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Hey, weirdos. I'm Ash.
I'm Elena. And I'm Dr. Joshua.
I love that. I did not expect that.
This is morbid. with dr joshua it's different from dr phil you know very different just barely we're both not doctors so he's going to be joining us in a second dr joshua doctor joshua we have josh hami today on the show josh is a musician singer songwriter multi multi -instrumentalist and frontman of a little band called Queens of the Stone Age.
We are so fucking excited to have Josh on today.
This is going to be so much fun.
It really is. And he's got something pretty cool that he just did.
On Friday the 13th of June, he released Queens of the Stone Age Alive in the Catacombs, which is this like super intimate, totally unplugged performance that's in the actual Paris catacombs.
They are the first band to legally perform in the Paris catacombs.
Absolutely insane. It's, and it's incredible.
It's beautiful the way they did it.
It's super, like, they really, like, honored the space.
For sure. Like, in a big way.
It's got gorgeous cinematography.
It's such, like, haunting performances.
And it's just kind of him, like, walking around singing.
And they have like this, like the string instruments and the red, like it's very calm and like just really beautiful.
There's also a behind the scenes little dock too, which is really cool.
Yeah. And it's really interesting.
And they do it in like a black and white thing, which like just gives it like a warmer, like, I don't know, it feels right.
I know it's weird because it's black and white and then you're like, it's warmer, but it is, it makes sense.
Something about it is like super cozy and just like, ooh.
I think it's the catacombs.
Yeah, I think it might be.
But we'll include a link in our show notes to order both the performances as well as that behind -the -scenes look at it.
It's, I'm telling you, it's so worth it.
Yeah, you got to check it out.
And before we talk to Josh, before we get him on here, we wanted to give you guys a quick, very quick look at the Paris Catacombs.
We are going to revisit the Paris Catacombs in a different episode where we're going to do like a true deep dive into it.
Not literally. I was going to say, that's pun intended, I guess.
But right now - We will be the second band allowed to perform there legally.
Legally. I wanted to give you just like a quick look at it, just so you, when we're talking about it, you know a little bit behind the scenes here.
So the Paris Catacombs, it's a network of tunnels 80 feet below the streets of Paris.
It's filled with the remains of around 6 million people.
6 million, which is three times the population of Paris alone.
Which is just, my brain can't comprehend that.
I can't even picture like 48 people.
Yeah. Never mind six fucking million.
Yeah. And there's like two, there's more than 200 miles of tunnels under here.
And only, there's only a portion of them that are mapped out.
I think it's like maybe up to 200 miles that is officially mapped out.
Yeah. But there's tons tons more, that isn't.
It's wild. And there's only like a mile of it that's really legally available to the public.
You, you know, you get a ticket, they take you down with a guide.
We recommend that that's how you do it.
It's the safe way to do it.
It's the safest way to do it.
Of course, there's, you know, illegal ways to get in all over the city, but that can be very, very dangerous.
And we never encourage you to break the law.
Yeah. And we don't encourage you to do something that's going to like hurt you or someone else.
We like you too much. We do.
We love yeah so there there's also this really funny like name it's not funny but it's just like cute no it kind of it's like a fun cute name yeah it's cataphiles are what they're called and it's people who are really dedicated to exploring the catacombs and they've done like a lot to map out these hidden places like they're very dedicated to it and they know everything about it they've found you know hidden little like swimming pools which like you don't want to swim in stagnant water uh they found ritualistic setups down there that is scary the way that you went from like swimming pools to ritualistic
setups that's upsetting there's hidden tunnels strange drawings like art down there i mean it's a wild world down in the catacombs it's bonkers and you might be like whoa that sounds really cool like awesome uh where did they come from like why are are they there?
Why does that exist?
We'll tell you. Well, I'm going to tell you, because it originates in the 12th century.
So a little bit ago, long, long, long, long time ago.
So they were excavating quarries like lime mines, essentially below Paris.
They were like taking out the limestone to be used in, you know, building the city's defenses, all that kind of stuff.
And they were like, wow, this is really working out great.
But what they forgot was like like when they built stuff on top of these now hollowed out quarries.
It wasn't going to go too well.
Yeah, the structural integrity was just not there anymore.
So there was a lot of cave -ins during the 18th century that left entire streets of Paris just plummeting into the depths below.
A problem, if you will.
Big problem. So in 1777, a little guy named King Louis XVI.
I think I've heard of him.
Yeah, he was like, how can we make this not awful?
How can we make it so people don't plummet to their depths So he hired an architect and he was like let's turn these into galleries like something that you want to see something you want to visit Let's capitalize on this essentially Which makes me want to learn more about who the fuck he was I know the top of the iceberg about Louis but I'm like About old Louis though?
But the fact that that was his go to and he was like you know what we could do We could make a gallery of bones down there Yeah.
Well, he initially he wasn't making a gallery of bones.
Initially he was like, you know, let's make this.
It's almost it's not the same, but it's almost like akin to like a King's, Mary King's clothes or it's like a city underneath a city almost. But it's like he wanted it to look like what was above it almost like kind of thing, like make it a gallery of Paris, like that kind of thing.
Oh, and somebody took that to a different place.
Because at the same time, what was happening was graveyards were overflowing with human remains.
And when I say overflowing, they were overflowing.
So overcrowded that people nearby these graveyards were getting sick off of the fucking gases that were coming out of the decomposing bodies in the ground.
Ew. Because they were so overcrowded that it was escaping.
Ew. Ew. And these gases were so fucking noxious, and we'll get into this when we cover them.
Yeah, we're going to town.
It was so fucking bad that it could spoil milk and rot meat within hours.
Ew. So people were, like, getting these gases coming up through their basements and shit.
Like, it was bad. I bet it was actually green.
Oh, that's how I picture it.
I picture green gas emitting out of these things.
Like, cartoonish green gas.
Yeah. And so there was a cave in at the Holy Innocence Cemetery.
And I mean, that one was wild.
They were stacking bodies on top of each other for a long time.
It was like thousands of bodies in there.
I mean, it was gnarly.
Damn. And so this was a problem.
When this caved in, everybody was like, yeah, this is not great.
They were a little outraged.
Yeah, they were sick of their meat and their milk spoiling.
Yeah. So Louie was like, we'll just have the dead moved into the galleries that were built in these abandoned quarries, obviously.
What else are we gonna do?
Again, I want to know more about him.
I also want to know that.
And so in 1785, they transferred these bodies into the catacombs.
They had, like, processions of, you know, black -clothed, you know, carriages.
There were priests and holy people chanting prayers as it was going on.
That's rad. It must have been the gnarliest procession to watch. Like, yeah.
Like, just knowing that they're just putting these underground.
It's like going to a metal concert, but, like, a little bit different.
Like, slightly different, you know?
And, yeah, so they dedicated a person, like an artist, essentially, to arrange the bones in an artful way.
And when you look at them now, you can see, like, they're beautifully arranged.
They look like they are part of the structure of the place.
They look like they are art themselves.
Like, they have been meticulously arranged down there.
there yeah Gary and Larry fucked it up down there and don't you worry you'll hear about Gary and Larry in this episode don't you worry and I mean fucked it up in the good way they did they fucked it up fucked it up there's entire because because you have to understand there's fucking it up yeah or there's fucking up fucking up exactly there's like entire pillars that are made of bone I mean it's it's truly if you watch alive in the catacombs the queens of the stone age thing you'll see these in some in a really beautiful way too because it showcases it in a really nice way in fact they like really
the one thing you have to know about this is that they like truly honored the space with this performance and there was one point actually in the in the behind the scenes thing where I think they were taught like somebody you know one of the producers or something was talking about putting candles around or fake candles and Josh actually says is he doesn't want candles because he's like that feels like weirdly ritualistic and like kind of offensive yeah yeah and i was like i like that that's the mindset they went into they're like that's not what we're doing here like we're that's not the goal
here we're not trying to make this spooky right like that's not the and they didn't right they didn't make it spooky they made it like beautiful well and they just they really just worked with the space yeah they that was already they literally honored it so it's very i highly recommend it but each Each collection down there has a marker saying which cemetery or grave place, mass grave, basically, that these bodies came from.
In 1809, it opened to the public, and people were initially allowed to just fucking roam free.
And then they said, that's probably a shit idea.
After they lost a few people, they were like, huh, we should probably put a lid on this.
