I've got a show to recommend that I genuinely think you and your kids are going to love.
It's called Lightcatchers, a brand new award-winning cinematic audio adventure from the team behind Batman, High Volume and Story Pirates.
If your house is into pinna favorites like Grim Grimmer, Grimmest or Hero Hotel, this is absolutely your next play.
Stick around for a preview at the end of this episode.
Then search Lightcatchers wherever you get your podcasts.
Hi, my name is Adam Gidwitz.
I'm an author.
I'm also a storyteller.
I like telling all kinds of stories, but I especially like telling grim fairy tales.
You may think you know grim fairy tales, and you may think that they are sweet and boring.
But listen, those tales you heard were the cute, happy little kid bedtime versions of the grim tales.
The original grim fairy tales aren't like that at all.
They're weird and sometimes gross and often scary.
In other words, they're grim.
And I'm about to walk into a classroom and tell one of the original grim, grim tales to a bunch of kids.
Do you want to join me?
Do you want to hear a grim fairy tale?
Let me help you decide.
On a scale of grim, grimmer, and grimmest, the story I'm going to tell today is grimmer.
It's not too scary and it's not gross, but there is one moment when things will seem very dark indeed.
If I get to a part of the story and you start to feel scared or uncomfortable, this is what you could do.
You could turn down the volume and count to five.
Then turn the volume back up.
If it still seems like a part you don't want to hear, just turn the volume down and count to five again.
You know how much weird and gross and scary you're ready for.
You know what you need.
Okay, I'm at the classroom door now.
There are kids inside, waiting to hear a grim fairy tale.
So, Are you coming in?
Grim, grimmer, grimmest.
All right, here we go.
This story is called The Peasant's Clever Daughter.
Once upon a time, a poor man lived with his little girl in a shack.
The man was a peasant, which means he was a farmer who farmed land that he did not own.
Who did own this land?
Well, the peasant and his daughter lived on the lands of the richest and most powerful king in the whole wide world.
The king was more than a king, in fact.
He was an emperor, which means he was the king of many other kings.
He owned dozens of palaces and hundreds of summer homes and a thousand battalions of soldiers, and they say he owned a hundred million acres of land.
The emperor had given the poor people of his empire each a small plot of land to work, where they tilled the soil and planted seeds and harvested crops.
At the end of every week, they were paid a single copper penny, which was not enough to live on.
Every night, the peasant and his little girl went to bed hungry.
It may not seem fair that the emperor was so rich and the peasant and his little girl were so poor.
But the peasant's father was poor, and his father was poor, and his father was poor.
So how could the peasant have any money?
And the emperor's father was rich, and his father was rich, and his father was rich too, which made the emperor very rich indeed, which may still seem unfair, because it was.
Now, to make matters even worse, in the old days, it was often thought that peasants were stupid.
This was not true, of course.
But it was especially not true of the peasant's little girl.
A cleverer and brighter child you have never seen.
While their lives were hard, the peasant's little girl always managed to keep her father smiling with clever stories and jokes and riddles she invented.
And every night, they played checkers, a game at which the little girl was very, very good indeed.
One day the peasant and his little girl were tilling the fields when the peasant's hoe struck something hard.
He reached into the dirt and found a shoe of solid gold.
The peasant and his little girl couldn't believe their luck.
Their poverty and hunger were over.
They could sell the shoe and eat meat and fresh bread for the rest of their days.
But then, the peasant had an idea.
Hmm.
I will take it to the emperor.
He will surely reward me for this amazing discovery.
A shoe of pure gold on the emperor's own lands.
What would you do?
Would you just keep it?
Would you sell it?
Would you take it to the emperor?
Keep it.
Keep it.
Keep it.
Sell it.
Sell it.
Would anyone here take it to the emperor?
No.
The little girl said, No, father.
Don't take it to the emperor.
Why ever not, my girl?
If you give him a single shoe, he is going to ask where the other shoe is.
But the peasant did not listen to his little girl.
He was certain that the emperor would reward him greatly for the discovery of the golden shoe.
The next day was audience day, when the emperor invited his subjects to appear before him.
The little girl begged her father not to go, but he would not be dissuaded.
He took the golden shoe to the emperor.
When his turn came, the peasant showed the emperor the golden shoe and told him he had found it in the emperor's fields while tilling the soil.
The emperor was thrilled.
He took the shoe in his hands and marveled at it.
He announced, You shall be greatly rewarded.
The peasant puffed out his chest, and then the emperor said Just bring me the other one, and anything you ask shall be yours.
