Don't look at me.
Don't post me.
Don't clap for me.
Don't be the center of attention.
No one likes a pic me.
Be humble.
Just shut up.
It seems like our whole life is spent being told what not to do.
As a kid, your parents scolded you for being too loud.
As a student, school taught you to just follow directions without even questioning them.
Now as an adult, your boss warns you, don't take all the credit for your work.
You guys did it as a team.
But at the same time, the world forces us to believe that we all need confidence, but not too much.
You don't want to outshine anyone else.
In fact, just have the bare minimum of confidence so you're not depressed, but not enough to rebel against society.
We wouldn't want that.
It's no wonder why we're all so scared to be different, to go against what's acceptable.
It's why most people are miserable at work, at home, and in relationships.
It's why you never feel fulfilled because you're too worried about what people are going to think if you actually went after your dreams.
But the hard reality is that in the end, we're all just living in fear.
And you will never be rewarded for that.
But what if I told you that you can actually have everything you've ever wanted in life if you just got over the fear of being seen?
The summer before I entered high school, I had to take a math placement exam to see what math class I would be put in.
And I actually bombed that test.
And I know what you're thinking.
Allison, really?
Algebra?
That's like the easiest form of math.
It was hard for me, okay?
And I already knew I wasn't good at it.
But going from being a perfect student to having to tell my parents the truth was a lot harder.
And since then, when it came to math, physics, or any other STEM subject, I hid.
I never wanted to raise my hand during class, let alone be called on to answer a question.
I never wanted to tell people my grades on tests.
And I just accepted this limiting belief that I wasn't capable of getting better at my weaknesses.
And it's why as an adult, I'm now suffering because I don't want to learn about accounting or finances, even though I have to for my business.
The reason I'm telling you this is because I know you relate to it.
It's not like we just woke up one day and decided to be afraid.
We were conditioned to fear the things we don't understand.
And it's always things we're unfamiliar with or things that are different.
It's why no one ever wants to be the social outcast.
Being an outcast means you're different, that there has to be something wrong with you.
Because why else are you not part of the main group?
But if you've ever felt like the excluded one, the one who always got ignored whenever you spoke, the one who never got invited to anything, then you know that blending into the background feels so much easier than just speaking your mind.
I mean, society applauds us for staying humble and low, so why is this such a bad thing?
Because the consequences of making yourself small are dangerously exponential.
It might start off with you not posting that pic on Instagram because you're afraid people will think it's cringe.
Then it becomes deflecting compliments because you don't want people to think you're full of yourself.
It becomes keeping your goals a secret because if people don't know, then no one will know if you failed.
And soon it ends up with you alone and resentful because you never did what you wanted to do.
And you spent your entire life diluting yourself for the sake of others.
These might not seem significant in the moment, but the more you keep doing them, the more you start to believe that this is who you are.
I mean, it's so much easier to be invisible so people don't even have the chance to look at you or judge you.
But when you constantly shelter yourself, you can't build real relationships with anybody.
You don't allow people to get close to you.
And your personal growth becomes stunted because you're constantly editing yourself down to the version of you that people won't criticize.
We need to stop pretending that this version of humbleness is a good thing.
So I'm going to tell you how I actually stopped being afraid of myself and how it's allowed me to get everything I've ever wanted.
The biggest lie we've been told is that confidence comes from external things like beauty, popularity, fame, or having money.
But these are all temporary sources and the confidence never lasts because it's not rooted in yourself.
You actually already have the ability to be confident, but it feels impossible because of what happened to you in the past.
Your brain holds on to stories and thoughts that remind you why you're not confident.
And this is how we develop these limiting beliefs.
So the first thing I had to do to overcome my fear of being seen was to face my inner child.
When old emotions are unresolved, they become locked in the body and turn into fears as we get older.
The problem is trying to work on your trauma alone can be very hard.
Often these childhood experiences are so suppressed you can't even remember them.