So, you know, because there was also damages being done.
Like, it is really sad.
Yeah, and you go down there and there's so much graffiti.
People gonna people.
Yeah, people gonna people.
And some like weird fuck shit was happening.
People were getting lost, all that stuff.
So the government restricted access.
And now you have to get a ticket.
You have to go down with a tour guide.
And it's only to a certain point.
The government governmented.
Always. Governments always be government.
While people people, government's government.
It's true. They always do be.
But that's like your little, just a little taste of the catacombs where, at least where they come from, what they're about, and what you're going to see down there.
And now we can bring Josh in, and you can have a blast with us.
Let's go. Let's go.
Well, welcome to the show.
Thank you for hanging out with us today.
Thank you for having me.
I'm really excited.
Yeah, so are we. This is huge.
We're so excited. We have Josh Homme on the show.
I don't know if you know him.
He's from this little band, you know, every once in a while pops up, Queens of the Stone Age.
I'm sure our listeners are looking it up right now.
But at the top of the show, we talked a lot about the catacombs themselves.
We talked about the history of the Paris catacombs.
I shouldn't say the catacombs because there's more catacombs in the world.
Which is wild. I know.
There's some under Boston, in fact.
I know. We got to go.
We do. Wow. Really?
They're smaller. You're close.
I know. It's just two people.
That's it. it literally is i think it's like 21 people or something yeah it's nothing in comparison you walk in boston like here you go here you go like you saw it get out all right next i'm ready let's go uh but we we did mention uh your newest really really cool really unique performance alive in the catacombs um we talked about it we watched it it was phenomenal so So I couldn't get like it was beautiful.
It really was. Honestly, I knew it was going to be beautiful, but I wasn't expecting it to be as moving as it was.
Oh, thank you. I appreciate that.
That space is so beautiful and sort of existentially beautiful, too.
Oh, yeah. It's not just, you know, it's not just how it looks.
It's how it feels and what you you immediately understand what it took to make it.
Yeah, absolutely. know there's something really beautiful in the effort it took to make this you know the catacomb oh yeah and probably so overwhelming too in that moment oh for sure yeah i mean you you immediately i think it's different because we didn't take a tour i don't know the only time i've ever been there is when we played there um that's shocking what a first time yeah i i i'd been working on on this for so many years that I swore off going there until I had the first date.
Oh, that's so cool.
I love that. You know, I thought I'm not going to go.
I won't go. There's nothing like that feeling.
Go away, you know? Yeah.
Yeah. So I mean, that space is so dominating that you immediately start asking yourselves questions.
Like, because these, I once saw 28 years later last night.
Oh, I haven't seen that yet.
I'm dying. Okay. And so there's this one moment where where there's a memento mori section in this movie, and Ralph Fiennes' character asks the same questions that I asked when I was in there.
It's like, you're looking at these skulls, and you're like, these eyes have all seen, these have all smelled, these mouths have all spoken words of love and passion and anger and acceptance.
and it was just so overwhelming.
And you look at these bones and you think, this is me, I am this, this is you.
It really was overwhelming.
Existential, I think, is definitely the perfect word for that.
Yeah. Yeah. Honestly, because I was thinking about that while we were watching it because when you see them all, first of all, how many there are and then the way they're so artfully arranged i i worked in a morgue for a long time like i i was an autopsy technician for like five years so i i there was many times where i would look down and just be like wow like this is a person this is a whole person like the and it's the same kind of thing where like we like you know we always closed eyes or like put something over their eyes because it just felt like you don't want them watching you while you're
doing everything thing and every time i know you're like don't look at me don't look at me yeah but it's the same kind of thing where you're like those eyes saw what i'm seeing like not too long ago or you'd see like a tattoo and you'd be like oh this person like went to go get a tattoo once or it always like struck me when they would have like painted nails because i'd be like oh you you painted your nails not knowing that that's it.
Just mere moments before.
Right. It is interesting because everything that's monumental really happens in one second.
Yeah, yeah, truly. There's only before and after.
And being present in that one second and being aware in that one second is actually rare.
It feels rare to me when your consciousness aligns with what's going on.
so much of life feels like you're playing catch up to a moment that just existed truly especially with how our lives go now like everything is so busy so instant like that yeah and the influence is is to take your train your mind off the moment yes yeah or it's very strange that that distraction is beneficial to big groups of people that own things yeah yeah It's so true.
We're all taught to not be in our own head or in our own thoughts in any given moment.
Yeah, like the suggestion is like, why don't you get out of the moment for a second?
Come with me. Look at this.
And that's very strange.
In the catacombs, I felt so there because I was going through this physical stuff and we were so locked in.
And before each song would happen, for 30 seconds, we agreed to say nothing.
Ooh, I like that. So we're just, you're almost like, this is it.
Yeah, yeah. And so it felt so in the center of your feet.
Like, there was no yesterday, there was no tomorrow.
We're underground. I don't know what time it is.
It's like a casino. No clocks, no doors.
The most macabre casino you can ever think of.
Big risk, right? Yeah, that's exactly how I'd imagine it would feel.
like just overwhelmingly present yeah yeah yeah and i i think because everyone else in there represented the past and and there is no future because you there is no you don't know what time that absence of where am i forcing you to be stuck there and the past of these people sort of pressing against your backside you know it's like a uh an invisible force there's there's a bunch of sections and they're actually that they kind of don't show because they're not as sort of sexy i think ultimately yeah where they just ran out of they must have run out of people and to do this kind of exotic work you
know as the pillars are decorated the walls are decorated stacked and then there's a couple sections where someone was like i can't anymore i'm done i'm tired too tired it's just like you know bones in piles as far as the eye can see it's like real where it's clearly someone put in there too weak notice that must just be insane though just a pile of bones right next to you that's a sight you know i don't know if you would have the same reaction but mine was was something akin to there's a big pile of bones i look over i thought am i supposed supposed to do something am i supposed to start yeah
should i start here like what do i do do i arrange these beautifully i know i heard my dad's voice like get to work and get over there and start that's a pile what do i do with it yeah that's like a to -do pile yeah like we can't just leave that i think i would feel the same i'm a completionist i need to do this like feels unfinished yeah well that's it feels almost like sensory deprivation and sensory overload overload all at the same time another thought i had too actually in there was um that because you're in this essentially deprivation tank you know you're i can i was so immediate to picture
people working away for countless hours not understanding the reference and sort of getting in the zone yeah of stacking it's like i'm just doing femurs what are you doing yeah like what What are you doing today?
Almost right now. Hey, how are your skulls coming?
Gary. Gary? Gary, I love what you've done with that corner.
I was just going to say, I love what you've done with the femurs.
It looks great. Somebody's like, you should add a tibia in there and I think it will really offset it.
It will set it off.
I'm not trying to be a jerk, but I think you should add some tibias.
Yeah. You know? We can't.
There's Larry's over here doing metacarpals and that is insane.
You got to get on Larry's level.
Like, it truly is. Gary, you're no Larry.
Step it up, Gary. Come on, man.
Come on, Gar. The month again is Larry.
Like, how do you not think of that when you're down there?
Like, I honestly, I would have to be thinking about that.
Well, I think I accidentally turn anything into the office, you know, just like.
Oh, that's Elena. As you should.
Business vernacular.
Yes. As you should.
That's Elena in our office every single day.
Yeah. I turn everything into that.
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now do you i know that you have been really fascinated with the catacombs the paris catacombs for a long long time do you remember when you first became interested in them and what drew you to it it was somewhere between the ages of eight and ten i i my my the way i deal with time is at this point in my life by when records came out i don't know what you're about that you know i'll just be like oh that was songs for the deaf era that era so i my childhood is like the window is eight or ten and uh in a history class um it was in a book and there was a brief discussion about this time frame and it
immediately struck me i think as a kid you never think you're gonna die and and i i think especially in the united states there's a tendency to say oh no one's gonna die you don't know no one's dying we're good wait oh if you just there's a panic you know um when the only way to know you're alive is to not be dead yeah so i i i think um i've always been a yeah obsessed with the transitions of life like i think because i grew up right where the desert starts you know it's there's mountains and snow and pine trees at the top of the mountain comes down and there's uh then the desert begins at the base
mountains but in that spot in that transition is where all the nutrients are so all the good stuff it's where the oasis is right yeah are it's where all the palm trees are it's why they're there and so I think I've always been obsessed with one foot in each location and things like the catacombs where life and death merge and then they make art that that's been my fascination for most of my life it's like being split in half where and on that line is where the art is you Oh, that's so cool.
