Hi, welcome back to Eat Your Crust Podcast.
I'm Crystal. And I'm Jisoo. So I feel like I want to say we're back on that bullshit because... we are potentially having crises again and catastrophizing.
But we thought we would talk about how do we deal with these times of high stress or just like... unrest, I guess, could also be another way to describe it.
I feel like especially this year, we have been feeling... like a similar issue, which is we're just so busy.
Sometimes it's hard to get a moment to yourself.
Do you ever feel like your emotions get out of control during... these kinds of times or any other sort of catastrophe.
Yeah, I think you hit the nail on the head.
Feels like we haven't had a chance to stop and take a breather this year.
But in general, I consider myself someone who Well, from time to time have like a mini catastrophe.
And one of the things that I experienced recently was actually like a mini health anxiety episode where I... convinced myself after hours and hours of research online that I had this major problem. after canceling all my plans for that weekend and going to see the doctor, a couple times it was concluded that it was not in fact anything dangerous and it was just like some sort of normal thing that happened.
So when I was going through my health episode, I had this moment where...
I felt like my emotions were whirling around me like a tornado.
And even though I could sense that I was having like a mini panic attack, my heart rate was really fast.
I felt like I wasn't taking deep breaths and my vision was starting to get almost fuzzy and like staticky.
It was still hard for me to pull myself out of that.
Dude, that's such a good way of describing it.
I feel like the description of your emotions whirling around you is so true.
I think in those moments I literally feel like I've lost control.
Yeah. I'm lost in the sauce. I don't know what I'm doing.
I'm just like floating. yeah and i don't know i think everyone has their own sort of coping mechanisms For me, I tend to process my emotions very externally. a lot of that like taking control of my emotions again process looks like phone calls with people or texting people about my thoughts and emotions.
And that, of course, goes hand in hand with I have to map out my escape plan if the worst case scenario happened And then if I feel like even in the worst case scenario, it's still kind of okay, then I start to calm down.
Dude, okay, I'm also similar where I need to come up with a plan.
I think it's funny too because coming up with plans is not necessarily a huge part of like what I do day to day.
But I feel like it's the safety of knowing you have that escape plan.
Dude, maybe it's just like fear of the unknown.
It's scary to imagine us in a situation where we don't know what to do.
So then we like shield our future selves by coming up with this like random plan.
Yeah, I remember like one time I was abroad and I had a panic attack.
And I was really, really freaking out. And I was also alone at the time.
So I was like, oh my God, I don't know what to do.
I can't just like randomly hit someone up because of time difference as well.
So what I ended up doing was I literally sat down and I logged on to like my health portal or whatever my like doctor portal thing is and I made an appointment right then and there.
Even though it was, like, Dude, I think it was like two months later because it's so hard to get them right away.
But even though it was two months later, that like immediately calmed me.
I was like, okay, you know, Action has been taken.
Now we just have to get to the doctor, survive the next few days.
The next two months and get to the doctor.
Oh my God. I totally feel that. Like you said, it's not always like the most practical thing that ends up saving you from your own emotions.
That appointment you made or once I was having this negative thought spiral of something about like interpersonal relationships, basically.
In order to snap myself out of it, I had to basically create this fake scenario in my head and have a whole... play out of that scenario while I was in the shower.
And it's just so like... Meaningless, right?
That doesn't really do anything. There's no practical application, but I think even just having that fake conversation or having that fake scenario play out, I was like, oh, I'm over this.
This is not... as big of a deal as I thought 20 minutes ago basically damn you're writing novels in your head I don't know.
Maybe I just need to know what happens in every scenario.
Did you ever read those choose your own adventure books when you were young?
Yes. So every time I would make a decision, I would go back and read what the other path would have done.
So that I know what the opportunity cost is.
And sometimes I wish you could do that with life and just like see how.
Everything maps out. Same. I would choose one path and be like, okay, now I have to reread, but I have to choose the other path and see what happens.
