before living with him because it was going to be this like perfect exposure therapy
to solitude and getting comfortable in my own company and the silence that comes with
it.
I didn't want to move from living with my parents to living with roommates, to living with
my boyfriend and never have experienced this space and the time to just be alone and what
that experience would constitute and bring.
I think if I was just to move in with him, which I definitely want to do in the future,
I would just be using him as a crutch to avoid a very lifelong fear of mine.
Also when it comes to moving in with a partner, there is this really fascinating research paper
from 2013 that just kept going over and over in my mind about the difference between
sliders and deciders in relationships.
So many couples slide into rather than decide these big decisions, these important life
transitions.
They slide into moving in together.
They slide into getting engaged.
They slide into having kids.
That means instead of making a conscious decision to do something, they do what is most
convenient and what just seems like the next step rather than what might be best for their
relationship.
So using the example of moving in, this incredible article by Psychology Today talks about it
like this.
It all starts with having a few pieces of clothes at your partner's place where you'll have
those, you know, a little drawer.
That's next.
Then you start staying over a few nights a week and then, you know, it's kind of more
like five to six days.
All your stuff is at their house.
You've got the dedicated drawer in the bedroom in the bathroom.
And before realizing it and without actually having a thoughtful discussion, you basically
ends it up living together and when someone's leases up for renewal, it just kind of seems
easiest to just officially move in together.
Even though at no point have you made a conscious decision, you've slided, you've slid into
this reality.
You've slid into this present choice that you're making.
Now sometimes this is the best decision and I'm sure me and my partner would be fine
if we live together because we've had serious discussions about it.
We know that we want to do it.
But often the easiest decision is the one that requires the least deliberate and conscious
choice.
And that was the case with moving in together.
It would be easiest because we would save on rent because we already basically lived
together all of these things.
But I didn't want to kind of wake up in five years and be like, hey, like, did we actually
choose our relationship?
Did we actually choose our current reality or was it just a whole bunch of easy choices?
And this can lead to what the authors of this paper call relationship inertia or insecurity.
Where by because you've made all these easy decisions without thinking about them, you're
suddenly at a point where you're into deep and you feel like you can't start again.
Once you live together, where you may as well get a pet.
And once you have a pet, well, most people get engaged and then they have a wedding and
then they have kids.
Suddenly you're at this point where you've never really made a conscious decision when
it comes to these big life choices and decisions.
And that was like a huge thing that was going on in my brain when I was making the decision
to live alone was like, I really want my relationship to last.
And so this living by myself, although it doesn't feel like our relationship is speeding
up, it's probably going to give it more room to grow into the future because it's going
to allow me to be my own person independently in this moment, in this time when I want to
have more kind of experiences and moments of solitude.
And it's going to mean that when we are ready to move in together, we are like fully ready.
We're fully committed to the idea.
So living alone actually worked out well.
My boyfriend was actually able to move into my old place, which is just like the best coincidence.
There are some other factors that motivated me and I'm sure others to want to live alone
in their 20s as well.
The biggest one is freedom, you're at this point where the things that you used to feel
very nonchalant about, like your sleep schedule, your routine, the messiness of your living
environment, even the temperature of your house, the noise.
All of those things now suddenly feel very important.
I think that as a big transition in our mid 20s in particular, that shift from being
very chaotic and easygoing and accepting of these things and not really having any non-negotiables
when it comes to our living space to being very serious about them and recognizing their
importance for our mental wellbeing and no longer willing to make compromises in a shared
living situation.
When I was 19 living at uni, I didn't care if I went to bed at 10pm or 2am.
I didn't care if someone's music was keeping me up.
I didn't care if my kitchen was a mess.
Now though I cannot imagine getting less than 8 hours sleep, I don't want to live in
filth because I have stuff to do when I want to be my best for that and that means having
more control over my living environment.
And this really highlights the importance of agency in controlling our environment, especially
when it comes to our mental wellbeing.
Your home is your place of comfort and security if it feels a very deep psychological need
we have for safety and belonging.
And that is compromised by people who also share that environment and don't have the same
values, don't respect your space, don't respect your boundaries, maybe your living styles
are just not aligned.