That is. That's very black, yeah.
So I just got kind of obsessed with, I wouldn't say death, because it's not that.
It's that there's a beauty in that.
And that the only way to live is to know that you won't forever.
forever i love that yeah yeah i think it's cool too that in the paris catacombs because like i think over here we can treat death like you were saying like it's like like we don't talk about it and just like taboo shut up you're fine like everybody's yeah shut up the thing about death is shut up yeah like just shut up about it like we don't want to hear it and then it's like then the paris catacombs is like this like i don't want to say like a celebration but it's like a tribute to it and it makes it like this beautiful like these bones are not these people anymore their souls have gone wherever
souls go and now they are here but like you know they're here but not here kind of thing like it's like what you were saying of one foot in one foot out it kind of celebrates life and death all at the same time yeah i i i think it is 100 a celebration yeah And I also think, you know, you keep someone alive when you're talking about them.
Yeah. And, you know, I had my very best friend pass away a couple of years ago, and we talk about him constantly.
And we have this sort of ofrenda, I suppose, you know, just over here on that eagle table.
Oh, yeah. Right? and oftentimes I'll just touch this little sculpture on his head on the head and be like hey buddy you know I just so I think these sort of celebrations that I suppose become an altar in their own way are just cool and they that sort of thing gives me relief but I also have Yeah, I do have gallows humor, and I'm sure...
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Yeah. That was how I survived working in a morgue.
Yeah. A lot of gallows humor.
Yeah. I believe gallows humor is a really successful way to...
When life is good, it's funny, and when life is terrible, it's really funny.
Exactly. As it should be.
Yeah, it demystifies, it takes out the scariness of it all.
Adding levity is always...
the way to go especially when you find yourself in a situation where you where you realize well what am I gonna do yeah right even that question it's kind of funny sometimes it is because a lot of times the answers are not great so it's like you might as well laugh at it I'm healed I'm all good but when I got diagnosed with it with cancer the um I was said behind these uh I was in a a wheelchair and i was behind these four other wheelchairs and i got a convoy pushed up and the doctor who i knew so we were friendly i knew he said hey real quick um do you have this either this type or this type
and i'll be back in five minutes i started laughing so hard like damn it's like a server stopping by and checking in with your table for these other four people went They're like what?
In a row Almost like a synchronized Swimming team in wheelchairs Oh my god And I thought And I started I looked at them and I started laughing And I was like Who wants to go jogging?
That's great I love that And I started laughing I turn around and I yell Of course I do I was like Of course I do Of course I thought it was funny And tragic And it was It's okay for these things to be everything yeah absolutely or or um uh it's okay to admit they're everything they already are everything exactly things are rarely just one thing yeah exactly yeah you gotta have fun with it yeah have fun with it and speaking of having fun people have fun with the catacombs apparently yeah oh sorry but I turned it dark already oh no we'll keep turning it dark you're on morbid you're good it's called
morbid exactly we'll either lead you to the darkness or we'll follow you what's our show description it's like a lighthearted nightmare yeah so a lightmare a lightmare yeah you're in the right place well apparently did you hear about the movie theater that they found in the Paris catacombs I did isn't that insane because I obsessed the good part about the internet is I have obsessed and I've watched fake videos and real videos and you know the movie theater you got to tell everyone about the movie theater it was so it was they found it in 2004 which to me always i always am like that was like
five years ago and then i'm like no that wasn't it's like over 20 years ago which is insane damn but they found an entire cinema set up in the paris catacombs the people had set up a professional theater it had a screen a projector it had a bar it had a restaurant set up seating it was stopped with food a dinner table you could sit down like they had an illegal electrical system set up and like we thought lux level was cool yeah I'm like how my first thing is like how'd you get all that down there like what entrance did you go in because I don't think the illegal entrances are very big well the The interesting
thing is that the, so I met a couple of cataphiles.
And what I come to understand is that there are so many entrances.
The limestone mine, that is what it was, required such ventilation and is so vast, it's like 200 kilometers.
Yeah. Passageways and openings.
openings and and so there were so many entrances and exits that you know they sort of molehole the city that way that's so cool there's many times where there'll be steel double doors and they open to a stairwell that goes into the catacombs or a manhole yeah you think of the sewer and it's It's like, eh, eh.
I'll be dropping in.
Yeah, and it's a ladder.
And I love secret societies.
Me too. Unless I'm not included, and then I hate that.
And then they're lame.
They can't be too secret.
Yeah. What's your problem?
But I love the idea that, you know, I don't know if it's true or not, but on the subject of this cinema dinner club.
Which I love. the authorities were down there looking for something completely different they see this in this one of the grander open areas there that can house this size thing and um apparently they discover this and then they say they're going to come back tomorrow with a bunch of people and they find it's all completely gone and there's just a note on the floor that says do Do not try to find us.
That is my favorite part of the story.
Don't try to find us.
That's so chilling.
I love that it was like, be very careful.
Don't even try. It's amazing.
I want to be part of that club so badly.
And it feels like a cartoon where like, they turn to the right, then they turn to the left and everything's gone.
And you're like, how did that happen?
It's very Scooby -Doo coated.
But someone who kind of is high up in that club is a very clever person.
Yes. A mastermind. It's one thing to take everything away, and it's another thing to say, and by the way, as you leave, there's something very, very sexy about that.
It's so badass. It is so badass.
Yeah, I find that quite hot.
Agreed. And a unanimous decision.
Yeah, a unanimous decision that that is hot.
But we're like, hey, if you're out there, we love you.
My number has a five in it.
well and on the same topic of like i'm sure things you've come across you must have come across the video tape that they found um which one the one i was gonna say lost or or you know trying or feeling they've seen something and running running and dropping the video camera yeah and it drops into like a puddle you hear the splash and everything i want to know if that's real it is no unfortunately i just i just know in my bones that's not real see i was so worried worried it wasn't no I feel in my bones it is really my bones are more optimistic I think they're very optimistic and I'm not I'm not pessimistic
by any stretch because I want it to be real so bad yeah I want that to be real you know because so much of the catacombs um are are illegal to explore I mean we're the only people to legally play there yeah there's been And in the open sections, all these tunnels come to these various open knuckles that the veins come off of.
That's where I've come to understand.
I love picturing it like that.
I know. In these sort of knuckle rooms that are not as huge as it would seem, but some are bigger than others.
There's been raves that have happened.
Oh, yeah. That's wild.
That's so scary to me.
Apparently, the 80s and 90s, that was like in rave culture's inception, which I always loved.
In my first band when I was 18 or 19, I went to a rave and it was like six numbers to get to.
I was fascinated with it because it was like punk rock without any politics.
It's like a secret society kind of thing, like a speakeasy.
It's very much that.
And the music was extremely intense and really simplified And it was just pounding And like the idea that That would occur in multiple numbers In the secret society that was about I just love escapism Be the value In escaping the real world Not all the time But using it as a tool to Cope Get the pressure in the right spot Yeah, equalize yourself Equalize, right Exactly exactly and the idea that this would have occurred in the catacombs amongst um these bones and in this scenario and underground you can't hear it i mean you want to talk underground it's it's as underground as underground yeah yeah
it's legitimately that's so legit you know like that's crazy i just think of the fact that you like when you're at a rave or at like a super loud concert you hear that like you feel that in your heart yeah yeah in in like thinking your chest kind of way i feel like it would just collapse the catacombs that would be horrified that's my fear that was my fear watching you guys perform which i was like are you worried of a collapse yeah well i i'm i'm claustrophobic oh do you really yeah and and many of the places i had to go i'm six five so i had to duck i was gonna say there's a there's a a part
where you're walking through this little passage and your head is barely scraping that ceiling yeah you know i'm just sort of i'm looking for and reveling in moments where um the situation is clearly in control and i'm not so i therefore i can't be in control like i i look for especially through music i look for these moments where in those moments where you understand control has been taken away i feel like those are the moments where i i think okay so the only thing to do is i just need to be myself and surrender to this i i'm not in control and there and i love that feeling of being out of control
and the risk that's associated with it so there was a few places that's like a shattering that is my fear year it is because I feel like there's nothing else to do but be yourself there's nowhere else to be yeah it's it's a really positive I always I even have this on my mic stand on the floor it just says it's too late you know all the rehearsal and all that stuff it's over now yeah you just gotta go it's too late just do it whereas Oscar Wilde said be yourself everyone else is taken and so I realized there were some low -hanging areas I would not be able to recognize and I was like I if I hit
myself or hit my head, that's just the way this goes.