Exactly. I think it's also for me taking action. helps maybe like ground everything a little bit you're like i did what i could in the moment And so, you know, maybe for you that means like you acted out the scenario.
And then like, you know, in my example where I've made this appointment, even though it's like two, three. months out it's just I did what I could I think you're right.
Also just about maybe breaking that negative thought spiral.
Sometimes when you're not doing anything and taking action, the alternative that I'm doing is freaking out or doing more research or just continuing in the same thought loop. that like trapped me in this position in the first place.
So maybe a part of it too is just like, doing what you can to break out of that cycle.
Because it can be hard. Sometimes I think the same like four thoughts are on repeat in my head and I'm just tortured by that.
Dude, I know what you mean. Dude, is this just fight or flight in a different context?
Like fighting is taking action and flighting is, I don't know, spiraling, I guess.
Ooh, honestly, I wonder if the other way to act in a catastrophe is also just like avoidance.
I don't know if you've experienced this before, but sometimes when something is really stressing me out, I will try my entire absolute best to not think about it. which depending on what it is, isn't always the best thing to do.
So... Maybe that's the flight. I don't know what spiraling would be.
Oh, it's freeze. Oh, wait, you're right.
I think you're completely right in this scenario.
I have also definitely just avoided something so hard.
It's like... disassociating or like finding some distraction to like get absorbed into for the next I don't know, week, month, like rotting on the couch, scrolling through TikTok or like putting on some random show so that you don't have to think about Whatever it is that's bothering you.
And I feel like actually... That sometimes puts me in more of a funk though.
Because I guess the emotions catch up later.
You're just like, okay, well, I just... you know, was unproductive for two, three weeks trying to avoid this thing.
And now I feel bad because not only did I not avoid it successfully, but I also just took shit. care of myself right dude and i feel like that panic always comes at like 10 p.m on a random night and it's just a feeling that's so big that you can't go to sleep and now you like sit up at your computer and you like work on it like a crazy person for four hours and you're like, why didn't I just do this at a normal time like two weeks ago?
Thank you. Yes, I completely agree. Staying up late at night is one of my greatest vices Do you think that's the number one way that you deal with being overwhelmed?
Do you try to carve out... alone time or block out everything that's stressing you out by staying up late.
Yes, which is so bad because usually I need alone time...
I need like, you know, a weekend or two to myself at least here and there.
And the biggest part about these weekends is I need to get enough sleep. or else I'm just like a grumpy rat all week long.
And so the issue is, if I'm not getting that alone time, I guess I've heard it called like revenge procrastination where it's like you fight for your own alone time by sacrificing sleep, for example. you know, usually you're doing just mindless stuff.
And so by sacrificing sleep to like carve out whatever alone time I can get.
It's like doing the opposite of what it should be doing.
Dude, it's so hard. I always watch those TikToks where it's like, oh, when you're stressed. instead of laying on the couch and eating potato chips, you should go on a walk.
And I'm like... Fuck no. That's like the last thing I want to do.
Dude, and the worst part is. When you finally pick yourself up and go to the gym or take a walk, you're like, wait, this is so nice.
You're like, they weren't lying. I don't know.
I think one of my biggest challenges is breaking out of my...
Thought loops, of course, but also just leading into healthier coping mechanisms.
And like you said, like going to the gym and stuff, it feels so much easier when you have that momentum going, but I think when you're in a really tough spot, where you feel like the world is caving in around you,
It takes a lot in me to even leave the house.
And I really respect people who during their tough times, they still keep up with their routines.
But for me, I feel like my healthiest habits are the first to go out the window.
Wait, you're so right. Suddenly you just have no discipline.
Yeah. It's that activation energy. It's too high.
Well, I want to know actually the full list of your coping mechanisms.
Okay. And I want you to kind of sort them into two buckets.
So like one is something that feels good but is actually bad for you, and the other is things that feel bad but are actually good for you.