That can be really difficult and honestly very stressful.
We actually talked about this in our episode on roommates and share houses but when you
don't feel like you can relax or do what you need to do in your home, it is a huge cumulative
stress factor.
It means you begin to become very avoidant of your living environment, you don't want
to go home, you don't want to use the communal spaces and that creates a lot of stress, a
huge cortisol spike because you never actually have the opportunity or the space to relax.
It puts your strain on your relationship, it puts your strain on your health amongst
so many other things.
So I don't think it's a surprise when we hear people say, you know the reason I live alone
is I just didn't want to live with roommates anymore, I was done sharing a space even if
it cost me more.
There's also the fact that when you live with other people, the responsibility to maintain
a house is diffused across a number of people, sometimes two, sometimes even four or five,
that diffusion creates a bit of a morality crisis where no one wants to do the chores
because they know that no one else is going to do them.
And so why would they do them if no one else is going to do them?
But then everyone has that belief.
It's called the tragedy of the commons whereby when we have this common space, this shared
asset like a home, like a living environment, everyone benefits from using it more and from
you know, keeping it clean but no one wants to be the first one to do so.
So I think that after a while you get pretty fed up with that being the case and it's
time to, you know, pursue an environment where you are the only one who benefits and the
only one who has to contribute.
Now there was another thing that I said here that I think is important and that is you're
prepared to do that even if it costs you more.
There is something to consider in that and that is the contribution of feeling financially
secure in our decision to live alone.
If you've had a big income increase, one of the main ways you want to spend that money
is where you spend your time.
I.E. your home, your living environment and with increased financial freedom, we might
be more persuaded by kind of the luxury of having our own space.
And it is definitely a luxury in this day and age.
Cost of living is no joke.
I think I was going to inspections for one bedroom apartments that were in, you know,
almost unlivable and they were upwards of $3,000 a month.
And then you don't even get that because people often offer more because there is such
a shortage of viable properties in so many cities around the world.
And I think that we have to be careful in those situations where of course we are willing
to make the decision consciously that we are going to pay more to have the luxury and
the benefit and the liberation and the freedom of living by ourselves.
But slowly what we see is ourselves pushing up that budget by $10, $20, $50 and trying
to find ways to justify that because we are so enamored by the idea of having our
own space and having all that freedom that we don't actually consciously or deliberately
think about how much money we are really spending.
And that raises an important experience and idea that I see a lot amongst fellow people
in their 20s.
It's this idea known as a lifestyle creep which we are seeing more and more of especially
due to increasing inflation.
So lifestyle creep is this common pattern of spending more money as you earn more money
but actually spending more proportionately on things that you don't really need.
Now I am not a finance expert although I do actually have an economic story which is
a little known fact.
And when I was studying economics there was so many applications to psychology and one
of those applications is these cognitive biases that cause us to spend more money than
we actually want to.
It's like this set of illusions that makes us feel more comfortable with spending money
that if someone walked up to you on the street and said give me $1,000 you are not going
to give them $1,000.
But you would happily give away $1,000 for something that you really want even if it doesn't
bring you the same level of happiness as it would to do something else with that money.
That is an example of an illusion that creates over spending.
And lifestyle creep is a combination of those illusions including a restraint bias having
more and therefore wanting more and spending more.
Also the overconfidence bias whereby once you start making a certain amount of money
you think you will always be able to make that same amount or even more.
And that causes you to start spending based on what you believe your future income is
going to be not what you currently have.
Lifestyle creep it typically occurs after someone gets a raise or you get a new job with
a higher income you pay off some debt.
We see more money in our bank account and we spend it especially on discretionary items.
And that seems very natural right.
But lifestyle creep is also known as silent inflation.
$100,000 now is not the same as $100,000 five years ago.
It is still a lot of money.
But when we first start working, perhaps that was five years ago, four years ago, we normally
had the expenses that we had during uni.
So our income felt very proportionate to what we wanted to spend money on.
As our income has slowly increased, as has how many nicer products we get, name brand
products we get.