The other one? said the peasant.
But I only found one shoe.
The emperor didn't believe him.
Surely there are two shoes.
Who only has one shoe?
It makes no sense.
I... I... I don't know.
What have you done with the other shoe?
Surely you did not think that you could bring one shoe and be rewarded.
The peasant pleaded with the emperor.
I looked everywhere.
There was only one shoe.
Throw him in the dungeons, the emperor bellowed.
What?
He can come out when he tells me where the other shoe is.
And so the peasant was cast into the dungeon.
All night, he moaned.
If I had only listened to my daughter.
If I had only listened to my daughter.
A guard heard the peasant moaning and asked what he was talking about.
The peasant explained that he had the most clever daughter in the empire and that she had predicted exactly what the emperor would say.
The guard told his captain, and his captain told his lieutenant, and his lieutenant told the grand marshal, who told the emperor.
He summoned the little girl before him.
When the emperor saw her dressed in rags and covered with the soil of the fields, he said The cleverest girl in the empire.
She doesn't look clever to me.
She looks poor.
Now, is poor the opposite of clever?
No.
Just for the emperor.
Poor is the opposite of rich.
Right.
That's what the emperor thinks.
Right.
This girl is smarter than him.
We'll find out.
Her father, who had been brought up from the dungeons, said...
But she is clever.
Always good for a story or a joke or a riddle.
And you should see her play checkers.
She is the cleverest checker I've ever seen.
The emperor smiled at this.
He fancied himself a very good checkerer indeed.
He said, Tell you what, if you can beat me in a game of checkers, your father will go free.
But if you lose, you must join him in the dungeons.
Agreed, said the little girl, quick as a snap.
The emperor and the little girl sat down to play with all the court.
Ladies and lords, bishops and generals, scribes and accountants gathered to watch, also the girl's father, who wrung his hands in worry.
He did not want his daughter to be thrown into the dungeons.
What would happen to them then?
Who would get them out?
Would they have to stay there forever?
What kind of life was that for a clever little girl?
He paced and wrung his hands and paced some more.
He needn't have worried.
The little girl beat the emperor in just six moves, drawing him into a trap and then jumping all his pieces in a single play.
The court broke out in applause.
Can you break out in applause?
But the emperor was furious.
He shouted, Again!
The little girl said, I won't play again for nothing.
My father is already free.
Right, said the emperor.
Let's bet a bag of gold.
My father and I don't have a bag of gold.
All we have in the world is a single copper penny.
The emperor laughed.
If you're as poor as all that, we'll bet a single copper penny.
The little girl's father did not want her to bet their copper penny.
If she lost, how would they eat that week?
But the little girl agreed.
They played again.
She won.
Again! shouted the emperor, more furious than before.
The little girl shyly said, Double the bet?
Fine! the emperor bellowed.
So they played for two pennies.
The little girl won.
The emperor shouted, Again!
How many pennies are they betting for now?
So they bet for one, and they bet for two, and now they're going to bet for?
Four.
Four.
They're doubling it each time.
One, two, four.
It's kind of like counting by counting.
Yeah?
You know what she's doing?
What?
She's trying to make the emperor get.
She's like, okay, double it.
But then she's being clever enough to trick him, and then he's just going to be like, wait.
At the last game he's going to be like, okay, bring out my money.
And they're going to be like, sir, you have no more money.
You think that's what's happening?
Let's find out.
She won again.
The emperor was furious that he had lost three straight games to a little peasant girl.
How much money does she have now?
Seven.
Seven.
One plus two plus four is seven.
Again!
Double?
Said the little girl.
Yes, yes, let's play.
She won again, and again, and again.
Each time, they doubled the bet.
After ten games, the girl said, Are you sure you want to play again?
How many pennies does he owe her now, do you think?
Just estimate.
He played ten times.
What do you think?
Patrick, let's go!
The clue is floating away in a hot air balloon!
Hey, sorry, this is kind of a bad time.
Claire and I just found a major clue and now it's airborne.
Anyway, I wanted to let you know that the parents behind Law & Order have something brand new for families.
Our podcast, Patrick Picklebottom Everyday Mysteries.
Patrick, it's headed towards the water tower!
Gotta go!
Listen on Apple or wherever you get your podcasts.
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And remember, it's not a Smurf.
About like 30 something.
30 something?
What do you think?
25.
25 pennies?
Um, 80 because she had... 80.
80 or 70 because she had 7.
And then actually plus 3 because it said again and again and again.
