This is an All Ears English podcast, episode 108.
What is the biggest mistake you can make in English without even talking?
Welcome to the All Ears English podcast where you'll finally get real native English conversation and fluency for business and life.
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Now here are your hosts Lindsay McMahon, the English adventurer, and Aubrey Carter, the IELTS whiz, coming to you from Arizona and Boston, USA.
USA.
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Hey, Aubrey, I've got a question for you.
A very important question.
Okay.
Are you a close talker?
No.
And I really hate close talkers.
It is one of my pet peeves.
But you know what?
It's funny.
We're talking about a cultural thing.
And we know in the US, close talking is a no-no.
But there are still people, just normal people in the United States that are close.
I'll meet them at parties sometimes and I'll find myself stepping back.
They still exist.
They still exist.
Oh, definitely.
And I'll say jokingly, I'm like, you're in my bubble.
Yeah.
I imagine a bubble around myself.
If they're in my bubble, they're standing too close.
And it is very uncomfortable.
I do not like it.
This is a great one, guys.
This episode is all about body language, body positioning, and how important it is for connection.
You know, I know, when I was teaching English in New York City, I had some students, some students from Western Europe, who really did at times make me feel uncomfortable.
They would come to the front of the room and I had the board behind me.
So just picture the students getting really close to me and I'm stepping back, but I can't go beyond the board.
I hit the board at some point.
That's as far as you can go.
Yeah.
It's just too much.
It's too much. and touching often.
They'd put their hand on my arm.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
And that's a really good point to forget the walls right behind me.
I can only back up so far.
And when I was doing that, I wonder, are they noticing that I'm backing up?
What's happening here between us?
Is there an awareness?
So, first of all, we want to start this episode by acknowledging that this is pure culture and Everyone sees their own culture as normal.
So we're not criticizing anything.
We're not saying there's anything wrong with closed talking in certain cultures.
We're just talking about how people see it here in the United States, right?
Exactly, right?
Here in the United States the average person expects a certain distance between you and them when you're speaking, at least arm's length.
But I'm holding out my arm and that's not far enough.
Yeah, that's kind of close.
Two arms length.
Give people a little space.
This has been all over pop culture too, right, Aubrey?
For sure.
I know if you're sitting on a bench or like in a movie theater in the United States.
We'll always leave a seat or two between us.
You know, some space between on a bench if you're going to turn and talk.
You don't want to be sitting with your faces nose to nose.
Yeah, yep.
Mm-hmm.
I love it.
And there was a famous, I'm actually trying to look it up right now on YouTube to see.
Yeah.
Okay.
If you guys go to YouTube, type in the close talker, Seinfeld.
That's Seinfeld.
E-I-N-F-E-L-D.
Now, this is a classic show.
If you don't know it, you should know it.
It's such an important part of American culture and humor, right?
But they did a whole episode about this character, this archetype of the close talker.
And it's hilarious.
It is really funny.
You guys have got to check it out.
And like you said, definitely watch Seinfeld if you haven't.
This is such great listening, speaking practice.
And this is really funny.
It's just a character who would always stand way too close.
And there are all kinds of funny scenes where someone would turn around and they're standing right there in their face.
I'm wondering if we can add something for our listeners here.
You know what would be something you might expect to hear from an American person if they're starting to feel like you're encroaching on their personal bubble.
What could you listen for to say, oh, I got to move back?
I need to know, you know.
Well, you know, what did you say to your students?
You know, yeah.
Yeah, I let my students know because you know you've got this teacher-student relationship where you're constantly teaching, so that doesn't feel strange.
But I would maybe turn a step back and just say, you know, You're in my bubble.
You're in my bubble.
Yeah.
Or I'll just say like, give me some space.
Yeah.
You're sort of being silly and funny about it.
Yeah.
In a way, you kind of have to make a joke out of it.
Give me some space.
And kind of you could.
If you're a teacher it's easier because you said it's a teaching moment, potentially cultural teaching moment.
But it feels a little awkward if you, just because it could seem aggressive, I think, to people, if you don't take it in a joke, a jokey kind of way.
Exactly.
Right.
But I think if you hear a native say something like that and they seem very much like they're joking, right.