Okay, okay. So... A quick and easy one for feels good, but is actually bad. you know, accidentally just scrolling away until like 5 or 6 a.m., dude it's pretty bad and then I'll be like Oh my God, it's 6 a.m.
Oh, but what if... I just give myself another hour to survive, right? double check like when I have to wake up the next or actually that day I guess So that's a bad one because for some reason it also always happens on school nights.
And I'm always like, I gotta go to work.
What am I doing? And the next day, I'm just a shell of myself.
And I'm like, why did I do that to myself?
Yeah. I feel like back in college, sometimes we would try to do the full reset.
Like, oh, we're up till six anyway. Might as well stay up till nine p.m.
Dude, but that was when we were young and we could handle it.
I feel like now staying up late. You really feel it in your bones.
I know. Sleeping past like one, it kills me.
Yeah, it's a lot. I think another one is knowing I have work to do.
That is honestly not even that difficult.
And then just avoiding it. And then I end up like on the couch and watching TV.
And then it's not even enjoyable to watch it, I think, because the panic starts to slowly rise.
Yes. So, yeah, I think a lot of the things that are just like feel good but are actually bad. are just avoiding the responsibilities and avoiding that discipline.
I guess it's like leaning in too hard on your... emotions and trying to soothe that versus knowing to balance that with logic.
Yeah. And so I guess like, you know, things that feel bad but are actually good would just kind of be the opposite, right? up in.
You know, doing that work so you know tomorrow you will feel a little better because today you... just sucked it up and like did the work right how about you I think for me, my biggest catastrophes are probably the deep spiral thoughts that I mentioned.
I think what you said is right. One of my biggest coping mechanisms is... allowing myself to feel it too much and not hearing the logical side of my brain.
So the health scare that I had, for example, instead of being like, Well, I'm just like reading random threads online.
It's anecdotal evidence and I have zero medical background and these people probably don't either.
So I'll just wait for a professional to look at my stuff before I freak out.
But instead I was like, oh my God, look at all these people online said, like they're confirming that I have disease X. and I only have you know whatever number of years to live I need to just cut it off and not allow myself to like indulge in that.
But I think I just allow myself to go into it too deep.
Dude, that totally fucking reminds me of...
I sometimes get these Reddit suggested posts for, oh my god, I'm forgetting. what the subreddit name is, but it's basically people posting some wound or, like, injury or... yeah, health related thing.
And they're like, is this bad? And sometimes it's like this red line.
That's like a sign of infection. And then the top comments are always like...
Stop posting on Reddit and just call your doctor or like go to the hospital.
Why was your first thought to stop and post this on Reddit?
You could have just like driven to the hospital urgent care or something.
Right. Dude, I know. It's like there's a logical path forward, but I think it's just... in some of us to like panic and freak out.
Yeah. Um, Or maybe it's about like wanting something instant response or something instead of waiting.
That's true. Yeah, I feel like as a fellow hypochondriac I'm definitely that way too, though.
I'll spend hours on the internet searching... whatever is happening and then you're like, okay, so either I'm panicking or like I'm about to die.
Dude, I know. And I think... One of the things that I've realized about myself with this most recent health scare And I think this applies to beyond just health anxiety and like a lot of things that I experience in life.
I think I tend to seek validation in my anxieties from other people.
And even when other people are like, I don't know, I don't know if this is like a big deal, whether that's me sending them a picture of something on my face or like me talking about something else that i'm experiencing in my life if They don't validate my fear.
I think I still go to like get it. I see.
And that's one of the worst things that could happen.
Because you basically have a theory or like a hypothesis and you're just looking for confirmation instead of actually like... sitting down and like taking a step back and listening to what valuable opinion the other person has to say.
It's not always the case that the person you're talking to has all the answers, but it's just like...
You know when people say, oh, it's not that big of a deal?
Like, I could never do that. You're like, it's not a big deal.
Well, I will find someone who realizes it is a big deal.
Let me post this on Reddit right now. Dude, I guess isn't that kind of how mass hysteria starts?
