Hello, and welcome to welcome back to trying to care if you're new here.
My name is Ashley and I upload every single Monday, except I didn't upload last Monday.
And I'm pre recording this episode to make sure that you have an episode for today, and i'm pre-recording to make sure you have an episode next monday.
When you're listening to this, it will be past my birthday, but when i'm recording this, this upcoming weekend is my birthday and i just decided to take the week off to spend some time with my friends, my family, and also to catch up on pre-recording episodes, because i'm actually going on a six-night cruise to mexico, but the kicker is I'm doing it alone.
I'm doing a solo cruise.
I know I play it very cool and unbothered.
Like I love being alone.
Nothing ever phases me when I'm alone because I'm just so confident and happy in my own company.
Although, yes, I am.
I am definitely confident and happy in my own company.
I love being alone.
I am so scared and so nervous about going on this cruise because I've never left the country.
I literally just got my passport last month and then this opportunity came up and I was like okay well yeah, of course I'm going to go on this cruise.
And although I love spending time alone, I've never spent this long alone.
I've never spent an entire week by myself, especially not across the country in the middle of the ocean.
If you don't know, I get super homesick.
I've always gotten homesick.
I was always that kid at sleepovers who would call my mom and be like Mom, come pick me up, i'm scared in like the middle of the night and she would come and pick me up.
I just i'm a very anxious person.
I just like my own space, my own routine.
So i am pretty nervous about being in the middle of the ocean and i'm flying out of la, so i'm across the country to begin with and then i'm going to mexico with no way of getting home until the cruise gets back to la.
When i was homesick at sleepovers, my parents would always come pick me up, no matter what.
It didn't matter how far, what time it was.
There was this one time where my best friend jenna, her parents had a boat, so we were sleeping on that boat that night And we were like an hour and a half away from my parents.
And you know, the 1am call comes around, dad, will you come pick me up?
And you know, he came and got me no matter how far he's coming to get his little girl.
In that way, my parents just made me feel really comfortable and safe, that they're never going to make me feel stuck in a situation that I don't want to be in.
But this time I'm going to have to be stuck, if I'm having the worst time ever, if I'm super homesick.
But although I'm scared, I'm actually more so excited because I want to push myself, because I know that once I do this, it's going to push my limit of everything else that I can do.
Also, although I'm scared about going.
The pros definitely outweigh the cons.
Like I'm more so excited than I am nervous because who wouldn't want to go on a cruise?
Who wouldn't want to travel to Mexico?
Who wouldn't want to eat really good food and swim and go on these really cool excursions?
I don't know.
I'm sure some of you listening think that I'm insane.
And there's definitely people that I've talked to who think I'm insane for doing this.
But I really do enjoy spending time alone.
I mean, it took me a really long time for me to get to where I'm at.
Like a couple years ago.
I was afraid to go to lunch by myself or walk into a room by myself.
I needed someone to be my security blanket and walk me through very normal things.
And, you know, here I am now about to solo travel really for the first time.
I mean, I've done things alone, like I've gone to New York alone or I've gone to Disney alone.
But this is a huge jump for me that I'm really excited about, as someone who went from needing someone to feel secure and to have a good time to not only being able to spend time alone, but wanting to spend time alone.
I think spending time alone is so incredibly valuable.
I think taking time to spend time by yourself and push yourself to do things alone, things that you normally wouldn't do unless you were with someone else, helps you grow significantly as a person.
When you rely on other people to keep you company or you use them as a security blanket to feel safe or to feel like you're not a loser, or if you just feel like you're less fun or the experience is less fun without other people, you're limiting your possibilities and you're putting yourself in a box of what you can and can't do.
Because an opportunity will come along or there's something that you want to do, but you will stop yourself from pursuing it if you don't have someone to go with.
That is a big part of why people keep bad company.
They know their friends or their partner aren't good to them.
They know they're not someone who they really like or they really respect.
But having bad company to them is better than having no company at all.
I'm here today to debunk that.
It is not better to have bad company than no company at all.
In my opinion, it is better to be alone than to be surrounded by people who make you feel lonely.
So if you're struggling with bad friends, a bad relationship, the idea of doing things alone, I want this episode to help you overcome that fear of being by yourself and to encourage you to let go of bad company, enjoy your own company, to then be able to attract the right kind of company that you're looking for.
So with all of that being said, let's get into today's episode.
Being alone and enjoying being alone is so valuable for so many reasons.
But one reason in particular is learning to actually love yourself.
Not just saying, oh my God, I love myself.
I'm so confident and not meaning it.
