Hey, it's Ren Mel and welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast.
I have got a really weird question for you.
Have you ever thought about portals, you know, like doors to a different world?
Now don't think I'm nuts, but I am reading this book right now.
I am so hooked.
It's a fantasy novel.
I literally cannot put it down.
I cannot wait to get into my card to push play and listen.
It's called A Court of Thorns and Roses.
It is by Sarah J. Moss and it is just...
Incaptivating.
I mean, I am transported to this other world called Prithian.
It's just like around the fairies and I am so lost in the book.
I'm listening to the dramatic read with all the sound effects.
It's almost like having a movie in your ears.
It is so cool.
And I was just talking about it this morning at our team meeting before we were going
to brainstorm the episode that we're taping for you right now.
And it turns out the entire staff here at one
team for three studios is reading this book.
I am not kidding.
Who knew everybody was into fairies?
And before you think this is an ad, this is not an ad.
This is just your crazy friend Mel sharing her latest obsession.
It is trending on TikTok.
This book is flying off the shelves everywhere and I know why.
It is magical.
And it got me thinking about something.
What if there was a whole other world that you could tap into?
And it's kind of like a portal to the fairy world that you could pass through.
Only in this world you would be happier.
What if I told you that it is possible to tap into this other happier world and all you
need in order to open that portal between where you are right now and the happiness that
you want to feel is a pen and a piece of paper.
Oh my gosh, I was so caught up in talking to you about this book that I just realized.
I didn't even introduce myself.
So let's back up a little bit and let's step into the here and now.
It's Mal.
I am so glad that you're here whether you're listening for yourself or because somebody
that you love shared this episode with you.
Welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast family.
And thank you for making this podcast one of the most popular podcasts in the entire
world.
It is really an honor to spend this time with you.
And I want to acknowledge you for something before we jump into the amazing topic today.
You could be listening or watching a million things right now.
I mean, you could be listening to this juicy fantasy audio book that I'm currently
addicted to a quarter-thorough neuroses, but you're a lot smarter than me because you chose
to listen to something that can help you create a better life instead of trying to escape
yours by disappearing into a world of fairies.
And that brings me back to this idea of two worlds.
Just imagine that there are two different worlds.
The one that you're living in right now and the world I want you to tap into.
Because what you're going to learn today is that there is a portal to a happier you.
And I know how to open that portal.
And I can teach you to pass through it.
See, I have this exercise that I cannot believe I haven't shared with you on this podcast
yet.
It's a very simple exercise that will really give you the clues to how you can be happier,
not a year from now, not a decade from now, but happier in your life day to day.
And this is an exercise that has helped thousands of people.
It's an exercise that has helped me over and over and over again to pass through that
portal to go from where I am right now to a different world and to bring back clues
so that I can be a happier me here.
And I know you're thinking Mel Robbins has lost your damn mind.
But I'm going to tell you something.
You keep listening because if you really think about it, when you're reading a fantasy
novel like Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings or Fourth Wing, isn't it interesting that
the main character has this ability to pass between worlds.
Whether you're talking about Harry Potter and he's going from the Muggle world to the
Wizard world, they always learn something that they need to bring back into the present.
It's as if they open up the doors to a different realm precisely for the purpose of learning
something.
And that's what you and I are going to do today.
And if you are still going to offer God's sakes, Mel, what are you talking about?
Good.
Good.
Question what I'm saying.
Because if you're questioning what I'm saying as you're driving your car or walking your
dog or you're at the gym, it means you're listening with intent.
And I want to assure you, we're not going to do a bunch of woo woo stuff.
This is not a meditation or mantra and you don't need a magic one.
What we're going to do today is based on science and here's the coolest part.
It taps into your own life experience.
And if you're listening for yourself today and you're thinking, yeah, I'd like to be
happier.
Let's pass through the portal, Mel.
Let's go to this different world.
Let me find some clues about how I can be happier right now.
You're going to absolutely love this conversation.
But I also want you to keep the people that you love in mind because this simple exercise
that you and I are going to do today, I want you to share it with them because it will change
their life for the better.
So make sure to send this episode to the people that you love.
It's just a little gift from your world to theirs.
So let's talk about this exercise.
Now I had been doing this little exercise for as long as I can remember.
It was like my own little secret magic trick, right?
A fail proofway to tap into happiness whenever I felt lost.
And I had never shared this exercise with anyone else.
Well that all changed one day in 2020.
Here's what happened.
So my husband and I were standing in the kitchen.
It was in the summer and our daughter, Sawyer, she was in her mid-20s.