So that's why I strongly recommend doing therapy work to help understand and heal your past.
I know how intimidating finding a therapist can be, especially if it's your first time.
So that's why I really like BetterHelp, who is the kind sponsor for this video.
Instead of having to do your own research, they pair you with a licensed therapist based on your specific needs.
And I love that I can do it in my own home.
It's a lot more comfortable and convenient than having to go to an office.
I've been going to therapy for two years, and I've been working through some anticipatory grief.
For a long time, I felt very isolated because no one else I knew in their 20s was going through loss.
These were the years we're supposed to feel free and ambitious and chase after our goals.
But I felt like I was carrying this massive burden alone and it made me want to hide from everything in my life.
But after talking about it with my therapist, she gave me a lot of grief resources like books and podcasts.
And for the first time, I felt so seen and understood.
It gave me the confidence to let myself be seen by other people and share my experiences because they felt the same way.
I honestly cannot recommend therapy enough, and with better help, they make it so frictionless and accessible.
If you've decided you want to take your personal growth to the next level, then click the link in the description or go to betterhelp.com slash Alison Beck and get 10% off your first month of therapy.
The other very damaging habit we do when we're afraid of being seen is deflecting positive feedback.
When you hear things like, great job on your presentation, you look so pretty today, or I love your shoes, we immediately want to climb up and say, no, I messed up or thanks, but you look better.
We do it because it feels modest.
Of course, you don't want to come across as arrogant.
But there is a huge difference between being humble and trying to pretend you don't exist.
What's actually happening is you're training your brain to reject being seen.
And most people will actually lose respect for you because you cannot accept compliments.
Meaning your self-esteem is so low, you reject any praise because you don't think you deserve it.
I've actually lost job interviews this way because I downplayed my accomplishments so much I wasn't able to show that I actually bring results.
So here's the new rule.
Whenever someone compliments you, say thank you.
That's it.
Don't minimize yourself or throw a compliment right back at them.
When you accept positive feedback from other people, you allow yourself to fully be seen by them.
And yes, you deserve that.
I know we all love self-deprecating jokes, but over time, people don't see them as jokes anymore.
They begin to lose respect for you, and you lose respect for yourself.
Now, if that's hard for you, there is an easier way to practice being seen that doesn't feel as weird, and it's to simply extend more kindness.
Think about every time you hold the door for someone.
Sure, you just want to be considerate for others, but without you knowing, you're actually allowing yourself to be seen.
When you do something nice for someone, you are metaphorically opening the door for them to recognize you and your kindness.
Now obviously you're not doing it just to receive praise, but gratitude is a natural byproduct.
And when we express gratitude, we are recognizing something.
So if you're normally uncomfortable with attention or being seen, I want you to ask yourself if you feel that same way when you are kind.
Because if you cannot handle being seen, you cannot handle being kind.
One of the best acts of kindness to overcome the fear of being seen is to see other people.
I like to do this by talking to at least one person I don't know every single time I go out.
It could be my Uber driver, the barista at the coffee shop, the cashier at the store.
Generally, people in service positions are rarely recognized.
A lot of people are rude to them or just flat out ignore them.
But you just never know what someone else is going through.
And a simple hello or how are you can signal to them that you care.
Even if I'm feeling vulnerable, I still try to strike up a small conversation because at the end of the day, it's not about me, it's about them.
And usually the person will light up and smile because suddenly they feel seen.
And in turn, they see you too.
This is how I've been able to enter rooms I wasn't part of before.
And this is how I've been able to connect with amazing individuals because I saw them first.
You never know what could be on the other side of a conversation.
It costs you nothing, but it could lead to so many great things.
For some reason, a lot of my memories come from high school.
Maybe because it was a very interesting time for me, but I also remember going through a lot of monumental moments.
I was in theater and drama class, and at the beginning of the year, we had to decorate our script binders.
We had to put our names on it, but we also had to use an adjective to describe ourselves using the first letter of our name.
