Hi, and welcome back to Eat Your Crust Podcast.
I'm Crystal.
And I'm Jisoo.
So we've talked a lot about getting older lately and we've kind of brushed upon this topic here and there.
But we thought it could be fun to talk about kids and babies just a little more in depth, because now that we're older maybe we have some different opinions or different excitements regarding this topic.
I guess, to start us off, are you, on camp, excited about children as we get older, or more neutral, or more like avoidant?
So I am very excited to have children, but I will say that this feeling is not without like, a level of complexity.
I've shared a lot on this podcast about how I've always been very excited to be a mom and Having a happy family has been a lifelong dream of mine.
So I think gearing up for motherhood has been on top of my mind for the last couple of years.
But I think the excitement that you feel about becoming a mom when you're in your early 20s or something like that, versus it becoming a real life thing as we're approaching 30 is completely different.
Because now when I see like pregnancy reveals or something on TikTok, I'm not thinking, oh my God, can't wait till I'm their age and I can also do these things.
I'm like, oh shit, low key, some of these people are younger than me now.
So I think, yes, I am very excited.
I am looking forward to being a mom, but it is also, at the same time, so hard for me to believe that we are at childbearing age.
I know right, a lot of tiktoks i see now of people getting pregnant around our age.
Their caption is something like oh my god, going through my first teen pregnancy.
They can't believe it either.
They're like, wait, I'm allowed to have kids?
I'm an adult right now?
Right.
It's just so much responsibility.
And unlike anything else, there's no internship that you do before or like no training period.
You're just recommended like a book or two and you're just like tossed into it.
So true.
Going back to the original question though, i am actually i'm excited about people around me having kids, especially if that's something that they really want to do.
But, like for myself, i'm still neutral to on the fence of like what the future holds in terms of childbearing, But I do think it's really cute when people bring their kid to hang out and get so excited about starting a new chapter in their lives.
So I feel like it's a really uplifting vibe and like time.
It is very exciting.
And I've actually never been to a full-on baby shower yet, besides the small ones that people sometimes host at work.
But like you said, it is a very hopeful experience.
Or I don't know if hopeful is the right word, but it's like your heart just swells with love and joy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
When they share pictures of their kid, it's just like super cute.
Yeah, it is very cute.
So I have a question for you, because I thought it was interesting that you said becoming a parent is like a new chapter.
I also totally agree.
It's like a brand new experience that you're going into, but...
Do you feel like in some ways you're also closing a different chapter when you become a parent?
Dude, yes.
Absolutely.
So the way I see it is, when someone takes on the responsibility of becoming a parent, they are putting aside their own, I guess, focus or maybe like their own life in a way.
Not like putting it completely aside, but just they are definitely prepping to sacrifice a certain amount of time and effort.
So you always have to pay attention to them and make sure that they're surviving and they're getting fed and all of those things.
So I feel like there's definitely a closure of a certain level to a chapter of your life.
I was actually talking to one of my coworkers recently.
He just had a kid and went off on parent leave.
He actually spoke to me about the future.
Like once him and his husband have this kid now, what does the future look like for these two?
And he actually said he is willing to give up his career and let his husband continue that career.
And I was like, oh my God, like these are conversations that you would have to have.
Yeah, sometimes it's like straight up just about the numbers, right?
I've read online about couples having to sit down and literally compare the lower earning partner's salary versus how much it costs to like have a full-time nanny, or like a nanny from nine to five on Mondays and Fridays.
So you're literally evaluating, should I work?
Or should I just be a stay at home parent?
Because net net, what is more profitable for the household?
And you're right, these conversations probably wouldn't happen if you didn't have a kid, because Your pets are probably not as time-consuming and hard to take care of as a kid.
This is also very apparent in the Bay Area for us, because There's a lot of high-earning families and individuals here, which just drives up the price on everything else.
It is a very common conversation about how expensive childcare is in the Bay.
I can't really speak to any other state.
I'm sure it's also very expensive everywhere else, but I just know that in the Bay Area it is a big problem.
And I keep hearing stories of.
I think there's like some level of expectation that people have, including myself.
I am hoping and praying that once we have a child, our parents would be willing to come and like take care of the child.
But even with that comes a lot of different logistical questions and also a question of like willingness or availability that comes up too.