Yeah, so... She has 100 though.
You think it was 100?
Yeah.
You owe me 1,023 pennies.
What? bellowed the emperor.
How is that possible? the little girl explained.
Well, first we bet 1, and then 2, and then 4, and then 8, and then 16, and then 32, and then 64.
The king's accountants started counting on their abacuses and the king's scribes started scribbling multiplication problems on their sheets of parchment.
The emperor interrupted.
That's only... 127 pennies, said the little girl.
But that was seven games.
Then we bet 128, then 256, then 512.
Add those together, and that comes to 1,023.
The chief accountant looked up from his abacus and nodded.
She's right.
So the little girl said to the emperor, Are you sure you want to keep going?
The emperor frowned.
What's a thousand copper pennies to the richest emperor in the world?
Nothing!
How much is a thousand pennies in today's money?
Ten dollars.
Exactly right.
And the emperor bellowed, Again!
So they played again, and again, and again.
They played ten more times.
Each time, they doubled the bet.
And each time, the emperor lost.
Again!
Shouted the emperor.
But the little girl said, I really think we should stop now.
You owe me... How many pennies do you think he owes her now?
2,000?
What was the last number?
Well, he owed her 1,000 after 10 games.
So he would owe her 2,000 after 11 games, because it doubles, right?
Yeah.
So they've now played 20 games.
Like 6,000.
You think 6,000?
Let's find out.
The little girl went on.
You now owe me over a million copper pennies.
A million?
I owed you 1,000 just a few games ago.
The king's accountants counted on their abacuses and the king's scribes scribbled on their parchment.
The little girl explained.
Ten games ago, your highness, we bet 512 pennies, and you lost.
Total, you owed me more than a thousand pennies.
After that, we bet 1,024 pennies, and you lost.
And then 2,048, and you lost.
And then 4,096, and you lost.
And then 8,000... Yes, yes, yes, but how does that get to a million?
The emperor interrupted.
So the girl said... Well, the 18th game we played, we bet 131,072 pennies.
In the 19th game, we bet 262,144 pennies.
In the 20th game, we bet 524,288 pennies.
So in total, you owe me... The chief accountant interrupted.
His face was pale.
You currently owe her 1,048,575 pennies, Your Highness.
But the emperor said...
What's a million pennies to the richest emperor in the world?
Practically nothing.
Again.
So they played again, and again, and again.
Ten more times they played, and ten more times the girl won.
Again!
The emperor shouted.
Are you sure?
Any guesses about how much they owe her now?
Lots and lots of money.
The exact answer is lots and lots of money.
The king's accountants and scribes tried to stop him.
They'd all lost count, but they were certain.
The emperor would owe the little girl lots and lots of money if she kept winning.
But the emperor would not hear of it.
They kept playing, and the little girl kept winning.
Finally, they had played 50 games, and the little girl had won every one.
The emperor bellowed, I'm sorry, said the little girl, but we have to stop.
I don't have to do anything.
I'm the emperor, said the emperor.
The little girl took a deep breath.
You currently owe me 1,125,899,906,842,624 pennies.
The emperor sat there, stunned.
At last he said, That is a lot of pennies.
The little girl replied, That is more pennies than you have in your entire empire.
If you started counting pennies right now, it would take you more than 200000 years to count that many pennies.
If you sold all of your palaces, all of your miles of land, every ruby and diamond that you own, all the way down to the socks you are wearing right now, and traded all that money for pennies, you would still not have enough pennies to pay your debt to me.
The accountants were counting again, and the scribes were scribbling.
At last, the chief accountant said, I'm afraid she's right, your majesty.
You owe her everything.
But we only played fifty games.
When you double a bet fifty times, you get a lot of pennies.
The peasant laughed and clapped his hands.
Oh, what a clever little girl I have.
But the emperor stood up and glowered down at the little girl.
You may be clever, little girl, but you're not as smart as all that.
You own everything in my empire.
Fine.
But I am still the Emperor, and so I still make the laws.
And I decree that you shall be put to death immediately for making the emperor look like a fool.
I didn't make you look like a fool, objected the little girl.
You did that to yourself.
That was a burn right.
But the emperor bellowed to the gallows.
And to the gallows.
The girl was taken.
You guys know what a gallows is.
No no, have any of you here ever played hangman?
Yeah, that thing you draw at the beginning of handman is a gallows.
Everyone from the court came to see the execution.
The little girl was walked up onto the platform.
She called out, Before I die, may I make one final request?
The emperor stared at her darkly.