Like, that's just something that will occur.
It's just inevitable.
I'm not interested in hitting my head.
I'm not going for it.
I'm not going to go out of my way to do it on purpose.
But if it happens, just sort of say, that's what happens when the ceiling's low and if the blood flows, just let it flow.
Keep going, let it flow.
Just don't do anything.
You know, just allow yourself to feel whatever's going to happen and just kind of continue on as you were you know honestly that's probably the best way to get out of like a panic moment in those situations I was gonna say I respect your approach to life I gotta take this on well I mean you know you don't always find yourself there but in that moment in that place and because I had you know we don't have to get into it too much but it's like because I was so not well yeah and so there was like uh always this undercurrent of like ow ow ow ow going on but I'm really thankful for that because it
connected me to that space yeah because when once you walk off this you know there's this spiral staircase that you go down that's really tight and you just kind of you go right in a corkscrew motion just continuously yeah it's like 240 some steps to go up and down you know and but once you get off this steel thing you get you get in this limestone the ceiling's dripping the floor starts to crunch under your feet with gravel it's sort of like you enter the belly of this yeah i mean you kind of go back into this womb a little and it's like you know clean up your womb go to your womb no you go on this thing
and you sort of you know i just got really connected to this organic thing i was in having my own troubles i'm seeing all this you know where where we all will end up it couldn't have been a better situation like it doesn't matter if it hurts it doesn't matter if you hit your head it doesn't matter it it doesn't matter anymore because we're we're here now yeah are you are you going to do it or not it's too late yeah yeah but there's something really sort of beautiful about all the rest of this is done now.
Yeah. I think as a former mortician employee that that would probably make sense too.
It definitely does.
Not saying you don't.
Cutting hair was not like this.
So no offense taken.
I mean, I guess there's no going back when you cut off too much, you know.
Definitely. I believe in that way.
Like a bad dye job.
Yeah, a bad dye job.
On a whim, I've shaved mine and it's clearly too late but there could be going back because it'll grow back exactly yeah all right well we kind of got into it like now that we've touched on your performance so let's get into it a little deeper how long did it take you guys to film and what was the prep work like well we filmed in just one day oh one day that's nuts yeah well you know i'm not a perfectionists i like as i said i like the risk and i like um i like it to be just as it is right so we knew that we were going to get complete takes of a song and we knew we were going to not fix correct you
know edit we were just going to let it be and i'm glad we chose that because whatever plans you make above ground did not might not translate no Well, you think, I think this, we really should this.
And as soon as you descend those stairs, it was so clear that the catacombs already exist as it exists.
You will participate in what it's telling you to do.
The catacombs decide.
You plan, the catacombs laughs.
Yeah. that's actually the correct way to say that that's that's the real phrase so it was more like an improv what i imagine an improv class was whatever is thrown at you you just say yes and let's go and so when we once we the night before we did a walkthrough as soon as it had closed and they and they had they said to us you have an hour okay you know they wanted to be like like wow I mean they they weren't they weren't they were excited we were there but they were like um take an hour like we don't know what's happening here so yeah I think there was just a lot of what are you going to do what are you
going to and as we walked we just said well we can go here we can go here we we can do this we and we just uh the team we worked with was so good at utilizing all of our collective excitement that you really just move at the speed of inspiration.
And you move at the speed of excitement.
And when something feels like, then you just move on.
Yeah, that makes sense.
and it became clear because we're using battery powered things you know became clear to me i can move around i can you know just walking around that pillar was just in the moment like i'm going this way right here i go i i don't know i just want to see and and you know sometimes if there's a camera here you're for me personally i'm like my natural instinct is get that thing off of me yeah and so walking yeah you're like i'm gonna leave you back there bye but there's there's mistakes and there's things i mean you're hearing take two of the first song you're hearing take three of four takes wow
oh wow it feels really nice to be in this moment have played something twice and say that's enough that's enough it's enough you know and and uh yeah so it like i say the turning over the control to the place and saying not being a perfectionist about it right and saying that's as good as i can do that i don't know what else to say that's that's you know it's nice that feels nice actually it sounds like that's the way you have to approach it down there yeah i i think and a lot of things um it's it seems like perfection is an ideal you strive for but not something to expect to actually nobody is perfect
so what makes you think you're gonna get there right how do you expect to actually get there it's not even it you know and i i reckon perfect would be boring because it's free of all mistakes yes true and sometimes the mistakes are the best part it's well friction is is the most glorious thing of all time it's how the universe is made it's how babies are made valid music is made and so I think you're looking to find something to borrow friction from and enjoy the rub and so I think down there it's so imperfect which makes it so classic in there because we really are second fiddle to that location I
think that makes this makes me so proud of this thing is that we're almost sort of less important than what's happening than just the environment yeah you all worked so it all worked so well together everything compliments the other you know yeah thank you yeah you know i uh i'll tell you i couldn't go back up and down the stairs i'd gone up and down the stairs about 12 times and i just i just couldn't do it and the french love lunch and so as do i i love lunch too too.
I was just like, I love lunch. Oh, everyone breaks for lunch. And I just couldn't do it.
And I had a cot that I could lay down in between takes.
And so I just said, I'm fine.
I'm just going to stay down here.
So I was the only person in the catacombs for about an hour.
And we're deep in there.
I think it's got to be somewhere between 50 and 100 meters deep at various spots yeah and um so i'm deep and i'm i'm many hundreds of meters in you know 200 meters in more and this maze and it's all i'm hearing is the ceiling dripping and nothing else in the air gently going oh that's cozy that is cozy and i i uh i thought if the lights go out this is going going to be the craziest army crawl i've ever done oh my god yes but i thought i'm just not going to try to go anywhere you know and then but i thought there's over six million people here if i if there's a chance to be haunted oh yeah this is it
you're not alone time you know yeah i just said this is it and it's too late you know it's too late and what i what i found really interesting is that maybe it had to do with the physical state i was in you know where my body's just humming and i have a kind of a pretty high fever but i realized something about the word haunting because it's not that's not bad it just isn't one or the other it's just this kind of like the waves coming and like because i felt so welcomed and embraced there oh i love that that it gave me peace I'm not going to lie I was doing a lot of this at first oh yeah of course
just naturally you know and um and I never got up once I sat down I just was sitting in my cot I'm looking around and I said oh whatever you're going to do let's just have let's just have it do your best do your worst and I gotta say the overwhelming feeling was was so embracing and it was a bit like don't just play here stay here you know and and i um i laid down and i'm looking around and i and it i just it lulled me to sleep and i fell asleep for the first time in a long time you took a nap in the motherfucking catacombs yeah that's some gangster shit that's really cool and and i i i woke to
the sound of young two young interns a boy and a girl speaking french oh god and they were kind of whispering they're like is this guy dead no i i my cot was my cot was in a little bit set back into this hallway which was not really lit oh my god they couldn't see you so they're like what so I was in 100 pitch black in a mine darkness even more gangsta josh jeho was like I when I would turn around I couldn't see my hand until I put it up to the the light but down all the way I was like nothing right I hear their feet softly on the gravel I hear them speaking French and they walk kind of right
by me and I sit up and I said what time is it and they go you ruined their lives in that moment you ruined their collective life you took at least five years off of both of their lives did they die then and then they disappeared and then they were gone it was so weird it was crazy they immediately turned and you know So French is their first language.
So they immediately turned and sort of, I understand enough French. They were swearing in French. And then he was like, what are you doing?
You're like just napping.
French, French, French, French, French. Transition.
What are you doing?
These young kids that were like interns, they probably weren't being paid a single cent.
They're like, you can't do that.
They had the audacity to be like, are you out of your fucking mind?
You're just sleeping in a dark corner.
a little bit yeah a little bit yeah it's fine maybe a lot a bit oh my god that's amazing honestly though as a parent i understand why that was probably the best sleep you've ever gotten yeah because i feel like i'm not a parent but that does make sense like the the idea of that is so horrifying at first and then i'm like actually no that sounds kind of awesome just kind of like grade a spot 80 feet underground just in a dark corner there was just this feeling of of pressing onto you.
