What if kittens break the clock?
This is What If World.
Hey there folks, and welcome back to What If World, the show where your questions and ideas inspire off-the-cuff stories.
I'm Mr Eric, your host, and today I have remastered a very special story about finding your true self.
This story means a lot to me because, you know, in doing this show and becoming a parent, I have learned a lot about myself.
Stump Mr. Eric on Wednesday.
That's an interview and improv show where we use even more of your what-if questions and submissions to do short stories trivia challenges, weird game show, events involving tons of other what-if world characters and, of course, stumping me, Mr Eric.
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Now let's get into our remastered episode by hearing our what-if question from Aaron.
Hi, my name is Aaron, and something I really like is ice cream.
And my three what-if questions is, what if pineapples through frizz beads?
At no, at three, what if traffic lights turn red to protect themselves?
And and also oh, and also, what if numbers were made out of tangerines?
Thank you.
Whoa, three questions.
But we've still got to get an add-on from a patron.
And this one's a really simple write-in from a patron named Augie.
Augie asks, what if Dracomax had a friend named Draco?
Now let's find out what if Draco Max had a friend named Draco.
And what if pineapples threw frisbees, traffic lights turned red to protect themselves and numbers were made out of tangerines?
Maybe not in that exact order.
Hey folks, hang tight through this quick ad break, then we'll be right back to the show.
Draco's had it pretty tough being a young dragon.
All the other dragons told her she had to grow up to be big and fierce and mean.
Even her friend Dracomack said as much.
Oh yes, being mean is what dragons are all about.
But I don't know if I want to be mean.
Oh, being mean is very fun.
For example, if someone asks me to breathe an ice cream sundae, dragon breath so they can eat ice cream sundae forever.
Oh, that sounds nice.
Then I breathe it all over their house so they have no place to live.
That sounds mean.
It's just how we dragons are.
Draco, you're too young to even have your dragon surname.
So you haven't figured out what kind of mean you'll be yet.
So you're Draco Max because you are maximum mean?
Yes, also I'm big.
Come fly with me.
I will show you how everyone is happier when they become just what they are told to become.
Oh, meeting new people sounds fun.
Let's go, Dracomechs.
And Dracomax took off with young Draco, setting off all the way across What If World.
Hey, can't you see I'm flying here?
Oh, flying traffic already?
What do you expect?
Everyone in whatever world wants to fly.
And Dracomax being the biggest flying creature in the sky, shouldered and winged his wing right up to the front of the traffic jam.
Oh, traffic on traffic on traffic on traffic.
I don't like all this traffic.
Oh, no.
There was an eight-sided traffic light floating in the sky, directing the flying creatures who were flying up or down, left or right, forwards or backwards, except all of the lights were red.
Excuse me, Mr. Traffic Light.
Don't you need to let some of us go at some point?
Oh, I know, I know, but I don't like all these things flying at me.
I understand you are little, but you're a traffic light.
It's what you're meant to do.
Dracobax, you're being very nice to this traffic light.
Oh, you're right.
I mean, move, traffic light.
Stop being so scared.
Oh, I can't help it.
If only I could be a buoy in the sea where things didn't fly so fast at me.
Oh, if you want to be a buoy, why not just train someone new to be a traffic light?
Then you can fly down to the sea and be who you want to be.
What a wonderful idea.
I'll start handing out applications to everyone who flies by me today.
One for you.
Eh, it took you long enough.
And one for you.
This is gonna take forever.
And one for you.
Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.
And ever so slowly, traffic started crawling by.
And Draco Max and Draco were on their way.
See little Draco, if that traffic light had just been what it was supposed to be, we would have never been stuck in that traffic.
Ow!
A frisbee had just soared up into the sky and whacked Draco right in his scaly neck.
Little help up there.
Big dragon called up a little pineapple from the ground.
It was a field of pineapple plants with their long, wide waxy green leaves stretching out from where the big spiky fruit stood in the middle.
Oh fine, here is your frisbee, said Dracomax, using his big claws to gently fling the tiny frisbee back.