She walked into the kitchen.
We were cooking dinner and we turned to look at her and her eyes were swollen.
They were so red.
You know that look on somebody's face where they just look puffy and it is so clear that
they have been crying for Lord knows how long.
I mean, honestly it looked like she had probably been sobbing all day long.
She had been having a really tough time.
Let me explain a little bit about what was going on.
She had graduated from college in the middle of COVID.
Maybe you had that experience too.
Maybe somebody that you love had that experience.
But the life that she had been looking forward to had literally imploded.
I mean, absolutely nothing was going according to plan.
She had been working for four years while she was in college to save enough money to take
a service trip to Cambodia after she graduated.
She was canceled.
Instead of living with her friends in the city, she was stuck living at home with us.
And you want to know how she dealt with the sadness and the depression and the disappointment
and the grief by drinking herself into the ground.
So she had put on extra weight, she had become really sedentary.
She hated how she looked.
She hated how she felt.
She hated her life.
She had nothing to look forward to.
And she had hit this point where she could no longer contain her hide, the massive breakdown
and downward spiral that she was in.
So she walks into the kitchen after clearly crying all day and said to us, I am so stuck.
I am lost, I am miserable, I don't know what to do.
And I turned and I looked at her and I said, actually, I think you do.
You're just scared.
And she looked back at me and I said, no, I think you know what to do.
And I'm going to prove it to you.
Take out a piece of paper.
Draw a line down the center.
And on the left hand side of that piece of paper, I want you to write two words.
Happy me.
Now close your eyes and imagine a world where you remember being happy or more confident
or feeling more alive.
It could be a great memory from the recent past or you might have to go all the way back
to childhood and there was this long silence.
And as we stood there, I could tell that she was traveling back in her mind to the
other world.
But all of a sudden she exhaled and she opened her eyes and she said, the last time I remember
being happy was my senior year of high school.
And I said, okay, great.
I want you to write down all of the things that you see that you were doing in that world.
Describe a week of your life when you were a senior in high school.
And she said, oh, well, I got up at 630.
I left the house by seven.
I was with my friends all day and going to classes.
I was so looking forward to going to college.
I was playing varsity with the cross.
I was exercising six days a week.
I had a great relationship with the guy I was dating.
I was home probably for dinner with you guys four nights a week.
And as she described it, I could see that world too.
And I said, great.
Now look back to the piece of paper.
And on the right hand side, I want you to describe the world that you live in right now.
And she said, well, I sleep until noon.
When I wake up, I don't know what to do every day.
I drink every night because I'm so depressed.
I don't ever see my friends because everybody scattered after we graduated and plus COVID.
And I don't have anything to look forward to.
I mean, this trip to Cambodia was canceled.
My job doesn't start for another six months.
I'm not exercising.
I'm eating like crap.
I sit in my bed most days and I'm spending so much time on social media.
And I said, great.
Compare those two worlds.
And she got it right away.
And I bet you're getting it, aren't you?
Because there are two worlds, aren't there?
There's the world that you're in right now.
And another world that you can access when you close your eyes and you ask yourself,
when do I remember being happier?
See, our daughter immediately made the connection between these two worlds.
And that's how easy it is to pass between them.
She understood that the happier version of herself was right there for her to see.
Everything that she described in the world that she lived in as a senior in high school
offered the clues that she needed to bring back into her world today so that she could
become happier, more confident, and feel alive again.
Because here's the truth.
You do know how to be happy.
That's why you miss feeling it.
You can only miss feeling something that you know.
And your own life experience offers a map to a world where you do feel happier today.
And here's the mistake we all make.
You think you need to permanently escape your life in order to be happier, to go on vacation,
to blow up your relationships, to move, and change your jobs.
Now you don't.
All you need to do is learn how to open the door to that other world while you're still
living day to day in this one.
Because you're already starting to think back and travel through time and tap into that
world where you felt a little happier.
I want to give you a very important tip that will make this exercise even easier and it's
based on research.
Here it is.
All you have to do as you pass through the portal in your mind and you step into this
other world is find.
One clue.
You just need one thing.
One thing that you can bring back with you to this moment.
That's all you need to look for.
And when you and I come back after we hear a short word from our sponsors, I'm going
to walk you through this exercise together and it's about to get downright magical.
Welcome back.
It's your friend Mal.
I am so glad you are traveling between worlds with me today and I want to jump right back
into this portal of happiness with you.
So I told you that this morning we were having a team meeting and we were talking all about
this episode and we were also talking about the book, a court of Thorn or roses, but
then we got down to business.