So I feel like it's just a lot of complications and a lot of these conversations, I'm sure, are not the most easy or like comfortable sometimes.
Like, if you have to sit down with your partner and say okay, I think you should quit your job.
Or, you know, I think my mom should come and take care of the kid more, or you know, like whatever complicated conversations, I feel like it could also put strain on the relationship as well, or at least challenge it.
For sure.
And I've also seen where people also struggle with chatting with their own parents or in-laws because they're like oh well, I don't want you to parent my kid in this way.
Right.
Like I've been working on parenting my kid in this way and now you're like messing it all up.
You know.
But yeah, I think I've just seen so many different variations of like what parenthood can look like from coworkers or friends.
So I feel like you're right.
There's just so many different possibilities and a lot of them can involve tough conversations.
But ultimately, I'm sure it's a very, very exciting and rewarding experience.
Totally agree.
And I think what you said about observing people who are maybe like closer to our age versus our parents' age or something, and observing them as parents has been so interesting for me because a lot of my coworkers are parents and a lot of them are maybe like within 10 years of my age.
I think I realized I have very recently learned what it looks like to be a chill parent.
Oh yeah.
And it's like so shocking to me to see, because my parents are pretty anxious okay, and while they weren't crazy strict, i would say they were like worried parents.
And i have a co-worker and i was chatting with her the other day and i was like, oh my god, you seem so chill because your kid is very young, like under two, but you like never complain about it at work.
You're never like, I got no sleep last night or like being a mom is so hard.
How do you do it?
And she was like, I don't know.
I'm like not worried all the time.
And I was like, what the fuck?
I thought that went hand in hand with being a parent.
I love that you brought this up though, because I feel like I've also seen what I think is like a chill person at work, but they're less chill when it comes to their kids.
Oh, interesting.
So some of the people I'm thinking about.
They're definitely easygoing, but they also know when to put their foot down.
Maybe that's like a good way of describing it.
But then when we talk about their kids, they're like extra cognizant about certain things.
Oh, sometimes there's a bit of a mismatch there where I'm like oh, I view you as like a relatively chill person, but I've noticed that you worry about so many things regarding your kid.
I wonder what it is, because my gut is telling me that when you have kids, you are probably more likely to act like at least one of your parents, because it's like learned behaviors, right.
You know what a parent looks like in the context of your family.
And that behavior is probably what you associate with being a parent.
So therefore, when you're a parent, you're like okay, this is the behavior that I should indulge in.
But maybe your work persona, for example, is something that you build up.
So it's like chosen behavior.
But at the same time, I could see it being more random than that.
It always makes me think, if I were to be a parent, would I be a chill parent or like, a strict parent or a super anxious parent?
Do you ever think about that?
I do.
And honestly, depending on the day, I feel like my answer for myself changes.
And I'm trying to think if you would be a strict parent or a chill parent.
I could see you leaning either way, but I think you would have high expectations for your child.
Oh, shit.
High expectations just in general or about specific things?
I think you would want your kid to be pretty successful in at least one thing.
Like they can't be a bum.
Yeah.
But I don't think you would be like a helicopter parent.
That's true.
I think I can agree with that.
Like, I wouldn't be like, you need to have good grades necessarily.
But I would probably be like, you need to be good at something.
Choose something and be good at it.
Don't just sit around.
I'm thinking if you would be a chill... I think you might be a bit of an anxious parent.
Yeah.
I think I would for sure be anxious.
But I think I wouldn't have crazy expectations for my kid.
I could see you being very moderate about it.
Also, like, I want to see you succeed, but I don't want to be overbearing.
That kind of vibe.
Yeah, dude, who knows?
I mean, I'm thinking back to even my parents and I feel like every couple of years they swapped their parent personas and I was like, who is this?
What is this like dad version 4.0?
Yeah, you're like, why don't you care about this anymore?
Do you feel like anyone you know is like a tiger parent?
Yeah, I can definitely see some of my friends becoming tiger parents.
I'm wondering because tiger parents are very common in our generation, like you know, first generation immigrant parents or even first generation immigrants ourselves.
And I wonder if, because tiger parents are a little more prevalent for us, that it would start to fade for the next generations, because it's like we might be scarred from it.
