Hey Story Pirates Podcast listeners, Lee here.
Today we have a brand new story for you that is definitely not a joke.
Well, it's full of jokes, of course this is the story Pirates after all.
But if there's one thing that's not funny, it's too many things being funny.
And this story definitely is too funny.
You know what I mean?
Well you will know what I mean coming up right after a few words for the grownups.
Hey grownups season seven of the Story Pirates podcast is right around the corner.
And it's time for your kids to send us their own stories.
But maybe they don't know what to write about.
Luckily Story Pirates is partnering this season with the weak Jr.
An incredible magazine that kids can't wait to read.
Every issue of the week Jr.
has a section called photos of the week.
That is full of photos that are great to tell an imaginative story about.
Grownups as part of our partnership, you can get six free issues of the week Jr.
for your family delivered right to your mailbox by going to the week jr .com slash story pirates and don't forget the story pirates amazing adventure tour continues October 5th and 6th with shows in Connecticut and New Hampshire.
You can find tickets at storypirates .com slash live.
Now back to the show.
I've been told it has no reactive imagination.
It makes me feel cozy.
Your pen and paper have arrived.
Don't worry about the bad stuff.
Just think about positive vibes.
They write most of my stories for fun.
There's so much out there that you'll probably never know.
This is only pirates.
Welcome back to the Story Pirates podcast.
Have you ever heard of a pun?
Well, a pun is a kind of joke that plays around with words.
Sometimes a pun uses a word that means one thing to mean another thing, or it uses words that really sound alike to mean different things.
It's kind of confusing when I try to describe what a pun is.
You know what? It's actually way easier just to show you what a pun is, which we do about a million times in today's story.
Here's the author to introduce it.
Hi, I'm Mateo. I'm six years old and I'm in New York, and this is my story.
Punsicles! Gee, Dad.
It sure is a beautiful Saturday afternoon in the park.
Right you are, Matthew.
We have a lot to do today.
But first, how would you like a cool treat?
Did someone say popsicles?
I'm just a normal ice cream salesman who does not have a thirst for chaos.
Okay. How would you two like a special treat?
It's not a popsicle.
It's a punsicle. I should warn you, though.
Once you've eaten a punsicle...
Matthew, should we buy these punsicles?
Yes, we should. Don't you want to hear my warning?
Here's your money. Never been that easy before.
Well, here are your punsicles.
They'll give you more laughs than you could ever know.
Bye -bye now. Okay, Dad.
Let's eat them. That was delicious.
Oh, hey, there's a joke written here on the little wooden stick.
Oh, mine has one too.
Why did the crab not share its toys?
Why? Because he was shellfish.
Okay, my turn. Why did the duck go to the store?
Why? To get cheese and quackers.
It's funny. We've each told our jokes.
It's time to throw these sticks away.
Hey, Dad. What kind of cake does a mouse have for its birthday?
Cheesecake! Weird. That joke wasn't on my popsicle stick.
I just felt like I had to say it.
Don't worry. I'm sure this has nothing to do with that creepy guy's warning and will not result in any unforeseen consequences.
Any who, we've got a busy day today.
Let's go to our first activity.
Greetings, everyone.
Thank you for coming to this week's father and son poetry club.
I'm Ted. And I'd like to kick things off today with a very serious poem by Emily Dickinson.
Hey, everyone. What sound does a poet make when they sneeze, like you?
Thank you, Matthew's Dad, for making that topically appropriate pun.
If you don't mind, I'd like to get back to the poem now.
Sorry, of course. I don't know why you're laughing.
Emily Dickinson is extremely serious.
No, seriously. I'm sorry.
I'm very, very sorry.
All right. I'll start again.
Hope is the thing we— Hey, Ted.
What did a snowman say to the other snowman?
Matthew, this is not a— Do you smell carrots?
Say carrots in those!
Would you two please stop?
Sorry, everyone. I think we need to step outside for a second.
My door! What happened back there?
I couldn't stop myself from making a pun!
Me either! Do we need to see a doctor?
No, no. We're fine.
Besides, hey, it's time for the next thing on the schedule.
Let's go! Order! Order in the court.
The defense may call their next witness.
Your Honor, in this very serious trial case of Jones v.
Smith, the defense calls Matthew and Matthew's Dad.
Objection! Two witnesses at once?
That's unheard of. Overruled!
There's too much at stake.
Come forward, you two.
Do you swear, tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?
I… I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, then it dawned on me.
Hey, I don't trust theirs.
They're always up to something!
Are you two making a mockery of my courtroom?
Not doing it on purpose, please.
You have to help us out!
Why us? Why? Also, why should you never eat a clock?
Because it's time! Consume me!
I am this close to holding you in contempt!
We have contempt for these puns!
I think we need to step outside for a second!
My door! Ooh, we can't stop making puns.
Maybe we should see a doctor now!
Oh, no, no, no, no.
We're almost done with everything.
What's the last thing we have to do today?
Hey, friends, family, welcome.
We are gathered here today to join Beth in marriage to Matthew's dad, with Matthew here as Best Man.
Babe, are you okay?
Beth, the puns! Save yourself before it's too late!
The puns? I believe that you have each written your own vows.
Beth will begin with you.