And because of an increased cost of living as well, when we started working, perhaps
Alcarico was to make it to $100,000.
That does not have the same buying power as it did five, six, seven years ago.
So we're actually spending from a place of delusion, spending from a place of cognitive
bias and not clearly seeing how we're spending money.
Another illusion of this kind is known as the present bias, which means exactly what it
sounds like.
Many people make spending decisions based on the present without thinking of the future.
They only want to fulfill their current urge or desire.
In this case, you might be really invested in the idea of living alone, of having your
own space.
Even if it means that you might jeopardize your long-term ability to save by spending more
on rent than you actually prepared to do, or it might mean that you're so invested in
this idea of having this experience of living alone, that you don't realize that you can
really only afford it for a year before you have to go back to sharing a house.
That can get us in some trouble, but ultimately, if you follow the rule that your rent should
not be more than a third of your income, I always like to stick to a quarter just to be
safe, then you should be okay.
I think it's very easy to get wrapped up in the romantic version of what living alone
could look like for us.
I'm definitely someone who got very wrapped up in that idea before I did it.
Especially when we see so many depictions in TV shows and movies, Carrie Bradshaw from
Sex and the City is the prime example.
Also people online who just seem to be absolutely living the dream.
It's easy to get carried away in that, but I also think we need to be quite skeptical.
So I want to talk about some of the potential downsides slash factors for your consideration
and also some of the solutions to those factors and those problems after this short break.
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Let's be a bit vulnerable for a second.
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Oh, out 20s.
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Whilst I was applying for places to live which was a nightmare in itself just given the
general lack of housing affordability and security in major cities whilst I was doing
that though.
The main thing, things plural that people asked me about were aren't you scared you'll
get lonely.
How are you going to afford this and aren't you scared?
What about personal security?
What if someone breaks in?
There's no one to help you.
These all get to our major fears about living alone.
Real or perceived and what it is, what it comes down to is security.
Being enough of what we need when we want it whether that social interaction money or
safety.
Feeling like we are able to fulfill our very basic desires and like kind of basic needs.
Like we need a level of social interaction.
We need a level of money to survive.
We need a level of security to sleep well at night.
The first one I think is the one that most people think of or are scared of which is what
the solitude of living alone might bring.
We need social connection.
I think that's especially the case in our 20s when so many of our lifelong social bonds
are forming.
We are so used to being surrounded by people or at least seeing depictions of this being
the case.
Social isolation and loneliness pose risks to health and well being.
We know that very well.
In some studies even suggest it can be as life limiting as behaviors like smoking.
We have evolved to be creatures who need community in order to exist, survive and thrive.
So when we don't have easy access to that it can bleed into all other areas of our lives.
I think equally each of us has a different threshold for the level of daily, maybe weekly
interaction that we need.
That threshold is highly subjective and it's determined by a number of factors including
extraversion versus introversion but also what you're used to, your baseline level or
need for interaction.
I am someone who has a high threshold that I need to meet to feel satisfied.
Meaning that I understand and I am before I moved into my own place that I was going
to need to say people at least like four to five times a week.
If you are moving from a huge community of friends in a big share house where you all
get along and do everything together, your baseline, your threshold is going to be really
high and it's going to be really disturbed by a move like moving into a place and apartment
on the other side of town.
The effects of that are going to be more drastic than someone who is living alone in the
same neighborhood as their friends or who maybe went from living with just one roommate
who they weren't really close to to living alone.
That's all really based on your circumstances.
However, I think it's a big misconception that being by yourself means that you are inherently
lonely just because social interaction isn't as convenient to you.
Community doesn't need to exist all in the same place or space to be fulfilling.
One of the major things I considered when moving into my own place was whether I had the
community to sustain this decision, whether I was comfortable enough in my friendships
that I knew they could support me through what would be a difficult adjustment period.
Given that I wasn't best of friends with my own roommates as lovely as they are and
that all my close friends were already beyond my home environment, I felt more comfortable
making this choice.
Many people who live alone are not socially isolated.
Well lonely, in fact, people who live alone across all ages are actually typically more connected
to other people.