And as I started talking about the exercise, the team started to just naturally pass through
the portal into other worlds in their own minds back in time when they felt happier.
So I thought, before I turned to you, I wanted to share some of the reflections that our team
members had because I think as you listen to other people describe what they discovered,
when they thought about, well, when was I happier?
And what did that world look like?
I have a feeling it's going to shake loose some memories for you.
So let me share some of these with you, Janaya, who is one of our amazing video editors.
She said, oh yeah, I know exactly what that world was like.
I felt so much happier when I was younger.
And she used the word freedom.
She said, you know, when I was younger, I just felt free.
I would get up every morning and I was with my family and then I would go to school and
I got out of school at two o'clock.
And then every day after school, I would go to dance practice.
I loved dance practice.
Dance was like this creative expression of who I was and it was so amazing.
And then I would come home and I'd have dinner with my family and I'd go to bed and then
I'd wake up and do the whole thing all over again.
And can you guess what the clue is that she needs to bring back into her world right now?
If you're thinking dance or some form of creative expression, you're exactly right.
It doesn't have to be dance every evening.
It could be take one class a month from now.
It could be sign up for some sort of series.
But when you bring something from that other world into your life now, you can see how
just adding that one thing suddenly energizes you, suddenly reminds you of who you are, suddenly
brings something alive inside of you and it helps you to start feeling free again.
Isn't this so cool?
So let me share another one with you.
Maddie who is one of our amazing video editors on the team shared about a time in her life
when she was super happy and she was getting her MFA in documentary filmmaking.
And as she described her life, she would get up every single day at like 630, she would
go exercise, then she would go to class and she felt so creatively energized and after
class, she went to the same coffee shop every single day, the thinking cup on Newberry
Street.
That was her spot in Boston and she would sit there like the filmmaker that she is and
she would sit with her journal and everybody in the coffee shop knew her and greeted her
when she came in and she felt the sense of community.
And then at night she'd be helping some of her fellow classmates shooting their films
and she'd collapse in bed at 11 and then the next morning get up and do it again.
And the reason why I'm telling you the details of what Maddie shared is because she had this
huge epiphany on the call this morning with the team where she realized as she allowed
herself to pass through that portal and step back into this world where she was a happier
person and then come back into the present moment and examine her life right now.
She realized something amazing.
She's really happy right now because her current life contains all the clues that were in
the other world.
She wakes up at 6 o'clock in the morning and exercises.
On her commute, she's always listening to some audiobook.
We all know which one she's listening to right now.
And she arrives close to the office by around 730 in the morning.
And you know what she does for 45 minutes?
She sits in a coffee shop with her journal.
Everybody at the coffee shop now knows who she is and greets her when she walks in and
then she goes into work and she's working on creative projects and then she gets home
and she's with somebody that she cares about and then she wakes up and she does it all
over again.
Those little things, those little clues that built a happy life.
She has brought them to her life now and this is so important for you to hear because
you think it's the big things and it's actually no just one little thing.
Maddie's super happy in her life right now and she's able to see so many similarities
between that time and her life in the world where she was an MFA student and the world
that she is living in right now.
And I want to share with you what mine looked like.
At first it was kind of hard for me to think about it.
I mean I've done this exercise a lot but I'm in a really good place right now so I kept
thinking well I'm kind of happy right now so when was I really content?
Like really just didn't feel like I needed to change anything really in my day to day
life right.
And all of a sudden I realized holy cow it was when I was 24 years old.
I was a public defender.
I worked for legal aid in New York City.
I was not yet married.
I was living with a couple girlfriends.
I lived on the Upper West side in New York.
This would have been around 1994 holy smokes.
I used to walk to work every single day.
And I did it because I really loved New York and I loved walking but I also did it because
I wanted to save some money.
I mean they only paid you $19,000 a year at a law school as a public defender working
for legal aid.
I lived on 68th Street up on the Upper West side and I worked down at a hundred canal street.
I mean I'm talking probably 78th City blocks.
And then I would get to work and I was in the courthouse on my feet all day.
I was either in court dealing with cases talking to clients or I was out at Rikers Island
visiting my clients or I was racing back to the office to do something or I was out investigating
a case before hearing.
I loved always being on the move.
I loved that every day was different.
I loved that I didn't sit at a desk and I loved that I was helping people.
But my favorite part of the day, you want to hear what it was?
Walking home.
I loved walking home.
I was with my best friend Matt Myers.
He was actually one of my supervisors at work.