Dude, honestly, probably. someone at first is like, oh, I feel like this isn't a big deal.
And then the longer you talk about it, they're like, wait, you're convincing me now.
I'm like, yeah, I am. And tell your friends too.
You're like, this is why I took persuasive writing in high school.
I'm in the wrong career I need to start a cult immediately.
Yeah, I feel like this behavior is very common, though, because I can totally... see moments where I would react very similarly and It doesn't feel like an abnormal action or behavior to have.
But do you have any on the opposite spectrum where it's things that feel bad but are good?
So I think one thing that really helps me is exercise.
Which is very unfortunate because it takes a lot in me to go out and you know, do stuff.
But anytime that I'm like out in nature, or even just going to the gym and like lifting weights or something.
It just makes me feel so much better. It's probably all of the hormonal or like, I don't know what happens in your body, like the endorphins that come up and tiring yourself out a little bit helps the racing thoughts slow down. because now there's other things that I can focus on and I think even something as simple as like feeling sore after like day It's just one more thing to think about that's a positive thing that happened in my life that I don't have to spiral about.
So exercise is always good. Another thing is...
This might be a little gross, but when I'm like really down in the dumps, I might skip a shower or two.
And it's never, like, super egregious, I will say, but...
It just feels like a much more monumental task than it is when I'm not down in the dumps.
And every time I skip a shower, I'm like, You know, I'll just do it tomorrow.
It's not that bad. I'll just wait like another six hours or something.
It always makes me feel like shit. And when I do force myself to shower, feels so much better.
Like I just feel more refreshed. I feel cleaner.
So I think something as simple as that can really affect my mood too.
Dude, actually, I feel like I've experienced something similar where...
I feel like when I'm sick or not feeling great, taking care of yourself feels like such a monumental task.
So... you know, showering or even like brushing your teeth.
It just feels like such a hill to like climb.
But then like I have noticed in the past where I'm like kind of sick or feeling under the weather. i put off showering and when i finally shower i'm like wait i literally feel healthy again Yeah, it's like the air feels crisper again.
I'm like, why didn't I just shower? Dude, and it's just like, I think cleanliness or like hygiene in general, whether that's showering, or even just the state of your room, that always affects me like very directly and immediately.
But if I'm not having such a good day or if I'm feeling really stressed and overwhelmed...
I'm probably not going to clean my room.
It's hard to keep that balance of like...
I still want to carve out time for myself so that I could be myself and feel my emotions and relax.
Also, if I don't do these day to day things, I'm going to feel like shit.
Yeah, I'm actually reminded of a thought I had pretty recently.
I was just like lying on my couch and I was like, ugh.
I'm such a bum right now. Just tired from all the fun activities in life. that we've been having.
But I was like, I... probably vacuum every like three to four days on average.
But I was like, I feel like I haven't vacuumed in like two weeks.
And that feels a little, it's like breaking your routine.
And it could be a pretty small thing, but you just don't realize it until it's much later.
And I was like, oh, but I should vacuum.
I know I'll feel better after I do it. But like the idea of just getting up right now is too much.
I wonder if it feels really bad because it's like you're breaking a promise with yourself.
You're like letting yourself down, even though there's no repercussions to other people.
I mean, that makes a lot of sense to me.
Do you think you have any like random tricks that you learned that help you kind of break out of your funk and back into your routine.
I don't know if it's necessarily a trick.
Okay, there's two. One's like really bad and one's like, you know, pretty reasonable.
Okay. So the really bad one would just be like, just go all in, like go as bad as you can go.
And then you basically have to like look yourself in the mirror and be like, what am I doing?
You need to get yourself together. So that's the really bad one.
But I think another one... that sometimes helps me is I just like get this urge to like play loud music, like sad music. whatever emotional music and I just lie on the ground.
That's hella funny. Like if I do it in the bedroom, then I can lie on the bed.