I guess True.
I'm trying to think though, because while I can see the traditional sense of tiger parent being unfashionable, I wonder if the idea of a tiger parent is going to morph.
And the reason I say that is there's always like a counterculture movement, right?
So I feel like In response to the wave of tiger parents, gentle parenting became a thing.
True.
But gentle parenting, it's been a thing already.
So then I wonder if, by the time that us and our friends are becoming parents and our kids are older, maybe gentle parenting will be out and then some variation of tiger parenting will be back in.
But maybe it won't be as like, intense or as helicopter-y as before, but potentially morph into something more, maybe in between gentle and tiger.
Yeah.
Like straightforward parenting or some shit.
Maybe.
I mean, honestly, I have seen some discourse about gentle parenting.
Sometimes in comments or whatever, people have thoughts about it, which is fair.
I feel like no parenting technique is truly perfect.
So every style, I'm sure, has certain pros and cons.
But yeah, I'm curious because tiger parenting definitely has come with immigration, right?
And I think that's the source of tiger as well, right?
Because it's like Asian or whatever.
Don't quote me on that.
But I'm glad you brought up helicopter parenting, because I do think that one has been just like a general parenting style that has existed for a while.
Yeah, I guess it's like an instinct to want to protect your kid.
And some people are able to kind of let that go a little bit and let their kids live.
But it's hard, right?
Yeah, I feel like it's what happens when all the content that you see on Netflix is true crime.
Oh my god.
Because my mom I wouldn't say my mom is a helicopter parent, but she's like a very anxious parent and she loves true crime.
It's all she watches.
And even when she watches Korean dramas, it's like crime related drama.
And I feel like the anxiety that she had raising me can be blamed on, like the type of content she chooses to watch.
Hey, that checks out.
I can see the connection there.
I think my mom can also be kind of anxious about certain things, but what's interesting is that i feel like she's anxious about some things, but she only expresses a certain level of anxiety.
Oh interesting.
So I didn't learn about just how stressed, I guess, or anxious, she was about certain moments or milestones in my life until more recently.
Now that we're both adults and we can kind of talk about it.
She was like, dude, I didn't think you were going to get into like university.
Like I couldn't sleep.
I was like, dude.
I was like, okay, I can understand that you're very stressed, but also like, come on.
I'm pretty sure I could get into university.
No, i literally had the same conversation with my mom.
She was like oh, so worried all of senior year.
I was like why right, chill out.
She was like you won't understand unless you become a parent someday.
And i'm like i'm sure there's a lot of truth to that.
Yeah, For us we're just like okay, come on, chill.
But maybe in the future, you're like, I can't sleep.
What if my child doesn't get into school?
We wake up one night, we're like, wait, it's not funny anymore.
Like she was fucking right.
I mean, I wonder if people who have pets can try to kind of surmise what their parental style would be by observing how they treat their pets.
Because I do feel like some pet owners are more anxious and then other pet owners are more chill about things.
For sure.
So maybe that's like a preview.
Although it is very different to raise a pet.
Versus a kid, even in terms of like timelines or responsibilities and stuff.
No, but I can already see some parallels.
Some parents are really careful about what they feed their children and they want to make sure that they're very focused on healthy foods.
And some pet parents, they are also very picky about the food that they give their pets.
Yeah, raw food only.
Yeah, so I'm sure that would be a very similar.
You know one of the easy, like translatable patterns.
I actually think about it a lot when I see pet parents talk to their pets.
Because I think there's like a broad spectrum of what people say to their pets.
But I always assume that pets can understand what you're saying to them.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
I feel like some people just like joke around around their pets and like don't really give it too much thought.
Yeah, but that could be another thing too.
Like how gentle are you with your words around your kids?
For sure.
Okay, what is your like goal though?
Because you're not a parent yet, but what is your like ideal style that you hope you become?
I think I'm hoping that me and James can like tag team the parenting a little.
In my imagination, I am like a kind of chill parent.
Anxious, yes.
But in terms of like pushing our kid or wanting the kid to be like super, super successful, like I don't really care about that as much.
I want to have a very, very happy and healthy kid.
And then grades and stuff beyond that I don't care as long as they're not a terrible student.
But I think James will have like a different set of expectations.