But you know, pineapples are not supposed to throw frisbees.
I know that.
But the way I figure it, why's a pineapple just gotta be a pineapple?
Sitting here growing all day just so I can get, like, eaten?
I think I'd rather throw frisbees.
But you don't have arms, little pineapple.
It's basically impossible for you to throw a frisbee.
Impossible and schmossible.
Watch me.
Wow, how did you throw that frisbee without arms?
Or hands or fingers?
Practice, man.
It wasn't easy to learn, but it beats sitting here waiting to get eaten.
That is incredible.
Now may I eat you?
I'm getting hungry.
No.
Oh, fine.
I will just squeeze you on top of some ice cream, and then I will eat pineappley ice cream.
No thanks.
I'm going to go all across.
What If World learning how to throw frisbees from all the armless frisbee throwing masters?
Shoeless Joe's shoe, Serena Williams wristwatch, and even Danica Patrick sunglasses.
Sounds exciting.
Good luck with that said Draco, and the little pineapple fruit uprooted itself and started sliding away on top of its frisbee.
Now it's using the frisbee like a skateboard.
That does seem especially impossible.
You see, if that pineapple would have just stayed a regular fruit, we wouldn't be hungry and slightly confused.
But the pineapple did not want to be our food.
Doesn't matter.
We are what we are.
Dragons are dragon.
Lights are light.
Fruits are fruit.
That's three examples already.
Numbers don't lie.
That's right, you know.
I'm a number four, and I'm proud of it.
Now they were flying over a grove of tangerine trees.
Except not one of the little orange fruit was spherical, though the zeros came close.
Is it me, or are those tangerines growing like numbers?
No, no, no.
You've got it all wrong.
Numbers are tangerines, just as they're supposed to be in What If World.
That's right.
Numbers are always tangerines.
But tangerines aren't necessarily numbers.
Except in this grove, of course.
Draco flew closer to see which of these tangerines was talking, and it was one shaped exactly like a number seven.
I thought you just said you were a 4, but you are clearly a 7.
Says you maybe, but numbers don't lie, and I'm a 12.
I may not be the smartest dragon, because dragons are not supposed to be good at math, but I think you are neither a 4 nor a 12.
Does this mean that numbers can lie?
Right, you got me, you got me.
I'm really a number negative 631.
How can you be a negative number?
How can you be a negative dragon?
I thought dragons were supposed to be nice.
No, dragons are supposed to be mean.
And bad at math, apparently, I'm just learning this one.
Sheesh, sounds exhausting.
I grew up my whole life being told I was a seven.
Always called seventh, counted seventh, seventh place.
But at least you know what you are.
Do I?
Some people say seven's lucky, but I never felt very lucky.
Sometimes I'm too low.
Sometimes I'm too high.
Sometimes I'm just too... seven.
Maybe when I grow up I want to be a different number.
Just because you're a dragon, does that mean you've got to be one specific type of dragon?
Uh, yes.
The bigger I am, the meaner I'm supposed to be.
But you haven't been all that mean today.
You've been flying me around.
You were polite to the traffic light.
You even threw the frisbee back to the pineapple.
Oh, you're right.
I have been forgetting to be mean.
I am a bad dragon.
Quick, quick.
We must breathe fire on this tangerine so we can be good and mean.
Aw, please don't breathe fire on me.
That'd be a terrible thing to do to a person.
But Dracomax kept breathing in, filling his lungs and chest with dragon fire.
So much so that the smoke was billowing out of his nostrils.
Dracomex, all day you have shown me people told to be one thing and wanting to be another.
You don't have to breathe fire just because you're a dragon.
Yes, I do, said Dracomax, lifting his head high and still holding the fire inside.
Ah, that's silly.
Doesn't being mean make you feel bad?
But feeling bad is good when you're a dragon.
Said Dracomax, nearly bursting with smoke and fire.
Why don't you just let the fire out high in the sky where no one will get hurt?
