125: Finding Purpose in Every Chapter of Life with Pete Hixson | The Nick Bare Podcast

today on the podcast we have returning for a third time pete hickson let's go what's going on man i'm so glad to be here it's always good to spend time with you thank you i feel the same i do you know we've how many times you think we've we've been together like in person i mean I mean, it hasn't been as many as I feel like it should have been in person.

But the conversations we have, maybe on the phone, even for 15 minutes, we just kind of go straight there and figure out what's going on.

Yeah, I think I've known you for the rest of my life.

Let's just say we've known each other our whole lives.

So I'm going to give a little context for anyone who's new and to introduce you.

And then I'll kind of hand it off to you.

But we first met each other, I guess it was 2020, it was.

It was, yep. And our business was much smaller then.

And I came across through Jordan, our brand director, Donald Miller, and Story Brand.

And Story Brand, the book, and the workshops help businesses, help brands and individuals clarify their messaging, get very clear and to the point, Eliminate all the fluff.

Ultimately, be able to communicate better with customers and sell more and become more successful.

So as we explored StoryBrand, we wanted to implement that process into our business.

Signed up, got started.

They sent out a facilitator, which was you.

You arrived at the business, full suit and tie.

Full suit. I mean, it wasn't quite a tie, but it was, let's just say I was out of place.

you overdressed I was overdressed and we did the workshop for a few days and it was right before we launched our Leadville 100 doc and I think it was like a week later you and your wife Holly came out and came to the the premiere of the doc and spent time with the team and from there it was history yeah it was like anything before that you know just erased it all of this like life started over life was it was a fresh start life begun yes so it's been uh very rewarding keeping up with each other and i i consider you a very close mentor uh and i look up to you from the perspective of a committed

husband and father you have two two girls that you're raising and are now out of the house and grown up and doing great things.

But then also as a previous pastor, and I think you still preach occasionally.

And then a selfless community leader, which are some of the things I don't talk about today.

But for someone who is a few years behind, raising a young family, trying to manage a growing business and a career and being a husband and father, there's a lot going on.

it's really easy to get lost and distracted and having someone to look up to that has been there done it learn from mistakes and failures and is doing the thing I just want to before we you know get started in this conversation say I appreciate you for being that person in my life thank you I appreciate that that means probably more than you realize and yeah I'd love to dive in and talk more about that, but I'm grateful for you and your example, because your example, even in personal ways from friends of mine, myself, even my kids, you know, look up to you.

And I'm one of those as well, because of the bar that you set, and some of the stuff that I know we're going to unpack a little bit about, you know, we have one life to live.

What are we we going to do with it?

We're not anybody but ourselves.

We can't become someone else.

But I think a baseline principle in life is it's not what you have or even what's been given to you, but what do you do with what you have and what's been given to you?

And you have been an example, and you are, of being a steward of this one life.

And you have inspired and challenged many people.

people. So mutual respect.

Holly. And tonight, you'll meet Addie.

One day, you'll meet her.

I can't wait. I know.

Yeah, she's excited to meet you, too.

The only problem with meeting Addie is Holly and I will no longer be you and Steph's favorite Hickson.

She will be the favorite.

So she's that amazing of a person.

But anyway, thanks for having me.

Glad to be back. For sure.

I'm excited to share one of our favorite restaurants with you tonight.

Yeah. At this point, I should have some sort of affiliation with this restaurant for as many times as I've been there and talked about it.

Some sponsorship, I'm sure, is in the works.

It's incredible. Peacock in Austin.

It's in the proper hotel.

It's ground level. The vibe is just perfect.

You roll in and there's the bar right as you enter to your right.

You walk in the restaurants, dim lit, Good Mediterranean food Loaded with like hummus And I just keep the pita bread coming Let's go All night Do you like lamb by chance?

I If it's done right They have good lamb And I do not doubt They're going to do it right They got good lamb I'm going to go into your recommendation We're going to go We're going to go big tonight And then we'll wrap it up With sticky toffee date pudding Which I can't wait I'm excited I would say I don't deserve to eat eat sticky toffee, date pudding, as much as you deserve it, let's just say.

One life, Pete. One life to live.

One life. And I need to—I just turned 50 since last time I saw you.

So I'm in this— That's a big deal.

It's a big deal. I mean, I don't know that people—everybody told me who are my friends were right on that line, that we're like, hey, this is coming, and you're going to feel it.

And in some negative ways, and obviously I'm sitting here with the king of keeping this one life and body in shape and all of that.

We're going to get after it after this conversation.

We are going to the gym after this.

We probably should not bring the cameras for my sake.

We won't do a shirt -off contest. Let's just say that.

We've got the cold plunges here now.

Okay. Good. We can do some cold plunging.

I'm in. Maybe some sauna.

We'll get a little workout in.

I'm in. Let's get it.

Let's get ourselves hungry to earn the dinner.

Yeah, we're going to earn it.

So anyway. So part of the conversation I want to have today, and I think a lot of the topics we're going to cover will kind of revolve around this.

I've learned a lot over these last specifically two years.

You know, last time we sat down and had a conversation was in Nashville.

that was a very different part and chapter of my life and I've learned a lot since that move and stepping down from the CEO role the business and then coming back and just I I needed that that experience yeah really did and one of the the things that sparked that move initially was that as my business was growing and became very demanding and I was focused on my career I was met with this new life of becoming a father.

And Charlie was born.

And I knew we were going to have more kids in the future.

Nico, my son, is now nine months old.

But that shook my world up because I didn't think that I could manage both being a driven professional within my career, building and leading a business and a team, but also a content and happy and present and fulfilled father and husband and family man.

And I have to assume that other men, other people experience this pivotal shift in life as well.

And I believe that you probably went through this experience as well.

And hopefully throughout this conversation, we can dive into some of those chapters and seasons and what has helped you kind of learn from that.

But to kind of kick it off, I'm curious, throughout your lifetime, say these last three decades, did you have a mentor or someone in your life that guided you through your most challenging seasons?

Maybe one person, a few people, friend, family member, peer.

Yeah. Yeah. I would say that there's been a handful of individuals that, there's always a host of what, you know, we would call guides, helps, these mentors and friends.

But there's one that stands out.

His name's Derek von Rensburg.

Derek, he's from South Africa.

When I was pastoring a church in the Atlanta area, he and his family, he had worked for for Coca -Cola, and he was one of the top executives, very successful in business.

They moved him all over the world for his role, and they ended up in Atlanta.

And they have two sons and a daughter.

They were younger then.

All that to say, I remember them coming to our church, and I would watch him, get to know him a little bit.

And I just, There was something that really stood out to me about him that maybe stood out a little bit more than the crowd was the things that you are alluding to, which is he was very successful in what he did.

He was very good at what he did.

He loved what he did, and he loved his family.

family. And the other thing that I would say is that he was loved by his family.

And I think there's a little bit of a distinction that opens up a whole new world.

I think most of us who are asking the question, how do I remain successful and love my family well, are thinking from our Marlins.

But at the end of it all, when you really boil it down and let's just get morbid for a second, and you and I are there and the people who have loved us are speaking about us, it's not our words that are going to be said that day.

I mean, they might quote something, but it's their perspective.

And so I think that's something that is, and I'm going a little bit further than what what your question is.

But the reality is, I saw that in him.

And he was still a younger guy.

He was probably about my age now then.

He's about 10 years beyond me.

So he's probably 60, something like that, 61.

Sorry, Derek, if I got that wrong, in the wrong direction.

And the other thing that it stood out to me that was very significant for me as a Christian, as a pastor, leading people into this relationship with God was the other thing that stood out to me was he lived, loved by his heavenly father.

And that was another very strong distinction because most of us are still still striving to gain that approval, to gain that, you know, if only I can get here, if only I can please.

And especially when it comes to, you know, I mean, the giant conversation on the table about God and we're all running around trying, am I good enough?

You know, that kind of thing.

He was a guy that just walked so steady and lived as if he actually believed he was 100 % unconditionally loved by his heavenly father.