So maybe I can be the good cop and James can be the bad cop.
I feel like James would have high expectations.
Yeah, I think.
I can just imagine it.
You'd be like, oh, our kid's doing great.
And James is like, dude, I think they can do better.
I know they have it in them.
I'd be like, don't push the kid too much.
This was kind of like how I grew up, actually.
Like my parents were sort of like that.
My dad was on the stricter side with high expectations.
And then my mom just wanted me to be like happy and healthy.
So then I feel like this is the dynamic I'm used to.
You're like, perfect.
This is exactly what I watched.
Yeah.
I can see that.
I can totally see that.
And I hope that you grow into exactly the dynamic that you want to have.
But moving on a little bit from ourselves, have you seen more and more friends and people around you have newborns.
Oh my God, yes.
And it trips me out because you mentioned the teen pregnancy meme earlier.
And I think that's so true, because sometimes I'm like how are you guys just allowed to have this fetus?
Right.
My coworkers will sometimes bring in their kids, right?
And they always call me out because they say that I have no idea what babies are like.
I think once I was talking to a coworker and I was like, oh yeah, what does your kid like to eat?
It's like a 14 month old kid or whatever.
And she was like, oh, he loves chicken tenders.
And I was like, what?
What?
He can eat processed food and like solid food?
I thought he would just be eating baby food till he was like two years old or something.
And I have this like plushie that sits on my desk.
It's about like a foot long or so.
And I was like holding it one day and I was like, oh my God, guys, is your kid this big?
Because I have a co-worker who has like an eight month old.
And he was like, I think my kid was bigger than that when it was born.
And I was like what the fuck?
But i think it's good experience, like i'm very happy to have other people our age with kids around me, because i can't be the only one who doesn't know, like this dude, i don't know a lot of stuff too.
I was right there with you like wait, they can eat chicken tenders.
I thought that, like when you asked oh, what's their favorite food, that the person was going to say nothing.
They have to eat baby food.
Right.
Like maybe at most like peas or some shit.
But yeah, I think it's so crazy to see how people our age are like handling parenthood, because I feel like I'm barely on top of my own life right now.
I feel that way too.
Do you also have friends with newborns around you?
I do.
A couple here and there.
Some of them are like a little older now, maybe like one or two.
But there's definitely a few that are pretty young, like under one.
I don't know.
It's kind of crazy.
I'm like, whoa, this is a small child.
I'm just like, whoa, this is a living being.
It's also really interesting because even at such a young age, you can see some personality traits.
Recently, there was this kid at my family friend party earlier in the year and that kid likes to look at adult shoes and wear them. whoa wait what the hell because it was a family friend thing everyone's shoes is like by the front door so this kid like he walks over and he starts wearing everyone's shoes and just like walking around yeah and it was super cute and i was like oh my god that's so funny it's just like they have these little court yeah dude it is really crazy watching babies I had a similar experience where I was observing my co-worker's baby.
He was reading a book or I guess he was having a book read to him.
And it was one of those like children's picture books, where let's go to old McDonald's farm and then here are all the animals inside the farm.
But The art style was kind of like scratchy jaggedy lines, slightly more on the like creative artistic side versus traditional, like drawings of cows or something right.
But he still looked at the drawings, saw the cow that had the black and white pattern pointed at it and was like moo.
And I was like, what? holy fuck, how does he know?
And my coworker was like, what are you talking about?
It's like, you know, it's like pattern recognition.
And this is like the 14 month old that we were talking about.
He flips the page.
It's like a pig with the snout and like pink.
And he's like, oink.
And I was like, holy shit, this kid is a genius.
And then the craziest thing on the last page, there was a picture of a dog.
Uh-huh.
But the dog was blue.
So I was like, oh, he's not going to get this one.
Because this whole time he's been looking at colors and patterns.
Right, right.
But he looked at it and was like, that's a dog.
And it just blew my mind, honestly.
Oh, my God.
Wait, that is really funny to me.
That this is blowing your mind.
Okay, but the real question is when do kids start to talk?
Oh, dude, I have no idea, honestly.
Yeah, I don't really have this information locked down either.
I remember vaguely speaking about this with a friend before we all started texting our moms like hey, when did we start talking?
