Welcome to English as a Second Language podcast number 1138, Dating Nice Guys and Bad Boys.
This is English as a Second Language podcast episode 1138.
I'm your host, Dr. Jeff McQuillan.
Coming to you from the Center for Educational Development.
Oh yeah.
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This episode is a dialogue between Jack and Allison about dating nice guys and bad boys.
Let's get started.
I've had it.
I'm going to start treating women like dirt.
I get more dates.
What brought this on?
I got dumped again by a woman who thinks I'm too nice.
Too nice!
She says she wants to be with someone who's more assertive and unpredictable.
She didn't say it in so many words.
But that means she thinks I'm a wimp and I'm boring.
My guess is she wants a bad boy.
A lot of women go through that phase.
We want excitement and drama.
The thrill of the chase.
You mean they choose to be with selfish, irresponsible jerks because it's exciting?
I hate to say it, but it's true.
But I'm telling you, this phase doesn't last in most women.
When we want to settle down, that's when we look for the nice guys.
You mean I have to wait until then to get a nice girlfriend?
No, I simply mean that until then, nice guys finish last.
Well, I'm not willing to wait.
Where are you going?
I'm going to work on my swagger and my sneer.
Jack says to Allison, I've had it.
When someone says I've had it, he means he no longer wants to continue in this situation.
He is frustrated or tired of something and will no longer continue doing what he has been doing.
Jack says, I've had it.
I'm going to start treating women like dirt.
I'd get more dates.
To treat T-R-E-A-T women like dirt D-I-R-T means to treat them very poorly and rudely, with very little respect.
It's an odd thing to say.
How would treating women badly get you more women interested in you?
Jack will explain in a minute.
Allison asks him, what brought this on?
The question what brought this on is used when you are surprised by what another person has said or done and you want to understand what caused him or her to do what he or she did.
What brought this on is usually used when someone does something or says something that surprises us, something for which we don't understand the reason.
Jack says I got dumped again by a woman who thinks I'm too nice.
To get dumped D-U-M-P-E-D is to be told by your boyfriend or girlfriend that the relationship you have is now over.
To get dumped means the other person says, you know what, I don't want to go out with you anymore.
I don't want to be in a romantic relationship with you anymore.
Jack says he got dumped again by a woman who thinks he's too nice.
The woman, according to Jack, says that she wants to be with someone who's more assertive and unpredictable.
Assertive, A-S-S-E-R-T-I-V-E is used to describe someone who has a lot of confidence, someone who isn't shy, someone who does what he wants and gets what he wants. unpredictable is the opposite of predictable, P-R-E-D-I-C-T-A-B-L-E.
To be predictable means to do things that someone expects you to do.
To be unpredictable means to do things that other people don't think you will do or don't expect you to do.
Jack says this woman who just dumped him wants to be with someone who's more assertive and unpredictable.
Well, actually, we find out the woman didn't actually say that.
Jack says she didn't say it in so many words.
The expression in so many words is is used to mean in those exact words, in that exact way.
So if you tell your boss, well, John isn't coming in today.
He says that he went out drinking last night and now he feels sick.
Your boss may ask you, what?
Is that what he said?
And you say well, not in so many words, meaning he didn't actually say that, but that's what you think he meant.
You're not a very nice friend to John, are you, if you say that to your boss?
But back to our story.
Jack says that this now ex-girlfriend of his didn't say exactly that she wants someone who's more assertive and unpredictable, but that means she thinks I'm a wimp and I'm boring.
Jack is saying that the fact that this woman said that he was too nice means that she thinks Jack is a wimp and that he is boring.
A wimp, W-I-M-P, is a person who is scared, who is not strong, who perhaps is a coward.
Jack is saying that the woman is telling him, that he is a wimp.
Ellison says my guess is that she, this now ex-girlfriend of Jack's, wants a bad boy.
A lot of women go through that phase.
A bad, BAD boy is a young man typically, or boy teenager, who does things that are against the rules, who perhaps even breaks laws because that makes him seem brave daring cool, popular and attractive to at least some girls.
To be a bad boy means to be the young man who does things that are dangerous.
And there are, of course, many girls who are attracted to that sort of boy or man.
I should say a little bit about the expression bad boy.
It may refer not to someone who is a teenager or a boy, but to someone who is, in fact, over 18 years old.
Someone who we would normally call a man.
The term bad boy does not mean the same as the term bad guy.
I'll explain that in a few minutes.
Let's go back to the dialogue, though.
Allison says that this now ex-girlfriend of Jack's wants a bad boy.
She says a lot of women go through that phase, P-H-A-S-E.
A phase is...
What we would also describe as a stage in the development of a person.
Or it could be the stage in the development of a project.
It's a period of time, in other words, when certain things happen.
What Allison is saying is that some girls and women go through a phase or a period in their life when they want not a nice guy but a bad boy, someone who is a little perhaps, dangerous.
Allison explains, We want excitement and drama, the thrill of the chase.
The expression the thrill T-H-R-I-L-L of the chase C-H-A-S-E means the excitement of trying to get something that is challenging or difficult.
