Hello everybody and welcome back to the psychology of your 20s, the podcast where we talk through some of the big life changes and transitions of our 20s and what they mean for our psychology.
Hello everybody, welcome back to the show, welcome back to the podcast, new listeners, old listeners, wherever you are in the world.
It is great to have you here back for another episode.
Today I also want to formally welcome you to this week's little mini series where I'm going to be focusing on how to create your dream life in your 20s.
So my kind of idea behind this segment, why I thought that it was important to talk about today, perhaps something that I hadn't spoken about before, is that there is so much evidence, advice, psychology, even my personal observations that don't always make it into one episode altogether.
I feel like I have a lot of different episodes for unique conundrums and unique experiences.
But what I really wanted to do was combine that all into two episodes where we look at all the different dimensions of our 20s that I think we experience, the greatest sense of worry and confusion, things like our careers, our finances, love, friendships, the future and our personal growth, and really
provide a bit of a blueprint or a guide for what is the best practice, what is the best thing to do during this decade around these different ideas and experiences that is not only going to allow us to really enjoy the freedom of this time, but also set us up for the future.
I think this decade is so incredibly romanticized and the stakes feel so high to kind of get everything right and to set ourselves up for success whilst also not really missing out on some of those crucial fun carefree times.
And I think we all deserved a bit of a holistic bird's eye view of exactly what kind of balance to strike and also some reassurance that you are not behind, there is no need to rush, there is still time, and also what the future may have in store.
How to approach that daunting, sometimes overwhelming confusion with excitement rather than fear.
So this is part one of the Creating Your Dream Life mini series where we are going to cover tips and theories around achieving fulfillment, direction and growth in our careers and in our financial lives.
And part two, we're going to cover relationships, friendships, love, as well as our physical and our emotional and crucially our spiritual well -being.
So this episode I really want to get into and decode all of the kind of mysteries and confusions around making career and financial choices in your 20s that feel right and feel satisfying, but also allow us to really build this really wonderful future that we want without having the regret and the fear
of the what -ifs. A question I get all the time in that I think in fact I ask myself a lot is how do I know that the decisions I'm making right now and not the same decisions that I'm going to regret in five or ten years?
Because this is our first decade of adulthood, we often don't have the hindsight to comprehend just how much our lives can and will change in the next five to ten years and they may pan out in ways that we don't expect.
So because we are all very new to this decade and new to this experience, we feel very boxed in by I would say a series of choices that have been socially imposed on us, particularly three or four options in particular.
Do you work? Do you travel?
Do you pursue further education?
Or do you settle down?
You know, I think that what comes from that is this series of what -if questions.
The series of kind of pick me or make a choice situation.
So do I go to uni and pursue professional success of being you know a lawyer, a doctor, an architect?
Or do I go traveling?
Do I spend the next 10 years climbing the corporate ladder?
Or do I pursue my passions and my pipe dreams?
Sometimes it feels like every choice we make closes more doors than it opens.
If I'm this type of person, the type that is eager for financial independence and professional success, then I have to say goodbye to this other potential version of myself, that really free -spirited traveler with endless time but also very little money.
And I wish that I could be every possible version of myself.
I wish that I didn't have to choose.
It's something that I hear constantly.
And I guess the question that comes from that is why can't we kind of have it all?
Why can't we be it all?
I think a big misconception we face during this decade is that the choices we are making now will be our final answer.
Part of that is this major contradiction inherent in our 20s that can make things so confusing but also wonderful.
You know in one year we are told that this is the decade of opportunity where we are kind of given a few years of free passes to really take our time and explore.
And then in the other year is this little voice telling us that we are falling behind, that we should have figured it out by now, that this is where our life foundation is established.
I talk about this concept quite a bit on the show but I think our 20s are a continuous example of what we call the paradox of choice.
So the paradox of choice is this theory that suggests when we have an abundance of options, actually what that requires is more effort and when we have more options we feel less satisfied with our choices compared to when we have fewer.