Actually taking action to build a relationship with yourself.
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Being able to spend time by yourself and not need someone else to hold your hand through everything that you do or validate your decisions or make the experience worthwhile, and you finally rely on no one other than yourself.
That is when you love yourself.
You might want company, but you don't need it.
When you take the time to be by yourself, you learn who you actually are.
You're not being influenced by others opinions or expectations or energy.
You're leading with your own intuition, your drive and your desires.
When I used to hang out with other people, I would just go along with anything and everything they wanted to do, even if I didn't want to, because I didn't want to cause conflict.
I didn't want to come off as hard to deal with.
I didn't want to annoy people and take the chance of them no longer wanting to hang out with me or no longer wanting to invite me.
So I would say yes to going to this person's house that I didn't really like.
I would say yes to staying out late even though I wanted to go home early.
I would say yes to food that I didn't want to eat.
Or I would go hours without eating because I didn't want to speak up and say hey, I want to get food.
When I would hang out with people who would talk badly about others or they would make fun of other people instead of speaking up and saying hey.
That's not very nice.
How would you feel if someone said that to you?
Or why are you making fun of this person?
They're literally just living their life.
What's so funny about that?
I didn't because I didn't want to cause friction.
I didn't want to take the chance of being rejected and no longer having people to hang out with.
When I would spend time with these people, what I wanted to do was never really considered.
But once I started spending time by myself, I finally got to ask myself, what do you want to do?
What is important to you?
How would you like to spend your time?
Asking yourself those questions and then taking action and actually going to do those things, even though you have no one to do them with, is how you learn more about yourself and you learn to love yourself.
Your relationship with you is just like any other relationship.
You can't build a strong foundation where you love or trust each other without that quality time.
The idea of being alone can be very scary because you're like, who am I going to talk to?
What am I going to do?
Like this experience would be so much better with someone else.
But the reality of being alone is different. you get to do whatever you wanna do.
You don't have someone saying, this is the plan, this is what we're gonna do.
Based on how you feel that day.
You get to decide what you eat, what you spend your time doing, the energy level that you're at.
You don't have a debbie downer talking negatively about other people gossiping, judging you.
You have no one influencing how you feel, what you think about or what you do, and in my opinion, it is so much better to spend time alone doing what you want.
Then spend time with someone like that.
I would rather be at peace, have a good time, not feel like I'm being bothersome, not feel like I'm being rushed by someone else just to be with someone else.
Personally, I would much rather be alone and have a good time by myself than spend time with someone who only wants to do things that I don't want to do, or only cares about how they feel, or is just killing the vibe.
If you can get past that initial discomfort of being by yourself, it will open up so many doors to opportunities that you actually want.
You also build confidence with yourself, you build independence with yourself, you build self-trust.
Stepping out of your comfort zone and doing something that you don't typically do and doing it anyways shows yourself that you're worth the discomfort.
The more time that you spend with yourself and you push your limits, you are showing yourself that you're capable.
You're showing yourself that you don't need anyone else's company to feel secure, to feel validated, to have fun and anything that you want to do with other people you could absolutely do by yourself and enjoy it.
If you can learn to not only tolerate your time alone, but enjoy it, crave it, appreciate it more than spending time with other people, there is quite literally nothing that you can't do.
Nothing will stop you from pursuing the things that matter to you, because the biggest thing that stops people from going off and doing the things they want to do going and doing things that could be life-changing, career-changing is the uncertainty.
It is the unknown.
If you can spend time by yourself and be able to navigate unfamiliar territory or problem solve by yourself, you will be able to use that skill in any situation that you're put in in the future.
The next time that an opportunity comes up, like a concert that you want to go to or an event in a different state, the excuse of I don't have anyone to go with, so I can't go will no longer work.
By learning to be okay with your own company, you will be unlocking new levels of your life.
You'll be breaking out of the box that you put yourself in and no longer be holding yourself back from the life that you deserve to live.
And also when you spend time by yourself and actually enjoy your own company, you will inevitably end up attracting the right kinds of people in your life, because you'll no longer be forced to be around others just to have someone around, whether that's to avoid silence or as a safety blanket, or to feel better about not being alone.
Once I got to the point where I was no longer just forcing myself to spend time by myself, but I was actually preferring it, I was actually enjoying time alone and I was planning self-care nights for myself, solo dates for myself, deciding to stay in on a Friday night rather than going out, it finally clicked for me that I don't have to settle for bad company.
Previously I would hang out with people that I didn't necessarily like or I didn't align with, just to have plans, just to say I had people to hang out with.