And it was a sense of confidence, but not arrogance.

It was a sense of, I actually believe that you are who you say you are.

And that infiltrated and, and I would just say permeated all of his relationships.

Does that make sense?

I mean, it was just like, he was a guy that lived with that confidence and trust that he was in a secure place of, he has my back.

I believe that he cares for me.

Therefore, that allowed him to be very steady in his love for others.

And I also believe it allowed him to be very successful in his business too.

What do you think causes people to be insecure in their relationship with God that's different from this gentleman?

Yeah, great question.

You know, the interesting thing, And I know we didn't necessarily plan on going down this exact path, but...

They can go anywhere.

Great. His story was when he was a little boy, he grew up in South Africa.

His mom, from his little boy perspective, he didn't know what was going on.

One day said she was going on a trip, went to the train station and never came back.

Little kid, mom leaves, never comes back.

that will impact a child, for sure.

And it sent him on this path, this journey.

Many, many, many years later, discovered a guy, another person that he introduced me to as my mentor.

He introduced me to his mentor named Dr. Richard Dobbins, who career -wise was a pastor for many years and then just became one of the first, what would be called before it was called this, therapists in the Christian space.

And that was back when that was not allowable.

And that guy made such a difference in Derek's life.

Teaching him, I mean, honestly, from Derek's perspective, and he would tell his story way better than I can, but the realities and truths about you know sometimes we kind of look at the bible as bible stories and they're inspiring but very rarely do we look at it um as actual practical principles that if we apply them can truly change our lives i don't mean works based do this so that we are pleasing to god but it's like hey if you do this this this in this life it will have this effect on life itself.

And it's coming from the author of life.

So all that to say the difference in him was when he recognized that, we'll just call it unconditional love, it meant more to him than the average person because of what happened with him.

There was such a vacancy.

There was such such a gap for his whole life.

Didn't even know how to unpack that, you know, and did a lot of therapy work to get to the point.

But when he actually realized that there is a God who loves you like that, with the story of where he came from, that I think made all the difference to him.

So you think part of that insecurity from other people might be that they potentially take that relationship they could have for granted because there's not a missing aspect of they're not trying to fill this void necessarily yeah and you know I mean the whole you know if we we realize how much something means to us if we've been in a place when we didn't have it and I think the the principle of insecurity is I still have to it's like running on a treadmill that's not going anywhere but you're getting exhausted and you're not even sure where you're going and I think the harder you run the more

that you strive that that work it only amps up up that insecurity.

And if you keep running down different paths to try and find something to suffice that or to give you the security, it's only going to make you more sensitive to it and really more insecure until you find something that cures that.

How old were you when you met Derek?

Let's see. I'm trying to gauge it by about the kid's age because this is what happened.

I took took him to coffee one day or to lunch or whatever.

And I just sat him down and we didn't know each other that well.

And I said, I mean, he knew me.

I mean, him and his family.

I saw him out there in the audience on Sundays and we casually knew each other by a few conversations.

And I pulled him aside, took him to lunch and said, if you will let me, I'd like to travel life a little bit closer because I see that you are successful, you love your family and you live loved by God.

and I want more of that in my life.

And so if you'll allow me to walk closer with you, then I would love to just, you know, it's kind of like, will you be my mentor?

And to this day, he's the guy, you know, still that is typically gonna be a person that's out there.

We don't talk a whole lot, but when we do, you know, and it's interesting, there's been some things he's gone through with his family um this is a cool side note i just holly and i just did some premarital uh they live in the malibu area they also have their house in south africa and maybe a few more places but um hit one of his sons recently got married and uh holly and i did some video premarital counseling sessions with his son and his wife -to -be and now they're married And so it's just kind of, you know, how it all comes back around.

So a full circle moment.

Yeah. And so they've gone through some things that we've been able to just be there for, for him.

But, um, yeah. How do you think your life would have changed without Derek in your life?

You know, cause for me right now, this chapter of my life, when I was younger and I was getting started with business, everyone told me, you need a business coach, you need a mentor, you need people to look up to.

And I didn't have that early one.

If someone would have said, who do you respect and follow?

In my early entrepreneurial days in college, I would have just said whoever came to my mind first. I'm responding with what I think I'm supposed to say.

And I didn't really have someone in my corner that I could lean on or go to that would tell me exactly what I needed to hear, not necessarily what I wanted to hear.

And now I have a few people in my life that I can consider mentors that I know I can look up to and just watch and observe.

This is how they're living.

This is what they're doing.

This is how they're treating their spouse and their kids and their work and their relationship with God.

I'm gonna use that as a North Star and just kind of observe and imitate and replicate what they are doing from my perspective.

And there's people that I also talk to on a regular basis that I'm really leaning on.

And I like to think that, I do think this, that if I didn't have certain people in my life that are very actively involved, but also indirectly involved as well, that my life might be in a very different place now than it would have been otherwise do you think for you know talking to a younger population yeah maybe even young fathers uh young mothers having someone a mentor a guide a coach in your life is critical to succeed is it necessary how important is it what are your thoughts on all of that Yeah.

I mean, I do think it's very important.

And I think there's a few different ways to chop it up.

Sometimes it's more of a formal relationship.

I think sometimes it could be a compilation of a few different people.

I think depending on the season of life that you're in.

and this gets interesting because as we talked a little bit you know messaging about doing the podcast one of the things that I would say that I love about this you mentioned the younger population younger generation there is so much good hard work personally that people are being responsible for their life in the ways I'll just say of development and discovery like who am I I really, let's do some hard work, whether that means, maybe I have a counselor, maybe I have a therapist, maybe I have a friend that I meet, maybe it's official, unofficial.

The challenge that I would present though is in the path of self -discovery, self -development, get ourselves in good physical, mental, spiritual condition, if you will, is we're building up for something, but if we have no way to execute that, then we've just become something for people or the world to observe rather than the world to benefit from.

And that's where I would say, if you don't have someone on the other side of you that is giving you guidance, coaching, mentoring left to ourselves, we will probably just be a little bit blindsided by some things.

And that's where I would say, having those people in my life that will speak into my life, say something to me throughout different periods.

And it's not like I have every Monday, day this one friend that I'm going to have a call with who just you know lets me have it but I need it you know it's not like that it's it's not so system created um but where I do believe that if we aren't intentional to build a support system around us most of the time it's it's like anything else you don't create you always talk about consistency you have to create that and you You have to execute that.

That's what I mean by being a good steward of this one life that's been given to us.

So I think sometimes it's like, well, no, there was nobody in my life that came around me.

Well, they're not coming.

You gotta go find that.

You gotta build that.

You have to create that support structure.

And when you build that and you have that relationship, over time, they're gonna reach out to you.

They're gonna check in on you.

But if there's no effort coming from you, it's like it doesn't work.

It's how you go both ways.

Absolutely. To dialogue.

And it has to be a mutual, I want this, you want this, let's do this.

And again, it's not the same for everybody.

And remembering, we have different makeups.

Everybody's got a different way of learning behavior.

And so, you know, what I think that is definitely, I would say, consistent for everyone is, I'll say this again, you have one life to live and it is your choice of what you will build around you.

And that is not taking out the supernatural piece.

It is very much the supernatural pieces, a foundation from it.

But that's why one of my favorite parables that Jesus tells is the parable of what is called the talents.

And this boss, so to speak, goes away, leaves three people in charge of all of his things, and he gives one, one, and one, two, and one, five, or whatever the dispersion is, and says, go have at it, and he comes back so many whatever later, and what did they do with what had been given to them?

The principle of that is it's not about what you have or what's been given to you, but what did you do with it?

And at the end of our life, life, the guy with the one kind of got all this, oh, I didn't get as much. And so he buried it and he handed it back to his boss and said, look, I buried it.

Everything is exactly the way you gave it to me, safe and sound.

And basically the boss said, throw this guy out.

I didn't give you what you had to live a safe and sound life and return it to me the way that you did.

You didn't take any risk.