But if I'm in like the living room or something, I'll just lie on the ground.
What kind of loud music? Normal music that you're playing loud or is it like... punk rock screamo type shit.
Okay, not screamo, but like sad, like singer-songwriter ballad or like...
It could be anything really, but it's usually like chill and emotional.
I like that. I wonder if that's like a form of you externalizing. your emotions without you having to verbally say it or like... do something specific.
You can put on a song that matches what you're feeling and you're like, this is it.
Dude, maybe the song is talking for you.
Right. Yeah. What about you? So I have two as well.
One is... Kind of random. If I'm really feeling like shit and there's multiple days where...
It's hard for me to get myself to do anything.
I don't want to respond to people's text messages.
I don't want to go out. One of the things that will really break that is If I put makeup on.
Oh, okay, okay. And I don't know exactly what it is.
Maybe it's. because putting makeup on is so ingrained into my daily routine when I go out and do something. even if I'm at home like it brings me some sense of peace and familiarity and joy because I do like putting my makeup on and I do like seeing myself in the mirror all dolled up and stuff.
Sometimes I'll do a full beat at 9pm. I'll just feel a little bit better.
Wait, I can totally see how that helps. Because you're almost like... tricking your brain into thinking you're about to go do something right it's like the pavlov response yeah it's like wait why am I ready for the day now yeah I feel like that's good.
I can totally see what you mean about putting makeup on can be very like soothing, like maybe almost almost a meditative activity.
Yeah, that's true. Going through the motions of something that I know so well and maybe it's also seeing that transformation and doing something with my hands, all of it together.
It's like a very tactile experience. So it does feel kind of meditative sometimes.
Dude, when this was bad in college, I used to do my makeup At night, for no reason.
Once a week, at least. We should have gone out.
True. It's all wasted. You should have texted us like, hey guys, I got my face on.
Let's go. I think my other easy trick that I like to do is probably more relatable for people but Sometimes I feel like my problems or my issues are very localized.
So like I might feel really busy because I'm hanging out a lot with the people that live close to me or like...
I might have a big vacation coming up that's stressing me out or you know, there's just people that I wouldn't want to complain about my catastrophe too, because I don't want to offend them or make them feel like they're stressing me out or whatever.
So what really helps me is when I hang out with someone who say isn't in like my daily circle Someone who's like more removed from my plans or more removed from what's going on in my life, talking to them about it. it just really calms me down because they can empathize, but it's not like a whole thing.
It's just like something that's happening in my life and then we move on.
A good example of this is talking to your parents, at least when I call my parents since they don't live in state.
I feel like I have a pen pal or something.
Oftentimes it can just be someone who's not in like my direct friend group.
And I just feel so much better after. I think that makes a lot of sense. can totally relate with having a lot of upcoming events, but it's like, oh, well...
If the people I normally complain to and whine with are the ones hosting these, like…
How dare I? And sometimes it's also like a postmortem, in a sense, where...
My health scare, for example, or whatever thing that happened in my life When I talk to someone and catch up with them for the first time in a couple months, I can look back and talk about a time that was very painful to me in a funny way. or in a way that's not as serious.
So even if that moment has passed and I'm like, okay now, that debrief with someone who is more removed makes me feel so much better.
Because I'm like, okay, this chapter is closed.
Yeah. And we can laugh about it. Even though at one point I was like fucking freaking out.
Wait, that's so true. When we look back at these catastrophes and crises, you're like... wow, why was I so worked up at the moment?
Like, it's all good now. Dude, yeah. Sometimes there could be an issue that is somewhat serious.
For example... senior year of college I had this moment for some reason where I miscounted my credits And I thought I had too few credits.
And I started freaking out because I was like, I don't think I can graduate on time.
Which if you think about it, not the biggest deal in the world.
It's a little bit more money and you might start your job a little bit later, But you can recover from it.
You know, it's not like a permanent loss.
Mm hmm. However, in that moment I fucking had the worst anxiety attack ever.