Ellis is describing what almost certainly is a very common feature in many cultures of girls and women being attracted to men who seem very strong and sometimes even a little dangerous.
Jack says, you mean they choose to be with selfish, irresponsible jerks because it's exciting?
Jack is describing these bad boys not as being exciting, but rather as being selfish, irresponsible jerks.
To be selfish, S-E-L-F-I-S-H means to only think about your needs and your desires, not to care about anyone else including, in this case, your girlfriend.
To be a jerk, J-E-R-K, means to be a person who behaves badly, who is annoying to other people.
The term jerk is an insult.
You definitely don't want to call anyone a jerk, unless perhaps you want to start a fight.
Irresponsible I-R-R-E-S-P-O-N-S-I-B-L-E is the opposite of, of course, responsible.
Someone who's irresponsible is someone who is not reliable, someone who doesn't do what he's supposed to do.
Jack is describing these young men that women seem to be attracted to as being selfish, irresponsible jerks.
Allison says well yes actually, women are attracted to these guys, these men, even though they are selfish and irresponsible, because it is exciting.
Allison says, but I'm telling you, this phase doesn't last in most women.
In other words, most women get out of this phase at some point and no longer want to date bad boys.
She says, when we want to settle down, that's when we look for the nice guys.
To settle S-E-T-T-L-E down.
D-O-W-N is a two-word phrasal verb meaning to have a more predictable, steady life.
Traditionally, that means getting married, buying a home, and having children, starting a family.
That's usually what we mean by this phrasal verb to settle down.
If you are asked by your father or mother, when are you going to settle down?
You are being asked, when are you going to get married, buy a house, have children, and so forth.
Allison says that when women want to settle down, then they stop dating bad boys and look for the nice guys.
A nice guy is a young man who is nice, responsible, treats other people with respect.
The term nice guys is opposite to the term bad boys.
Now It's a little confusing because we don't say bad guys to mean the opposite of nice guys.
A bad guy is someone who is truly evil, someone who is perhaps a criminal, someone who wants to hurt us.
Similarly, a good boy is not the opposite of a bad boy.
A good boy is someone who obeys the rules, who always does what he is told.
So there are two sets of opposites here.
One is bad boy, nice guy.
The other is good Good guys, bad guys.
A bad guy is, for example, in a movie, the person who tries to kill other people or to hurt someone.
The opposite of a bad guy is a good guy.
The good guy is the hero, the person who does things right, the person who is the honest, trustworthy person.
We often use good guy and bad guy when we're talking about movies.
So Allison says to Jack that when women are ready to settle down, they look for the nice guys, not the bad boys.
Jack says, you mean I have to wait until then to get a nice girlfriend?
Allison says, no, I simply mean that until then, nice guys finish last.
This expression nice guys finish last means really that good, responsible men normally don't have success in romantic relationships, especially when they are young.
Now this changes, as Allison says, when women decide they want to have a family.
That depends on the culture and the people involved, of course.
Is there an age at which American women stop looking for bad boys and start wanting to settle down?
Well, I don't know.
People are getting married much later, much older than they used to.
I would say maybe when I was growing up around the ages of, say, 22 through 25.
Women stopped looking for bad boys and started looking for nice guys.
At least, that's the way it worked for me.
Anyway, Jack says, well, I'm not willing to wait.
Allison says, where are you going?
Jack says, I'm going to work on my swagger and my sneer.
Swagger, S-W-A-G-G-E-R, describes here a very confident, powerful way that a man walks.
If you have a certain swagger, you walk in a certain way that makes you look powerful and strong.
A sneer S-N-E-E-R is a mean smile, usually a On only one side of your mouth.
You might sneer at someone you think is not as good as you if you want to show contempt of that person.
If you want to indicate that you don't think that person is at perhaps the same level as you are.
It's not a very nice thing to sneer.
Now let's listen to the dialogue, this time at a normal speed.
I'm going to start treating women like dirt.
I'd get more dates.
What brought this on?
I got dumped again by a woman who thinks I'm too nice.
Too nice!
She says she wants to be with someone who's more assertive and unpredictable.
She didn't say it in so many words, but that means she thinks I'm a wimp and I'm boring.
My guess is she wants a bad boy.
A lot of women go through that phase.
We want excitement and drama, the thrill of the chase.
You mean they choose to be with selfish, irresponsible jerks because it's exciting?
I hate to say it, but it's true.
But I'm telling you, this phase doesn't last in most women.
When we want to settle down, that's when we look for the nice guys.
You mean I have to wait until then to get a nice girlfriend?
No, I simply mean that until then, nice guys finish last.
Well, I'm not willing to wait.
Where are you going?
I'm going to work on my swagger and my sneer.
There's nothing unpredictable about our scriptwriter.
She always writes wonderful scripts.
Thank you, Dr. Lucy Say.
From Los Angeles, California, I'm Jeff McQuillan.
Thank you for listening.
Come back and listen to us again right here on ESL Podcasts.
English as a Second Language podcast is written and produced by Dr Lucy Say, hosted by Dr Jeff McQuillan.
Copyright 2015 by the Center for Educational Development.
