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Now it's showtime.
From the brains behind Brains On, it's Smash Boom Best.
The show for people with big opinions.
I'm Molly Bloom and this is Smash Boom Best, the show where we take two things, smash them together and ask you to decide which one is best.
Today, it's a battle between two silly yellow icons of animation.
One side sports denim overalls with goggles and works for a retired supervillain.
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
Are you ready?
Oh my gosh.
And making noise for the mighty, mighty Minions, its host and reporter and editor, Jed Kim.
Go bananas for the little yellow one-eyed guys, it's the Minions.
And here to decide the best yellow fellow, let's say hello to Arturo from Minneapolis.
Arturo loves gaming, comics, football, making short films, and singing along to Radiohead.
Hi, Arturo.
Hello.
So, football.
Do you play football?
Do you watch football?
In the past, I've played just like pickup football with my friends.
But now this place that like collects a bunch of charter schools has collected my charter school.
And we are all training for a football season starting in the fall.
Well, that's exciting.
This is like the pre-preseason.
What position do you play?
We don't know yet.
I think I'm going to be probably O-lineman.
Tell me what that means.
I will be at the front near where the, you know, the center.
I'll be near that guy and I will try to defend the quarterback while other people try to take the ball from him.
Excellent, all right.
And you make short films?
Very cool.
What kind of short films do you make Really?
Whatever comes to mind.
I have done a few day camps, three in total.
This summer is going to be my fourth, where I've made short films.
So are you in front of the camera and behind the camera?
Are you more of a behind the scenes filmmaker?
In all of the stuff I've done, I've been videographer, director, actor, editor, all of it.
You wear all the hats.
Very, very impressive.
Will Arturo side with SpongeBob, or will he make Minions the winner?
We'll find out after we go over the rules.
Every debate consists of four rounds the Declaration of Greatness, the micro round, the sneak attack and the final six.
After each round, our judge Arturo will award points to the team that impresses him the most, but he'll keep his decisions top secret until the end of the debate.
Listeners, we want you to judge too.
Mark down your points as you listen.
At the end of the show, head to our website smashboomorg, and vote for whichever team you think won.
Okay, Jada, Jed, and Arturo, are you ready?
Oh, I cannot wait.
I think so.
Yeah.
Earlier established that I am indeed ready.
Then it's time for the Declaration of Greatness.
In this round, our debaters will present a well-crafted, immersive argument in favor of their side.
Then they'll each have 30 seconds to rebut their opponent's statements.
We flipped a coin, and Jada, you're up first.
Sing the praises of SpongeBob.
Pop quiz.
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?
Absorbent and yellow and porous is he.
Who makes you drop on the deck and flop like a fish?
If you answered Big Bird, you'd be wrong.
But if you answered SpongeBob SquarePants, then you'd be 100% correct.
Whether you've seen one episode or 300.
I bet you aced that quiz because SpongeBob is that memorable.
Since 1999, he's been delighting fans across the globe.
When I was a kid, I'd rush home from school so I wouldn't miss SpongeBob.
It lifted my mood.
This was back in the days before streaming, and you couldn't just turn on whatever you wanted.
I saw a stream once.
It was beautiful.
Anyway, SpongeBob is still churning out the good times with new episodes and movies.
Who hasn't laughed at a SpongeBob meme?
According to Know Your Meme, the internet's main meme database, as of 2019 SpongeBob SquarePants memes accounted for 4635 images.
Compare that to the Marvel Cinematic Universe, which only has 276 images.
Part of the magic of SpongeBob is that it appeals to kids and adults.
SpongeBob walked so that Bluey could run.
By the way, who do you think would win in a race, Bluey or SpongeBob?
Wait, that's a debate for another day.
Maybe you're more of a live performance fan?
You're in luck because there was also a SpongeBob SquarePants Broadway musical that ran for over 300 performances.
Ooh, SpongeBob gives me his autograph.
Sweetie, it's not the real SpongeBob.
He would never be able to survive for that long without water.
Or maybe you're a thrill seeker.
Go to Nickelodeon Universe in Minnesota or New Jersey and ride the SpongeBob SquarePants rock-bottom plunge.
I'm scared, but I'm happy!
But Jada, I don't just want joy and song.
I want to learn something.
Thank you for bringing that up.
Stephen Hillenburg, the creator of SpongeBob, studied marine science and worked at the Ocean Institute in Dana Point, California.
He drew comics that helped explain sea life, complete with a character who was a sponge named Bob.
Sound familiar?
Yeah.
The show is packed with other real creatures such as sea cucumbers starfish crabs sharks lobsters whales seahorses scallops pufferfish, anchovies and more.
