Welcome to English as a Second Language podcast number 1,101.
Problems getting along with family.
This is English as a Second Language podcast episode 1,101.
Lots of ones.
I'm your host, Dr Jeff McQuillan, coming to you from the Center for Educational Development in beautiful Los Angeles, California.
Visit our website at eslpod.com.
Take a look at our special courses in business and daily English on our website.
This episode is a dialogue between Oscar and Priscilla about getting along with, or having good relations with, your family.
Let's get started.
So you're back from your mother's birthday dinner.
How was it?
Same old, same old.
It isn't a family gathering without a major meltdown or blow-up.
Yikes!
What happened?
You know how it is.
It starts out with bickering and somebody taking offense at some slight or dig or bringing up some old grievance.
Well, that happens in most families.
Yeah, but in mine, they often turn into screaming matches.
We all raise our voices, and somebody always storms out.
Even at your mother's birthday dinner?
The occasion doesn't matter.
My mother tries to be the peacemaker, but it doesn't take much for tempers to flare.
That never happens in my family.
What?
Your family doesn't fight when it gets together?
No, we try to sweep things under the rug sometimes.
And put on a brave face.
What happens when you get mad at each other?
Nothing.
What do you mean nothing?
A lot of our family meals are eaten in stony silence.
Wow.
I think I prefer our knock-down, drag-out fights.
Oscar asks Priscilla, so you're back from your mother's birthday dinner.
How was it?
Priscilla says, same old, same old.
This is a phrase used informally to describe something that was unsurprising, or perhaps uninteresting or boring, the same as it has been and as you expected it to be.
Priscilla says it isn't a family gathering, meaning a meeting of the family, without a major meltdown or blow-up.
Meltdown, M-E-L-T-D-O-W-N says, Here refers to an intense display of or show of emotion.
When someone, especially a child, loses control of his or her emotions and becomes very angry or very sad.
Often people who have a meltdown, especially children, scream, they yell in a very loud voice.
A blow-up, B-L-O-W-U-P, is when someone becomes very angry very quickly and starts shouting.
A blow-up is usually related to an argument between two people, where one of them starts yelling or screaming.
Oscar says, yikes, what happened?
Yikes, Y-I-K-E-S, is an expression of surprise or disapproval.
It's a little old-fashioned, but you will still hear people say yikes.
It's sort of like saying wow or geez.
So Oscar is asking what happened at this family gathering.
Priscilla says...
You know how it is, meaning you understand the situation.
It starts out with bickering and somebody taking offense at some slight or dig or bringing up some old grievance.
Priscilla says it starts out with meaning.
It begins with To bicker B-I-C-K-E-R means to argue, to fight verbally usually, over things that aren't very important.
To take offense O-F-F-E-N-S-E means to become upset by what another person has said or done, usually to you.
Someone may say something bad to you, something insulting.
You might take offense.
You might say, oh, how could you possibly say that and become angry?
Priscilla says that at this family gathering some member of her family took offense at some slight S-L-I-G-H-T Or DIG D-I-G.
A slight is an insult, something you do or say to someone that shows you don't respect them or you don't like them.
A dig is a critical remark or statement, often something that is made to make the person feel bad, but also to make other people laugh at you.
Priscilla also mentions someone bringing up an old grievance.
A grievance, G-R-I-E-V-A-N-C-E, is a complaint that you have about something.
You're not happy with something.
You think perhaps something is unfair, and you remain upset or mad about it.
Oscar says, well, that happens in most families.
Priscilla says, yeah, but in mine, they often turn into screaming matches.
Priscilla is saying that family gatherings when the family gets together, these meetings often turn into, or result in become, screaming matches.
To scream is to yell very loudly.
A match, M-A-T-C-H, is a competition, like a game between two people.
We talk about boxing matches, where two people basically get into what's called a ring R-I-N-G and hit each other.
Well, this isn't a boxing match.
This is a screaming match where two people are yelling at each other.
It's not really a competition, of course, but we use this expression to refer to a situation when two people are yelling at each other in a loud voice.
Priscilla says, we all raise our voices and somebody always storms out.
To raise, R-A-I-S-E, your voice, means to yell or to shout.