You didn't do anything with what was being given to you.

And he took it away and gave I gave it to the guy who turned his five into 10 because he's the guy that did something with his life.

So anyway, I'm kind of getting off on a little.

No, it's good. I think we can.

But that's the common piece of, if we're gonna say we need mentors, we need coaches, we need friends, we need guys, we need people.

We can bury our head in the sand and say, well, no one came to me, or we can open up our eyes, create a vision for our life.

there is personal responsibility in this.

And then we can go to the Derricks of the world on our own initiative.

I mean, I followed a tug in my heart, I guess, but like nobody made me do that.

And I look back and believe it was one of the greatest decisions that I've ever made is to say this, and this is what's hard for, I think, I don't know if it's just, I don't think it's just men, but I think for driven personalities possibly is, I don't know how to get where I want to go on my own, so I need some help.

That's hard for us to do, especially if we're just caught in the fray of this unbelievably never -ending competitive world that we live in.

Yeah. Have you read the book?

I bring this up because I read it this past year.

One of our employees here, Taylor, her dad was an entrepreneur, is an entrepreneur.

and he gave her the book to give to me.

And it's called Halftime by Bob Buford. Have you read it?

I have. That book changed my life.

And it's all about shifting.

That's her dad? No, no, no, that's not her dad.

But her dad found this book, loved this book, gave it to her to give to me because he's been watching me from afar far and told Taylor, I think Nick needs this book right now in his life, which is powerful.

And as you probably know, it's all about shifting your life from success to significance.

And one of the things Bob Buford said, I'm going to read a quote.

As for me, I have decided that just about all that will be left to me when I leave this earth is what I can let go of to invest in the lives of others.

The fruit of my life and my work will grow on other people's trees.

I used to be, and the reason that I feel so passionate and fulfilled by this right now is because that shift in mindset over these last couple of years has opened up this new life for me.

Where early on when I was building and I was very focused on self -development, personal achievement, money, success, just to build and accumulate money in the bank or things and successes and accomplishments.

In the beginning, it felt really good to gain and hold all of these things.

But over time, there was a diminishing return of sense of accomplishment with each additional thing.

And I kept thinking, like, what am I doing wrong?

What am I missing? Do I need more?

Do I need more? Do I need more?

Do I need more? And that wasn't the thing.

And then it was this realization of, oh, that was young boy Nick trying to find fulfillment and happiness in these things.

and mature man, Nick, has now found significance in helping other people, creating impact, seeing others succeed.

That's where I get so much fulfillment.

It does not necessarily take away from my want, desire, and ability to build my career or a business and a brand.

I still want all of those things just as badly, but for different reasons now.

Yeah. Yeah. Was there a point in your life when you went through that halftime?

And do you remember it vividly?

Yeah. And I remember reading the book too.

And I'm so bad about, you asked me earlier, like, how old were you?

I remember seasons of life, but I remember exactly where I was sitting, reading the part in that book where, I'm going to probably completely annihilate what is actually written, but this was what I remember.

There's something about a stream and when you step into a new stream or stay in the old stream.

And it's not about, do I get into something different for this rest of my life or do I stay with what I'm doing?

The point is really not that.

The point is turning your focus from building something for me to building something that is of significance that I'm a part of, but it's not about me.

And I think that's what I'm referring to also Also with, and this is the self -development.

Yes, it actually becomes more necessary, but it's not the destination.

When I realized that I wanna be a better self, so I wanna try and keep myself more healthy and I want to make better financial decisions and invest in my family for the long haul, but it's not so that I can hang up those trophies and say, look, I did it.

There's nothing wrong with that to a degree but what is so missing in it is unfulfilling because what it will do is I gotta go find another one to build.

There's another principle that Jesus talks about, this person who built a barn and filled it up and then he built another barn and filled it up with these seeds or the grain and build another one, another one and he went to bed one night and ate and drank was merry and said, look at all these barns that I built.

And that night he died.

And the principle was, you fool, you missed the whole point.

Why did I give you what I gave you?

And so I want to be successful and I want to have a life that matters.

But what I see through my eyes differently, and by the way, when I say this, I don't wake up every day like this, you know, saying I'm still selfish person who doesn't want to care for anybody else and makes bad decisions and can be negative and mean to my wife and my girls.

But there is a difference and a shift of, no, I want to get back to this one life because, and this is the word I would talk about, and I know we talked a little bit about this last podcast, is mission.

The difference is, I see my life as a mission now.

And my mission is I will build a barn, but I'm going to empty the grain so that I can feed other people with it.

Does that make sense?

I'll build another barn after that.

And I'll go do that.

I don't want to do those things and miss out on the priority people in my life, right?

But if you have a gift and a skill to do something, it's not like you just need to go and retire and get on camera and just, I don't mean this in a bad way, be a happy person to people and go, I just want to encourage you with life.

No, you do what you've been gifted and skilled to do and what you've built.

But your mission is no longer the trophy to put on your wall.

The mission is, I do this so that I can help this person and that person.

And I think that was part of the significant, I would say, shift and pivotal moment in my life that as I was getting to, we don't know when halftime is, you know, I don't know what, throw the numbers out the door, but I mentioned I'm turning 50 and it's like, is it, is it for someone in their thirties?

Again, the principle that, that Bob talks about in the book is not so much, you know, when that number is, but it's a wonderful thing when you start asking questions, because that says to you that you're aware of it.

And we all know that self -awareness is probably the greatest thing that we can have of like, okay, there's something different.

There's something missing.

listen, I've got this, but now I've got eyes and an appetite for something else.

And when I stepped out of a 20 -some year career of pastoring local churches, thinking that was going to be the only thing I would ever do, and professionally do coaching companies and individuals in their mission message and marketing, working with StoryBrand, I still speak in churches, do some events, speaking with an organization called World Vision, and I'm using my gifts and talents for those things.

But the mission and calling in this season of life, and maybe for the, we'll call it second half.

And I don't know if there's another one coming.

Maybe this is a third of it.

But I think for potentially the foreseeable future or the rest of my life, there's a component that God put into our world.

We're a part of the special needs community.

And And our daughter, Hope, when she was born, went into respiratory distress, stopped breathing.

And at the age of two, diagnosed with cerebral palsy.

And we've just been trying to survive and live life like every other family, and especially with that added component.

But when she was graduating high school, and then we discovered an incredible college called Shepherds College, and now she's at another place called Union University in an integrated program.

When she, we never thought would happen, left home to go and live on a college campus, it gave space emotionally and mentally that I believe was God just saying, I'm going to hand you this vision.

And now I want to be the best leader person.

It doesn't matter if I'm speaking in a church or doing a story brand workshop or coaching a client, somewhere in there, I'm probably going to mention our mission.

That's our mission.

And I want to be the best that I can so that that can happen.

And what I would say is if we are living with no mission, we're really just existing.

And I think that's what I hear you saying is it doesn't mean you have to take everything you've built and put it away and go, all right, I got to go move to some foreign country, you know, or I'm ready.

it's like no you just turn your eyes up and out a little bit instead of okay my my goal in life is to build me no no no no my goal in life is to help them and the best way I'll do that is through filling up my life with the best that I can so it doesn't take self -development out of it it actually enhances it but it just gives you a different destination and goal yeah I recently I recently had Nick Lavery on the podcast. Army, Green Beret, Special Forces.

He was the first above -the -knee amputee to be wounded in combat and go back to combat to operate on an ODA after that amputee or amputation.

And one of the things we were talking about was just the effectiveness of teams and working together with people.

And one of the things that he was talking about was how important self -development is and always will be.

It's critical, it's essential because it allows you to be an enabler, to be part of a greater mission and a greater team.

So you're not just working on yourself, your health, your mindset, your capabilities, capacity for your own good, your own money, but it's to be a part of something bigger, you're a larger mission.

This is why I think it's really important to have a vision for your life.

And I've brought this book up so many times in the last couple of podcasts because another book that has changed my life, BE 2 .0 by Jim Collins.

