hey story pirates podcast listeners lee here have you ever had a weird substitute teacher well how about a weird substitute teacher who is a purple hot dog what you have oh well then you're gonna love today's brand new story grown -ups guess what you can get twice as many new stories on your feed this summer by subscribing to story pirates creator club plus subscribers get the ad -free version of the show and premium members even get to participate We participate in a quarterly video meetup with Lee and Peter, where we create a brand new story for the podcast. But most of all, Creator Club members
help us support the cost of the show so we can keep bringing it to you every single week.
If you're already a Creator Club member, thank you so much. And if you'd like to join, you can do so by visiting storypirates .com slash creator club or by subscribing right in Apple Podcasts or Spotify.
Spotify today's brand new story plus another edition of Roll Call Live with Lee and Peter coming up after a few words for the grown -ups I'm very different from everybody confusion is the step before curiosity okay that's a really It's a really funny idea.
We have to send that in.
I just get some joy when I hear other people giggling.
I believe all the things in my story.
Human beings are just able to create.
The Story Pirates. Welcome back to the Story Pirates podcast. It's summertime, which means that we have an inordinate amount of stories about hot dogs.
It's true. I think this is our third episode this summer that has hot dogs in it.
Why, you ask? Because we love hot dog stories!
Especially when they're brilliantly written, like this one you're going to hear right now.
Here's the author to introduce it.
Hi, I'm Clara. I'm nine years old and I live in Colorado.
This is my story, Purple Hot Dogs.
Good morning, Rebecca.
Oh, hey. Good morning, Andy.
Why are you finishing your homework now?
Class is about to start.
I know. It's our teacher, Mr. Pantsface.
Mr. John Pantsface.
Mr. John Pantsface assigns too much homework.
I can't get it all done in time.
And if I don't finish before class, I might have to do an extra lesson.
Oh, no. You've got to finish your homework before the...
I didn't finish my homework.
Mr. John Pantsface is going to teach me an extra lesson.
And I'm tired of learning.
Good morning, class.
Good morning, Mr. John.
Principal. Good job.
I am your principal.
You passed today's pop eye test. Get it?
it? Ah, kids, as your principal, it is my responsibility to make announcements.
Your teacher is sick.
Yes! Oh, I mean... He is sick because he...
Well, there's no other way to say this.
He took a bite from an uncooked hot dog.
Oh no! Today, you get a substitute teacher, so give it up for Mr. Hotdog.
Mr. Hotdog, get in here.
Please, don't make me teach. Oh, don't be so shy, as principal, it is my responsibility to drag you in here.
Give it up for Mr. Hotdog.
Please, don't make me teach. I'm telling you, I'm the wrong guy.
I'm not Mr. Hotdog, I'm Purple Hotdog.
I'm not even friends with Mr. Hotdog We just get our mail mixed up sometimes Oh, Mr. Hotdog Purple hotdog Please, principal I'm not a teacher And I never will be But Mr. Hotdog is And if you just let me get in touch with him I'm sure he could really use the work The teaching work The work that I don't know how to do Please, prince Please Please!
Oh, well. Have fun!
Phew, it looks like you got lucky.
Mr. John -pants -face isn't going to teach you an extra lesson, and from the looks of this guy, we might not even get the first one.
We'll see. I've heard that substitute teachers can be even stricter to establish their dominance over the class.
This could all be a ruse to throw us off his scent.
So, um, what is this school thing?
Never mind. Cool. Uh, scolato.
Scolata espressa. Funky old scolata espressa con recessa.
Recessa? Oh, it's time for recess?
It's time for recess.
Really? Oh, no, Mr. Hot Dog.
No, it's not. Ah, mustard. And again, I'm not Mr. Hot Dog.
I'm Purple Hot Dog.
Um, excuse me? Why exactly are you a sub?
That's exactly my point, kid.
I'm not a sub. And by sub, you mean you're not our substitute teacher.
Oh, no. I mean, I'm not a submarine sandwich. Which, depending on your definition of sandwich, I'm also not.
Please, y 'all, I can't be more clear.
I'm not Mr. Hot Dog.
I'm Purple Hot Dog.
Yeah, we get it. Gosh, this guy is so unprofessional.
Isn't that good? I thought you were tired of learning.
I thought so, too. But this is too far in the other direction.
I prefer an actual teacher to this madness.
You are an odd kid.
Something you'd like to share with the class?
Oh! Uh, no, I mean… Uh, you're not allowed to wear a hat in school!
Well, this is why I shouldn't be teaching.
Now to take off my cowboy hat.
What? It looks like someone took a bite out of your head!
Well, someone did! What's the big deal?
It's normal to take a bite out of a hot dog, even a purple one!
But it's not normal to take a bite out of a teacher!
Look, I just don't know what you want from me.
Purple hot dog. Whoa!
Where'd you get that detective outfit?
I'll be the one asking questions here.
Who took a bite out of you?
I don't know. Some guy.