And my mom was like, oh, yeah, you're a little slow.
And I was like, I thought she was trolling me at first.
I was like, oh, haha.
No, seriously.
Like, when did I start talking?
She's like, no, you were like a little slow.
We were a little worried.
I was like wait.
But then she was like oh, but we figured it out.
Like you were just confused because there were multiple languages going on.
So once you started talking, you started speaking like chinglish, or like french and english together, or you know some like random shit together.
Yeah yeah, i was like oh okay, so i'm not stupid.
Oh, that is kind of crazy because that's three different languages.
Because my daycare at the time, they spoke mostly French with a little bit of English.
So she was like yeah, you just like didn't really talk at daycare and you just didn't really talk in general.
And then suddenly one day you started talking.
We were like, oh, okay.
She knows what's going on.
You're like speaking in full sentences.
But yeah, I feel like it's just crazy, right?
It's easy to forget that these babies and kids are actually really smart.
Yeah, one of the things that we were talking about with this co-worker's baby was it's like a really cute looking baby super, super adorable, and he would sometimes do these movements that just screamed i know, i'm cute, you know.
Yeah, my co-worker was like Yeah, he knows you guys are like eating that shit up.
And I was like, damn.
Oh my god.
We're getting played.
Okay, another person who has had a kid close to me actually not physically close, but she's my first cousin.
And she had a kid recently.
I'm like, oh my god, I'm an aunt now.
Oh.
And I feel like obligated.
I'm like, I need to go visit my cousin sometime.
I need to meet this child.
It's just, it's a weird feeling, I think.
So her parents were sharing some pictures.
I was like, oh my God, sometimes the baby kind of looks like my cousin.
Yeah oh, that's so cute.
Yeah, sometimes the parents are like, oh my god, like the baby looks like you know whichever parent too, and it's super cute.
My mom's been following along closely to like the album that they've been sharing and she was like, oh my god, your cousin looks like she's having so much fun being a mom.
Like they keep taking the baby everywhere and they like have little nicknames for themselves and i was like, oh my god, she's having the time of her life, which is also really funny because i had been chatting with her when we were a bit younger i think she was maybe 28 and we were like 26 or whatever And I asked her at the time.
I was like, oh my God.
So are you like ready to get married?
And she was like, I really don't know.
And then the moment she turned 30, she was like, I'm getting married.
I'm having a kid.
So I thought that was pretty funny.
Yeah, I wonder what it was.
But I guess sometimes you just know when you feel ready to do these new things.
But yeah, I feel like it's also interesting because you really get to see a new side of people, whether they're a parent or a friend who's interacting a lot more with babies.
I find that part also really fascinating.
Yeah, that's so true.
And I think sometimes the change you see is kind of hilarious, because I don't know if you've ever been in this situation, but I've been in a conversation once where I was like talking to someone.
She had her baby.
And then at first, because I don't have a baby, right?
Like I'm just talking to this person.
And then slowly, through the conversation, I realized that I was in a three-person conversation with me this other person and their baby.
You're like, oh wait, this baby is conscious.
And I think, as the parent you like keep looking down at the baby, like make sure it's alive and breathing.
So then I also kept mirroring that, like checking on the baby every two seconds.
Like, are you OK?
We're just in like a three person conversation.
The baby's nodding along.
They're like, moo.
Moo.
I'm like, oh my God, the next Einstein.
But yeah, that is true.
Even though these babies might not actually be contributing to the conversation with words necessarily, They're still like a part of the situation.
Yeah.
And I think subtly it changes our behavior too.
I try not to cuss around babies is the obvious one.
I also feel like somewhat guilty drinking when there's a baby in the room.
Even though I'm not the parent, I'm just like, you shouldn't be seeing this.
This is bad for you.
I think it's also really cool to see who gets along really well with kids and who is really able to like bring out their playful side and entertain the kids.
Dude, I'm hella jealous of people who are good with babies.
I feel like I love babies and hold so much affection for them, but I'm just like naturally more awkward.
So even with babies, I'm a little awkward.
I'm like, hello.
I feel like you're like scared of babies a little bit.
I'm scared of like holding them or being like super close to them, even though i want to hold them.
Have you ever asked to hold them?
I've been offered.
My cousin has a baby.