And when we think about the landscape of our 20s something that we are is very much spoiled for choice and we might think that that is more liberating, we might think that that gives us more freedom, but what a lot of these psychologists are saying is really that choice actually paralyzes us because we
don't know how to weigh up all of the pros and cons, the costs and benefits of these decisions.
So we are a generation facing the curse of too much choice and maybe that is what's contributing to heightened levels of anxiety around not making the most of our formative years or worse yet I think there's fear of making a choice and it being the wrong one.
Something we really need to acknowledge before we start this episode is that this decade is not always going to be glamorous and romantic.
I think we constantly think that we should be further along, that we should have this career of our dreams or even an idea of what that dream should be by a certain age, but when you talk to more and more people about this you kind of realize that everyone is just as confused as the next and we learn
a lot of what we think our lives should be like from very unrealistic I would say narrow hues, from very highly idealized depictions of what this decade should be, from movies, from cinema and unfortunately a lot of them are false.
So there's two things that I've come to realize.
Number one we need to throw out any kind of thinking or prediction of what you think your life should look like.
The vision you have for your future right now is going to change a million times and where you think you'll end up is probably not going to be where you actually end up.
I would say the chances are highly unlikely.
You know I finished high school thinking I was going to work in politics, then I graduated uni and I was a management consultant and now three years later you know I make a psychology podcast full -time.
That wasn't what I had in mind, that was a completely different idea to what I had even 12 months ago.
But I think it's even better because I let life surprise me and I didn't tie myself down to a particular idea of who I needed to be.
I let myself change, I let myself make mistakes because I think that's firmly what I think this decade is for.
That is my underlying philosophy throughout this whole idea of creating your dream life.
Allow yourself to make mistakes, allow yourself to accept change.
I think secondly no decision or experience is ever a waste of your time and you also have the agency to change your reality at any point.
It's really never too late to make a life -altering decision.
You can be 50 and decide to go back to school.
You can be 35 and quit your job.
You can be you can be 80 before you really you know find your passion.
You start your first book.
You meet the love of your life.
You're not a passive actor or a sidekick in your own life.
That's something we really need to remember.
You are the main character.
So what's kind of stopping you from trying on different versions of yourself and seeing which one fits.
You know what's stopping you from deciding that one day you know the corporate life isn't for you.
You're quitting your job or maybe you're doing the reverse.
You can give a million reasons why you cannot do that but I think when your happiness is the number one priority especially during this decade where I think we're allowed to be a lot more selfish than other decades.
When you're kind of on this journey of creating your dream life happiness is really the core factor in your decision making.
So in this episode part one of this episode we are going to break down my 10 key tips to getting the most out of your career, your finances and your time in your 20s to create your dream life.
Set yourself up for success but also really enjoy this sacred period of your life.
So without further ado let's get into it.
You know I love having a cheeky drink with friends post work or a beer with dinner but this year I have committed to completing dry January to start the new year off fresh and to really kind of kickstart the lifestyle I want to have for the next 12 months.
Heineken 00 is the perfect companion for this journey because it has 0 .0 % alcohol so I can still socialize, enjoy myself, get out there, without feeling like I'm missing out plus it genuinely actually tastes very very delicious.
My fridge is now stocked with Heineken 00 and friends of mine will even join me for an evening or for an afternoon going alcohol free.
If you are also taking part in dry January this year or just looking for your new favorite drink Heineken 00 is it.
Heineken 00 is available at your local Heineken retailer or for delivery at Heineken .com you must be 21 plus to purchase, enjoy Heineken responsibly and good luck with dry January.
The big dilemma I think that we need to overcome first and foremost when we're working towards this idea of creating our dream life is actually understanding what that looks like.
Now that's a highly individual question depending on factors like our values, family expectations, culture, even the books and movies that we've been exposed to that conceptualization is going to look really different for everyone.
For some people our 20s are about complete freedom and minimal responsibility and for others they're focused on settling down or pursuing love or your soul mate.
In fact I really think that on this whole planet you could never find two people who are perfectly aligned on what they want from this decade because there isn't one correct answer.