The fourth chapter of that book is the vision chapter.

It talks about the three components of vision, core values, purpose, and goals.

And when you have your core values, purpose, and goals identified, identified very clearly defined it allows you to make more consistent and easier decisions yeah what you say no to is a very easy no right what you say yes to take some consideration but it allows you to be very consistent and it moves you towards that vision and you're dialed in yeah on that mission one of the questions i asked you yesterday or two days ago in preparation for this conversation is, and I'm going to use men specifically in this part of the conversation, but it's by no means supposed to be gender specific.

I don't want to offend any women out there that are listening.

What should men specifically new fathers who are driven professionals be doing practicing or focusing on that will create a legacy they will be proud of at the end of their lives.

and you responded with oftentimes driven individuals know where they want to go and are used to giving directions on how to get there.

But your spouse and children want to truly be seen by you.

We should be a noticer of your priority people of our priority people.

Yeah. What does that mean to be a noticer?

Yeah. I think a noticer and that's probably a word I I might have made up, I'm not sure.

My computer keeps saying that word does not exist. It doesn't exist. So I love it.

It does today. I love it, yeah.

Today, it does. A noticer is funny.

As you asked me that question, and I started writing my answer to it, sometimes, and I love doing these conversations with you, because not only do you allow it, I think you want it to go in the direction it's supposed to go.

Yeah. And that was kind of the way I was responding of like, well, what would be?

And I think more about that, you know, we learn lessons from the mistakes that we've made, from moments that we missed.

Some of them were blatant.

A lot of them, if not most of them, are unintentional, right?

And that's where that comes from, that I have done this, and I'm observing it.

And part of it is, you were giving the question in the context of younger.

I'm so learning and I'm so like swimming in the ocean of a dad with young adult girls children and so I am just I'm such a student of that but that's kind of where that comes from which is I didn't think like this then and I wish I would have because there were probably moments that I missed and and this is I mean god sometimes we talk about our mistakes we get so guilt -driven this is where I'll bring back Derek living loved it's like there is a moment and a there's a piece and a principle for I want to learn from that but if we let shame have its way that shame's not invited to that conversation this is more

learning so that I can be better so this is not a shame for those of us who have missed these moments to be a noticer or in my wife, my girls, because I was leading organizations and at the time I was a pastor and you're growing something and that's just such a, you throw God onto the table of any conversation and it's just, you know, I mean, it amplifies that.

And so you're going, you're building and you're there to be the visionary and set the direction.

And I think it's so purposeful and it's right.

somebody needs to be that person.

When it comes to your family, it's easy to run them like you run your business.

And it is not, that's not, that doesn't work that way.

I don't think it's intended to work that way.

While we are there to give direction and there are times when our kids need us to give every bit of, you know, we are responsible for them.

Early on, One, there were moments I know that I missed, especially in my relationship with my wife, but also my girls, where I was more inviting them into my thing and saying, this is what we're doing and not being a noticer of who they are.

What are their gifts?

What are their talents?

What do they want? And every human just wants people who are in our world that we love and want to be loved by to be, we just want to be seen by them.

We just want to be known.

and that's what I mean by that is be a noticer and when you're a noticer of something I mean you literally might literally take notes like some of us guys since we're talking about guys we're just going to miss the mark so often and something is still that I mean how often right like something as simple as years ago I and this is going to tell all to my wife although I think she knows that I do this.

And I'm still bad about actually writing it down.

I have this couple of different apps.

And when she says something that she likes, the problem in this season of life, and I'm going to go ahead and say this, she usually buys it for herself and says, give this to me for Mother's Day.

I'm like, you're ruining it.

So I'm not sure this matters as much now.

But it would be like, I'm not going to naturally be the noticer.

So I have to train myself to notice what are the things you like?

What are the places you want to go?

What do you dream about for our future?

And I think it's the same for our kids.

And now I am just in a different world of literally getting behind my kids.

One of them is what brings us to Austin as she's doing this internship here.

And I'm trying, I'm just trying to keep up with her And I'm loving it.

And I don't have to be the one going, this is where we're going.

I get to get behind her and be the fuel for where she's going.

And that's what brings me and brought me to the point of saying, boy, if we could start out that way of being a noticer of our children and of our spouse, our wives, and I think we'd be a better guide.

And again, that's not a guilt.

We missed it. But that is what I mean by being a noticer.

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now back to the episode I'm curious and I ask this for my own personal good sometimes people respond or comment on the podcast and they're saying I think Nick's just asking these questions for his own personal interest good for you that's what I'm doing I'm curious as I ask this question did you find and I'm curious how you guys navigated this your relationship with Holly changing once you had kids and being a noticer because for someone who is a high achiever and is trying to build and do a lot of things, your mind has so much capacity and bandwidth, right?

So when it was just Steph and me and our family, I spent a lot of time on the business and I believe I did a good job noticing her Her and her life and what she was working on.

And then when we added responsibility and complexity to that of kids, now a lot of my focus is on the kids, but specifically Charlie.

Charlie's three years old right now.

She's growing and changing so much and I don't want to miss any of it.

And we're just picking up on new things every day.

So a lot of my attention is noticing her.

now where i feel like i'm letting the ball drop a little bit is because my noticer tank is emptying i feel like sometimes i unintentionally don't notice the things steph is doing so how do you level that playing field is it just it just takes time to figure it out i mean you you miss some you you fail often and then you try to navigate it like did you experience that as well i definitely Definitely did.

And I think, if I remember, I think I told the story, so I won't go into it all, last time I was on.

But I remember a distinct moment in a very heated conversation with Holly when the girls were younger, a lot younger.

And I was like, what did I do wrong?

And I go into my list of everything that I'm doing.

Because I thought, I mean, I'm just, you know, probably you as well.

Like, we're just, oh, this is what's going on.

Well, then this is what we do.

Like, Let's just come up with an answer and a solution and move on.

Before Holly has processed something that she just wants to talk to me about, I've got five steps that we need to go do right now to fix it.

And they might be true, but that's not what she wants.

She wants me to listen.

It's so hard to do.

But I made that mistake many times and still do.

But in that season, I mean, I'm just being honest. honest, you probably need to give yourself some grace and some understanding that it really is a bit of a survival.

But if there's one thing that I would look back and say, I wish I would have done this more and built into my system, because I have to be reminded.

Clearly, I don't know if I...

I think I didn't finish what I was saying.

I literally take notes when Holly says says something so that when Mother's Day or Christmas or her birthday, I have to go back and go like, I don't know what to get her.

You know, now I kind of just ask Addie because they love the same things.

But basically, I have to do what sounds so non -romantic and write some things down.

But putting something into your world now where maybe it's a weekly, maybe it's, and I don't mean like, okay, Steph, we're going to sit down and have our family business meeting.

maybe you do that and that's great.

But I mean, just a, all right, it's check -in time.

It's like, pull the car in the garage.

I need you to tell me how I'm doing with you.

And if you create that in whatever works for both of your personalities, that's not awkward -ish, but it's probably going to feel awkward. I think you'll, at least if you're going to be making mistakes, which you you are and I am and we all have, you're giving Steph the ability to speak into it versus you just move on and then you're kind of like, hey, you knew that I'm not going to get all this right.

And down the way, I think that will plant seeds for a great harvest, because there will come a day that your beautiful children will not be the focus of your lives.

And statistically, Statistically, there's some challenges out there when people become the season of life we're in, which is empty nesters, which that's a whole nother conversation.

That feels like an eternity away right now.

I know. I know. It's like, well, that's not coming.

But that's what I mean.

It's the law of the harvest, right?

You're planting those seeds.

And if she can look back, and this isn't a facts -based, so you can go, Steph, I asked you this, so don't get mad at me.

But it kind of is like you give her that opportunity.

And even if she has nothing to say, because chances are her world's spinning too, and she's feeling the same struggle of like, I've got my husband I want to care for, but I got the kids.

And when you go from one to two, this is what's crazy.

My nephew, who is younger than my oldest daughter Hope, just had his second baby.