That's what one sociologist, his name is Aaron Kleinberg.
He discovered this.
He was doing a lot of research into this for his book, Going Solo, trying to dispel the
idea that living alone meant that you were lonely.
What he realized is that people who live by themselves have an incentive to be deliberate
about when they see people.
They have frequency and the quality of those interactions.
That means they get more out of the times they do see people and they're actually energized
by those situations rather than having these like incidental run-ins with people in their
house, seeing the same people all the time and those interactions not necessarily being
completely fulfilling, not giving us a lot of energy, but they're just there, right?
I imagine this of like, I'll use the roommate example again, you know, you might feel like
you're seeing people more because you are seeing people more frequently.
You're running into them in the kitchen, you're watching a movie together, you're going
to the grocery store, but the quality of those interactions might not be as good as if
every second night you went and had like quality, serious quality time with a friend of yours.
One challenge though is to actually give yourself the time to be alone.
You often face a lot of pressure to be constantly on and to be really feeling out time with social
activities when we live alone, to always have external stimuli, but embracing moments
of solitude is important, otherwise you're not going to see the benefits of this decision.
You still need to recharge your batteries, to tap into your creativity, to sit with yourself
as much as you would need to do if you lived with other people.
I think our basis for believing we will feel lonely if we live alone comes from a lot
of studies on people who perhaps are a lot older than their 20s or on people who didn't
feel like they had a choice in living alone.
Maybe they had to move into their own place after a breakup or an unexpected divorce or
death.
Then we go and look at studies that actually take into account people's preferences for
their living environment, whether they want to live alone or with other people and they
match those preferences to their reality.
We see something very different.
We see that in particular people who are living alone because they want to live alone and
very different from those who are living alone reluctantly.
There are a lot happier, they see a lot more of the mental health and emotional health
benefits compared to someone who feels like they're living alone because they don't have
a choice.
I also think, actually I know from personal experience that one big myth we have about loneliness
is that it's something that happens to us and we have no control over it.
I think that's also incorrect, we have a lot more control over our experience of loneliness
whether we fear it or run towards it than we think.
People who live alone often have a better relationship with that feeling because they
understand firstly that it's something you have to get comfortable with that sometimes
it's unavoidable and secondly that loneliness is nothing more than a signal to reach out
and connect.
The same way hunger tells us to eat or thirst tells us to drink.
People who live alone know it's true meaning, they know that it's just a messenger and therefore
they initiate more protective actions like making weekly plans, joining a social sport
team, compared to those who may have inbuilt company.
It doesn't mean it doesn't get lonely at times.
The first night I spent alone in my new place, I was super anxious and felt super odd and
super strange but everything is a trade off.
Sometimes you have to lose something to gain something better and I think that applies
to everything in life, not just our living environment.
You might lose convenience and a certain baseline level of social interaction and run-ins that
you're used to but you also gain a lot of freedom and independence.
It's about recognizing which of those things is more important to you, which of them you
value.
It also means that you get to have people over whenever you want, for as long as you want.
They can have a sleep over it.
No one, you don't need to get anyone's permission.
It actually might even make seeing your friends easier because you can do it in the environment
that you want to do it in without having to ask other people.
I also think that in that solitude even when you don't have people around, you get to
me more authentic, more responsible, more conscientious, perhaps even more feeling, more in touch with
your emotions because there are less distractions that you can go and seek out.
Now that we've dispelled some of the fears, talked about some of the, perhaps down sides,
some of the things that we've been told to be wary of when it comes to living alone,
I actually want to give you some final tips for doing this successfully.
How can we successfully embrace solitude and brace the absolute luxury and privilege of
getting our own space, of having this freedom, of having this independence, of having this
time and this moment to unwind, to really learn ourselves better.
Some of these tips are psychological but they're also practical because that is the balance
we always like to strike.
And I've gotten these from other people that I know who've been doing this a lot longer
than I have, but also just from my recent experience and what I've found has been helping
when I felt lonely, when I felt a little bit scared, when I felt a little bit overwhelmed.
Firstly, creative routine, having a daily routine can provide structure and stability and
that reduces feelings of uncertainty.