Yeah, just like... Like leaning.
You know when your dog just sort of decides to go like this?
Dead weight on you.
You're like, the fuck are you doing?
I got a leaner. A stage four leaner.
The catacombs is a leaner.
Wow, that's wild. Well, I think it closes in on you.
Yeah. And I had no sense of claustrophobia, obviously no sense of time.
And so I also think that piece of there is nothing, you know it doesn't matter what's happening up upstairs it reminded me of there's you know i have a couple moments of things that are completely unexplained in my life i have this moment in pennsylvania so my first band was called kaios and we traveled in a van and we met these two gals that were djs at like a um a really little station a station that would play us at the time And we did this interview on the radio and they said, well, you know, we live in Pennsylvania, which is, you know, extremely haunted.
And we have a ghost in our house named Isaac, who we've seen from the waist up.
Oh, that's cool. You know, we live in a 200 -year -old farmhouse in rural Pennsylvania.
And, you know, we were, as a collective, some people believed more than others.
i was a complete skeptic of you know i want to believe in ghosts but i need i need empirical evidence and it can't it can't just go bump in the night especially in a wood house that's creaking and contract fair enough that's how i am usually right and and i want the science to prove that the ethereal right and so um these girls were like you should come stay at our house whenever you're passing through next time.
And so about two months later, we were on our second kind of tour.
And so we did. And we went to this farmhouse and our bass player, Scott, is married to an indigenous tribal leader's daughter.
Oh, wow. And so he was like calling her and saying, what should we do or not do?
That's smart. Very smart.
He's like taking notes.
yeah and she was she basically said um don't um antagonize yeah don't ever provoke don't ever provoke and don't drink oh the latter kind of sucks yeah so we start drinking that one immediately this is like a i would say a 10 bedroom very much older and sort of not dilapidated but not palatial it was you know rustic yeah rustic very very much honest alina and i both grew up in a house like that yeah with less bedrooms yeah but something that is terrifying when you look at it just like very ominous yes it was like i instinctually uh don't love this so i actually don't really want to stay here well
I was probably 19 years old so I was very blase like I don't love this but we're going in and we had a video camcorder and the singer John and I I said can we investigate this place we were going to sleep in the attic an 8 frame open attic that was epicenter of activity for that reason it was Stop.
That's the best. And for that reason, we were going to sleep there.
Yeah. I'm like jealous of you right now.
I know. So the singer, John and I go room to room, opening every chiffor robe and armoire, every closet door that had servants, stairwells and stuff.
So kitchens would have a small door and then go up a spiral staircase.
I personally went to every single room in this house with John and antagonizing the thing.
Wow, you ignored all the notes.
Doing exactly what you weren't supposed to do.
Why did you even call this girl?
Going like this, going, whoa, whoa.
I mean, it wasn't aggressive.
It wasn't like, come and get me.
What's going on right here?
It was kind of going, whoa.
Like, this is a haunted toilet seat.
Whoa, lift it up. Being a very 19 -year -old boy about it.
Yeah, just a complete bonehead, um which i maintain to this day as do we i've cultivated it's worked out yeah i mean so far i'd say it's been you're here so you know good work if you can get it yeah as you as you well know you'll never work a day in your life yes stay stupid my friend so um we go room to room methodically first floor second floor attic right and um i can vouch for opening every single i said can we open your closets and do this thing they're like go ahead you know up on top of the closet feeling above i'm tall enough so is john there's no stone and unturned I guarantee you we
set our sleeping bags up in a circle oh that's fun with our feet in the center of the circle and there was our manager Kathy her husband our sound man this guy John and the four of us and so there's six of us sleeping on a hard floor and you know if you want to use the restroom you have to go down to the second you know it's floor and take this creaky staircase and the camera was in the middle and i would wake up intermittently and just film around and the amount of times i woke up was ungodly that night i think because you're expecting something oh yeah you're on guard and every time i woke up
and opened my eyes i would look over at one of my band members and their eyes would be wide open just like they heard your eyes eyes open our bass player scott is quick to be like there are things here for sure you know it's very and very quick so quick to do that that i was like immediately you're like no you had to boneheaded out somebody untied my shoes around here you know i being a total an asshole essentially a bonehead as a coping mechanism right and so no one slept nobody slept and i sat up multiple times and filmed around.
And although the experience was eerie, you know, and I heard noises because it's an all -wood home, my dad's a contractor.
I understood what I'm hearing is more than likely.
There's no evidence here of something else.
The house is settling.
He said, I actually just should call my dad over.
And we all finally fell asleep in the early morning hours.
And we all sort of woke up together.
And as we're waking up, stretching, we're like, oh, dude, that was a terrible night's sleep all agreeing we kind of stand up and we're stretching and scott our bass player reaches down and in the center of where our feet is a little circle i guess you could call it was you know about this big a little more than shoulder width scott reaches down and picks up this accordion and starts playing it and goes that's amazing the only problem is is that we don't own an accordion i was literally just gonna say there was just an accordion and some of the keys were missing um like the some of the ivory on the keys
and it was unsnapped so just to sort of describe the accordion which is one of my least favorite things to do in life but describe accordions yeah i truly hate it i'm gonna do it here go go for it but clearly it's about pushing air and this vented system yeah air so one of the terrible things about accordion is when you move it when it's unsnapped uh the the snap keeps the vent closed but when you unsnap it it goes hey and it's constantly like the worst or one of the best things it's the fucking worst and so the reason being is that it's like a needy friend that's needy all the time it goes hey
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, guys.
So he picks up this accordion that's unsnapped and starts going.
Scott was acting like me.
He went full bonehead.
He's like, dude, who's this?
And I was like, and individually, each of us are like, well, it's obviously not fucking mine.
Not my accordion. And it starts from Giggling To confusion To Disbelief To anger We start arguing Who put the accordion Who put this here And John and I start saying We filmed this whole house I didn't see an accordion anywhere There was no accordion anywhere I want to tell you something That doesn't get said a lot You can't hide an accordion no you really can't you know what that doesn't get said enough I think tell me tell more people that yeah how many fucking dinner parties yeah where somebody tries to say that you can hide an accordion like spread the word or I brought you something here's
an accordion what do you get for the person that doesn't want something but it turned into anger on finger -pointing it was like who put this here you put this here no I didn't how could I put where did I get this from it turns into John and I saying uh I can assure you like we searched everything so unless this is in the deep recesses of something not to mention um having gone to take a leak in the middle of the night myself out of sheer like I have nothing to do and I can't never saw an accordion going down the squeak squeak squeak squeak like you could not have infiltrated our circle of six
no and plopped an open accordion and yes you were isaac because it would have said hey i don't i wish i hadn't said plopped but whatever whatever you do you couldn't have pulled this off because it wasn't just me that didn't sleep well and then we approached the two girls downstairs and we're like we bring the accordion and we said he said whose is this we found your accordion ha ha ha and to my amazement I saw the look on their face they said we don't have an accordion they said why the fuck would we have an accordion we like music why would I have that that would actually be really embarrassing
for us our Zydeco band is that what you're saying so they freak out and they said this is isaac that is not us this is this is isaac's accordion i love that isaac just like brought an accordion he said he said you say you're musicians musicians other spirits look musicians and you know this is a farmhouse that had been a hospital in the Civil War.
They needed some entertainment.
This is a place where accordions thrived, apparently.
Yeah, and continue to.
I didn't realize later it was an accordion farm.
That made sense then.
Picture watermelons that don't sound good.
But they just... Right out of the ground.
Their shock and horror started to become ours.
As we get in the van to drive off with our trailer, no one spoke for a couple hours.
and then we get a phone call they took it to a local music store immediately and said what what the fuck am i holding and sure enough the music store owner said you're holding a huge mistake no he said get that the fuck you're holding an abomination i said this was a music store get this thing out no he said oh wow this is beautiful this is like turn of the century this this thing is almost 100 years old.
This was in the early 90s.
Wow. He said, wow. Yeah, he's like, some of the keys are missing, but if you fix it up, this could be worth $7.
He was like, no, this is extremely old.
This is the oldest accordion I've ever seen.