When i saw her, her baby was like very, very young, maybe like under six months or something like that.
She was like do you want to hold him?
I was a little scared.
So I think I just had my mom do it.
Oh my God, no.
But you want to hold a baby.
I know.
It's just like so much response.
I'm like-
You're so fragile and small.
Okay, you should think of it this way.
The parents have been holding this baby for like, what, 14 months already?
Like they're tired.
They're excited for you to hold it.
That is true.
And I might as well practice.
Yeah.
I'll be brave next time.
Yes.
I'm like working up the courage.
Okay, I will say this though.
I have asked to hold some toddlers or babies.
Actually, the real issue comes in when you're holding with them, you're having some fun with them and usually, like the parent or whatever, will say like oh, they really like this food, or you can entertain them with that right, and so then they leave you with the baby and then you realize, oh my god, i'm babysitting.
Now how do i give this baby back?
And then suddenly all the things that they recommended aren't working.
I'm like, wait, how do I return this baby?
The parents are like partying.
They're like, oh my God, thank God I can go get a beer now.
Damn, actually, that's genius.
I'm taking notes as we speak.
Yeah, I encourage you to ask to hold babies.
Don't shy away from it.
Also, if you hold it wrong, they'll teach you right then and there.
That's a free lesson.
That's true.
I'm also dying that you said it.
Oh, sorry.
My bad.
Them.
Actually, the day my co-worker brought in her kid, I was like excitedly texting James, and I was like, oh my God, the kid is so cute.
You know, the kid just did this blah blah, blah.
But instead of saying the kid or he, because it was a boy, I sent James like 20 messages where I was calling this kid it.
And then at the end of my long text chain, I was like, oh, sorry, I meant him asterisk.
Yeah, I think I do that too a lot.
They just don't feel like real people yet.
Yeah.
We have to accept that they are.
I do have something that has been on my mind.
Yes.
And I wonder if you can help me flesh it out.
Okay.
I feel like ever since me and James moved in together, people have always asked us every year do you want a pet?
And I always say no because I have all of these things that I have in my head about like, oh you know, a pet is so much work to take care of.
There's a lot you have to sacrifice and blah, blah.
And these have been very like firm reasons to not get a pet for me and James for like a decade now.
But I'm like is it weird that I feel all this hesitation about getting a pet, but I don't feel hesitation about having a kid?
I don't think so.
Because immediately, I'm thinking of two things.
One, when you get a pet, there's like that adjustment period.
If it's an older pet, then you're getting used to it and showing it its new home.
And usually during that time, you need to spend a little more time with it.
Or if you adopt like a baby pet, then you definitely need to spend more time with it.
But when you have a kid, you can take parental leave.
There's built-in systems that help you deal with that.
But with pets, there's not as many.
Like you can't take a parental leave to raise a puppy, right?
That's true.
Although that kind of sucks for people who don't want to be parents but want to be like pet parents.
Yeah.
And then the other thing is like kids eventually grow up to be hopefully an independent adult.
But like pets will always have to rely on you.
That's true.
And kids will go to places like they'll go to school.
They're not just going to sit at home all day.
Yeah.
Waiting for you to come home.
Yeah, that's true.
I wonder if it's weird because I know some people lead the other way, right?
Like they're like more than happy to have pets, but maybe they feel hesitation or an unwillingness to have kids.
And that makes sense to me, because i feel like having a kid is a longer responsibility, where you're dedicating like your lifetime to this kid.
Right not to solely live for this kid but Yeah, to like be a good parent for this person.
Right.
But to be pro kid and not pro pet.
I was like, is that strange?
I'm i'm also thinking of some examples like one of the biggest things about having pets is like it's a lot harder to travel, but if you have a kid, you can.
You can just bring the kid with you.
You know, there's no special rules like kid has to be crated or something like that.
Yeah, just car seated and stroller, exactly like it'll be a bit more troublesome to pack, you know the extra tools to bring the kid on the trip, but it's not the same.
The world is built for you to have a kid, but it's a little less built for you to have a pet.
That's true.
I guess it's also like what are you willing to do for your new responsibility?
Like I feel like I'm willing to do a lot as a mom for a kid, but as a pet mom I might not feel like I'm willing to do enough to be a good enough pet mom.