I think where we get in trouble is when we compare our idea of happiness and success as well to someone else's and we really begin to doubt whether our aspirations are actually good enough or whether someone else has it more figured out than us.
That right there I think is a one -way ticket to very deep emotional, spiritual, mental dissatisfaction because someone else's ambition and motivation for pursuing a certain path is not going to be aligned with yours and I think focusing on someone else's plan, focusing on someone else's idea of fulfillment,
someone else's success just really detracts from your own enjoyment of your life because you're constantly holding up a mirror to someone else's.
As the saying goes you know energy flows where attention goes and if there's one thing that you need to create your dream life during this decade it is to direct all of your energy into what is going to make you happy both in the moment and in the future.
So our first exercise is to determine what kind of decade you want your 20s to be, noting that this can and I think definitely will change and you should really be testing this idea regularly but at every stage when you find yourself perhaps at a crossroads or feeling really stuck which we know is a super
common experience what you need to ask yourself is a.
what makes you happy b.
what makes you fulfilled because those are different things and see what conditions are necessary to fulfill those two factors.
I say that third factor of what conditions are necessary as the last one because I think that this should enable those first two factors it's also something that is most flexible and it shouldn't be a condition or a factor that limits what you're looking for in your life.
When we start making a plan for the future especially during this decade I think we often set out to make a bit of a checklist one that feels very constrictive and linear you know do x to achieve y pass go collect certain experiences achieve certain milestones and happiness is kind of guaranteed and when we
put ourselves into a category where we feel like we need to meet certain conditions to do something we also feel that we can't do everything and that we're closing ourselves off to other possibilities which actually creates a lot of paralysis because if we are feeling like we're forced to make a decision if we're
feeling like we have to give up opportunities in order to pursue something in particular that's going to really decrease our motivation and our sense of satisfaction with that when you're with that choice and I think what's more accurate is that you can't do everything at once but you can do everything
10 years is a really really long time and I think to put that into perspective think about everything that has happened to you since you were 10 or since you were 12 or 15 or how many different chapters you've lived through since that age you were 10 years ago how much your ideas about the future changed
in that time I think in order to confront a lot of that anxiety about wasting our formative years we need to look at our 20s as a series of seasons so 20 to 22 is season one maybe we focus on uni we focus on figuring things out 23 to 25 season two we focus on giving our passions our all you know really
focusing on something that is perhaps not conventional or accepted but something that makes us happy 26 to 28 we can travel if we want that's another option 29 to 30 to 31 we can really focus on some level of professional or career development and viewing it as a series of chapters rather than just
one clump of 10 years where you have to do everything possible I think that makes us feel like we can fit it all in instead of creating a timeline or a checklist a very constrictive way of looking at your life I want us to utilize the ideas around visualization to create a more realistic depiction of what our
future might look like but also one that can be flexible instead of thinking this is what I want to achieve by 25 or 28 or 30 whatever age you have in mind I want you to instead imagine a random day one year from now and picture the following things where are you living and in detail what does your
space look like where did you wake up this morning what's your morning routine maybe you went and saw some friends for lunch who are they who are these friends what do they do how are you spending your afternoon are you working in a cafe are you working at you know the job you've always wanted or taking
a train somewhere amazing who you were texting who are you talking to who were you fantasizing about what are the plans that you're working towards what are you eating for dinner and then project that same visualization again for the version of you in five years think about in that moment what is making
you happy what is your routine looking like what does the world around you look like and what small things from that do you need to change to make that feeling a reality the thing is I think deep down we already know what kind of future we want or at least we know at least one version of that the only
doubt I think we have intrinsically is our fear that we may not achieve it but then when we picture our future and ourselves in it when we use that very powerful tool of visualization that's not only a really powerful motivator but it's also incredibly affirming and it makes us look for a practical
pathway to achieving a certain feeling rather than a quantifiable set of milestones now that we have that dream in mind I really want to discuss how we can form our life around that dream or around the feeling that we're looking to achieve so this is where I really want to discuss my firstly five key