Wow. And so I don't have an experience with an apparition, but i have something i cannot explain that is so bizarre that almost i still feel almost a little foolish even like like i don't for years after this every once in a while it would be like just between you and me did you put the accordion there or not did you or not just say yes for real and i have it somewhere on film you know um and apparently these the footnote to this is the two girls started seeing full body to the floor isaac all the time and so they moved within a month he's a full body isaac well you completed him when you played
the accordion full body isaac which sounds like a really terrible male strip love it does full body isaac yeah welcome to full body isaac damn i don't want that i don't want full body accordion most people don't Most people don't want full body Isaac.
Because I was honestly concerned with hearing that they saw from the waist up Isaac.
I was like, how? No, but you know what people say?
But then you heard full body Isaac and you're like, what?
He said, I don't want that either.
I don't want that. But sometimes people say that if you are in a haunted place or you live in a haunted accordion farm, that when you see half of someone, it's because there's been renovations since they passed.
Oh, yeah. And they're actually like stuck in whatever that full room was.
But maybe you've done some kind of renovation so they're like stuck in between.
Or they're showing like they're in between.
We've covered something.
They're unrenovated.
Yeah, unrenovated. They're walking on like the previous place where the floor was.
So you'll see like waste below coming from the ceiling.
I forget the hotel that we covered once.
But we covered a hotel and there had been a fire there.
And somebody was seeing like a Native American man in the now hotel's dining room.
which had previously been two rooms so he was upstairs but people would see like his feet yeah see him like halfway out of the ceiling yeah who knew open concept could really free the room that's why i'm a big fan of in many ways i'm setting ghosts free and my space is limitless you well you know i we passed around a lot of discussion and in particular with these two gals i wish i still knew them or remember their names it's been so many years because i'm so old but you know there was a lot of positivity eventually uh about this being an offering ring and a token of of sort of like hi guys hey
hi guys look look i heard your musicians look yeah check out my fucking accordion he's like i know music too a little bit of a labrador vibe yeah very golden retriever he's a lot isaac all my other experiences of unexplained things have always been positive in the same manner they've never been negative in any way shape or form oh Oh, that's a good thing.
And the same feeling I had, I feel the same way about the catacombs and why I fell asleep.
That I just was like, I felt like, you know, sit, lay down.
They were just like tucking you in.
Sit, lay down, play an accordion when you wake up.
Yeah. We'll leave you an accordion.
Well, thankfully I wasn't asked.
The catacombs, Parisians have way more taste than that.
There you go. Well, they have the little ones, you know.
Oh, yeah. seem tasteful.
Yeah, I forget what those are called.
Annoying. That's right.
That's it. Nailed it.
Also, respect the way you made that story come full circle.
That was impressive.
Well, I'm just realizing that and I am realizing this for the first time that, as I say, my experiences in this realm have never been negative.
Just lucky, I guess.
Bye. And with that, I leave you.
good luck everyone before you actually do walk away from us do you want to play catacombs themed would you rather absolutely let's do this are you starting us off i was gonna say you should crack your knuckles because it's gonna get weird yes stretch a little bit get ready no this is accordion yeah excuse me i'm already stretched i stretched way before this gotta prep the accordion all right so the first would you rather is you're in the catacombs you find a secret tunnel and it's marked don't that's it what do you do do you go in anyway or sorry i don't know you're like that's it yeah the second
choice is do you avoid it and be forever haunted by a ghost who sighs coward every time you go to sleep it's a hard choice we know i'm i'm a don't person in fact i've always wanted to open a speakeasy that is It's just a neon sign behind a window, so you just see, and it just flashes don't.
That's a great idea.
I think that's great.
The place is called Don't.
So you've hit me in the center of my don't.
Right in the feels.
Right in the O of the don't.
I love it. So you're going in.
I'm definitely going in.
I think that life is all about ignoring the rules.
Yeah. Finding which ones to ignore.
Yeah, I think I'd go in at that point.
I don't want to listen to a ghost every time I'm going to sleep.
I just don't want to be judged by a ghost every night.
That's the... Like, I don't want to hear it.
Is that the reason to go...
I don't want to hear it.
I don't want to hear it.
Yeah, we're judged by enough living people every day.
I don't need... Because I just picture some, like, bitchy ghost walking up to me right as I'm getting comfortable in bed and just being like, coward, coward, and just, like, walking away.
I love that yours is full disdain, just like, coward. They're disgusting.
What would yours be, Ash?
How would it say coward?
I think it would have to be kind of like creepy, like coward. See, that I'd just be like, I'd be like, fuck off.
Yeah, mine would be like coward. Yeah, just like, ha, pass it along.
Just a little school taunting, like coward. Very like, sucka.
See, mine's got disgust, and that's why I simply can't.
Yeah, yours is the harshest. Yours is rooted in like a need for therapy.
Yeah, it's rooted in judgment.
Yes, and I don't like it.
I think Ash's is sort of like coward. yeah see what i did there you see that i could kind of i'd be like all right that's kind of funny every night yeah every night because i just i'd be like all right bye but i think i for some reason i'm shaking my head because yours is going yeah that's right yeah yeah it's a challenge i don't take criticism well so i'm just going in yeah that's true i love that yours is based based on criticism.
That's enough of that.
I can't do it anymore.
I gotta go in there.
I don't want to hear it.
I'm just annoyed. I always think, though, when someone is saying, you can't do this.
You cannot do that.
I always think, what do you know?
Yeah, I can. I can do whatever I want.
Step aside, coward. Coward. And that's why you're going in, though, so that makes sense.
And we all say our versions of coward together yeah do you mind yeah ready one two three coward and that is a sound bite mine has a face with it that's the visual mine is a hand lotion mine is like all right so we're all going in all right hopefully we've all made it out if we've made it out alive uh -oh we're now lost and the cat comes this is like goosebumps so it's choose your own adventure so this one scares me i'm putting in a zen this is scary so who do we trust to guide us out is it a french -speaking bat with a drinking problem or problem a drug king problem he's drunk already maybe we've
drank it was the effect for the question doing that so hard a french you don't have a drunken problem look who's got the biggest drunking problems he just flies out of nowhere he's like wee wee also for I do not have a drinking problem sorry to interrupt there's that guy or there's a glowing skull but he only answers any questions we have in riddles and dad jokes jokes.
Choose your fighter.
Who are we letting lead us out?
The bat with a drunking problem speaks French. Then there's the glowing skull that only does dad jokes and riddles.
I mean, if I'm honest, even though I like to have a drink, if I'm honest, I got to go with the dad jokes.
I love a dad joke. My husband is not yet a dad, but he is perfecting his dad jokes right now.
oh yeah it's a lifelong process I love it I have great respect for it yeah John's favorite is he'll randomly say to our girls did you know that someone in this family is turning into an owl and they'll say who and that's just adorable and then he'll just be like yeah gotcha gotcha and every time now they've like caught on to it and they're like the adult that that would work on is who i want to hang out right who if an adult would say who that's the person i need to be around frankly i might be that person that's the person you need in your life at all times take down my number it has a five minute
it has a five minute we know that are you going dad jokes elena so i'm really good at riddles and sounded like a brag consider it an unhumble brag I'm pretty sick of riddles I'm really bad at riddles that's why I keep you around and I live with a dad so I'm fluent in dad jokes as well the riddler's going with dad jokes I'm going with dad jokes I don't know what I'm going with I don't understand French but the bat would be flying out of there so I guess I just follow yeah but but you know drunk flying yeah i know you know what happens there when you're drunking and you're when you're drunk drinking
and flying is against the law they say follow me boom right into the wall yeah and then he's passed out and i have to wait even longer no then you have to walk into the wall because that's where he said to go yeah that's what he did what am i doing i'm doing what you say yeah oh yeah i don't want to okay dad jokes and riddles i'll just be with you we're always together yeah and i'll help you with the riddles okay you know and i'll all at the me and the riddler we're getting out of here we're getting the hell out all right that works all right so we haven't gotten out quite yet so we awake at a catacomb
rave who's your dj a spectral monk who mixes gregorian chants with dubstep picture that for a second take that in or a talking skull on a rumba just screaming bone zone on loop that would drive me fucking crazy decide that second one would drive me crazy okay but wait yeah like that right but with the which sounds like you're in a really weird spa yep but I think the Roomba thing would drive me crazy and what he's just yelling in the bone zone well he was just yelling bone zone but he could yell in the bone zone too it wouldn't change how annoying that is do you think that he would just be yelling
it in the same tone or do you think he would remix it because we had this discussion when we came up with the question no no it would be so annoying I already hear it like bone zone every time well no I think it would be different you're in the bone zone and then it would be like you're in the and I would that would drive me crazy yeah that would be annoying i would be i would be in a tough spot not to assault this yeah this this glowing skull or excuse me this talking skull this roomba riding skull yeah it's already making me go like look around for help like am i alone here someone else hates
this with this guy so you're going gregorian monk with dubstep i'm gregorian that direction yeah spectral monk is pretty fun yeah i would say i like when you say spectral monk that sounds like a book i would read absolutely so i feel like this new one about the spectral monk hell yeah yeah terrifying yeah i think we're we can all be unanimous or not the one with the the rumba too is the thing about a rumba is that it always gets stuck so that thing would just be like beeping while it's like trying to back up too and it would be like yelling and it's like yeah and i don't like that the skull is piggybacking
to tell it true I once bought a Roomba and just you know at a very difficult time in my life I would watch it and it would get stuck and I would go oh it's stuck it was a little he Roomba for me it was like he's over there he loves this corner so hard and he can't move poor thing who loves the corner over there who loves the corner it's like a Go clean that car.