It is customary to grant one final request.
So the little girl said since everything you own belongs to me, including this court and the scallops, and when I die it will pass to my father and you still will be penniless, I respectfully suggest a trade.
You, let me live and I will leave your empire as an exile, never to return, taking nothing but my clothes and a single token of my choosing as my own, to remember my old life by
And in exchange, I will give all of your money and possessions back to you.
Well, the emperor had no desire to be the poorest emperor in history.
Already there were rumors that the lesser kings had heard of his sudden poverty and were plotting against him.
So the emperor thought about the girl's proposal, and he accepted it.
As a gesture of respect, the girl was invited to spend one night in the palace before she was forever banished from the empire.
She requested a potion for sleeping, for she was nervous about leaving her home forever.
And she was granted a meal with the emperor.
It was a pleasant meal, actually.
They mostly talked of checkers and the little girl tried to explain the holes in the emperor's strategy.
In the middle of the night, the little girl chose the one thing she desired to take with her.
If you were allowed to take one token, one thing with you to remember your life, by what would you take?
All his money.
She just gave him back all his money.
In the middle of the night, the little girl chose the one thing she desired to take with her and wrapped it up in a bundle, carried it out of the palace and walked for miles and miles until she was, at last beyond the borders of the empire.
She walked and walked and the sun rose and still she walked.
And then the bundle flung over her shoulder began to move.
Startled, she dropped it.
Out of the bundle crawled a very groggy, very disoriented emperor.
What am I doing here?
He asked, rubbing his eyes and looking around.
And where is here?
Just then he saw the little girl.
You!
You!
You're supposed to be exiled.
I will put you to death for coming back to my empire.
But the little girl said, Calm down.
First of all, we're not in your empire anymore.
Second of all, it isn't your empire anymore anyway.
You said I could take anything I wanted as my own when I left.
Well, I slipped you some sleeping potion while we ate dinner, and I chose you.
Now you are mine, which makes me the emperor and you my servant.
The emperor stared aghast.
The little girl went on.
I have carried you quite a long way.
By all rights, I should make you carry me home, now that I am the emperor and you are my servant.
But how about we walk side by side instead?
The former emperor bowed his head, knowing he was defeated.
And he said, Yes, your highness.
They walked all the way back to the palace.
The little girl became emperor.
Her father became her most trusted advisor and the emperor became her servant.
The little girl and the former emperor played checkers every day and eventually she taught him enough that the former emperor could beat the little girl once in a very long while.
And that is how a poor little girl became the richest and most powerful person in the world in the space of just three days.
And she lived happily ever after.
The end.
Grim Grimmer Grimmest is a Pinna Original Production.
Created and written by me, Adam Gidwitz.
Author of A Tale Dark and Grim.
Produced and edited by Ilana Milner.
Casting and voice direction by Paula Gammon-Wilson.
Sound design and mixing by Beat Street NYC.
Location recording by Jason Gambrell and Evan Viola.
Narrated by me, Adam Gidwitz.
Special thanks to the staff and students at Brooklyn Friends School and Manhattan Country School.
You guys are amazing.
Far away on the high Caribbean seas roams a swashbuckling pigeon-loving, burrito-gobbling pirate who's well a bit different than the other pirates.
Bless my Brussels sprouts!
Introducing the new podcast Lightcatchers, Season 1, Bob the Bad Pirate.
Bob the Bad Pirate wasn't bad because he liked to hurt people or call other pirates' names like Petunia Pillow Pants.
Bob the Bad Pirate was bad because he just wasn't very good at being a pirate.
Give her me tutors!
Listen now to Lightcatchers, wherever you get your podcasts, and learn more at BeALightcatcher.com.
Light up the lanterns and follow me.
Hi grimmers.
We're celebrating the finale of season five with a very special new video version of the three feathers and we need your help.
I would love it if you listened again to parts one and two of three feathers and start drawing.
Illustrate your favorite scenes, your favorite characters.
The more scenes you illustrate, the more helpful it is to us.
And choose weird scenes.
You know definitely the big exciting, climactic scenes, but also just like strange little moments.
The more you draw, the more we'll be able to put into a special video version of The Three Feathers, illustrated entirely by you all.
You can share your artwork either by sending an email to grim at realm.fm.
That's G-R-I-M-M at R-E-A-L-M dot F-M.
Or visit pinna.fm slash grim.
That's pinnafm.
Slash g-r-i-m-m and submit your artwork for our special video version of the three feathers, illustrated entirely by you.