tips for pushing yourself forward and making the most out of your career decisions during this decade I think the secret to creating your dream life in your 20s is a combination of both future planning and risk taking striking that balance so firstly depending on what season you're in whether you have a plan or not you
really need to try as many new things as you can even when they feel scary there's this beautiful quote that I reflect on a lot the unlived life is not worth examining I think too many of us believe that our 20s are for thinking about what we want to do and imagining our future but actually not doing
much doing that's not true I think our 20s are for collecting the experiences and the stories that will be the bedrock for our future rather than kind of falling into what we call the cycle of inaction regret so inaction regret we've spoken about this before but researchers have shown that doing something
even if it's the wrong thing taking risks even if they don't work out is much less likely to leave you with regret than doing nothing at all I think additionally our 20s are when we are most receptive to new experiences and new interests whilst our you know our brains are still developing so it really
is the best time to expose ourselves to novelty and newness and things that might challenge our thinking rather than feeling like we're stuck as the same version as we were when we were 18 or 19 years old the thing is you haven't really been an adult for all too long so it's unlikely that you really
know what you like what makes you happy you really haven't had that exposure to what's out there and sadly I think you you can't really figure out what is going to leave you feeling fulfilled unless you give things a really solid go and like I said before let life truly surprise you I had this friend
who spent like her whole life thinking that she was going to be a doctor she had five months left of medical school and someone got her a random pottery course for her birthday and within two weeks she'd quit medical school and was focusing on being an artist full time and I know that sounds really
drastic but this is the time for you to do that because you can't really hurt anyone by deciding to make yourself happier in those moments and by deciding to pursue something that might be different if you are in a moment of stagnation you've been doing the same thing for some time it's time to switch
it up because I think you don't want to blink and realize that the things you did at 22 are the same stories you're telling at 28 because you haven't given yourself the space to be uncomfortable and make new experiences this really leads me to tip two take as many risks as possible even if they're not conventional
because you have no idea how they might pay off one thing in particular I think everyone should be doing in their 20s is to move to a new city pushing yourself into a new environment is such a catalyst for self growth and self -awareness let this be your motivation if you have been thinking about it
learning to live on your own support yourself and create new connections beyond what you're in for me that has been such a profound contributor to my identity a huge hallmark of my 20s and I think my sense of independence my confidence even you know my overall enjoyment in life has just blossomed expanded
grown a hundred times I can't even fathom how many things I would have missed out on if I hadn't left home at 17 and then again moved to Sydney at 22 it really scares me to think about that all these beautiful experiences that I was rewarded with for taking that risk even when it felt scary I just can't
imagine how empty I would feel if I hadn't done that and how haunted I would be by the possibility I always say this but I think the easiest thing you can do is what is most convenient and sadly I think that's normally the path most people take one of comfort and convenience where we really have you
know we never give ourselves a reason to challenge whether our lives could be better because we are too scared that we might make them worse there's two things I want to say about that firstly there is really only so much screwing up that you can do in your 20s and there are only a very select few amount
of decisions that are going to ruin your life everything is temporary firstly but also everything can be reversed except for the decisions that you didn't make I'm going to say that one more time everything can be reversed except for the decisions that you didn't make and I'm not asking you to do something
fraudulent or dangerous but just to do things you are scared to do because I think living with that existential potential and question of the what if is going to be a lot more emotionally painful in the long term than that experience of momentary fear secondly there's this idea in psychology around
the distinction between bounded and unbounded risk that just kind of furthers the argument that you can take chances and still pursue those same goals and still feel secure bounded risks are risks that have limited downside but unbounded unlimited upside so these kinds of risks they might cost you upfront
they might involve an investment in time or money or resources but there is no ceiling there is no limit to the potential upsides and reward so starting a podcast for example a side hustle a youtube channel choosing to go back to uni for something you're passionate about those are all examples of bounded
risks you invest some time in you know content creation or study some money in equipment or a membership but it's not going to cost you your life your friendships your career your financial security it's just going to enhance the features that are already there and you know if it doesn't take off if your