Why don't you get over there?
I don't like that he's sort of bullying.
Bullying really gets on my nerves and so I would slap that skull and then I would be Gregorian that way.
Oh yeah. Gregorian out.
I agree. Okay. So now you have to spend the night which apparently you sort of did halfway when you took your nap.
You've been there, done that.
Did it. Spend the night in a special catacomb tomb.
but the problem is either the walls whisper compliments all night like weirdly specific ones like your kneecaps are so powerful or the floor is made of teeth lots and lots and lots of teeth from unknown origins and they're warm warm teeth warm teeth and you don't know why or weirdly specific compliments from the walls compliments make me want to barf me too What if they were oddly specific, though?
That even makes me want to barf harder because if they're specific, they're so tailored towards you and not someone else.
It's not like, you know how to throw a great party, which is sort of broad and ambiguous.
Yeah, like everybody kind of knows how to do that.
But it's like, I love the way your mustache is coming in.
I don't know, you know, no one rocks that.
I just can't, you know, you know, I compliments are surefire way for me to sort of say, it was not great talking to you.
Let's go. I'm going to, I'll be going.
I have teeth dreams recurring for my whole life.
And so, and I've had everything done to my teeth possible from being a total moron throughout my life.
Oh God, this is actually hard. Do you want to go first?
So my, I had the same thought about but the compliments are an absolute no -go for me because the second somebody compliments me, I'm like, ugh.
Like, I immediately shrink into nothingness.
I'm leaning in. So I would just be huddled in extreme discomfort all night if they were complimenting me.
I'd be like, stop it.
Yeah, kind of squished like this.
My heart rate, my blood pressure would be up.
It would just be bad.
But teeth, I don't love teeth.
I don't love walking on teeth.
Have you ever experienced warm teeth?
Warm teeth might be nice.
I was going to say, like a heated floor.
it might be like this beach is not so bad yeah it's just a little a little bit chilly don't forget unknown origins so we don't know if everybody's brushed these teeth that's the other thing though it's unknown so i don't know in my head canon these are clean teeth oh i never said clean teeth from a unicorn and that's as far like i'm wearing my slippers i I don't go anywhere barefoot, so that wouldn't bother.
You can't do that. You can't do that.
You're breaking the rules.
You can't do that. I can't go in my head cannon?
No. God damn it. No, but I love head cannon, though.
Fire. I can't do it?
Fire a rule -breaking...
No, you're changing the rules.
You can't do that. You're breaking the rules because they're unknown origin, and that was from the outset.
Ash said that right at the tip.
And then I made it of known origin.
Yeah, and you're like, these are from various unicorns, which I love and pet every...
That's beautiful. Yeah.
Who wouldn't choose that old lady?
I can't make it known origins.
Alright, unknown origins, I messed up.
Different colors, possibly.
Different stanks. Here's where I say the teeth The mouth smells disgusting.
I didn't think about that.
Okay, here, I'm still staying with teeth.
Hear me out. I don't ever walk in bare feet.
I don't walk in bare feet in my house.
I always have socks on.
I have a thing about bare feet.
Okay, that's doable.
I have a deviated septum so I can't smell very well.
I do too. So to me, I'm walking on some shells on the beach in my head.
That's what I'll tell myself.
No. Oh, yeah. You're like, they're just shells.
It's warm. It's warm.
You know what? And I can't smell.
No. Yeah. Oh, so completely on the contrast of you, I have a great sense of smell.
You do. To a fault.
She has a neat sense of smell.
I'm not about that life.
And I'm always barefoot.
In fact, sometimes I leave here and I forget my shoes here.
Yeah. And I love compliments.
So I'm going oddly specific compliments all the way.
That's kind of your ideal situation, actually.
Yeah, actually. Where do I sign up for that?
I just pictured you shoeless and comfy, smelling the clean air, just going like, thanks.
Yeah. Thank you so much. i agree every couple of minutes you're just like thank you so much yeah this is this is my dream i could see you like sitting up randomly and just being like i know right or like do you really mean it are you serious you're for real right now yeah i'm going compliments and i think my deep -seated dislike of being brown -nosed is gonna push me in the tooth zone you guys are nuts Your deviated septum is going to help you.
Yeah, I mean, I can stab my brain on the right side, and my left nostril is completely closed off.
So I... Do you guys have the same deviation?
I don't like this. We have a mirror deviation.
I like where you've taken me, but I'm going to tooth it up.
Tooth it up with me.
The crunch of the teeth, though, I don't know.
Yeah, and the stank.
But again, get that deviated septum working, and you're going to be good.
But the smell of a brown noser is overwhelming.
Way worse. Hey, maybe they're not brown nosing.
Maybe they mean it.
Okay. Maybe they mean it.
Brown nosers mean it.
Trust me. But you don't know.
Like, what if the walls are whispering it, like, really sarcastically?
Like, they're like, oh, my God, I love how your eyebrows look today.
There you go again.
I'm saying you don't know.
It doesn't say. Yeah, you don't know.
That wasn't in the rules.
You can't bend this.
Yeah, you can't. They're just oddly specific.
They're oddly specific, but we don't know how they're said.
Because there would certainly be a tired moment where you're just completely like five -year -old tired where you're like, oh, you feel like enough out of you.
Are you serious right now with the compliments?
That has the potential to ruin me if they're sarcastic compliments.
If they're being, you know, you just don't know.
Because those are just criticisms. That looks good on you, though.
Oh, no. I would never sleep again.
No, you already chose the two of them.
And I can't change it.
No, you already chose it.
What if the walls are like, oh my God, I wish I could dress as comfortable as you do?
I do dress really comfy, so I'd be like, yeah, fucking try it.
I wish I could just not care.
That's heck and mess right there.
I wish the walls would, you know, saying, I wish I could dress as comfortable as you and comfortable like that.
I wish I could be comfortable being so carefree.
I'm too classed up with all these skeletons.
I'd say, well, I bet you're uncomfortable, asshole.
Yeah. And then we'll welcome you into the teeth room.
I'll say, please let me in, you guys.
No, you'll say, no, you chose this.
Let me in your mouth, guys.
Oh, man. Oh, man. All right, so we have a couple more, but we're getting a little more, like, darker.
It's a realistic amount of catacombs.
Okay, yeah, because we're almost out, so it's got to be tougher.
We're almost out. So now we're on our way out.
Would we rather walk through waist -deep water in a flooded tunnel or crawl through a dry but very narrow passageway?
this is so simple for me for water I'm not crawling to a tight space I'm too big for that shit I shouldn't have even been employed to do that job that's not I fire myself from that job yeah we're walking through the water when we're like this like a little wiggle machine I'm not I can't you know when cave divers are like and then I let the air out of my lungs and you're like what the fuck Yeah, they're like, I had to let all the air out of my lungs so I could get smaller.
To collapse my body.
I'm like, you had to stop your bodily processes to get through there?
No. No. I don't want to talk about this part anymore.
See? Yeah. And the greatest thing is you choose to do it, so I'm not doing it.
No. I'm not doing it.
I've seen the descent.