Well, his wife had the baby, but they had their second child.

And it's kind of funny, and I love him so much. We'll hang out sometimes, and we've watched football.

and his life is very different now.

And man, we went to go see them in the hospital the other day and their new baby.

And when they got home, it hits.

You just go from the two of you focused on this one and there's a lot of nostalgia.

And then it's like, wait a minute.

Well, there's no excuse for anybody because you're both tapped out at the end of the day, you know, doing all this stuff.

So it's a challenging times.

sometimes build it into the system of your behavior to at least give Steph the opportunity to speak into your life.

And I doubt that she feels like she can't do that anyway.

But sometimes when you open that door, it helps her feel seen because she probably doesn't even know that she needs that.

And sometimes she does, right?

Like he's asking me how I feel about our current state of our marriage and is he doing a good job?

And I don't know what I would want to say about that, but there's a chance she's going to feel more loved by you because you did that.

And what I'm saying is, it might not even make sense today, but down the road, it will mean something to her.

And the two of you, when they are out of the way, will actually want to be with one another more.

And that's one of the greatest challenges of getting through that season of life.

And then all of a sudden, kids are out.

That was the only thing we focused on and we missed each other.

And you'll miss out on some special times with just the two of you.

Oh, I can imagine how challenging that future chapter of life becomes when the kids are gone.

Yeah. Because so much of your mission for 18 years is them.

That's right. I mean, that mission changes.

But that's what I'm saying.

Plant those seeds today and let that garden grow.

row and you probably will not even, you might even look over and go, it's just a bunch of weeds.

There's something special that you just keep watering.

It feels pretty weedy sometimes.

Yeah, I know. That's why when you said, and it really hit me, you know, driven individuals know where they want to go and are used to giving directions or creating directions on how to get there.

Like that is, that's my bread and butter.

Yeah. I know where I want to go.

I know what I have to do to get there.

But the byproduct or the collateral damage of that sometimes is not being a noticer of the other aspects of your life.

I am really good at head down, blinders up, drive forward. Just drive, drive, drive, drive, drive.

And you see those results not as fast as you want to see them, but you can actually somewhat engineer them to happen quicker.

Right. This is different.

Yeah. It is a harvest that you plant and you water and you plant and you water and it can feel barren for a long time.

And that's not even a negative as it sounds.

It's just like you have moments where you get to reap that harvest, but you're not just planting one plant there.

You're trying to continually invest in the one single most important relationship in the one life you've been given if you are married, and that is your spouse.

And the thing I'm really taking away from this right now is I have to, we have to, put myself in the situation, really learn how to approach life in almost two different directions in two different speeds where you can't apply your same business ambition tactics and strategy to your personal goals in business to your family.

I've tried that. And I think if I'm reflecting right now in real time, I'm doing that right now in certain situations.

And I'm met with this resistance.

Why doesn't this work?

I know this works in business.

Why doesn't this work in my family?

we had to approach building a family in a completely different with a different strategy and at a different speed yeah it's like trying to put the wrong size battery in in some device and you're going well it works over here well that's because it takes a nine volt and that means a double a or whatever like you can use any analogy yeah it's just and that is part of the the self -awareness that, you know, and if I could just add this, then we can go move on or whatever.

But part of what I've also discovered is I want to just find what works so that I can keep doing it because I know how to do something.

And what I say by avoiding difficulty, it's not that you or I are people accustomed to trying to avoid difficulty and take the easy route.

We're not. You're not in your route.

I'm not in mine. That's what makes you driven.

You actually love to tackle challenges.

But there's a part in that that is like, if I could just find the secret.

And there's a bit of surrender that happens when you just go, and this is what also I mean by the noticers, I might not be able to figure out a system to guarantee the results I want, but what I can do is make myself as present as possible, open my ears up, open my eyes up, close my mouth sometimes, and be a noticer of this person.

That's the human way, but it's very uncomfortable.

It's very uncomfortable until you get a little more accustomed to it.

It's hard. I'm thinking back to, you know, we've been to a few parties recently.

Not like crazy parties, like kids parties.

Yeah, that's different.

Like birthday parties.

It's like a different phase in chapter life.

But you're introduced to, you know, the kids, parents, then you end up talking to the dads, and all the dads get together and are talking.

And as I'm thinking about these two different speeds and strategies and approaches to the difference between building a family and building a business, for example, I'm really thinking of this in terms of there's two different ways to approach two different things.

But I've met dads before, or moms and dads, who you can tell are very content.

intent they're great parents they they have patience they they move slow they're not in a rush they're they're not distracted by the work and their their phone their email and i envy this sometimes but then i i see them apply that same level of energy to their work and i'm like i don't want that you're like i don't want that's lazy yeah it's lazy it's not not ambitious they're not driven so do you believe that you can you can flip that switch and operate at two different speeds and levels based off of the difference in what needs applied to family and building a family versus career and building

a business yeah i do i think it is it is it's different and i think the distinction is um and hey, like there's another, gosh, I'm always like bringing in a third option, but it's another piece of the puzzle to think about in life.

And it's not so much what's right and wrong, but again, I would just say, what is for you, right?

Because we can't control our unattraction to the way they run their business because we just couldn't do it that way.

That's it's not for you.

And I'm really hesitant to say this and it be misunderstood, but I'll pull another Pastor Pete story out.

There's another one of my favorite Old Testament stories where essentially God said, go into this land and check it out because this is the land I'm giving you.

and he sent 12 people in to go spy out this land, right?

They were these slaves before and they're going into the promised land and we could get into the whole story.

But basically he's like, hey, I just want you to know this is where you're gonna live.

12 of them go in, 12 of them come out.

10 of them said, you're right, it's beautiful.

It's the land that looks like this and it's got all this.

But we aren't going to go in there because there's also giants in there.

And so this is clearly not for us.

Two of them came out and said, two out of the 12, said, you're right, it's beautiful, it's land for this, and da -da -da.

And yes, there are giants, but the Lord our God said he's going to give it to us, so we're going after it.

And the ten said, no, we're not, and they got voted out.

And that's what caused the children of Israel to actually wander in the wilderness for an extra 38 years.

My point in that is, in the high level principle, it's maybe about the same statistic to a degree that we can be negative about the other 10, or we could just say there are just some people that have been given some eyes.

And this is what I mean by not being misunderstood.

I'm not saying some people are better than others, right?

But at the end of the day, that just says there are just some people who are driven to create some things and you aren't responsible to be the person who's not driven to create those things, you may just be tapped on the shoulder and called to say, that's for you.

Does that make sense?

I mean, I fear a little bit like, hey, driven people are better than non -driven people, but it's kind of, you know, addressing what you're saying of like, maybe for work and business and life, like there's some people that are just can be content with some things and we can't because we're builders and creators and it's not an arrogant thing to go after that, but it's kind of a, you're wired to do that, so go do that.

I think certain people are wired different ways.

You have it built in your DNA.

And I didn't understand this early on where I would look at someone that has an opportunity and I'd think in my head, do you realize what you have the ability or the opportunity to go do?

Why aren't you going and doing it?

And some people just don't have it.

that drive, that ambition, that want.

And that's so hard for me to grasp because I see it as wasted potential, wasted opportunity, not just for the individual good and growth of that one person and their family, but what that can provide for all these other people.

And I used to struggle with that so much of, don't you get it?

Don't you see it? Don't you want it?

And the answer is no, they don't.

Yeah. And isn't it interesting that it's not always skill -based.

Some of the most skilled people are the ones that aren't the driven people.

Some of the most driven people aren't super skilled, but they're just scrappy and get it done.

And so I think that's what also brings us to the challenge that we've spent a lot of time talking about going, well, this is how I operate in this world.

And there is a level of like, you're leading humans here, so you still need need to apply those principles to the humans you're leading.

But when you rally people around something organizationally or building a company, creating a product or a service that you think can make the world a better place and you believe in it and you give it all you have, like it is different than if we want to use the analogy of just turning our hat around and put on a different hat or another principle that I was taught as a young dad, I'm a big football fan.