It was like a physical anxiety attack for me.
Looking back at it now, I'm like, Okay, I get that it was like a serious thing, but why did I do all of that?
Wait, the funniest part is you actually graduated early.
Literally, I was like, what the fuck? That counting go crazy, dude.
Yeah, you're like, wait, actually? I finish a quarter early by everyone.
I'm like, wait, guys, I miscounted again.
Yeah, and I guess like these moments of looking back, just really makes me laugh at those memes where it's like, My body really can't tell the difference between an assignment due tomorrow and like a wolf chasing me through the woods.
Yes. So true. And I'm like, damn, you fucking right.
Same. I also like the ones that are like me when I have too much coffee.
It always gives me an anxiety attack. And then me the next day, like has more coffee.
We never learn. Okay, but I do have another question for you.
I have this theory that you can't always be in a crisis.
Barring very serious traumatic life events in your day-to-day life, I feel like you can't always be in crisis mode.
Everyone has their own refractory period in between catastrophes.
So for some people, it might just be like a day, but at least you have that like day of break, right?
For other people, it might be a couple of weeks.
So what do you think yours is? Like how often are you having these crises?
Dude. I mean lately, I can't lie, it's kind of a lot.
What if my refractory period is just a day?
But it's daily. It's actually hourly. Oh my God.
Well, I would say probably the latest one.
It's weekly because... As I mentioned, I just feel like I haven't had enough alone time slash recovery time from social obligations.
So I feel like during the weekdays where I'm just more focused on going to work and and getting whatever needs to be done, done.
The crisis is in like 20% active, you know, I come home and I'm like, ah, yeah i'm tired i'm gonna take it easy but it's not true rest because i know i have tomorrow lurking in the In the shadows.
And then come the weekend, then it's like crisis because it's like, I'm going to have fun with friends, but like...
I'm tired. So maybe like right now it's weekly.
Okay. Weekly is fair enough. I think that's like a pretty decent refractory period.
And I think you're right. When times are super crazy, it is basically like every day.
And maybe your crisis itself is actually like three months long or something.
For me, if I'm talking about specific incidents, I think a week to two weeks seems about normal.
Mm-hmm. If I had a crisis last weekend, for example, these weekdays, I'm gonna feel so good, you know, because I'm over the crisis.
Oh yeah. I'm in like recovery mode. I'm on the come up from rock bottom, you know?
Hmm. So then I think it takes me about another week or so to feel ready to crash out again.
Ooh, okay. Actually, you're right. When I'm thinking about like really... pointed or intense catastrophes.
Yeah, there is that like the high after where you're like, oh, my God, we survived.
Life is so good right now. Oh. i remember one of my piercings wasn't healing very well and it was causing me a lot of trouble and anxiety And I would just like continuously freak out about it until finally I... just committed.
Okay, it was a crazy cycle because I would go to my piercer almost once a month. to like check on it.
I was like, how am I doing? Is the healing looking better?
They're like, yeah, just keep at it. It looks a lot better.
We believe that this can heal. And then it would feel a little better.
And I'm like, okay, yeah, we can hang in there.
But then like a week later, I'd be like, no, I can't do this anymore.
And then I finally one day just committed to getting rid of that piercing.
And dude, I felt so good after Probably a month.
I was riding that high for so long. Oh, hell yeah.
No, it's actually a thing. I think you actually feel so good after you sort of pull yourself out of that catastrophe.
And I feel like sometimes if that, I guess, triumph is recent enough...
You can think back on it and it gives you another little boost.
You're like, dude, I'm untouchable right now.
You're like, I can't believe this was this problem that I resolved.
Yeah, you're like, I'm a fucking genius.
I got through it. We're good now. I can handle any problem that comes at me.
Dude, what a whirlwind. It's literally 180 degrees because I know, at least for me, my emotions during it catastrophe is nowhere near as positive.
The negative self-talk can be so bad and I can just constantly be thinking about like the worst things.