I don't remember. I was somewhere else at the time.
Who? Okay, okay. It was, uh...
Oh, what was his name?
Quit stalling. His name was...
John Pantsface. What?
All I said was, John Pantsface.
It's Mr. John Pantsface, and he is our teacher.
Our teacher who was supposed to teach class today and save us from all your madness.
I really don't think I'm the weird one in this scenario.
Don't try to throw us off your scent.
It's all becoming clear to me now.
If Mr. John Pantsface is sick because he took a bite out of an uncooked hot dog, and you are a hot dog that Mr. John Pantsface took a bite out of, answer me this.
In front of this entire fourth grade class.
Are you, in fact, an uncooked hot dog?
Yes, I'm an uncooked purple hot dog.
And you'll say that on record?
I've been saying it.
I've heard all I need to hear.
You're coming with us.
Crossing guards, take uncooked purple hot dog off school premises permanently.
Thank you. I don't want to work here.
Don't get too comfortable, uncooked purple hot dog.
Off -school premises means we're gonna help you cross the street.
And before you cross the street with a crossing guard, well, let's just say you'll be looking both ways for a long time.
Take him away. Yay!
That was amazing. Amazing, how did you do that?
Someone had to be the adult in the room.
Oh class, I'm so sorry this happened to you.
But as principal, it is my responsibility to spin a disaster into a moral.
Consider today an extra lesson in the dangers of pretending to be a teacher when you're not one.
It looks like you did get that extra lesson after all.
Oh no! That's the last thing I wanted!
But you just spent this whole class period getting rid of a teacher because they didn't want to teach. That doesn't mean I want an extra lesson.
Sometimes I don't know how to be your friend.
The end. We'll be right back after a few words for the grown -ups.
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And now it's time for Story Pirates Roll Call.
Welcome back to Story Pirates Roll Call, where we take stories written by kids and we read them.
And then we talk about them.
I'm Lee. And I'm Peter.
Welcome to the show.
Peter, would you like to read today's first story for us?
I would love to. Lee, our first story comes to us today from a seven -year -old from Canada named Bihan.
And Bi -Hun's story is called Nice Mouse and Grumpy Monster.
Oh boy. Joshua was eating snacks on the table.
Mummy, there is a monster in the microwave. Mummy opened and saw there is no monster.
Joshua saw the green grumpy monster in the microwave. There was also a mouse who lived in the microwave. They both played soccer inside.
side monster kicked the ball then it hit the mouse's eye ouch monster gave him a pirate eye patch joshua was watching the soccer match he gave cheese to mouse and smarties to monster mouse was not mean mouse played with monster monster gave eye patch to mouse both were nice and got prizes wow the end incredible story b hun i have to say that all of this happening in the microwave is like slightly unnerving to me yeah there's a sense of danger and unease but also excitement so is this like a calvin and hobbs situation where joshua can see what's in the microwave but his mom can't or is she's an adult
and she wouldn't entertain such things so she's not looking and she's not seeing the thing that is really happening i think that it is invisible to her but it's really there which is very clear from the lines if we if i may refer to the text please joshua's eating snacks at the table mummy there is a monster in the microwave that's dialogue obviously mummy opened and saw there is no monster joshua saw the green grumpy monster in the the microwave you are a hundred percent right it's definitely there and i'm definitely again very unnerved by the microwave being the setting for this although i will say
in the very end if you are concerned at all both were nice and got prizes that's true where did the prizes come from it i mean they came from joshua because he gave them uh smarties and cheese very nice set of prizes if you ask me.
Bihan, thank you for this incredible story.
Incredible. Lee, you want to read the next story?
I'd love to. By Edie, a six -year -old in Tennessee, here is Double Dare.
It was the witch. They bravely opened the door, and they rushed in, peeking in, and then they walked in the door, not knowing that the witch was behind it.
She grabbed the first kid, but the other two managed to escape.
they came up with a plan.
One of them rushed in sneakily, hid behind her cauldron, and the other hid by the door, and then, as the witch was about to drop the kid in, they put their plan into action.
The one behind the cauldron popped up, and then the witch was in so much shock that she fell over, dropping the first kid on the ground.
The other kid, who was behind the door, helped the first one out, and they all ran out, shutting the door and locking it, and they did not look back until till they were home and all the same they never double dared each other again the end whoa okay it definitely feels likely we're starting at the end of the story it's just great writing because edie's starting putting the needle on the record right where the action yes but i was gonna say even though it feels like oh we're starting at the end by the time we get to the end i know the beginning of the story and the middle and the end and somehow
she has told that whole story it's called narrative efficiency and edie does an incredible job at it i mean these first three sentences it was the witch they bravely opened the door and they rushed in wow like wow dropping us right into the action the one sentence that is still a little ambiguous but in an exciting way is the very first sentence.
It was the witch. Yeah.
There could be a lot of implied sentences right before.
Yeah. Like, a horrible cackle came from behind the door.