And so there's four quarters and someone there's a whole lesson behind it but the bottom line was when you get in that car to go home you're going home to the fourth quarter and if you give up the fourth quarter you might as well have given up the game and who would do that on a football field you might have been winning the whole day you might have been losing the whole day it doesn't matter you're going to the fourth quarter you win that fourth quarter yeah that's the most important quarter order of the game, period.

I mean, we know that every moment matters, but that's the idea.

And so I do think the driven component is what challenges that because we want to take that same mindset into building a family.

And that's where we have to make adjustments.

That's where we have to pivot.

That's where we have to, you know, surrender a bit.

And that's where I think Being a noticer is very good in all aspects, but that's where we want to go and really be committed to say, I've got to put on that different hat.

It's different. You operate differently.

I think these conversations are really important and essential because for people who are either in the chapter in Season of Life or who are about to enter that chapter in Season of Life, I'll be honest, it is a challenging, hard Season of Life.

But trying to navigate both being ambitious and build a career and lead people and take care of people in a business here, but then also being very content and fulfilled and present at home.

Trying to balance that out as perfect as it may look online through photos and videos and all these things, it is very challenging.

And I constantly feel guilt around it.

And I think it's important to, even if there aren't necessarily very tactical solutions, just having vulnerable conversations, letting people know it's okay to feel this pull and this guilt and this tension because it's part of the season.

But within that season comes a lot of growth that I'm experiencing right now.

Well, I mean, you're, again, the king of this.

You build something up because it got broke down first, and you have to restructure and re -energize it or re -work it to be what you want it to be.

And it's the same with our bodies.

It's the same with our minds.

It's the same with our lives, and it's even our legacies.

You mentioned to me in a couple questions prior to this just about legacy, and it's, you know, I don't think anyone comes out of the gate and goes, I know exactly, and I'm going to da -da -da, and this is how I'm going to build it, and this is what it's going to be.

And I also think that we have, again, some other pieces at play here.

There's what we're in control of.

There's what the other people around us are in control of.

there is this world we live in and the environment of itself there's culture around us there's good and evil around us and so that's where you have to put yourself in the center of this video game if you will not knowing is there a hole in the floor there is there somebody coming around the corner to shoot me you know like you have to just be ready and understand that it might not work out the way that I really thought and planned it to work out or it might but I have to be very present with the moment I have to make the decisions that only I can make today and you it visionary struggles with this as

well like this is what I'm going to build this is where I want to go and it's sometimes that's what I mean and we had this conversation last last time about just going at a little different pace and and it doesn't mean you can't even be going at a couple different paces at the same time depending on the environment you're around.

And there's been times in my family where I'm able to go at a higher pace.

We can go together.

But just like the illustration of the body, if you have one part of your body that's hurting and you recently went through this, it affects everything you do.

So if you have a part of your priority people that is something, it affects all of you.

And so maybe everybody's got to go at a different pace for a little while it's just the way that it is and so life is about being uh flexible being adjustable um being humble because you just gonna have to say i didn't get there today and i didn't do it right today and we didn't get to where we wanted to go today and that could be business that could be family you know i just take the approach of being the tornado where sure i saw my direction I had the vision.

I knew where I was going.

And if you or whatever was in my way, you were just going to get – Just crank it up even more.

You were just going to get run over in the process.

And I just made a lot of mistakes with that approach and had to learn the hard way.

But keep in mind, I want to encourage you, too.

You have that in you for a reason.

It's like another principle that's taught of, like, there's a bit in a horse's mouth and a horse is strong and powerful.

powerful but it needs to be led by that to use its power and strength for good and in the right direction right so it's not like ah it's so wrong of me to want to go you know knock the world down no it's not it's just what am i going after and why and who's who's around me you know and what's what's the collateral damage yeah that's right really is what except yeah and i mean i think think that's what it comes back to over the sum total of our life, what was my mission and what were my mission projects along the way?

It's not always the same.

It's not always long -term.

It's not always short -term.

I mean, the mission that our family, that I am in right now is I love what I'm skilled to do, and I'm building two things, kind of this coaching speaking thing to a degree, But we have been entrusted with this population that has a severe lack of unintentional opportunities to grow and develop and reach more potential independence.

And that is my mission.

So I want to give everything I have in this current season to build something that I think is not going to solve all of the world's problems. problems but for the lane that we have been set in to run in i want to create something that is going to bring good and lasting impact to a community of people that desperately need it i want to talk about that yeah uh but before we do so you and holly have raised two girls yeah what are the differences and the similarities between your two daughters boy that's a great question.

It's funny. For anyone who doesn't know anything about you or your daughters.

I smile and kind of laugh.

It's a great question because I could tell you the differences very, very quickly.

I love the question of the similarities because that's a more uncommon question.

So Hope is our oldest. She's 24.

Addie is our youngest. So we have two girls.

She's 21, just turned 21 when did she turn 21 21 january 30th so a couple months she's been 21 we're gonna party tonight i'm gonna party tonight going out we are now that's right yeah um free and clear um so i'll just cut to the chase like the difference is are it's hard for me to not talk about hope And I shared earlier she was born, went into respiratory distress, caused a gap in her brain is the best way I describe it.

Diagnosed with cerebral palsy, so we're part of the special needs community.

Addie, neurotypical.

None of those challenges of those.

but wiring um of differences addy is addy is uh naturally more independent she's gonna go and do her thing hope because of her circumstances was placed into this world needing more support around her so there's a there's a big gap there between them um what's interesting though and i love the the question of similarities is they're both, I would just say they're both dogs in their own way.

Like Hope, if you say, hey, we're going to leave for three days, I would never say this would break my heart to actually say it.

But if she was somewhere and had to find a way to eat food and get to where she needed to go, like she is a survivor.

She's going to make it happen even with her challenges.

Addie, I would say it's the same way, different circumstances, But Addie is going to, she's going to, she is a leader by nature.

She is going to talk to people.

She's going to align circumstances.

She might use a little bit of her somewhat natural can be for good, can be not for good.

She's going to manipulate somebody to make it happen.

And she's going to get to where she needs to go.

So a lot of different character and different pieces of differences.

but man i love that some similar they are both people that have been placed in this in this world and uh they are going to make it happen um and hopes deficiencies if you will have strongly impact addy's life and that is something that's just come to fruition in the last couple of years Yeah, it's probably really cool to see.

Yeah, it's amazing.

I could, I get, and it's hard for me to get speechless.

I get kind of speechless talking about it because Addie's desire as about to be a senior in college, graduate with a business management degree from Samford University.

She's invested a lot.

We've invested a lot into this season.

And for her to start to come out with a year left going, what do I want to do with my life?

I think I might want to leverage those business skills that I'm learning and my leadership into a people group that I grew up with, which most people in that situation or many might want to run away from.

And she's running towards it, going, I think I want to do this.

And that's why she's here in Austin working at Marbridge for the summer to learn what does a professional life look like working with adults with special needs.

And I'm just sitting here going, we did not drive her in this direction.

We did not tell her that, you know, she went on her own and wanted to go to, to, to Samford and do a business degree.

And, you know, and now she's coming out of this going and she's seeing what we're building with beyond communities.

And she's very interested and wants to be a part.

And it just couldn't throw my heart more, you know, so proud of her.

I was listening to this podcast this morning and it was this very successful older entrepreneur.

And he was talking about the environment that he grew up in and why he thinks the way he was raised has attributed to his success in business.

And he said when he was younger, he'd come home from school with a problem and he'd tell his dad and his dad would say, you'll figure it out.

And for the longest time, he thought his dad was saying this because his dad didn't have any interest or care.

care, even though his dad helped him in all the parts of life with sports and school and all these things.

And he eventually realized that his dad truly did believe in him and had the confidence that he would figure it out.

So he was saying, you're going to figure it out.

Oh, that's so good.

I love that. And then he would go figure it out.