Even me, Jada?
A blobfish?
Yes, blobfish.
Even you.
Yay!
I'm a star!
Something I've always loved about Spongebob is the message of friendship.
Spongebob and Patrick are the best of BFFs and the show constantly highlights the power of pals.
Sing it with me.
F is for friends who do stuff together.
U is for you and me.
N is for anywhere and anytime.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Meanwhile, minions literally help an evil villain do...
Evil!
What is that teaching kids?
Not to mention, Minions completely ruined my favorite outfit of a yellow shirt and blue overalls.
So if you want to enjoy the original yellow character with the joy in his heart, a song on his lips and pants on his square bottom, then you really only have one option.
SpongeBob SquarePants.
That was a magnificent and musical declaration of greatness there.
Arturo, what stood out to you about Jada's arguments?
Really the messages that he's been around longer, the educationalness of it and the real marine science that is behind it.
That really stuck out to me.
Excellent.
Okay, Jed, you get 30 seconds to rebut.
Tell us why Jada's arguments are nothing but nautical nonsense.
And your time starts now.
Jada has done a very, very good job, but I have to take issue with the 1999 beginning.
That might seem like a strength, but pre-streaming means that kids didn't have as much option to just
Find something else they wanted to watch.
They were kind of stuck watching SpongeBob.
Would SpongeBob SquarePants do well today?
I doubt it.
Secondly, with the marine facts, he's a sponge that you use to clean a tub.
Let that be redacted from the record.
It was over time.
I stand by it.
I think that it is indeed still a strength, because streaming, I think, divides us.
You know, like it was such an experience for us to be able to go and watch the same thing and like talk at the school version of the water cooler, of like
Did you see what happened on SpongeBob last night?
Now everyone's watching different things, different great things, I'm sure.
But I think SpongeBob would still be a choice as evidenced by the meme content collection.
Very good points.
Coming up, we'll hear what Minions have to offer.
So stick around.
We're back.
We did a deep dive with SpongeBob, but now it's time to go bananas for minions.
Jed, tell us why there's nothing despicable about these sidekicks.
A while back, I needed a cute mascot for this restaurant I was opening up.
Someone like Pikachu.
So I made an ad.
Let's see.
Help wanted.
Looking for a hardworking go-getter who won't back down from a challenge.
Must be cheerful, optimistic, yellow, and a cartoon.
And post it.
Already?
That was fast.
Hello.
Hi.
Oh, boy.
Hey, put that down.
Okay, so no Pikachu.
Apparently I needed to be more specific.
My only choices were SpongeBob SquarePants or the Minions.
Both are well-meaning doofuses that will probably be more trouble than help.
Still, it's an easy call.
Minions, way better.
First off, they're hilarious.
Always up to some good old-fashioned hijinks or a practical joke.
I mean, it's impossible not to laugh as they slip, slap, or spray each other in the face.
Ooh, wait, that could be trouble.
But they are also hardworking, building stuff like rockets, robots, and ray guns.
I could use those.
Are they geniuses?
No.
But can they follow directions?
Also no.
But do they get the job done?
Somehow miraculously, yes.
And when they're done, they know how to party.
Minions are surprisingly good dancers.
Also, Minions are cute, and making overalls with no shirt on look cute, that's not easy.
Believe me, I've tried.
So, people love Minions.
That'll bring customers to my restaurant and bring me lots of money.
Case in point, their movies have made nearly $2 billion at the box office.
That's more than six times as much as the SpongeBob films.
Money aside, just think about having to exist with them day after day.
Who would you rather live with?
Exhibit A?
Or the bad exhibit?
Ah, make it stop!
Also, we're affected by the people around us.
Spend a lot of time with the minions, and you're bound to expand your brain.
That's because the funny way they talk, called Minionese, is made up of little bits of a bunch of languages.
Spanish, Italian, French, Russian, Korean, Japanese, Tagalog, Hindi...
Knowing more languages makes you smarter.
BunchBob, on the other hand, might be bad for you.
Researchers wondered if certain TV shows were harming kids' executive function things like being able to plan or focus on a task.
The thinking was that when you see shows with lots of bonkers, unrealistic stuff happening, parts of your brain get exhausted figuring out wait, what did I just watch?
And that makes you less able to concentrate on other things afterwards.
For their experiment.
They showed kids different programs and observed how they performed on tests afterwards.
Are you ready, kids?
What show did they pick to see harmful effects?
Which one made the kiddos do worse at the test?
Now, to be fair, they didn't measure how long the effects lasted.