I'm not doing that.
Yeah. Yeah. And frankly, I'm a little peeved that we even suggested this.
This is too much. You're like, honestly?
I know. It was a little crazy.
Thank you guys for bringing it up.
You just end the Zoom call.
You're like, fuck those ladies.
we're done with them this was fun forget it the only bummer is and like obviously we're going through the water regardless but stagnant water we're gonna get sick we're gonna get parasites everybody and it's just like what's just like three inches from the floor there yeah and like I just yeah I mean I'm doing it yeah yeah I probably ultimately would walk through pretty Pretty briskly.
Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
We'd be like. And I'd be like, oh, I just got some on my mouth.
Just getting leg day going.
We're doing it together.
So we have support.
Yeah. Get behind me.
Get in my wake. I'm carrying us out of here.
Water ski in my wake.
Incredible. All right.
This next one is fucked up.
You thought that was bad.
You are going to leave after this.
I don't want to go any further.
You're like, I'm done.
I'm dying in the catacombs.
You said I'm not passing go.
I'm going to boil this water.
I'm going to drink with this bat.
I'm going to drink with this bat.
Yeah. All right. So the next one is.
I'm going to drink.
Yeah. Okay. Last one.
Not the last one. The next.
Whatever the next one.
So would you rather find your own full name etched into a skull?
Like freshly etched into the skull.
full name or discover a photo of you that has been taken of you a minute ago like laying down in a sealed chamber i like that you sat back through us i mean this is like uh you said i gotta get comfy to the side this is a heady one immediately when you said etched into a skull i was like that's kind of badass it's kind of metal that for me that could be like even though it veers close to the compliment in my own mind right away yeah i like the idea that there would be somebody that's really into music that would be down there and and think you know who would love this let me get on my chisel real
quick hold on a second like that's something where i would go oh you thought of me that's very kind actually that i that's the kind of compliment i'm looking for yeah i i would i would gauge the sincerity sincerity of that that was what larry did to get employee of the month yeah exactly right this is how you win my good graces there Gary would never think of that no he never thinks that's why I don't like Gary yeah but my the photos would be that we've just discovered something that's not good and is still here that's in my mind that's where that goes yeah you know and so I would think oh now
I gotta to watch my six all the time i'm like not happy about that yeah just you know i don't love looking over my own shoulder that's not a good feeling no and i want to see like what's going on like i don't want someone seeing me and i can't see them yeah no that's no but yeah i don't like people i don't like people creeping on me i don't like i don't like motherfuckers crawling falling on me same get off my back yeah don't do that you need to create some space here yeah Gary yeah and I need to keep my eyes on you it's true yeah get off my heels you get in front of me Gary I'd like to get where I
can see I need to see you Gary Kodak Gary over here taking pictures of me put him in the goddamn thing no I'm also a really ugly sleeper so oh deviated septum my mouth is wide open when I sleep it's not good I'm the opposite I'm like curled back so I have like 18 chins and my husband's like oh she looks cute and shows me later i'm like why the fuck did you take that picture i love that you're one of your sleep yeah yeah i'm not finding an ugly picture a little bit i think everyone is sort of ugly cute in their sleep that's the thing you know what not everyone i was gonna say i could keep it positive
because i think my husband my husband will take pictures of me if i fall asleep on the couch but it's never like oh look how cute who you are he's like look how crazy you look like a total dead body i'm not trying i'm trying to be nice here but he's like check yourself yeah he's like damn humbling you right now she humble brags and he's like look at this you're a five -year -old you know you watch them sleep and you see their eyelids and you just you trace the lines of their face the cutest and uh and then yeah other than unfortunately the rest of us look like a crime scene literally yeah they look
so so peaceful and I'm like how do you do that I guess you don't have a deviant septum so they don't have worries yet worry there's still time yeah they're not cognizant of the world around us they're like this is we're gonna break that nose somehow we're gonna take some deviate we'll make it happen the other thing is with the with your name etched into a bone I was saying people have the same names maybe that's not for me yeah my last name means man in French so It does.
Josh Mann. Yeah. See, I have a pretty unique name, so you do.
It would help me out a little bit.
Yeah. To see Urquhart on one, I'd be like, I don't know about that.
I have the most modern name ever, Ashley Kelly.
So you could say that could be a lot of people.
That could be anybody.
Yeah. Anybody's mom made a bad decision.
Name them Ashley. That's just...
It's spelled like mine.
That's just, you know, Ashley Kelly.
That's your married name.
So that's just a drunk Irish Thing that's drunken with that bat That's my native name, that's why I got rid of it Grab Ashley Kelly It's rough Come closer You get an Irish bat too I like that That's who got the French bat drunk There's a supplier down there There's more to these bats Of course there is Alright Should we do one more?
Would you rather light a final match it's your last one left and see a face just inches from yours or see absolutely nothing but feel a cold hand grip yours and not let go i think because i'm such a horror movie aficionado that i'd want the visual yeah one of the primary reasons i like to watch horror and horror shorts too because horror shorts just get right into it because i want the hairs on my arms stand up and i think for the viewers at home sorry gary where are you but i think to share sherry the gary you know i i want the face yeah because i imagine the face would go oh yeah and just blow
the thing out you know you light a match you're like i've only got one left you just go and it goes and that would be oh i love i think I think that would be more terrifying because now I'm in the dark with this thing.
Gripping it to, I think, life is about accumulating wonderful stories.
That's what life is really about, is logging just wonderful moments of time.
I think being gripped on the hand would be something that's just mine and makes it tougher to share.
If Gary told me that, I'd be like, yeah, right.
Yeah, right, Gary. Yeah, someone's been in the mind Too much Someone's drunking with the bats Yeah, so I think You know, life is about sharing So I think I'm taking the face What do you think?
I think I'm taking the face too actually Because I also don't like being touched By people I don't know So if something gripped my hand I'd be like, whoa What are you doing?
I think you know you're about to get gripped When something blows out your candle but i can run at least yeah yeah right into it hello let's go that's good you could knock it down in that case yeah let's throw some bows just body it yeah just body that thing into a wall and out you go we've watched horror movies yeah yeah i don't know because i don't like holding hands like they get clammy and stuff but this one's okay well that rose my next thing okay you're like fine i was gonna be like hold me reach out it's virtual it works but also I don't like close talkers and when I think of somebody that close
to my face plus that hot steamy breath in your face that's not going to be fun and like teeth with unknown origins we're back there again I don't know this person I don't know their teeth someone's got a little something they don't want to talk about a little teeth baby over there on my right not naming any names not saying who it is far right on my screen listen this is a tough fucking choice i think i'm going hand i'll go hand just to be different oh that's so reactionary just to be different i'm just like i'm now i'm done i am leaving no but again i don't like close talkers well the thing is you're
probably like in these scenarios i imagine like your imminent death is probably upon you in both of these scenarios yeah so i'd rather have that like fun last moment of like oh real life scary movie like could be a ghost that thinks it's its birthday maybe just be like blown out the candle you just go make a wish yeah yeah you don't know yeah you don't you go you don't you don't know you don't know nobody knows nobody knows nobody does oh josh this has been so much fun yeah this has been a blast please come back yeah oh yeah i'd love to come back oh we would love to have you i had so much fun
this is killer it's so much fun is it is there anything that you want to plug before we let you go we know we have you have some cool stuff going on like your charity sweet stuff foundation oh yeah anything I was just about to say I'm not I don't I'm not interested in plugging anything if people do it do whatever you want but but yeah I have a charity called the sweet stuff we help a lot of musicians families everyone in the music world is self -employed people that are sick and have illnesses and we help a lot of kids families of musicians and it's very rewarding so yeah sweetstuff .org awesome sweet
we'll put it in our show notes that's something I would plug the rest enjoy yourself I do stuff if you want to find out just go ahead I love that it's up to you do what you want again choose your own adventure I like it.
Choose your own adventure when it comes to me and everything else.
Hell yeah. Perfect.
All right, guys, so thank you so much for listening.
We hope you keep listening.
And we hope you keep it weird. Wow, you went really long.
That's great. We always do.
You gotta. You never know when it's going to end.
Talk about weird. We'll just put our coward at the end of this.
All three of our cowards.
Yes. Perfect. Weird. Coward. Coward. Coward. Coward. Coward. If you like Morbid, you can listen early and ad -free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.
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