So then maybe that's what it is too.
And I also feel like when you have a kid, it's like a long term thing.
Or I don't know how to describe this right, but I just mean like It is more than just having a pet, if you know what I mean.
Yeah, yeah.
Like it's a whole journey.
Not that having a pet isn't a journey, but it's like a whole new life challenge.
It's a big decision.
Having a pet, I think, is also a big decision, but in a different way.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's just gonna be crazy.
Yeah, i'm like picturing my life once i'm a mom.
I wonder if i'm gonna think back to like these moments, you know, when i'm not a mom, and be like wow, i didn't, i had no idea dude, you know like what was waiting for me two years after you have your kid.
I'll send you this episode again, Send me the video version.
Oh my God, I should.
And then you can be like, oh my God, why did I think a 14 year old wouldn't recognize a cow?
Or sorry, not 14 year old.
14 month old.
I'm like, duh.
You're like, why did I think a 14-month-old would not be able to eat chicken tenders?
It's going to seem so obvious to me.
You're right.
Once I'm a mom.
Wow, now I'm excited for you to see this episode in X amount of years.
I do like sometimes bring up this whole, you know, having kids thing at work.
I actually talk about it a lot, even in my personal life or in our you know conversations too.
You know I like talk about it a lot.
But I've been trying to get advice from coworkers about I know I want to have kids in X number of years.
What should I be doing before?
Or like, do you have advice or like how things changed for you?
And the number one advice that I've gotten from this one coworker.
Like every time I see this person, they give me the same advice.
They're like, You have to be campaigning to your friends to all have kids at the same time.
Otherwise, you're going to have to make friends with your kids' friends' parents.
And that's like rolling the dice, you know, on who it's going to be.
You're going to have to do like playdates with these people.
So you might as well make it your own friends versus taking a chance on like someone you may not mesh with or get along with as well.
And I was telling them, I was like, I've been trying.
You've not been trying hard enough.
Wait, that person literally said that to me.
I was like, okay.
Oh my god.
Well, I mean, you have at least one person on board.
Yeah, true, true.
I think I've collected about three people now, which is good enough.
Dude, and also, one of your current pregnant friends...
That's close enough, I think.
That's true.
That's true.
But it's just crazy.
I have a coworker who's a couple years older than me and has a kid.
Sometimes I feel like when I see her, I'm looking at me two years from now.
Oh, my God.
How does it feel?
Exciting?
It feels strange.
Okay.
I just like to overanalyze stuff, but sometimes I like look into what she's saying and like try to dissect what that means.
What do you mean?
Like just general things or about like parenthood?
I try to see if her responses to things signal how my attitude towards certain things will change in the future.
So, like one example is sometimes at work, we'll talk about like exercising or like going to the gym or something.
As we've talked about earlier in the year, both you and I have been working out a lot.
It's like a big part of my schedule right now.
Yeah.
But when we talk about it she'll kind of allude to like not having gone in a while or something like that.
So then I'm like okay, I should expect that I won't have as much me time or like as much free time later.
So then I'll like need to bake these things in early and like make it a habit and a schedule early so that it's easier when I actually am a mom.
Hey, if it helps one of my mom coworkers.
She makes sure to work out two times a week, as much as she can, so that she can continue to lift her baby as her baby gets older.
It's so cute.
Yeah.
But you know, it's just things like that.
I don't know.
I just be anticipating.
That's true.
Like you'll never truly know until it's happening.
And I had this thought today.
I was like dude.
I should just fucking declutter this entire house so that whenever we have a kid, the kid stuff would fit.
And who knows if we'll still be at this place or whatever.
But I was like the fact that this house is this messy when I'm not even a mom is fucking crazy.
I'm sure there'll be a lot of toys strewn around soon.
No, but maybe you'll naturally become less messy because you'll have less time to do personal things that would cause clutter.
That's true.
It's like how, when you're really busy, there's less procrastinating, because you just like cannot procrastinate on anything anymore.
Yeah, like maybe it'll just be clothes strewn around and then, instead of your stuff strewn around, the baby stuff strewn around.
True, true.
And that stuff should be relatively easy, right?
It's like tiny shit.
How hard could it be?
But yeah, I feel like I'm excited for you anyway, regardless of your nervous anticipation.