And crazy unrealistic things also happened in the Minionverse.
Maybe that'd also impair executive function.
Still, one of these two had it shown in a scientific study.
Lastly, let's talk about loyalty.
The Minions are famously loyal.
They have a genetic imperative to serve the most despicable of all beings.
That's how they ended up with Gru.
But even when Gru quit crime, the Minions stuck with him because they realized being part of a family is better than spending all your time trying to please haters.
Most people need years of therapy to realize this.
So I hired the minions to make and sell my Krabby Patties.
Which, yes, SpongeBob might have seemed like the perfect choice.
But... God, so painful.
I'm resisting every urge to make that exact sound.
What a delightful argument there.
Arturo, what stood out to you about Jed's declaration of greatness?
I mean, the fact that minions are really hardworking.
They are very loyal and that you might be able to learn some parts of languages by just listening to them.
Very good.
Okay, Jada, it is time to make mincemeat out of those minions.
Your 30 seconds starts right now.
SpongeBob is also incredibly loyal and hardworking, as evidenced by him...
Being at the Krusty Krab employee of the month for literally hundreds of times.
And he's not his laugh is as at least equally annoying as the minions.
I'd much rather live with one annoying person than like an army of them.
And plus, I yeah, he he he knows how to party.
Mm hmm.
Oh, my goodness.
Wait, can I start over?
Are you seeding your time?
You're so concise.
So concise.
Excellent.
Excellent work.
I could not believe that you would like to listen to Spongebob as opposed to the Minions.
They're so adorable.
And a lot of them, it's like a party.
You feel like you're...
Having a great time when they're all around laughing it up.
Woo!
Okay.
Arturo.
You need to award some points.
This is gonna be a tough one, but we would love you to award one point to the declaration of greatness that you liked best and one point to the rebuttal that won you over.
You get to decide what makes a winning argument.
Did one team make better points?
Did another team make you laugh?
Award your points, but don't tell us who they're going to Have you made your decision?
Yes.
Excellent.
All right, Jed and Jada, how are you two feeling so far?
Pretty good.
Excited to see what we come up with next.
I'm feeling great, although a little bit personally attacked by the SpongeBob laugh slander, as someone who does have a very strong laugh themselves.
You have a strong, beautiful laugh.
Please do not compare yourself to SpongeBob.
Thank you.
It's time for a quick break.
Go grab your favorite yellow gear.
And we'll be right back with more Smash Boom Best.
You're listening to State of Debate, home to raging rhetoric and awe-inspiring argumentation.
Hello, debate fans.
I'm Todd Douglas, and I'm here with the one and only Taylor Lincoln.
And we're here on Gobbler's Knob in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania for Groundhog Day.
It's freezing right now in Pennsylvania because the sun hasn't risen yet.
And it's February 2nd.
But in a little bit, when the sun peeks over the horizon, the world-famous groundhog Punxsutawney Phil will pop up over that little hole over there and look for his shadow.
If he sees it, that means six more weeks of winter.
But if he doesn't see his shadow, that means early spring.
Everyone is getting real excited here.
Just listen to the crowd.
And to top it off, I just caught a juicy fallacy fumble on my handy recorder.
A logical fallacy is a debate mistake that makes an argument less than awesome.
Want to hear it, Toddy?
You betcha, Tay-Tay.
Always in the mood for some sizzling fallacy fodder.
All right, roll tape.
Aw, man, Marge!
When is that darn groundhog gonna come out of the ground?
I'm cold!
Oh, be patient, Bronson.
He'll come out when he's ready.
The sun hasn't come up yet.
I can't stand this groundhog gobbledygook.
Last time, when Phil predicted an early spring, I trusted him.
So I dressed up in my finest cargo shorts and flip-flops.
But it stayed cold, and my toes almost froze.
That's on you, Bronson.
You should have checked the weather forecast.
No!
Everyone suffered, and that's just what punk satani Phil wants.
He's conspiring to trick innocent humans around the world into wearing cargo shorts and flip-flops in the wintertime.
Prove me wrong.
What a fallacy flop.
What you just heard was the burden of proof fallacy.
It's when you make your opponent prove your case wrong without providing any evidence yourself.
Bronson wouldn't explain why Phil the Groundhog was tricking people.
He put the burden of proving that on March.
That's bad debating.
Yoits, to be a debate great, you've got to come up with evidence to support your claims.
Don't just launch an idea at someone and make them do all the work.
Ooh, ooh, Todd, the sun is rising.
It's almost time.
I can't wait.
Punxsutawney, Phil, you are my hero.
This has been State of Debate.