podcast isn't successful you have a bounded loss you can't lose more than what you invested in you know but if it goes viral or you find a highly engaged audience or you discover this really niche passion and a demand for your skills there is no limit to how far that can go i'm going to give you the example
i know best which is in terms of this show and this podcast that you're listening to right now when i started it yeah there was you know potential to be embarrassed but really the worst that could have happened was that no one listened and guess what if i hadn't started the podcast no one would be listening
anyways but theoretically when you choose something like a bounded risk like starting a youtube channel or a podcast or a tiktok something like that theoretically you can reach anyone with an internet connection there is limited cost and then also unlimited payoff you know this is my job now that's
so crazy to me this is my calling and the why is so clear to me but if i'd been too scared or uncomfortable to take that risk none of that would have happened so maybe i'm a success story maybe i'm not but you really have no idea what the world will reward you with when you decide to do things that most
people feel too afraid to do and you know it's your 20s at the end of the day mistakes just make for excellent stories and some people may see a downside in that but i think good stories just make you a more fascinating multi -dimensional human so why not do it and one of the best risks i think you can take
and also my third tip is to quit the job you hate i've spoken about this before and to be really want to lay out my evidence and reasoning for this if anyone out there needs convincing this is not the decade for you to stay anywhere do anything you don't love out of an obligation you have years of that years
to do that years to put yourself through the responsibility of needing to keep a job i don't think now is that time when we're talking about creating our dream life if you are someone who is working full time one third of that life you are creating will be at work when we look at our life in its totality
that is 30 of our time 90 000 hours 90 000 hours of your life i can't even begin to contemplate how large that number is imagine being in the biggest stadium you've ever been in and imagine talking to every single person in that stadium for an hour row by row section by section seat by seat that would take
an incredibly long time and that is the time that you're investing into a job that you might not love that you might not like that leaves you overworked miserable bored unfulfilled and so can you really give yourself a reason other than money and stability why you should stay and when you create a hierarchy
of what's important does money really sit above your well -being or your happiness and your joy in life i'm guessing probably not and it goes back to that first item you need to try as many new things as you can because there could be a job out there for you that you absolutely adore that you you know
leaves you feeling so happy and fulfilled and meaningful so why don't you deserve to be there this is really your only life and work is a part of that it's a part of that reality so in 10 20 years are you going to be proud of yourself if you stayed somewhere you weren't happy just because it was easier
than the effort it would take to do something that you loved more quit the job trust me i did it you have time to be a corporate drone you have time to sell your soul to a boss but i don't think that your 20s are that time that advice might sound quite militant and intense maybe a bit Marxist which i
get i understand but i also want to say if you love your job that is absolutely something that you should hold on to you are very lucky and i think that that is a real blessing congratulations but this advice is for if you have any doubts that your current career is not bringing you fulfillment i do
think that that lack of fulfillment that dissatisfaction is only solidified over time so to give you that edge this really relates to my next tip and to be able to transfer to new jobs new beginnings but also to give you the freedom to transition perhaps between work and time exploring and trying other
things my fourth tip is to develop a specific skill something that is very unique as almost an insurance for your future so things like audio editing things like being a nurse things like copywriting some kind of coding a unique skill a unique thing that you can put on your resume that is evergreen
that is always going to have some kind of commodification so why is this valuable and why is it on this list i think this is valuable because it gives you the security to be able to make decisions from a place of longing and from your heart rather than practicality knowing that you have something to
fall back onto whilst also expanding the avenues and dimensions of your life beyond your career whatever you choose to do that is totally up to you but i also think that i cannot secure and give advice about creating a beautiful future if we're not also thinking about what that foundation might look
like and some of the practicalities and you know contextual factors around needing money to live and needing money to explore and needing money to take time off work so i think that made five but i'm gonna give one extra and that is to start writing down your goals and setting up five achievable goals
per year so one professional goal one personal goal one financial goal one health goal and finally what i call a soulful goal so that is a goal that feeds you mentally psychologically emotionally that may not look like something we would set as a goal from the outside it might not look important to