We became amazing friends and we would walk home every day together and walk and talk
and talk and talk and talk and talk in cases.
And we would go from Chinatown through the Bowery up into the village.
We would walk up the east side on the lower east side.
He would peel off around St. Mark's because that was the neighborhood that he lived in.
I was so far from home, it didn't matter.
I would keep on walking through Union Square.
And somewhere around the 30s, I would sync up with Chris who I was starting to date.
He lived in Murray Hill and then we would walk and talk and walk and talk from the 30s
all the way up to 68th Street on the west side.
I moved through all those neighborhoods.
The city was alive.
I felt alive.
I loved being outside.
Like it was just incredible.
Absolutely incredible.
And then I would wake up and do it again the next day.
And here's the clues.
Number one, I was getting outside every day and getting a walk.
And I love that.
I do that first thing in the morning.
And I love getting outside for a walk.
I love walking and talking with people that I care about, whether it's my husband or
the group of girlfriends that I have up here now that I live in Southern Vermont.
I was with friends because I lived with them and I was doing work that was dynamic and
creative and that helped people.
Kind of sounds a little like the life of your friend Mel Robbins now, doesn't it?
And as I share these stories with you, I hope it's giving you a peak.
A glimpse into what that other world is for you.
Because it might be a small clue, something like, boy, I used to love doing puzzles.
And if I just simply got a puzzle at the library or bought myself a puzzle or pulled one out
of that cupboard that I haven't opened in 10 years and I put it out on the table, it
is literally an invisible string that connects this world that you're in right now to that
other world and the portal that you pass through where you were happier.
And honestly, it could be anything.
It could be memories of gardening.
It could be memories of painting.
It could be spending more time outdoors.
It could be the fact that when you were super happy, you were little and the family had
a dog.
Maybe it's time that you actually lean into getting one.
I'm serious.
And I'm also serious about walking you through this exercise and helping you spot the
clues that you find when you close your eyes and you allow yourself to go through that
portal into time and step into that world where you were a happier you.
And that's exactly what we're going to do when we come back.
Stay with us.
Welcome back.
It's Mel.
I'm so glad you're still here.
And you know what?
Maybe you've already downloaded a court of Thorn and Roses because now that we're talking
about fantasies in different worlds, you're like, what is this thing that Mel is listening
to that has got her all like talking about different worlds?
She's on a roll today.
But I'll tell you what you have definitely been doing as you were listening to our sponsors.
I guarantee you that your mind has been drifting to that other world.
Maybe you're already imagining yourself doing puzzles when you were little or twirling
around in dance class or sitting in that cafe journaling or training for that 5K race
that you used to do with your girlfriends when you used to live in the city.
And you know what?
That's the whole point of our conversation today.
That you can drift back to that world for yourself, back and forth in and out of your imagination.
Isn't this cool?
So now it's your turn.
If you have a piece of paper or a pen that's near you, great.
Pull it out and all you're going to do is draw a line down the center of the paper.
And if you don't have a piece of paper, who cares?
You understand the power of your mind.
I want you to just think through this with me right now.
You can imagine a piece of paper.
You can imagine the line down the center.
You can imagine yourself writing the two words happy me.
And now I want you to just stop and think about a moment in time or a time in your life
when you felt happier.
Close your eyes.
Allow yourself to travel back in time.
Maybe you were really little.
Maybe it was a year ago.
Maybe it was a really long time ago.
And as you start to picture yourself in this world,
start looking around.
Because now the reason why you're there is because you're there to find clues.
And they are in the little details of your day-to-day life.
When did you get up?
What did your mornings look like?
Describe what you did during the day.
Were you a student?
Were you working?
Were you with your friends?
What were you doing?
When did you go to bed?
Where did you live?
How did you spend your time?
And what was your favorite part of the day?
Amazing.
Amazing.
Now there's a couple of things I want to point out when you start to play around with this,
right?
And the first thing is this, you may have an experience where you don't see yourself
being happy.
You may travel back in time and pass through that portal.
And you don't actually locate yourself anywhere where you felt happy.
And I want you to hear something.
That's so normal, okay?
So normal.
In fact, this morning as we were talking about this as a team, one of our team members
who was absolutely amazing raised her hand and she said, you know what?
I hate this exercise.
And let me tell you why.
Because I don't have a memory of being happy.
My childhood was filled with so much trauma and pain and my happiness was so contingent
on how another human being was acting or not or what mood they were in that I literally
just think about survival.
And maybe that's your experience.
Maybe when you close your eyes and go back in time and pass through that portal, it's
one big empty space because you don't see a world where you were happy.