Smash Boom Best.
You're listening to Smash Boom Best.
I'm your host Molly Bloom.
And I'm your judge Arturo.
And we love getting debate suggestions from our listeners like this one.
My name is Ruby.
I'm from Spokane, Washington.
And my debate idea is roller derby versus hockey.
Ooh.
Roller Derby is a game played on roller skates.
Hockey happens on ice skates.
Both are fast and very fun to watch.
Very true.
We'll hear who Ruby thinks should win at the end of the show.
And now, it is back to our debate.
SpongeBob vs. Minions.
That's right.
And it's time for round two, the... Micro Round.
It's time for a fact-off.
Jed and Jada will each get three chances to make a micro-argument backed by a cool factor idea.
Jada went first last round, so Jed, please start us off.
Minions are the tardigrades of sidekicks.
The tardigrade.
Microscopic animal that can survive almost anything.
And so can minions.
They've been exploded smushed, stuck in vending machines and sent up into space with no harmful effects.
SpongeBob has also done those things, but anyway.
What's in a name?
A lawsuit, that's what.
SpongeBob was originally going to be called SpongeBoy and the show would be called SpongeBoy Ahoy.
But Nickelodeon found out the name SpongeBoy was already copyrighted.
So instead, we got the iconic SpongeBob or SpongeRobert, if you're formal.
Oh man, I wish I had stuck with Sponge Boy.
I think Sponge Robert is way better.
Minions were originally supposed to be tall, like scary, orc-like brutes.
But the designers thought it didn't work as well, and it also made Gru seem less sympathetic.
So they made them small, yellow and adorable and created some of the most iconic characters in recent movie history.
Hmm.
Well, let's talk about a good role model.
SpongeBob has been the Employee of the Month at Krusty Krab literally hundreds of times.
What a work ethic!
Give the sponge a raise!
You know who else is yellow, popular, and successful in Hollywood?
Not SpongeBob.
I'm talking about the Oscar statue.
The award given out at the Academy Awards, a.k.a. the Oscars.
Well, the Minions...
They haven't won an Oscar yet.
Despicable Me 2 was nominated in two different categories.
Come on, minions and monsters, bring home that gold.
From Oscar losers to real-life winners.
Could SpongeBob be real?
In 2021, a remotely piloted deep-sea diver took a video of a bright yellow sea sponge and a pink starfish hanging out on a rock together.
The sponge is super cool because it's bright yellow, a color not often seen in deep-sea environments, and it's made of biologically secreted silica or glass.
It's a glass sponge!
I always said SpongeBob is a glass act.
Oh my goodness.
Great puns.
Great facts.
We love it.
Arturo, what stood out to you from this Minion and SpongeBob micro round?
The fact that the Minions were more successful at the box office, definitely.
But then again, SpongeBob is very successful in the TV industry.
Very true.
But I think I was targeted.
I did my Brains On episode about tardigrades.
It's very true.
Arturo was the co-host of the Brains On tardigrade episode.
So you know tardigrades are the best and therefore minions are the best.
Thank you.
I mean, that's not what I was saying, but okay.
Okay, Arturo, it is time to award a point.
The criteria are totally subjective and totally up to you.
Have you made your decision?
Yes.
Okay, let's keep it a secret and we'll be right back.
Want Smash Boom without the ad breaks?
Join Smarty Pass and get an ad-free feed of this and all the other Brains on Universe shows.
Plus, you'll get to do virtual hangs with me and the crew, and you'll get discounts on merch.
Sign up at brainson.org.
Thanks!
We're back with our clash of the little yellow guys.
Time for round three, the... Sneak Attack.
This is our improvised round where debaters have to respond to a challenge on the spot.
Today's challenge is sentence by sentence.
In addition to being opponents, you are now collaborators.
You're going to write a story together. trading off sentences that is about both of your sides.
You get three sentences each.
Does this make sense, debaters?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
So Jed started off the last round.
So Jada, you're going to kick off this tale.
There are only one class of yellow beings that can save the world as we know it.
And they look very good in blue overalls and goggles and not so good in lederhosen.
Good thing no other yellow person here wears lederhosen.
But has a nice white, crisp button-down shirt and tie.
Always ready to show up to get the job done.
And that job has taken them into deep space, into volcanoes.
I don't know if that's actually true.
I think they went into volcanoes and they saved the day multiple times while eating bananas.
That is definitely true of the hero that I was thinking about, SpongeBob SquarePants, who goes on so many adventures and never gets a scratch.
Because when you are SpongeBob SquarePants, you are made of...
Soft, absorbent material that is not scratchy and that is less abrasive and that's valuable.