But once I started to embrace spending time alone and I realized how valuable it was, I was like oh, I don't need to hang out with people that I don't like or that I know don't like me.
When you actually like yourself and you like spending time by yourself.
You are raising the bar for what you expect other people in your life to be like.
If I enjoy spending time with myself, You better be able to match my energy, because if you don't, I'm not going to put myself through a night of negativity or go along with things that I don't want to do just to say that I'm doing it with someone.
Now that I know how to speak to myself kindly and I respect myself and I know the type of energy that I deserve.
If that's not being reciprocated, I'm not going to succumb myself to that.
So, once you finally decide to no longer allow bad company, when you are only surrounding yourself with like-minded people, people who match your energy, people who like the same things that you do, people who treat you the way that you deserve to be treated, other people will clock that and people who are looking for the same things as you are are going to gravitate towards you, and anyone who is not in the same path as you, who doesn't want the same things as you, is going to be repelled by your good energy.
Like attracts like.
So if you want good company, you can't hang around people who are the opposite of that.
And if that means spending time by yourself and curating the type of experiences that you want, the type of energy that you want, then so be it.
It's better to spend time alone figuring out exactly what you want and what you expect than to spend time doing exactly what you know you don't want.
The more time you spend alone, the more you will learn to love yourself, the more you will learn to respect yourself and the more you will attract people who will do the exact same thing for you, because they do the exact same thing for themselves.
Once you learn to be okay with being alone or you get to a place where you actually enjoy it.
It is so funny to look back at past versions of you that was so terrified to go to the store by yourself or walk into the bar by yourself, to meet your friends or spend a night alone in a hotel, because now you love it and you're like how in the world was I afraid of this?
This is wonderful.
This is so fun.
This is so easy.
This is not scary at all.
But there's actually quite a few valid reasons for being afraid to be on your own.
One reason people fear being alone is it forces us to face our thoughts.
It forces us to face our reality, whatever it is that we're going through.
We use other people as a distraction from our own pain.
This is something that I definitely struggled with when I was in high school.
My mental health was the worst it has ever been.
And when I was in high school, I dated these two guys who unfortunately were the worst.
They were really awful to me.
The relationships were extremely toxic.
And I remember specifically in that first relationship, feeling like my world was ending anytime we would break up.
And we were breaking up all the time.
We are always back and forth.
He was ending things with me to go hook up with other girls and it was just a lot and I didn't realize at the time.
But back when I was with him, I was using him as a way to distract myself from what was going on with me, which makes sense to look back on, because now I would never allow someone to treat me that way.
But at the time It was better to be with him you know, be with someone who is so awful to me than to be without him.
Because being without him meant being alone, being depressed, having to sit with everything that was going on in my life going on in my head.
And I did not want to do that.
I did not have the skills to cope with everything that was going on.
I was struggling as it is.
But then, when we would break up and I was forced to be without him, I would look to other people to distract me.
I would hang out with people who At the time I would call my friends, but they certainly were not my friends.
They did not like me.
And I would hook up with guys that I didn't even like.
I just needed to do something to distract myself.
And that was my way of coping with being alone.
I was coping with being alone. by not being alone.
Another reason that people fear being alone is the social aspect of it.
There is so much social pressure to have friends, especially now with social media.
There's also just the stereotypical if you don't have any friends, you're the problem, you're the drama.
There's a reason people don't like you.
You're a bad person.
And people ignore nuance.
Like two things can be true at once.
That could be true.
There could be reasons why people don't want to hang out with someone.
They could be a bad person.
But also there's people who don't want to hang out with people because they don't want to be around bad people.
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There are people who willingly choose to be alone.
If the choice is between being alone or being with bad company,
And although that sounds like the right, mature thing to do, you know, be alone.
Then stay in friendships that make you feel lonely.
Some people can't pick up on that and they can't see that point of view.
So people stay in these friendships that are no longer serving them, because they're so afraid of being alone, because they internalize all those things people say about you and they're so afraid of being casted as the villain, the loser, the loner.
They don't want people or themselves to think that they are the problem and there's a reason why they don't have any friends.
And then there's just the fear of the unknown being scared of having to navigate life by yourself and not having someone else to help you through it.
I remember when I first started traveling to New York by myself, I was so anxious about the logistics of getting to New York.
I'm definitely an anxious person, duh.
Like, duh, we know this.
So I plan things in my head before I have any idea of how they're actually going to go.
I like to imagine myself as scenarios before they actually happen, which is nice.