And for some reason, I chose the adjective average.
So on the front of my binder, it said average Allison.
Now, I thought I was being funny.
I didn't really think I was average, but I just wanted to be humble, you know?
And this is an example of a small but dangerous habit that subconsciously makes our life harder.
When you use words or phrases that puts limits on yourself, even if you don't believe them at first, over time you will become those things.
The mind is a very powerful tool and with enough time and repetition, it will believe anything that you feed it.
So I want to challenge you to stop using labels in your vocabulary.
You're not just a girl.
You're not a lonely introvert.
You're not a hot mess.
You just use these labels as excuses for your actions.
But instead of actually improving, you continue to stay in this negative cycle.
This is why when we have goals or a desire to change, for some reason, we just can't.
No matter how bad you want something, you just can't do it.
And it's not because there's something wrong with you.
You just need to change your thinking first.
Thoughts dictate action.
So if you want to do things differently, you have to think differently.
And the biggest culprit is the word can't.
My mom used to always scold me and my brother for saying this.
When we'd say, I can't do it, she'd say, no, you don't know how yet, but you'll figure it out.
When you use the word can't, your brain automatically puts a limit on itself.
Even if you don't know how you're going to get there, there is always a way to figure it out.
You need to change the words you think and say in order to get what you want.
Erase the word can't from your vocabulary.
It does not exist.
And replace it with the word can.
As a girl who makes videos like this full time and will never get over that this is my life now, I promise it does get better.
And the dreams you have that seem impossible are actually quite doable if you put yourself in the right spaces.
If there is one thing I want you to take away from this, it's that in order to get to a higher level, you have to let go of your old identity.
This current version of you has only gotten you this far.
We need to let go of this fear of being seen in order to move on to bigger and better things.
And how you make yourself more available to opportunities is to learn the gift of gab.
It means to be skilled at conversation and eloquence.
My mom has this gift, which I've witnessed as a kid.
Every Sunday after church service, she'd go from person to person, making small talk and catching up with them.
While the rest of the family just wanted to leave so we could eat lunch.
At the time, I thought it was kind of annoying, but as I got older, the more I realized that people saw my mom differently than everyone else.
She had such a positive reputation at church, and everyone seemed to be impressed with her.
And years later, when they see her out in public,
They still see her this way.
If you're like me, then you know being the first one to initiate conversation is a lot harder than it looks, especially if you're naturally reserved.
But this is how you open doors to bigger people and opportunities than you could ever imagine.
You cannot expect to get to a higher level by staying comfortable with what you know.
Three years ago, I would have never imagined that I'd have almost half a million subscribers and be one of the biggest creators in Chicago.
But it was all because I put my dreams first instead of my fear of being seen.
If I let fear control me, I'd end up regretting my life because I lived it for other people instead of for myself.
Listen, the people you admire the most, the ones you see online, even me, they are not more talented or smarter than you.
They are not just lucky, but they've all decided that their dreams and ambitions are more important than their fears.
And that makes them unstoppable.
And if you decide to do the same, you will be unstoppable.
You don't have to do anything with this information, by the way.
If you like being small and in the background, that's your choice.
It's your life.
But I want you to honestly ask yourself if there's more you could be doing to get what you want.
And for most of us, the answer to our problems is ourself.
Learning to overcome the fear of being seen is a lifetime journey.
It will never fully go away, but you'll learn to handle it better.
And I promise when you stop hiding and let yourself be visible to opportunities, things start to happen.
You'd be surprised how many doors can open when people remember your first impression.
Or how relationships can grow when you let people know who you really are.
Everything beautiful in life requires a bit of discomfort.
But this is not a bad thing.
Being uncomfortable is a sign of growth.
So instead of pushing it away, welcome it instead.
If you resonated with anything in this video, then let yourself be known by giving it a like and leaving me your thoughts in the comments.
Thanks so much for watching and I'll see you guys next week.
Bye.