I don't know what I'm doing.
The end.
Wow.
What a day.
Did I win?
Well, you know what?
That's up to Arturo.
Arturo gets to decide who gets a point for this sneak attack.
Whose contributions did you appreciate more?
Who kept the ball rolling in a satisfying way?
Who blacked out for a second?
It's up to you.
Have you made your decision?
Yes.
I think we know which way that one went.
Wonderful.
Then it's time for the final round.
In this round, each team will have just six words to sum up the glory of their side.
Jed, you're up first.
Tell us why we should go all in for Minions.
Minions are adorably not so problematic.
Think about it.
Think about it.
It's a thinker.
Yeah.
Okay, Gina, let's hear your final six.
Don't be evil.
Be like SpongeBob.
Oh, very nice.
Arturo, these were both excellent final sixes, but only one can get the final point.
Please award your final point for the final six.
Have you made your decision, Arturo?
Yes.
Okay, tally up those points.
You ready to crown one team the Smash Boom best?
I think so.
Okay, drumroll please.
And the winner is... SpongeBob.
Yay!
You're really good at this.
I think that's more dolphin.
I don't know.
You know, that is what my laugh has been called more.
I have been called out as a dolphin on multiple occasions.
Well, you and SpongeBob have a lot in common.
So Arturo, was there a moment that really decided things, or did you have a favorite thing that happened today in this debate?
The way that my points went, I feel like the minions made a very good declaration of greatness.
Talking about the history, the hardworkingness, the box office.
But I feel like the sponge did a really great rebuttal.
Very concise.
Well, minions couldn't even finish theirs.
Yeah.
So I started strong, hit the wall.
It was mine to win, and I just blew it.
You could say I was bribed for the micro round for the tardigrades.
Oh, okay.
Did you know about that?
I don't think Jed knew about that.
I think it just happened.
And then for the sneak attack... Let's not talk about that one.
And then for the final six, the minions are very problematic.
What?
And there was no illogicalness in Sponges.
Brinal Stakes, so... Not problematic.
Think of poor Squidward, the real hero of the show.
Squidward?
What a take.
Everyone loves Squidward.
Jed.
I really appreciated the energy you brought to your losing cause.
It was so sweet.
And just kind of the way that you know like you let things get off the rails but still like laugh the whole way through.
It was actually really fun to compete with you.
So thank you for that.
Beautiful.
Oh, thank you, Jada.
And let me tell you, when I thought that I would be battling against Spongebob as the minions, I thought it was like a walk in the park, because Spongebob is the worst thing that our generation has foisted upon the world.
But somehow, somehow.
You made really good points and made me actually kind of want to watch an episode.
Can we have a little movie day after this?
I think so.
I think we should.
Well, that's it for today's debate battle.
Arturo crowns SpongeBob the Smash Boom best.
But what about you?
Head to smashboom.org and vote to tell us who you think won.
This episode was produced by me, Molly Bloom, and Mark Sanchez.
It was sound designed by Rachel Brees, and Mark Sanchez wrote our theme song.
We had engineering help from Jackson V.
Our announcer is Marley Feuerwerker-Otto, and we want to give a special thanks to Austin Cross and Taylor Kaufman.
Jed, is there anyone you'd like to give a shout out to today?
I would like to give a shout out to the creators of the Minions and I apologize to them for my lackluster performance.
Okay, Jada, what about you?
Any special shout outs?
I would like to give a shout out to the marine biologist of the world.
I think SpongeBob helped introduce me to this world.
And I know so many sea creatures in different ways that I never would have.
Like before, anchovies were just a pizza topping.
Yeah, very true.
All right, Arturo, anyone you'd like to give a special thanks or shout out to?
I'd like to give a shout out to my mom.
Supporting me all the way here.
Driving me here.
Look mom, I made it.
And before we go, let's check in and see who Ruby thinks should win the debate between roller derby versus hockey.
I think roller derby should win because I do roller derby and roller derby is a very unique sport.
If you're between the ages of 13 and 18 and you'd like to be a judge, or if you're any age and you have an idea for a knockdown, drag out debate, head to smashboomorg, slash contact and drop us a line.
And if you're a fan of the show and want to keep it going, head to smartypass.org to subscribe.
We'll be back next week with a new Smash Boom Best episode, Zippers vs. Zippers.
Bye.
Bye.
Smell you later.
Until next time.
I, yeah.
And I also have to take issue with the fact that I'm competing against a, what's it?
I can't even become an improv expert.
I can't even like think of the word improv.
I have faith in you, Jeff.
Here we go.