Uncertainty is a big source of stress, especially when you're in a transitionary period of having
just moved in.
Everything else feels new and sometimes you need something to feel consistent.
You need something to commit yourself to so that you don't just feel wrapped up in a lot
of the fear.
It could be a weekly routine, not even a daily routine.
One that hopefully involves something social like, Monday's I go to Run Club, Tuesday's
I'm a chill day, Wednesday I make plans to see a friend, etc, etc.
So you're not stressing about being forced to be alone or being forced to feel bored
when you don't have to because you know that you have some structure to your days, some
structure to your weeks.
Secondly, and this is probably my favorite tip, build community in as many ways as possible,
even if it feels small.
I think we often think of community as having a huge network of friends that we call on
every single day, but actually going to the same grocery store, going to the same gym
class the same time, each week the same cafe, introducing yourself to your neighbors.
Those are important social touch points that are really valuable and protective and provide
that necessary sense of belonging, even if you don't have a large network of friends.
Even if you are in a huge city, it's nice to feel seen, to feel like you exist, even
if you aren't seeing people as much as you'd like.
It's just honestly, it's such a positive experience to be able to be like, oh, have your
neighbors number, text them for a cup of sugar, go knock on their door to tell them you're
having people over, invite them for a wine.
It actually was a huge part of when I first moved to Sydney was being super friendly with
my neighbors and they were so, so lovely and it was so nice to sometimes be walking back
from the train after a really long day at work, feeling like I didn't belong and just
there's someone there who knows who you are who's going to wave high to you while they're
going up the street.
I also think be open with your friends when you are feeling lonely.
I think we tend to feel a lot of embarrassment and shame and that prevents us from putting
a label on this feeling and acknowledging it to others around us.
It's interesting that when you are the first one to open the door and say, hey, I've been
feeling super lonely, I've been feeling super off, I really want to connect.
How many people are going to say the exact same thing?
How many people are going to be like, oh my gosh, I've been feeling the same way.
I can't believe that we've both just been existing in these isolated little bubbles and
not reaching out.
It's actually really nice, I think, to have these really, I think dark and sad feelings
of loneliness and to feel seen in them and to bond with someone over the fact that you're
both going through a very similar emotional state.
From that conversation, you can make plans to see each other regularly.
You can start to build that network.
I do honestly think that people really value honesty and they value Canada when it comes
to these kind of things that were normally taught to hide.
I think it's not just about being social, it's not just about always having plans because
we don't want to overcommit ourselves.
It's about just being honest with the people around you.
You just want to talk more, you want to text throughout the day, you just want to be in
contact more often.
I'd also say find ways to cherish this time and cherish this silence.
I always think about how one day I want to be married, I want to have kids and there
will be a moment when I will probably wish for more days alone by myself in my own
space doing exactly what I want.
And that time that I'm wishing for in the future is right now.
This is the moment and that future projection of me keeps me more grateful for the present,
knowing that there might be one day where all I'll ask for is to come back.
This one's a lot more psychological but it's also important to make your space your own
and to make it feel cozy and a place that you actually want to be in.
Our living environment and our mental health are intrinsically related.
That's something that we don't talk about a lot in the psychology and kind of self-help
mental wellness space.
Cluttered spaces can create feelings of being overwhelmed and anxiety whilst tidy spaces
invoke a sense of calm.
Having colors and objects in your environment that are meaningful, that are bright, that
can really boost your mood.
Even things like lighting, temperature, sound, smells, the color palette again.
Those are all really important factors to make you feel comfortable, relaxed and to feel
almost safe, harsh lighting, loud noises that leads to a lot of anxiety or agitation.
Dark and cold spaces can make you feel unmotivated or miserable.
It's why I think people like myself really like the idea of having a lot of warm light
and your living space filling it with rugs.
Things that are going to be creature comforts for you that are going to make you want to
come home, make you want to relax, make you want to enjoy this solitary space that you've
created that is all for you.
Finally, let's talk again about financial insecurity and financial anxiety because it
is a huge factor, especially when you have a massive transition from maybe paying a lot
less rent to a paying a lot more rent.