So as I was running this morning, I'm listening in this podcast I'm thinking I want my kids to have that same level of confidence of when they come across something that's hard an obstacle or resistance they don't come to mom and dad saying can you fix this they have the confidence that they can be resourceful and go figure it out on their own yeah we will be there if they need help but it's not the first option it's not the first a solution they're going to go find it and it sounds like your kids have that same i love describing people that have like a dog in them yeah just that dog yeah is ready

to fight different ways you know and and i would say too like there's some things you can take credit as parents for there's some things that your kids have to decide on their own and it really kind of has nothing to do with you in their element right they have their own responsibility what will they do with what's It's been given to them, and you can give them everything.

And I don't mean material things.

I mean the guidance that you're talking about.

And then there's the environment around them that can absolutely make this even more better for them.

And we have been able to be aware of some places for hope, like Shepherds College, like the EDGE program at Union University now, like different jobs or other environments or programs like Special Olympics and many different organizations that our family has been a recipient of the programs they specifically designed for my child that doesn't, quote, fit into the regular sway of life.

And those environments have absolutely enhanced that dog.

And they've also given a hunger for independence for adults with some form of intellectual developmental disability.

And I would say the same.

Part of Holly and I's commitment and devotion to sacrifice, especially in a season of our our world where we, we make whatever like we hunt for, like we, you know, we both work for ourselves and, and we're trying to build this thing and all that to say, placing both girls in private colleges is a big decision for us, especially at a season where our lives and careers have shifted, mine specifically.

And we've done that because we believe in an environment where I'll just say where Addie has been.

That is another piece of it.

And you can't always control that, but seeing their lives and what they are doing with what's been given to them.

And I think it's very important that what you just said when you're raising kids is it's not so much that you don't want them to come ask you for help, but there's been times, and I'll use Addie.

In my conversations with her as she's grown, I've had to pull the reins in and say, hey, you need to let dad help you with this a little bit.

And I think I would rather, it's kind of like having a player on your football team that's always getting a little chippy out there.

Not such a bad problem if they just care about winning and they care about what they want to be there.

It's just hard to push a string, right?

So it's okay. And you'll probably have to pull your kids in a little bit and go, let's ask for some guidance here.

But they'll be like, I can figure this out on my own.

So it's a little bit of that give and take.

One quick story about Addie.

When she was in middle school, we were having some really difficult seasons with her.

And I know she'll listen to this, but we've talked a lot about it.

And her freshman year high school was maybe one of the worst moments for that.

And I don't know where this came from.

I just had this thought.

I'm like, I feel like I need to say something and have some sort of a piece, like some sort of a physical goal in mind.

And I said, over the next four years, my goal is to hand you a baton.

And at the end of that, you're going to be 18.

You're going to be an adult.

Obviously, you're not like out of the house and I'll never help you again.

But basically like these next four years, there's going to be times when I'm not going to want to let you go and I'm going to need to release the baton a little bit more.

And then there's times you're going to want to go further than you really are capable at this age.

And you're going to, you know what I'm saying?

And it's a little bit of this tug of war.

And on her 18th birthday, I had this baton, like this race baton made and engraved with her name.

And I said, you did it in a scripture.

And I put it in a nice case and I presented it to her and just said you you did well and I gave her that she still has that baton today you know and I think that's part of the the whole thing of like our kids are going to want to go too fast and then we're going to want to sometimes hang on and not let them experience pain and that's the idea of like get behind them and then at the right time you let them go and then you just become the fuel to them you know I'm gonna steal that from you yeah do it do it yeah sometimes when I think about Charlie specifically because you know she's three and Nico's

still so young right now when I think about Charlie in situations that she's scared or uncomfortable or getting picked on I get like physically emotional it just makes me feel I don't want and I know they're going to I know my kids are going to get there and they're going to experience hurt and discomfort but you just don't want your kids to ever feel that yeah i was laying in bed the other night with her like putting her down thinking about that i don't even want to like i don't even want to that to ever be a thing how do i protect them forever how do i just keep her next to me and it's such

like a a growing part of of life right now it's where your natural god -given instinct to protect is challenged with attention tension of, I've got to let them figure this out.

That's tough. It's hard. It's tough.

It's hard. I think of moments that my kids went through that and I had to not walk across the street and pick up a six -year -old and throw him against a wall.

A little girl, by the way, who was being mean to across the street.

We were at a coffee shop the other day and that little kid was just getting a a little rough.

I wanted to step in, but then I just held back a little bit.

She needs you to not go to jail, so that's probably a good motivator.

Where's his dad at?

Let's find the dad.

Is this your daughter?

Yeah. Is this your son?

Yeah. So at what point in Hope's life did you realize that there were limited options for an independent way of living post -school?

Yeah. How long ago was that?

Yeah, she graduated high school in 2020.

We had just moved from Columbus, Ohio to Georgia, back to the Atlanta area where we primarily, I would say, raised the girls and then Nashville and Ohio and back.

And it wasn't like we were not aware that this was coming.

You know it is, but you're just trying to survive.

And it was at that moment where I tell people, this is my description.

I felt like we had been walking towards this cliff for a long time, but I could now feel the wind, which means, oh my God, we're close to this cliff.

Cliff meaning when school is done, that is at least in our world, a daily scheduled, structured thing for 18 years or not 18 years, whatever, to do the math, whatever, from five to 18 or whatever.

And then there's usually a couple of years until they're, let's just say 18 or 19 or whenever they graduate high school and there's always some transition academy but at the age of 22 in most states there's a few states that go beyond there's no more of that scheduled programming and you just at least on a surface level go oh my god what are we going to do what's she going to do what i'm going to do you know so that's when it i felt like i felt the wind and my wife and i did and we're like what are we going to do and she went to a transition academy for one year after high school.

She graduated high school and did that.

And then we discovered Shepard's College.

But it was at that moment, and I will never forget it, it was at the end of, so she graduated in 2020.

So it was the end of 2019 that it was like one day it just hit you.

You know when something's coming, but you're going, it's here.

That's when it hit.

And that's when, and I also watched this movie called Peanut Butter Falcon.

If you've not seen that.

Oh God, it's so good.

It's so good. And I remember it was around that time.

And I watched that and the whole storyline behind that is this young -ish adult.

And by the way, young can mean many numbers in the special needs world, especially can be for all of us, but who didn't want to live in a retirement home with grandparents, wanted to go on his own.

So he runs away, way you know and discovers this this guide this pal and it was like through that as as maybe silly as that seems and through experiencing that is when i kind of made this behind the scenes little shake hand deal with god of like we are going to go see what are the options because you know as shameful as you can feel like i don't know what they are you're just trying to survive but but here we are.

And I'll take a year to try to figure that out.

And if we don't see anything or something that's doable for her, then we will commit to create something.

And that's what happened.

So from 2019 to 2020, it was a wild time for all of that.

And in February of 2020 is when I sat down and with my journal, not meaning to, and just started writing.

And some some of the first words were beyond communities.

And it was helping the world see that there is something beyond this after school.

Because these individuals are kind of seen as children.

And then as soon as they reach an adult age at 18, 20, graduate high school, we unintentionally move them to a senior adult category without saying that.

And I don't mean that people mean to do that, but it's kind of like, now let's just care for them for the rest of their life.

And for those Rosa have high care needs.

Great. It's what's necessary.

For those in Hope's ability category in her lane of a disability, she doesn't want to do that.

She wants to go do the things that other young adults want to do.

Maybe she wants to go to college, which we never even dreamed of, but discovered Shepherd's College and then the program she's in now.

So it was around that 2019, felt the wind, 2020, wrote in my journal, started just writing out, well, what would life look like?

Like, what are the things she needs and wants, and what could we create?

Like, what could I actually engineer?

And then my builder mindset kicked in, and we still had no idea what we were doing.

And then I just started traveling and visiting and meeting places.

And in 2020, actually, when I was here to do – this hasn't really, really hit me.