And what I noticed is with my catastrophe, right?
If it's like a really bad event, there's usually a big panic moment in the beginning.
And then towards like the middle is where I start to do like all my worst case scenario planning.
And I know I'm over the hump when I can start laughing about it.
When someone can say a joke and I can like crack a laugh.
But up till that point, it's bad, you know?
Ooh, that's a good checkpoint. you're not just ha ha, but actually crying.
You're like, oh, ha ha ha. Yeah. Okay, but I have a question about the phase before the laughter. does it ever get so bad you feel like it is like literally holding you back from life?
I think I've definitely felt times where...
I was going through the motions at work and I was like...
I can't believe I'm expected to work at this nine to five when this thing is going on in my life.
And of course, the more serious things that are linked to actual... big life events tend to do that more.
My health anxiety isn't going to stop me from like working, for example.
But if I had like a true health problem that wasn't like a scare, I could totally see that becoming debilitating for me.
So I think it just depends. Luckily, I haven't had anything so serious. where it makes me like, unfunctional as a person, like at work.
But I will say my crises can definitely affect my social life a lot quicker than it affects work. if I'm really going through it I will start to pull out of like social plans and stuff Okay, but actually, another question.
Does work ever become a distraction? oh yeah like you know it's kind of cliche and like shows and stuff sometimes where it's like yeah i just throw myself into work when i am avoiding my like love life troubles or something But does that ever happen?
Like work becomes an accessible distraction?
I think I've experienced that, but no more than like a day, you know, like I'm not going to be like fucking grinding for like a month straight, but maybe on like a really tough day where I don't want to think about all this other stuff, I might like lean in a little bit more into work.
How about you? I wish I did. Sometimes I'm like, wow, if I could use work as... a distraction as well as some people I know are capable of, I could be super productive.
And I wonder sometimes too, if it actually helps you get out of your funk a little faster because.
There are moments when you complete tasks at work that give you that little burst of serotonin or like sense of accomplishment and i wonder Sometimes maybe if you get enough of that positive feeling, it helps you feel more ready to tackle the other parts of your life oh actually that is such a good point Sometimes I think, I mean, it depends really on your team or your work culture and stuff, but I think oftentimes you have this like bond with your coworkers.
These are people that you talk to multiple times a week.
And even if things are going on in your life, they are still someone who kind of like anchors you. to work and sometimes I'll have like a shit day where I'm like going through it and then my co-worker will be like oh my god like thanks so much for sending this you're awesome and i'll feel healed a little bit You're like, you're welcome.
I'm like, no, thank you. But I think you bring up a good point where sometimes work feels like just like an obligation and like a duty, but oftentimes, it does become a source of joy in some ways.
I think it's really easy for me personally to forget about how good small wins can sometimes feel.
And sometimes those small wins are pretty easily found at work.
You know, sending that email, getting a small task done off the checklist, you know, taking one small step in a project.
Maybe I will try to look towards that in the future.
Next time we have a health scare, we're like, should we work?
What if I sent an email? I have like a foundation brush in one hand and my work laptop in another.
But yeah, I feel like a lot of this is really about balance because...
I can also see how work can totally become an unhealthy distraction too.
If you throw yourself into it too hard and everything else is being neglected.
It's one of those things where sometimes I feel like balance is so hard because I just have no idea.
There's not like a scale or anything. And there's no percentages when it comes to life. so it's hard to tell when you're perfectly balancing something and not but I think This is probably a skill that comes with like aging in a sense.
I do feel like I'm a little bit more stable than I was in my early 20s, for example.
So it's nice to see and experience a little bit of that growth, even though there's much more to grow still.
Yeah. I'm like, what do you mean I just have to figure out... how much emotion and logic to use in my day-to-day.
Literally. And you mentioned earlier, sometimes you just have to hit rock bottom and then like...
Have one of those mirror conversations with yourself.