You see a world where you were conditioned to survive, where you were just in a lot of
pain, where you felt isolated, where you didn't feel safe.
And here's what I want to tell you.
Even if that's the world that you step back into, there's still clues.
I'm going to say it again.
Even if the world that you travel back to is one where you don't see yourself being
happy, there are still clues.
What are the clues teaching you?
They're teaching you what not to do.
If what you see is a world where you were so conditioned, please other people and put
them first and be worried about their moods, you know that doesn't make you happy.
And so if you're doing it in your life right now, you also know that taking your healing
seriously and working on this pattern and changing how you show up is a key to your
happiness now.
In fact, seeing those kind of clues, the clues that teach you what not to continue doing,
the things that you need to start taking responsibility for changing in yourself, those
are some of the most powerful clues on the planet.
Because they transform who you are at a much deeper level.
And when you start taking that on in your day to day life, boy, does it change your world?
And the second thing that you may notice in this other world is that it's never the big
things that make you happy.
It's just the little things that you take for granted.
And this is so important because you and I think that big changes are what are going
to make you happy.
That's not the answer.
What makes you happier are the little things.
Stop over complicating big words like happiness.
I know I did for decades.
Happiness is the smallest things because your whole life is made up of all the little
things that you do every single day.
That's how you build a happier life.
So pay attention to when you wake up.
The first thing you look at every morning, taking care of your body, being kinder to
yourself, enjoying a warm cup of coffee, stopping to hug your pets or giving your loved one
a huge embrace at the end of the day, spending time outside in nature or smiling when you
see someone.
The little things are everything because they add up to one big happy life.
And that's what I want for you.
And this simple exercise is so easy to do.
I am proud of you for hanging with me.
I know it was a little odd in the beginning, a little woo woo, a little fairy land, but it
works, doesn't it?
And it makes sense.
And it's true.
I would love to hear what you discover.
Seriously, I want to know what happens when you allow yourself to pass through this portal
and step into this other world.
What clues do you find?
Would you share it with the rest of us?
I mean, there is magic in that world that you are going to step back into.
And I want to know what it is because I have a feeling that I missed out on some clues
in my life.
And I bet if I hear yours, that I am going to go, oh, that's another one.
Like I just thought of another one.
When I was really little, my parents were constantly working on this fixer upper where I grew up
in Western Michigan.
When they bought this house, it was overgrown with trees.
And they reclaimed the whole yard.
They put in all these gardens and they were out there all the time.
And I was always out there playing by their side as they were deadheading or weeding or
splitting plants.
Is it any surprise that one of the things that makes me so happy now that I'm in my
life as an adult 50 years later?
Flowers.
It's an invisible string to this other world.
And it brings it and all the magic to my present life.
And I want to know what you discover.
And here's how you can share with us.
Take a photo of yourself for real.
And tag the Mel Robbins podcast.
And I'm going to start to repost your photos and tag you so that we can share these clues
so that we can all benefit from the magic that you bring back from the other world into
your life.
And maybe it'll make us happy or too.
And I love this because here's what you're going to find.
You can do it too with your own life.
And you have the power to go from where you are in this moment into that fantasy world
in your mind and bring what you learn back into this present moment to help you.
Alrighty.
You got that one clue?
That one clue that you're going to tuck under your arm and bring right back into your
life today?
Good.
Now go do it.
I can't end an episode as you know without saying I love you.
I really do.
And I believe in you and I believe in your ability to use this superpower that you have,
to travel through time, to find the clues that you need, and to bring them into your life
and become the happiest person that you know.
I'll talk to you in a few days.
You weren't ready for it?
What's that?
Yeah, keep coaching me.
I know exactly what you say.
Instead of living with her, I'll learn second.
Let me go back up just a bit.
Okay.
What's the top again?
Wait, am I doing that later?
I'm doing that later, aren't I?
Okay.
Let's do that later.
Alright, what else, how should I transition this?
Isn't this cool?
Go ahead, what are you going to say?
Now let's jump back in and come back to this part.
You ready?
I wanted to share, hold on, we already did this one.
Let me do that one more time.
Are you hooked, guys?
Okay, good.
Fantastic.
Okay, good.
Yeah.
Oh, and one more thing.
And no, this is not a blooper.
This is the legal language.
You know what the lawyer's right and what I need to read to you.
This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes.
I'm just your friend.
I am not a licensed therapist and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice
of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist or other qualified professional.
Got it?
Good.
I'll see you in the next episode.
Thank you.