A good way of putting it.
I think it'll be really good, especially because it's something that you want.
I feel like I've always seen a lot of excitement from people who are pregnant or having kids, who have wanted to have kids.
Aw, thanks.
But I do have one final question for you.
Yeah.
Which is you mentioned earlier in the episode that you are neutral.
Slash on the fence about having kids.
But does seeing people around you have kids change anything?
Maybe less so your stance, but how you see like pregnancy or motherhood or anything like that.
Actually, I should amend my statement to say that actually I lean towards no kids.
There are a different set of worries that I have because I lean towards no kids.
One is the one that your coworker mentioned.
Once you have a kid then your friend group tends to change a bit because your life is a little more revolved around that child.
So maybe you don't see people without kids as often.
That's like kind of a worry.
I'm like, oh, shoot.
Well, what if everyone does end up having kids and then who will hang out with me?
I guess the kids.
But I don't think seeing people around me have kids necessarily changes my stance on yet, because right now it's still very early stages.
One of the big reasons actually is because i don't feel ready to put my life on a certain level of pause yet, like i feel like i still have goals or things that i want to accomplish, And so I actually was talking to someone about this.
I was like, if we could live till 200, I'm sure by 100, I would be ready to have a kid.
I don't know if I would be ready by like, in a couple years or something like that.
Yeah.
So I think, as I see more and more people have kids as we progress and I see what kind of sacrifices are made, what kind of adaptations are made and what is possible and what isn't possible, I think only after seeing that will I potentially have more of a sway to either side.
I think that's super fair.
I mean, we've talked a lot this episode about how it's a huge responsibility to undertake parenthood.
And while the examples that we have seen are parents having a good time, parents being chill, we also know that there are so many different sacrifices that you have to make.
So I think it's super fair to want to pause on making such a big life decision.
And it's also just fucked up that, as women, we feel pressured to make these decisions so much younger.
I know.
I feel like that's the worst part.
It is getting better though.
Like remember when it was like Anne Hathaway, Aubrey Plaza, Elizabeth Olsen they're like all pregnant right now and they're all on the slightly older side.
So people are like, oh my god, older pregnancies are getting more and more acceptable as well as manageable and possible.
Yeah.
That's true.
And with like, more and more tech companies sponsoring women, like freezing their eggs, or just like the possibility that we can freeze our eggs or embryos if we wanted to.
I feel like it is more hopeful, but it's just not like that male bliss of being able to choose whatever you want to be a parent anymore.
I know, yeah.
And I think that's another thing.
Like, I have complicated feelings because I'm like, well, I know I'm not ready now.
But, like, what if I turn 50 and I'm like, actually...
I am ready to like, I do want to try that out.
Right.
But then it's just like, well, you're 50 now.
It's like way too hard.
The risks are high and it's a toll on your body and you don't like all those kinds of things.
So I think there's also that fear of like oh, what if current me is like fucking it up for future me?
Yeah.
Damn, if only you could talk to her.
Yeah, it's not easy.
And I think we've been very like hopeful and optimistic this whole episode.
But at the same time I think it's more and more common for people in our generation to not want to have kids or at the very least wait until late 30s or early 40s to even make that decision.
So the good thing is, i think we'll just have more examples right like as we age, so you'll be able to see like parenthood could look like this or parenthood like can look like that, and then you can maybe make like a more informed decision when you're older, And hopefully for me I would be a good example of that.
I'm sure you will be.
I can't talk to future me as well, so I have no idea.
Hey, and the good part is if I don't have kids, I can always help babysit.
Yeah.
That I don't mind.
We know how much nannies make.
Not a small amount.
Well, thank you so much, Jisoo, for chatting with me about our feelings about parenthood and babies.
I feel like it's just something that naturally comes to the forefront of our minds around these ages.
So it was fun to dissect some of our worries and excitements.
And for our listeners out there.
If you have any thoughts that you wanted to share about parenthood or having babies, feel free to share with us.
We have social media at eatyourcrustpod and we also have email eatyourcrustpod at gmail.com.
And if you'd like to catch our other episodes, then don't forget to follow us on Spotify, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
We upload new episodes every other Wednesday morning.
Thanks for listening.
And don't forget to eat your crust.