Matthew's dad. Since the day we met, I have fallen more and more in love with you.
I can't wait to spend forever together.
And now, Matthew's dad.
Help me. Matthew's dad?
Your vows? Hey, Beth!
What did the elderly pirate say on his birthday?
What? I'm Magy! I get it.
Octogenarian. Pirate joke?
Matthew's dad? Are your vows just a single pun?
Is this wedding a joke to you?
What's a vampire's favorite ship?
A blood vessel! Matthew, what's going on?
What's wrong with your father?
Why are you laughing?
I have a joke about construction, but I'm still working on it.
A groom and the best man can't stop making puns.
Everyone run! My God!
Dad, I can't stop laughing from our puns!
Why can't I stop? I don't think we can wait any longer.
Let's go to the doctor!
My goodness, this is the worst case of a pun decidus I've ever seen.
Hey, doctor. I played hide and seek at the hospital, but they kept finding me in the ICU!
That was so over done.
Nurse, I need medicine stat.
Yes, doctor. How do you stop a bull from charging?
We didn't take away its credit card!
Harry, we're running out of time!
I'm here! Have this anti -pun medicine!
Doctor, are they going to be okay?
Let's find out. Okay, you two, I need you to listen to me very carefully.
Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven is more than six?
I don't understand.
Numbers don't have feelings.
Matthew? Matthew's dad.
You two are going to be just fine.
Thanks, doc. Hey, why were we telling so many jokes?
Well, the reason was...
I don't think we'll ever find out why.
Actually, we can tell you what - I think we have to look it up on the news!
Welcome to the weekly news.
Hey, is that us on the TV?
Our dad and kid have eaten punsicles.
So that's probably why.
The end! We'll be right back.
Hey, grownups! Season seven of the Story Pirates podcast is right around the corner, and it's time for your kids to send us their own stories.
But, maybe, they don't know what to write about?
Luckily, Story Pirates is partnering this season with The Week Junior, an incredible magazine that kids can't wait to read.
Every issue of The Week Junior has a section called Photos of the Week that is full of photos that are great to tell an imaginative story about.
Grownups, as part of our partnership, you can get six free issues of The Week Junior for your family delivered right to your mailbox by going to theweekjunior .com slash Story Pirates.
And don't forget, The Story Pirates Amazing Adventure tour continues October 5th and 6th with shows in Connecticut and New Hampshire.
You can find tickets at storypirates .com slash live.
Now, back to the show.
And now it's time for Story Pirates Roll Call.
First up, from six -year -old Althea in North Carolina, we have a story called The Grape Story.
And this one's pretty short, so I'll just read it to you.
Ahem. One day, I found a talking grape.
I played with it and I ate it.
The end. I love that.
Short, sweet, to the point.
Incredible story, Althea.
Next up, from a seven -year -old in New York named Felix, we have a story called Bugs Bugging Ladies.
And this one goes like this.
How many ladies could a lady bug bug if a lady bug could bug ladies in stores?
Now, I'm wondering what the stores part of this means, Felix.
You have created quite the mystery here, my friend.
Lady bugs in stores?
Bugging ladies? Too creative.
Great work, my friend.
And finally, from nine -year -old Adeline in New Hampshire, we have Pick Your Nose, but seriously don't.
That's gross. And this story is about a classroom of children who listen very well.
In fact, they might just listen too well.
What do I mean by that?
You're going to have to read Adeline's original story to find out.
To do that and to read all of today's Roll Call stories, just head to storypirates .com slash podcast.
And now it's time for you to write us a story.
Grown -ups can submit kids stories at storypirates .com, and remember, we respond to every single story we receive.
Roll call. That's it for today's episode.
Thanks for listening, and a big thanks to Mateo, today's author.
We'll be back next week with another brand new story.
Until then, stay creative and stay kind.
The Story Pirates Podcast is a production of Story Pirates Studios, executive produced by Leo Retri and Benjamin Salka.
This episode was produced by Sam Baer, Minh Zwe Karami, Peter McNerney, Andrew Miller, and Leo Retri.
Recording, sound design and mixing by Sam Baer at The Relic Room in New York City.
Our theme song was written by Bobby Lord and produced by Sam Baer, Bobby Lord, Jack Mitchell, and Brendan O 'Grady.
Roll call theme by Andrew Barbado.
Musical scoring by Jack Mitchell and Eric Kirsten.
Ponzicles was adapted by Andrew Miller.
This episode features performances by Langston Darby, Chris Berry, Woody Boo, Ilana Fishbein, Peter McNerney, Alexander Nader, Leo Retri, Rebecca Roble, Julia Schroeder, and Harry Wood.
There were so many puns in today's episode.
It was basically, um, it was, it was basically maltreatment.
Wait, that's not it.
I know that there is a pun here that I'm looking for.
Let me try again. There were so many puns in today's episode.
It was like, um, we were, there was, we were being chastised.
No, nope, that's not it either.
The puns were so much this episode.
It was like, um, we were being, um, disciplined.
No, the puns were so much that we were inflicted with, um, comeuppance.
Nope, no, we were being corrected.
No, um, we were, um, we were not happy about it.
There is a pun here somewhere.
I don't know what it is.
I can't find it. This is the worst punishment I could, wait, that's it.