others but it's important for ourselves and for keeping in touch with our authenticity and our sense of wonder adulthood if we take it too seriously sometimes can suck a lot of the fun out of our 20s you know remember what it was like when you played like a bunch of instruments and you played sport
with your friends and you were like building a sticker collection or you were like making little songs on your keyboard that is still important in our 20s so i think focusing on something that elevates the small pleasures and keeps you centered on enjoying life is really important you know maybe pursuing
a sport or a yoga course or making time to make art asking yourself like i want to make a couple of art pieces a year and i'm not going to give them to anyone i'm just going to keep them to myself i want to make sure that i plan at least one beach trip or i do a girls trip or a trip on my own something
that is going to feed your soul that you prioritize in your life that is an important part of the goals that you're setting for the future i think those five goals those five categories give your life a sense of structure so that you're not kind of sucked into a peter pan complex wanting to be aimless
and young forever but it also keeps the balance balance being the key word of this episode between focus and freedom importantly we also have to recognize that these goals they may and most likely will change and also you don't need to achieve them in the next two days or the next two weeks one of the biggest
mistakes i think we make in our 20s is feeling like everything is on an accelerated timeline such that the time between an idea and its realization needs to be as quick as possible maturing is really coming to terms with the fact that good things take time and adjustment and plans made in silence with consistency
and slow steady action are a lot more structurally sound than kind of these fleeting desires that we throw everything into and i'm not saying don't do those things but i think have some idea in mind of where you might want to be in 10 years i really get that tendency to rush and feel pressure to be
successful and exceptional at a young age especially with so much societal pressure and the idealization of the wonderkin the young success story but really slow down and take this moment for what it is you're never going to get this time back that's something i hear time and time again from mentors
or people who are older than me plans will take time you don't need to rush and get them done right now you are completely okay to have your small micro goals that give you a sense of motivation and give you a sense of that visualization tactic we were talking about before you know if your goal is to
do something huge how can you prepare for that over time in a way that is sustainable focusing on the little steps you take and tying them back to the big but also giving yourself freedom around that to go on trips to do things that really spark joy and feel exciting and feel like the experiences we
should be having in our 20s i think we've had enough career advice and conversations on careers so far in this episode so what i want to move on to talking about next is finances and money not something we talk about on the show a lot but really important nonetheless something extremely valuable to
discuss when we are contemplating this idea of our dream life and how to set ourselves up for success in our 20s so all of that and more after this short break you know i love having a cheeky drink with friends post -work or a beer with dinner but this year i have committed to completing dry january
to start the new year off fresh and to really kind of kick start the lifestyle i want to have for the next 12 months heineken 00 is the perfect companion for this journey because it has 0 .0 % alcohol so i can still socialize enjoy myself get out there without feeling like i'm missing out plus it genuinely
actually tastes very very delicious my fridge is now stocked with heineken 00 and friends of mine will even join me for an evening or for an afternoon going alcohol free if you are also taking part in dry january this year or just looking for your new favorite drink heineken 00 is it heineken 00 is available
at your local heineken retailer or for delivery at heineken .com you must be 21 plus to purchase enjoy heineken responsibly and good luck with dry january money in our 20s is something that we do not discuss a lot i think because our positions on kind of the wealth scale between our friends our colleagues
and then people like our parents is so nuanced and diverse that it feels awkward to speak on you know we have friends who are still at uni some of them are working we don't really want to put it out there that we you know might have less money than they might have more there's also this level of discomfort
and shame and taboo around money which i actually think is not doing us any favors it's not empowering us to make informed decisions like how do i spend my money in my 20s is everyone saving money does everyone have money for a house or is everyone as frivolous as me is everyone prioritizing experiences
it's really hard to know because i think not only do people not talk about it in our personal lives but there are very very few discussions about it in things like our education system or even online in the media so let's crack that open today let's really examine maybe how you should be spending your