Those first early weeks we have to buy the fridge, you have to buy the washing machine,
you have to buy all new furniture.
It is a huge shift.
It's a huge change.
It's a huge change.
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One of the things that have worked for me is that I only ever use a debit card to make those big purchases.
So I'm always aware of what money I can spend.
And I don't have to deal with credit card bills.
I have a budget that is realistic and not too strict.
I found that this works because if I do go over it, which sometimes I do, very rarely,
if I go over it, I don't suddenly feel like, well, okay, I've gone over it.
Now I can just spend whenever I want.
When I have a budget that is too stringent and too strict that is too confining, perhaps too harsh,
it's so much easier to spend more and so much easier than through all ideas of financial
responsibility out the window because you've already failed at keeping the budget for that week.
So make sure that you are actually realistic about what you want to spend money on,
what you need to spend money on, and then what you desire to spend your money on.
I also pay my rent from a high interest account. Every time I get paid, I put as much rent
for my future as I can into that account.
Even if it's just two weeks, normally I like to do a whole month.
And I cannot touch that money.
It's this nice chunk that sits in this high interest account and a cruise interest
to put towards bills and things like that.
Also, you just don't even realize how much that kind of builds up.
I think you can make like 20, 50, 100 bucks from some of those accounts, obviously.
Do your own research.
Please do not just go out and do that if it's not what's best for you.
But that was advice that my mom gave me when I first moved out way back when and it's really stuck with me.
Here's another fun tip.
If you are buying new furniture, place us like IKEA and some other big furniture stores.
90% of the time, someone is selling that exact thing that you want on Facebook Marketplace.
And maybe you'll have to pay to get it delivered.
But that $50 extra that you're paying is saving you hundreds of dollars anyways.
It's like 80 to 90% cheaper sometimes.
I bought my desk this way.
It was I think $170 brand new and I bought it for $25 in like off Facebook Marketplace.
IKEA also has a second hand section.
You should go and look at that.
There are so many good finds.
I think you don't need to skimp.
You don't need to not give yourself the things that you need like a TV stand or a desk just because you can't.
You don't want to spend that huge amount of money.
You just have to be smart.
And you also have to really do your research in terms of how much is this going to cost.
I think we just think like, great, I pay my rent every week.
I can afford the additional rent.
It's also can I afford the additional utility bills?
Can I afford to pay Wi-Fi on my own?
Can I afford all of the expenses that are going to come with moving in like a removalist fan?
Like buying boxes, like buying little knickknacks that you need for a house.
Like a fruit bowl.
I didn't know that I needed that.
And I, you know, I've never needed that.
I've like, it's always been accessible to me in my previous homes.
Toilet paper, toilet paper stand.
There's so many little expenses.
Fight off any of those cognitive distortions that are trying to get you
and convince you to spend more money and be realistic about what this is actually going to cost before you just
become enamored with the idea.
I think that is all that we have time for today.
Thank you so much for tuning in whether you're thinking about living alone, whether you live alone.
And you have any other advice from me, you know, I feel like I'm not yet an expert on this.
I'm fresh to the living alone, living solo club.
Please send through your tips, send through anything else that you want to share.
I'm so excited to see what I learn.
I'm so excited to just take everything that I can from this experience.
I feel so lucky to be able to do this.
I never thought that this was going to be something that I did in this early in my life.
I thought I was going to be, you know, my 30s before I got the chance to live by myself.
But I am learning so much, I am experiencing so much and I am so grateful to everyone who has listened this past couple of years.
For really giving me this opportunity, it's all thanks to the podcast that I even have the flexibility and the financial freedom to be able to make this decision for myself.
So thank you so much.
I really hope you enjoyed this episode.
If you did, please feel free to leave a five star review on Apple podcasts, Spotify, wherever you are listening right now.
Make sure that you are following along on Spotify or you are subscribed on Apple podcasts.
And if you have an episode suggestion, something you want to talk about, any further advice from me or anyone else for that matter, please feel free to message me at that psychology podcast.
And we will be back on Friday with another episode.
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