But also there comes a point where you have to realize that no matter how much you try to plan for something or to prepare for something in your head, it's not going to be the way that you think it is.
So I would get so worked up before going to New York for no reason.
And I'd be like, what if I miss my train?
What if I don't know how to get to the train?
What if I get to Grand Central and I can't get an Uber?
Things that feel less stressful when you have someone else there to help you, because you have two people to problem solve.
And also, if things don't work out, at least you have someone to fall back on to comfort you, to make you feel less scared, especially in an unfamiliar place.
The idea of having to navigate that by myself scared me a lot and i would just get so upset over it.
And then i finally did it and i was like, oh okay, this was so easy, like i was stressed out about nothing, i can absolutely do this by myself.
And now i do it all the time.
And although i conquered that and i enjoy Being alone, I'm still definitely struggling with that when it comes to my cruise, because it's still an unfamiliar thing and something that's so, so new to me.
This is something that I've never done before.
I've never gone on a cruise.
I've never traveled outside of the U.S. before.
So I mean it's valid for me to be anxious, because this is an experience that I've never had before, and I'm doing it solo.
There's a part of me that knows that I would be a little more calm if I had a friend coming with me, or if Josh was coming with me, because I would have someone there helping me figure out where to get an Uber to, how to get to my port, how to get on the cruise, how to get to the excursions, how to get back on the ship.
But I also know that past me would have been an anxious mess about the idea of spending six nights by myself.
I would have been like, no, I'm not going.
There's no way.
Because past me thought that it'd be impossible to have a genuine good time by myself.
I thought other people made the experience.
And I don't want it to get twisted that you should like cut off all the people in your life, stop hanging out with your friends and only spend time alone.
I think company is so important.
I think surrounding yourself with good people is so important.
I think female friendships are so important.
But I don't think that other relationships should overthrow yours with yourself.
Of course, it would be nice to be going on a cruise and having someone with me to talk to at dinner or to experience snorkeling with or doing wellness classes with
I mean I know I would have a blast with Josh because we've never traveled outside of the US before and it'd be so fun to do that with him.
But I know I still will have such a good time by myself.
Besides the conversation, everything that I would be doing with someone else, I'm totally okay with doing by myself.
I know that I'm going to have fun.
Being alone also pushes you to be more social with people who aren't in your inner circle.
I noticed that when I'm with my friends, when I'm in a large group, I'm less likely to branch out and talk to people that I don't know.
Because I'm like well, I'm with the people that I do know and I'm enjoying my time with the people I came with.
When I'm alone, I love to talk to strangers.
I love to connect with other people.
And I think it's because humans crave connection.
So when you're alone, you're like OK, I can either not talk or I can talk to this person that I don't know which again, is so important because it helps you grow as a person and it helps you get out of your comfort zone.
Being alone isn't a bad thing.
It's just unfamiliar if you're used to being surrounded by other people.
Just like anything, once you overcome it, it becomes easier and maybe even something that you enjoy.
Of course, the first few times of going out by yourself and sitting at a restaurant by yourself or going to the movies by yourself is going to feel odd.
You're going to feel out of place.
You're going to feel like people are staring at you because you've never done this.
You're going to be stressed out because you don't know what to do.
You're used to talking to someone while you eat.
You're used to walking into places with someone.
But it's only uncomfortable until it's not.
The more you do it, the more normal it becomes and the more you're going to want to do it.
It's just like meeting new friends before you go out to hang out with them.
You might feel anxious.
You might be worried about what they might think about you.
You might be stressing about what to talk about with them.
And then you get there and it feels a little uncomfortable because this is the first time you're meeting with them.
And then maybe the second time you hang out with them or the third time you hang out with them, you feel more comfortable.
The more you spend time with them, the more comfortable you get, the closer you get to them.
And eventually you become best friends and you're hanging out all the time.
That is exactly what happens when you spend more time with you.
At first, it feels weird and then you get more comfortable and then you crave it.
You can't get enough of it.
If you're someone who has found yourself within a group of people who you don't feel connected to, whether that's voluntary or not, a group that you just don't feel aligned with or that doesn't bring you joy, I want you to ask yourself would spending time alone be worse than being surrounded by people who don't make you feel good about yourself or make your life harder?
Is being alone and doing what you want to do going where you want to eat, listening to the type of music that you like, going to see your favorite shows, not being surrounded by people who gossip or judge you really worse than being friends with people who make you question if they're even your friend or make you question if you even want to be friends with them.
Would being alone be worse than being in a group that makes you feel invisible or makes you feel like you don't belong?