Do you think that comes easily for you? Like having a sort of mental conversation or maybe like a mental checklist with yourself to sit yourself down and be like, Hey, this is not okay.
We can't be doing this. I think kind of in the sense where I can recognize, you know, what's happening and But like, the mind knows, but does the body obey?
True. So recently I've had... So moments where I'm just not feeling that great and then...
I'm basically immobile for a weekend and like unable to get myself to, grocery shop and do chores and whatnot.
I think You know, I live with my husband now and we like share this married life.
My habits and like my episodes affect other people around me, you know?
I think I'm someone who struggles a lot with like negative self-talk. where the entire weekend when I'm being a shitter, I'll be like, you're such a shitter and like, you shouldn't be doing this.
All you do is whatever. And I'm sure you can like fill in the rest, but it's just like a constant. audio stream of that.
When I apologized to James, And I'm like, sorry, I know I've been like, so MIA, like, I know I haven't done this.
He always says. that's okay you should rest or like something very kind that breaks through my negative self-talk.
And I noticed the moment he says that, I feel motivated to get up and do stuff again.
But until he says that, it's just me berating myself.
So it doesn't, motivate me so I've been trying to like game that a little bit and when I go through stuff I'm like, okay, like, you deserve this rest.
Or like, you know, this is okay, just... try to break out of it in like an hour or something and like be a little bit more kind because...
What is it, like donkey, stick, carrot, something, something?
I'm like a carrot-based person. I know what you're saying.
I get what you mean. Yeah. But yeah, I guess what I'm just trying to say is learning to allow myself to like feel these things or like. you know, even have these emotional ups and downs is a big learning for me too.
That's true, because it's like also ignoring your emotions is not gonna help. just as fully throwing yourself into the emotion is also not going to be the most productive thing.
Yeah. You can't just like yell at yourself all the time and expect change to happen, I think.
Yeah. But do you think you have any new learnings and stuff that you've unlocked in your late 20s? for getting yourself out of a catastrophe.
Actually, I did do an exercise with my therapist regarding this stuff.
My therapist actually told me for one week, she was like, just fully listen to your emotions.
Don't use any logic. And then report back to me and tell me how it went.
And I was like... Yeah, it was, like, not good.
And then she was like, okay... The next time, just go fully in on the logic and then tell me how that goes.
And I was like, that was also not good. then we started talking about the balance aspect and it's just constantly playing around with it and seeing what ends up feeling the best.
And as things in your life changes. maybe that balance also changes a bit.
And I was like, okay, so I guess there's no shortcut here.
We just gotta do the work. dude it's so like Goldilocks coded but I mean it's such a good point It actually reminds me, I just got a new cookbook recently and you know how in the beginning they always have like little blurbs or like,
Oh, laws in my kitchen. And one of the things that they put in there was. cooking time.
And this person said, I went to culinary school.
And instead of being like, oh, cook the fish for 12 to 16 minutes, like we often see in recipes.
The instructions at culinary school are like, cook the fish until it's done.
And she was like, you may find this to be very weird because we're very used to like hard coding stuff to numbers and whatnot, but oftentimes you just have to like keep checking it and that's the best way to know.
I was just like, dude, I know in my head, this is like really profound and factual, but... as like a reader, I was like, I need numbers.
I need like an exact duration. Yeah. You're like, so today is it?
40% emotion and 60% logic? Exactly. Or is it like...
30% logic and 70% emotion. Let me know guys.
Yes. I need like a daily weather forecast or something.
Oh my god, that would be so helpful. Right?
But I think jokes aside, the lesson that I'm taking away here is just...
You just have to be in touch with yourself all the time and more importantly, be okay with not knowing, whether it's not knowing their future, not knowing what the exact balance is. just kind of vibing it out every day, as hard as that is.
So hopefully this was relatable for any of our listeners out there.
If you're going through a catastrophe, me and Crystal probably are too at that same exact moment.
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We upload new episodes every other Wednesday morning.
Thanks for listening. And don't forget to eat your crust.