Uh -huh, uh -huh. It was the witch!
Yeah, that's true. Or, who would decorate their home like this?
It was the witch! Or, who's about to find themselves in a cauldron after messing with these kids?
No. No. Wrong tense.
It was the witch! too much confidence in that.
You know, I think, I think something that makes this so exciting is that they don't know what they're doing, although they do come up with a plan and put the plan into action, which I appreciate.
These are smart kids.
Yeah, these are smart kids.
Okay. I have a somewhat unrelated question.
Okay. What is the actual definition of a double dare?
A, so if you dare somebody to do something, uh, you're challenging their sense of bravery.
and uh you go i dare you because if you say no then you admit that you're cowardly right okay or smart kids of the world right you're not cowardly it's actually braver not to take the dare yes okay but what's a double dare a double dare is getting even more immature about it to go i double dare you is there more reward for a double dare than for a regular dare well how How does this make you feel?
I dare you to do this thing versus I double dare you to do this.
Well, you're making a weird face both times.
So I'm not like, I'm not feeling intimidated at all.
Can you actually try to intimidate me right now?
Okay. Uh, yeah. Is this the hardest, hardest acting challenge you've ever received?
Yes. Yes. I've never been less confident in my entire life.
All right. So Double Dare, really, you're saying it holds no weight at all.
It does if you let it.
Okay. Final story, Peter.
All right. Here we go.
Our final story, Lee, comes to us from a four -year -old from Colorado named Gavin.
And Gavin's story is called Pirate and Gold.
This is how it really starts.
We were on a ship, and on that ship was a treasure box.
And in that treasure box was gold.
Then we dug into the dirt on the ship and we found some pirate bones and a pirate hat.
And we wanted to put them together.
And when we put them together and they looked like a pirate, we put the hat on and the pirate came alive.
And the bad guy, the ghost, was never seen again until that day.
A long, long time ago, they were fighting, the pirate and the ghost. The pirate found the gold that he hid.
It wasn't every kind of gold.
Inside was chocolate, and the chocolate was so cold it lasted 300 days.
And when he ate two pieces of chocolate, he got stronger every day.
And soon, he had a really good trap that nothing could get out of except good pirates.
And when he saw the ghost again, he pulled the rope and trapped him.
And when he trapped him, he did the same thing as the pirate and he was never seen again.
Wow. Another structural masterpiece.
We sort of are present day where there's these people on a ship who found all this and then the pirate gets put back together and the ghost. And then again, like you said, we go to the past and we have the origin story.
But the thing that I think is cool is at the end of the story, when he trapped him, he did the same thing as the pirate and he was never seen again.
I don't know if that's the past or we've jumped back to the future.
I'll admit I'm a little confused.
I like to think that it happened in the past and it happened again now in the future.
Yeah. Okay. I'll buy that.
I just love the first line.
And one of, you know, teaching creative writing to kids, one of the lessons that we do a lot is how do you start your story, right?
Right. Because Once Upon a Time, let's be honest, it's played out.
Yeah. But this story and— The last one.
Double Dare, in this episode, both have incredible story -starting lines.
In the case of Gavin's story, the first line is, This is how it really starts.
I love that. I love it.
This implies that this is a story that everyone's been talking about, but you're getting the details wrong.
It's a legend. Yeah.
And here's the truth behind it.
You know why? Because I was there.
Wow. It's so good, Gavin Thank you for it And a four -year -old Wow Gavin, incredible story Thanks to all of today's Roll Call authors To read those stories For yourself Just go to StoryPirates .com And remember You can watch an even longer Version of Roll Call On StoryPirates YouTube page With the help of your grown -ups Now it's time for you To write us a story Because summertime Is a great time To write stories Grown -ups can submit stories At StoryPirates .com And remember, we respond to every single story we receive.
That's it for today's episode.
Thanks for listening, and a big thanks to today's author, Clara.
We'll be back next week with more brand new stories.
Until then, stay creative and stay kind.
Bye! The Story Pirates Podcast is a production of Story Pirates Studios.
Executive produced by Lee Overtree and Benjamin Salka.
This episode was produced by Sam Baer, Peter McNerney, Andrew Miller, and Lee Overtree.
Recording, sound design, and mixing by Sam Baer at The Relic Room in New York City.
Theme song by Bobby Lord. Roll call theme by Andrew Barbato.
Musical scoring by Eric Erson and Jack Mitchell.
Episode artwork by Camilla Franklin.
Purple Hot Dog was adapted by Tim Platt and features performances by Megan O 'Neill, Alan Pierre, Rebecca Robles, Austin Sanders, Andy Schneeblock, and Heather Woodward. Well, I think that's enough hot dog episodes for a while.
We have certainly had enough hot dogs on the show.
Right, Hot Dog? Yes, I agree.
And what about you, other hot dog?
Doug, what do you think?
Definitely too many hot dog stories lately.
Well, I'm glad that we are all in agreement.