But when I was here to do your workshop, I had a friend that said, you need to go meet the guy at Marbridge, Scott McAvoy, who's now the president and CEO of where Addie is doing her summer internship.

It was that year. I drove from Round Rock down to Marbridge.

And then I went up to BIG, which is Brookwood in Georgetown, another program.

Yeah, we know that family.

You know those guys.

Yeah, BIG. And so that was the year.

It was your workshop that brought me here that allowed me to meet Scott.

So that's just wild.

I just kind of put some of those pieces together.

Did Addie have any interest at that point?

No. I mean, this is what's interesting.

thing. Addie, growing up with hope in the home, she wasn't disinterested.

And we have this amazing little thing, I got to find it somewhere.

I've taken a picture of it.

We have it, where she wrote a school project.

She might've been in third, fourth grade.

And it was like, what do you want to do with your life?

And it was so amazing.

She wrote this, I want to help people with special needs.

But for the most part of her life, and she would tell you this, she's like, I wasn't interested because I didn't need to be interested I lived with it you know it's like there was no need but when hope graduated and then after the transition academy went to college and hope was no longer in the home addie became a best buddy at school she became more interested I think the vacancy of that in her day -to -day world which came along with some great challenges for her and that's I think what formed her to be the person she is it peaked that somewhat interest And then it's like, I'm going to college.

I want to figure out my life and do the thing.

And so, yeah, but growing up, I don't think in middle school, high school years, she would have said, like, I'll be doing this or pursuing it.

That's cool that it's that full circle.

Yeah, it's wild. Now you guys are back here in Austin exploring Addie's next chapter of life.

life yep she's serving as a camp counselor at marbridge to uh adults with special needs it's a week of campers every week a different week from ages 18 to 80 so she will be caring for adults from 18 to 80 as a camp counselor different group every week and she's living here in austin june and july spending her summer doing that so it's amazing the hot months yeah the hot it's already hot.

Good God, man. I mean, is this early for hot?

This is early for hot.

So come July, August, September, you'll be cooking.

Yeah. Yeah. So where are you at right now?

Yeah. I know I've been following, you know, and staying in communication with you for these last two plus years for beyond communities actively right now.

Where are you at with it?

This project? Yeah, we were working on a piece of property and in a campaign for two years to buy a small piece of land, build six townhomes in a mixed -use development.

Our vision has always been go to mixed -use areas because of the accessibility, because of the activity, because of the structure, the safety, and give our residents a place to live and then appropriately support them with more of a coaching model.

model, kind of an advisor or a caseworker for life, and help them assist them in living on their own, getting a job, working, having community just like the rest of us, just having some support.

The idea is an individual with special needs, more intellectual disabilities, some developmental as well, but higher functioning individuals that just can't quite live on their their own and we're trying to fill in the gap so we've been in a project for two years in december that that specific location came off the table and so from january to today we've been pursuing okay well where's the next we're already we were already identifying places around atlanta because our big vision is to take this idea all over the country austin would be an amazing area to do this where parents can potentially

retire or they already live in that area but their young adults can live there for a period of life, say 15, 10, 20 years and have a job, but living in that kind of an environment.

And there's a community near us in Atlanta where we live that I have been having very intentional conversations with, with city officials, with a developer.

This week coming up, I've got some big meetings with some contractor individuals because we've identified an actual building.

And I haven't even said this to our followers publicly, because it's not a real reality, but you and I are sitting here talking about it.

And there's some other options in this same community.

The city is actually doing some new mixed -use developments, and they love what we want to do.

And they've talked about some lease -to -purchase options where they want us to be a percentage of the residents in these new communities, and they love all that.

But there's actually a building.

it's about 38 ,000 square feet, 16 ,000 square feet, two levels, where we would essentially build 20 to 25 one bedroom studio type apartments for residents.

And there would be plenty of room for a common space, a little health area for gym, a kitchen, a couple offices.

But we don't know know what the buildout's going to be.

And so we need to get some real numbers before we tackle that.

But that is where I'm at today.

We've raised probably around total in just the few years we've been trying to raise funds, I would say $750 ,000 to $850 ,000, probably more, but we have very little operating expense right now because we're really not paying salaries.

We do some small, but we're just fundraising.

And when the project location fell apart or we backed out of that deal in December, we put the money we had been raising towards that in a money market.

It's getting 4%, which is great right now.

So we're trying to be smart with what we have. And once we get a number on the build out of this building, which if that works, it's amazing because it's another mixed development right there.

And then up the street is a fully redeveloped, cool little old town downtown with restaurants and working space and a lot of job opportunities.

So the whole idea is they could live there, be accessible to the community, serve there, do the whole thing.

What's the town? Town is called Canton, Georgia.

Oh, yeah. Canton. You know Canton?

I know of Canton. Yeah.

I live in Woodstock, which is literally down the street, but Canton's right there so I was in this amazing part of Georgia Alpharetta oh yeah oh yeah Alpharetta Alpharetta beautiful yeah wow Alpharetta is the Alpharetta is the the suburb around Atlanta that is and and Milton where we were love that area too like it's very very very nice very developing developing, it's another identified community that we'd love to do something with.

What I love about Canton right now is Canton is a little older town, smaller town, currently in the developing process.

So as far as investment and even, you know, I wouldn't say pennies on the dollar, but it's a great opportunity for us to jump in on the the development of it, both for Beyond Community's financial picture, because I don't want to bite off more than we can chew, so to speak, as part of why we backed out of the other project.

But that community also, they want us there.

So that's what we're pursuing.

I'm working very hard to get something real, and now we have something visible to go back to our donors and our followers, and then we'll create another campaign, depending on if it's that building or one of the other their projects and we would love as soon as possible to build this create this outfit this have a beyond communities that's our prototype our flagship if you will and then we want to take that model and go all over well you know I'm more than happy to support in any way I know you are and I appreciate it you always have been it's uh it's near and dear to my heart you know my mom

mom grew up being a teacher in special education.

She taught life skills.

She was then the supervisor of special education in the school district.

My mom and dad coached Special Olympics.

My dad still does coach Special Olympics.

So it's always been a part of our life.

And as you start going after this next chapter of growth and fundraising, we want to be involved.

Awesome. We want to support and help.

I will keep you in the journey.

And I always have because you've always opened that door and I appreciate it and know you mean that.

So thank you. I appreciate it, Pete.

Yeah, thank you. Well, another great conversation.

Yep, in the books. Like I had mentioned in the beginning, I look up to you in many different ways of my life from being a father, being a husband, committed, being present.

being a noticer, as you say, but then also just as I continue to build my relationship with God and lean into my faith and ensure that as I pursue all of these accomplishments and ambitions that I don't forget or neglect that very important part and piece of my life.

And just watching you build and what you've done and I'm excited to meet Addie tonight and spend time with you and Holly.

allie so i appreciate you for everything you do thank you i appreciate that grateful for you until next time yes to the stock sticky toffee date pudding tonight you better we'll have you'll have a report on this for the next podcast of how that goes i can't wait it's gonna be great i'm excited i'm ready all right thanks pete thank you you.

[The Art of Living with Purpose: Balancing Ambition, Family, and Stewardship]-[125: Finding Purpose in Every Chapter of Life with Pete Hixson]

📋 Summary

Introduction: The Evolution of a Mentor

The Power of Being a "Noticer"

Halftime: Shifting from Success to Significance

The Stewardship of One Life

Navigating the Fourth Quarter

Beyond Communities: A Mission-Driven Future

Conclusion

🎯Key Sentences

📝Key Phrases

📖 Transcript

[The Art of Living with Purpose: Balancing Ambition, Family, and Stewardship]-[125: Finding Purpose in Every Chapter of Life with Pete Hixson]

📋 Summary

Introduction: The Evolution of a Mentor

The Power of Being a "Noticer"

Halftime: Shifting from Success to Significance

The Stewardship of One Life

Navigating the Fourth Quarter

Beyond Communities: A Mission-Driven Future

Conclusion

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🎯Key Sentences

📝Key Phrases

📖 Transcript

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