If they're just like, you're in my bubble and they're laughing or give me some space.
They're not joking.
They're not actually joking.
They're just trying to not be awkward.
They're trying to disarm the situation so that no one feels uncomfortable.
They don't want you to feel uncomfortable, but they are going to back up to the amount of space that they're comfortable with between you.
And then you'll know oh, in the future, this is the space we need to have between us when we're talking.
Yeah, you know, and I love to dig into culture and the reasons behind things, right?
Because that's how we kind of, we could stay away from stereotypes.
We can understand.
Why is it that in certain cultures like my student in particular, that I'm thinking of was from Spain
Why was that?
Why is it typical?
What is it about the history of her country?
Or the language, or just the way people interact?
That is the reason that she was speaking so closely.
Right.
Well, I know that a lot of when I was in France, it was interesting.
I had a lot of conversations where They would sort of consider Americans very prudish because they're so much more open and expressive and physical, touching and standing closer.
And then Americans who seem so standoffish to them, so they would sometimes see us as prudish.
And maybe that comes from sort of the puritanical history, maybe.
Yes.
But we are, in a way.
A lot of especially conservative citizens of the United States are pretty prudish compared to the average European.
That's true.
But it's kind of a weird paradigm, right?
Because we are, as a culture, prudish and kind of puritanical, but we have this whole media culture that's very sexualized.
Right.
It is interesting.
So I'm thinking of, if you think of, the average person in the Midwest, in the Northwest, if they're, they're still shocked by by that sexual culture.
Right.
That's true.
They still they see that on the TV or hear something on the radio.
They're turning that off.
So the younger, yeah, definitely.
I think of my parents' generation, a lot of the people I know, definitely.
But with the younger generation coming up, it's much more accepted.
It's everywhere.
So things are changing in the United States.
You're right.
It is.
I mean even as an American going abroad, I think to Western Europe.
It's hard to get used to the kiss on the cheek.
I think in Argentina, it was the double kiss or the quadruple kiss.
But then you just get used to it.
And it's not sexual, right?
It's just friendly.
It's like waving hi.
Yeah, but other things too.
I remember when I was an exchange student, when I was 16, and we went to a public swimming pool and it was topless.
And I knew maybe there would be topless beaches.
I didn't expect the pool, the public pool to be topless.
Yeah.
And so that was so I know that I seemed very prudish to them and just very, you know, closed minded.
I tried to be like, this is fine.
This is normal.
But I was shocked.
No, that's interesting.
And similarly in Japan.
I lived in Japan for a year and a half.
The onsen of course you have to be nude in the onsen.
As far as I know most of them.
And that's, you know, and that's not sexual.
That is just the tradition.
And so these are things that we encounter when we go abroad, that we may not be used to, but it's yeah.
So very, very interesting.
Well and I think so healthy.
I just want to say for a young person to be able to see that it can be not sexualized, right.
Yes.
Because in the United States, almost always nudity is sexualized.
Right.
And I think that's so healthy to be able to get away from that.
I'm excited to see culture moving away from that and any chance for someone to study abroad and see this can be better.
This can be more healthy and normal.
Yeah, I think studying abroad is the one thing, the one best thing that someone can do in college, or even high school is even better or between high school and college, to open that mind from that young age.
You open your mind to different ideas, different ways of thinking.
And it's just so good.
It's so good.
Yeah, for sure.
But I would love to have our listeners come back to our blog on this one.
Guys, this is episode 108.
If you come back to allearsenglishcom, type 108 in that search bar, come back and leave a comment And let us know is this true?
Do you talk closely in your culture?
Is close talking a thing?
Or does it feel normal to you?
And why does it happen?
I would love to know from our listeners.
Aubrey.
Yes.
So interesting to know.
And let us know if you've had any experience with Americans where you know someone was speaking too closely.
How did they handle it?
What's a good way that you saw for someone to let another person know that they need a little more space?
I love all those kind of ideas.
Come and share it on our blog.
Yeah, good stuff.
And guys, hit follow right now on this podcast.
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Right, Aubrey?
Yes, exactly.
Follow Alders English wherever you find your podcasts.
All right.
Awesome.
I'll see you in the next one.
Take care.
All right.
Bye.
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