You'll probably feel a lot better afterwards.
And Dracomax, his cheeks puffing, the smoke coming out of his nose and his ears, finally craned his neck up high into the sky and
I am so tired of being mean.
I just want to be me.
Same here.
Let's keep it simple first.
I'm Tangerine.
What's your name?
Dracomax.
And I am Draco.
I don't have my dragon surname yet.
Well, Draco and Dracomax, would you like to play a counting game with me?
I do really like numbers, even though dragons are not supposed to.
And Tanjarin, Draco and Dracomax flew and rolled around the grove playing number games with all the other tangerines.
Wait, wait, Little Draco, I failed you.
I learned the lesson, but you still haven't figured out your true dragon name.
Actually, meeting all of these fun people while flying around has given me an idea.
And Little Draco took off into the sky, flying back to where their adventure this day had begun.
Okay, has everyone filled out their applications?
I really don't want to be an air traffic light anymore.
Then how about you give the job to me?
Traffic on.
Obliterator of sky congestion. said Little Draco.
And all the flying creatures stuck in this traffic jam watched as she grew and sprouted two extra heads.
One green, one red, and you guessed it, one yellow.
Wow.
That's incredible.
Now I just have to teach you everything I know about air traffic control.
It should only take a couple of weeks.
So hang tight, everybody out there.
Ah, for crying out loud.
It's the big sky dig all over again, so...
Much traffic.
Uh, Trafagon, could you just give me a little green light fire so I can go home?
That would be breaking the traffic rules.
Possibly, I don't know yet.
So just stick around a little while.
I'm sure I will figure it out.
That's the spirit.
So yellow light means slow down.
Not speed up?
Common misconception.
Oh, this is going to take forever.
I've been stuck up in this traffic since I was a baby.
Me and my grandkids.
Still trying to go out for ice cream.
Oh, I can help with that.
And as Trafagon learned the rules of the road or the sky, everyone enjoyed some ice cream rain, courtesy of their new friend Dracomax.
Hey, this is pretty good.
Mine's pineapple flavored.
So that's what ice cream tastes like.
The End Aaron and Augie, thank you so much for your questions.
I hope you all enjoyed your story.
Folks at home, think back to a time where you lost your temper.
I know being mean in the moment can make you feel powerful, but what happened after?
Did you feel happy?
Did the people around you feel better?
Did the problem magically go away?
Next time you're feeling angry.
Remember the tools that you always have.
Take a breath.
Take some space.
Say stop.
Share your feelings.
Ask for help.
At least one of those options will always be available to you.
And I know that it is hard in the moment. when your feelings are big.
So guess what you can do?
Practice with a trusted grown-up.
I'm serious.
Be pretend angry with them.
And then go through that checklist.
Take a break.
Take some space.
Say stop.
Share your feelings.
Get help.
Breathe.
Space.
Stop.
Share.
Help.
Or B-S-S-H.
Not the best acronym.
But when you practice doing these things in a safe moment when everyone is calm, then it'll be easier for you to do it when everyone is not calm.
And guess what?
Once you can do this, breathe space stop share, help.
You'll be better at dealing with your feelings than most grown-ups.
You might even find that your grown-up benefits from taking a breath, taking some space, saying stop sharing their feelings and yes, getting help.
We grown-ups need it too sometimes.
Now, if you've enjoyed this remastered episode, please leave us a rating and review.
Wherever you listen,
You could also add a what-if question to that review.
We love hearing them.
You can tell a friend about your favorite episode of What If World, or even have a listening party with them.
Maybe you and your friend will come up with a what-if question together.
And when you do get your grown-up's permission to email, hello at whatifworldpodcastcom with your questions and ideas.
I'd like to thank Karen O'Keefe, my co-creator, my producer, Miss Lynn Craig Martinson, for our theme song every family out there who's ever told someone else about What If World?
And all you kids at home who know that part of being young is figuring out who we want to be, even if it's not who everyone tells you to be.
Until we meet again, keep wondering.
This is What If World.