money in your 20s i'm gonna make a really big caveat here you should be spending your money how you want to spend it i think financial responsibility and literacy is something that we all claim in our own time and i also think this is just my opinion and my advice for how i choose to spend my money
and how i'm trying to set myself up for a success i also think this is a psychology podcast and we cannot discuss our opinions and perspectives and feelings towards money without thinking about where that came from i think whilst we should save when and where we can when possible we also need to reframe
money as a resource and a tool rather than as a source of joy but some of us have had different childhood perspectives on that and different influential experiences around money that have influenced how we treat it in our 20s for example you know if you never really had much money is really synonymous
to you with security so you might hang on to it and feel a lot worse or a lot more negative around spending money on things that might bring you joy or you might go the opposite way if you've never had much money you might now not really know how to manage this as a resource and use it to pursue luxury
and to give you the things that you never had i also think there are a lot of experiences particularly when we're younger and how money is treated by our parents and by people around us that can cause us to conflate income with self -worth and with just worth in general so i think the first thing we
really need to do is descend to money from our life when we speak about some of those earlier points around taking risk and quitting your job money is going to be a powerful factor but it's also a resource so i think my biggest tip here is to in your 20s spend money on experiences rather than things
you have time to save you have time to buy a house you have time to make those financial investments that you want to make and i think a lot of the media and especially around tiktok and and even reddit and things like that a lot of what we consume from those platforms is really focused on building
wealth and really focused on what investments you should be making and i think that if it is that easy as a lot of these people claim for it to be if you can start small you can start small a little bit later and i really think that you can save in small ways that don't require you to make drastic life
adjustments in a period of your life where you should have a little bit more freedom to enjoy the things around you so spending money on experiences rather than things i think is a good way to accomplish this one big thing i think about a lot is that material items are not the things that you are going
to remember in 50 years you know the new adidas shoes trending clothing items fancy bags yeah it might make you really happy right now and that's a beautiful thing and you should be able to treat yourself when you can but i don't think it's worth more than the memories or experiences that you might be
potentially giving up so if there's a choice between that between a nice item and doing something that is going to let you see the world differently or laugh with your friends or just be present something that is good for your soul and experience i really think that that is what we should prioritize
you know i think you don't need trendy or or designer items to bring you joy in your 20s i think those things are just nice benefits or nice additions to a more rich and fulfilling life and i used to really use the justification that you know if i bought this thing i would give it to my kids one day
and really that just caused clutter um you know it made me happy for a couple of days it gave me that short dopamine hit and then the buyer's remorse would set in and suddenly i really wished that i had more money to do things that i knew would last me a lifetime like take trips with my friends do the spontaneous
dinners go and have experiences i also think that not all money needs to be spent something that my parents always said was that you should have dedicated money for fun but you should never spend more than 80 percent of your earnings and you should always have some level of savings so i think we get
really overwhelmed when we talk about savings or investing or putting money aside because it feels like it's going to really cost us our lifestyle but if you just put $25 a week into a high interest savings account bare minimum that really begins to grow and it begins to become really really fruitful
without feeling like it's impeding on some of those that some of those assets and money as a resource that can provide you with the experiences that you really want to be having secondly we're going to return to this idea of social comparison because i think it's a really big psychological factor in how
we approach money in our 20s do not buy property or spend money on rent for a fancy apartment or use money to impress people during this decade or do not spend money on things just because other people are doing it i think that we really conflate money with a lot of personal things about ourselves i
think that our society and our culture and our really idolization of wealth has made that so it's really hard to escape but looking at how someone else is spending and feeling like you need to do that is a very easy way to find yourself trapped in a way of spending that perhaps doesn't actually suit
your lifestyle and that broader visualization of where you want to be using money as a tool for comparison is is is such a danger because we start to see it as the most important thing about ourselves and we start to think that if we live a certain lifestyle people will think a certain way about us