To storm S-T-O-R-M out is a two-word phrasal verb meaning to leave a room angrily, to leave a room indicating to everyone how angry you are.
Maybe you close the door very hard behind you.
We would say slam, S-L-A-M, the door.
Oscar says, even at your mother's birthday dinner, Priscilla answers, the occasion doesn't matter.
She means it doesn't matter why the group is getting together, why the family is getting together.
There are always these arguments.
Priscilla continues my mother tries to be the peacemaker, but it doesn't take much for tempers to flare.
A peacemaker, P-E-A-C-E-M-A-K-E-R, is a person who tries to end an argument or a fight between two people.
A peacemaker is a person who tries to calm everyone down during an argument or a disagreement.
Priscilla says it doesn't take much for tempers to flare.
Temper, T-E-M-P-E-R, refers to your emotion, especially anger.
If we say someone has a bad temper, we mean that person gets angry very easily.
When we're talking about two or more people, we would use the plural tempers Plus this verb to flare F-L-A-R-E.
For tempers to flare means for people to become very angry very quickly.
The idea of the verb to flare means to appear suddenly.
And that's what happens when people get angry, of course.
Sometimes they suddenly start yelling and screaming.
Well, Oscar says that never happens in my family.
Priscilla is surprised.
She says, what?
Your family doesn't fight when it gets together?
Oscar says, no, we try to sweep things under the rug and put on a brave face.
The expression to sweep S-W-E-E-P something under the rug.
R-U-G means to ignore something, to pretend that it didn't happen or to hide it.
The second expression to put on a brave B-R-A-V-E face means to pretend to be stronger than braver and or calmer than you actually are.
If you're in a stressful situation or a situation where you might react emotionally.
Putting on a brave face would be to pretend that you're calm, that you are not bothered by the situation.
It's another form of pretending to be something that you're not.
Well in Oscar's family.
When there are disagreements within the family, at a family gathering, people put on a brave face.
They don't get emotional about it in this case.
Priscilla says, what happens when you get mad at each other?
Oscar says, nothing.
Priscilla says, what do you mean nothing?
Oscar responds, a lot of our family meals are eaten in stony silence.
Stony S-T-O-N-Y.
Silence would be a period of time when people who are angry with each other don't talk to each other.
You've seen this, I'm sure, and have experienced it.
If you go to a restaurant and you see a man and a woman sitting there eating, not talking to each other the whole time, we would describe that perhaps as a situation of stony silence.
Maybe they're mad at each other and they don't want to talk to each other.
Although nowadays it's more likely that you'll see two people staring at their phones rather than talking to each other, even if they're not mad at each other.
Priscilla says, wow, I think I prefer our knock down, drag out fights.
The expression knock down, drag out refers to a very serious argument that continues over a long time.
Priscilla is saying that she prefers her family's way of dealing with anger, which is to yell at each other, rather than Oscar's family's way of dealing with it, which is simply to stop talking to each other.
Now let's listen to the dialogue, this time at a normal speed.
So, you're back from your mother's birthday dinner.
How was it?
Same old, same old.
It isn't a family gathering without a major meltdown or blow-up.
Yikes!
What happened?
You know how it is.
It starts out with bickering and somebody taking offense at some slight or dig or bringing up some old grievance.
Well, that happens in most families.
Yeah, but in mine, they often turn into screaming matches.
We all raise our voices, and somebody always storms out.
Even at your mother's birthday dinner?
The occasion doesn't matter.
My mother tries to be the peacemaker, but it doesn't take much for tempers to flare.
That never happens in my family.
What?
Your family doesn't fight when it gets together?
No, we try to sweep things under the rug and put on a brave face.
What happens when you get mad at each other?
Nothing.
What do you mean nothing?
A lot of our family meals are eaten in stony silence.
Wow, I think I prefer our knock-down drag-out fights.
It's never the same old, same old with our scripts.
Thanks to the wonderful writing by our script writer, Dr. Lucy Say.
From Los Angeles, California, I'm Jeff McQuillan.
Thank you for listening.
Come back and listen to us again right here on ESL Podcast.
English as a Second Language Podcast is written and produced by Dr Lucy Say, hosted by Dr Jeff McQuillan.
Copyright 2015 by the Center for Educational Development.