if we can say that we're doing things like buying a house or staying in a really expensive neighborhood that somehow that's going to make us happier i think our time for those things and our time for those luxuries and big investments will come our early 20s in particular are perhaps not the time to
be doing that part of being an adult is worrying about money financial stress is one of the biggest exogenous meaning outside external factors contributing to things like anxiety and depression particularly amongst people over the age of 25 or 30 and when we think about some of potentially you know
an oncoming recession or a real sense of financial uncertainty that can further exacerbate our relationship to money as something that is finite i think that what that causes the bleed on effects or consequences of that is partaking in a voluntary blindness or ignorance around our finances money can create
a lot of stress and fear and i think what that can cause us to do is to not examine how we're spending why we're spending when we're spending and in response to what and i think ignorance is definitely bliss but ignorance is also limiting you want to be able to do the things you want to do and that requires
some pre -thought but also some knowledge i really went through a time where i would not even look at my bank balance and then when i finally sat down and was like okay what am i spending most of my money on here it was things that actually didn't bring me that much joy they just brought me convenience
a lot of takeaway a lot of uber eats and yeah there's a time and a place for that but deciding to be knowledgeable about my relationship with money and where i was spending and where i could save was really really valuable for giving me that bit of a safety net to be able to do the things i loved whilst
also not sacrificing a lifestyle that i liked one in which i could go and have dinners with friends i could go and see movies but it also wasn't going to be exorbitant and it wasn't going to completely consume all the money that i had put aside for that week or for that month you know money is a resource
it is not your entire life and i also don't think that money is a reason to pursue a certain career or to make a decision in our 20s unless that is a decision that you are willing to make you know it's about choosing your heart you know being broke and being you know really struggling with money and maybe
not being able to do certain things because you're prioritizing travel or further education or following your passion that is hard but it's also hard slaving away at a job you might not love to be able to afford your first house at 22 23 it's about choosing your heart what are what of these choices
and of the all those other abundant choices that we could make is actually most aligned with that vision that i that i really wanted you to set out at the start that vision of what happiness looks like for you in a year or five years really think about where does money sit in that picture is money an important
factor all right so i think we're done with part one for now covering our bases around career anxiety career risk career certainty and then also some of the financial responsibilities and financial motivators that we might encounter in this decade i found this really valuable really important actually
to reaffirm how i was approaching my 20s i think i've been feeling a little bit stuck at the moment and a little bit all over the place as to what the future holds and what kind of life i want to create and whether i'm doing the right things for that future but i think having that sense of yes i should be
taking a risk yes i should be following something like my passion no that is not the end of the line for me no i'm not locked into a future just because i made a choice at 23 24 that's a really important thing that i think this episode allowed me to reinforce within myself so i really hope that you
enjoyed it and that you come back for part two where we're going to be talking about how to create your dream life particularly around relationships love friendships and then of course personal growth i think that the love factor in particular is one that we have so many questions about in our 20s and i'm
not going to pretend i have all of the answers but some of the research and studies that i looked into was really eye -opening for me to be like am i approaching this very foundational emotional experience and connection in a healthy and sustainable way that aligns with living the life i want to live
so we are going to return to that in part two as always if you enjoyed this episode please feel free to leave a five star review on apple podcast spotify wherever you are listening right now share it with a friend if you feel called to do so and if you have an episode suggestion follow us at that psychology
podcast i love hearing from you i love hearing what's going on with your with your lives what kind of experiences you want me to talk about so i appreciate all the love support and feedback that you give me over there and i will be back with part two of creating your dream life in your 20s so this year
i've been really rethinking my relationship with alcohol and so i decided to commit to dry january to really kick start 2025 and just test myself heineken 00 is the perfect companion for dry january because you feel like you're still participating when you're out for dinner with friends out for drinks
whilst you're still meeting your lifestyle goals i'm a big beer fan so i also love the taste of heineken 00 plus being alcohol free you can enjoy whenever refreshment calls heineken 00 is available at your local heineken retailer or for delivery at heineken .com you must be 21 plus to purchase enjoy
heineken responsibly and good luck with dry january