Or if you're not struggling with friendships and you're in a relationship that's no longer serving you.
Maybe it's toxic.
Maybe they're not good to you.
Maybe you're who I was when I was in high school, attached to a partner and afraid to be without them, even though they're not good to you.
If they are not good to you, if they are mean to you, if they are not faithful to you, is being away from them really the worst thing in the world.
I mean, what are you really losing?
This is something that I wish I asked myself earlier on in my life.
What am I gaining by being with this person?
What am I losing by not being with this person?
And also what am I gaining from not being with this person?
So many people settle for bad relationships and bad friendships just to avoid being alone.
But in my opinion, sticking around people who don't respect you, who don't like you, who don't value you, who just don't get you, is way more lonely than being alone.
Like I said before, the more time you spend alone, the more people you'll attract who actually value your time, who don't drain your energy and people who genuinely align with you.
I think that's so worth spending some time alone if that means finding your people rather than just settling for anyone.
I think when it comes to being alone, mindset is super important.
I am anxious about spending six nights alone, but if I only focused on how anxious I'm going to be, how homesick I'm going to be, how scared I'm going to be,
I'm not going to have any fun while I'm there because I'm just feeding into my anxiety.
Whereas if I look at this trip with the mindset of I get to travel outside of the US for the first time, I get to wake up every morning and look out to the beautiful ocean.
I get to spend time out in the sun.
I get to lay by the pool and read my book.
I get to go swimming.
I get to explore Mexico.
I get to eat really good food.
I get to relax.
I mean, all things that I love to do and I never have the pleasure of enjoying for a full week.
Shifting your mindset from I have to do this alone to I get to do this alone changes the whole vibe of what you're doing.
Alone does not need to mean lonely or sad or feeling bad for yourself.
For example, going to the store.
If you say I have to go to the store by myself and you're all bummed out because your partner wouldn't go with you, change your mindset to I get to go by myself and I can make it a vibe.
Let me wear a cute matching set.
Let me get a coffee on my way to the store.
I get to go shopping by myself.
I get to take my time and not have to rush.
I get to look at all different foods that I wanna buy.
I get to choose what I wanna buy.
Instead of feeling bad for yourself, give yourself power and realize the control you have by being by yourself.
Past me would have decided to not go to the store if Josh said that he couldn't go with me.
I'd be like, OK, I'll go a different day when Josh is available.
I'll wait till Josh gets out of work because I love Josh.
I mean, I love spending time with him and he makes the mundane, normal things more fun.
And that's totally fine, to want to do certain things with a certain person because you love them, because they're your friend, whatever it is.
But if their absence stops you from doing the things that you want to do, that's a problem.
Just because you don't have people to do things with doesn't mean you shouldn't do the things that you actually want to do.
Be the person who has no one to do things with but does the thing anyway.
Go out to eat alone.
Travel alone.
Try new things alone.
Being scared but doing it anyway will take you so far in life.
One mindset that I have adopted recently when being nervous to go off and do something, especially when I'm alone, is channeling the person who does that thing that I'm scared to do the best.
For example, if I were afraid to give a speech because I am not very good at public speaking, which I know is shocking.
I know because I talk for a living but if I were to have to give a speech and I was anxious, I would channel someone like Taylor Swift, because she gives incredible speeches.
If you don't believe me, look up her NYU commencement speech.
I don't know if she had a script or she memorized it or what, but she is an incredible speaker.
And also even just being able to go out as a performer and perform for hundreds of thousands of people every day.
That takes a lot of courage, and that's what you would need to public speak as well as she does.
So I try to channel that energy.
When I'm afraid to do something like that, instead of being like, oh my god, I'm so scared, I'm so anxious, I can't do this, I try to tap into the energy of the person who does it the best.
How would Taylor Swift tackle this moment?
How would she prepare herself?
How would she stand?
How would she speak?
What would she think about before going and giving the speech?
I have to tap into that and be that person right now.
Or even with my crews, anytime anxiety comes up and I'm like, oh, I'm scared to go.
I think about Josh's sister.
She travels for work a lot.
And by a lot, I mean like almost every month she's traveling to another country.
I think at the end of April, she's going to Germany.
And although she is meeting people from work, she's doing it all by herself.
She's getting on planes by herself.
She's staying in hotels by herself.
She's exploring new places by herself.
She's going long periods away from her friends and family.
And she's doing a pretty damn good job at it.
And she enjoys it.
She genuinely loves it so much.
And when she comes back, I love hearing about where she's traveled, what she's done, what she loved from different cultures, places that she went.
It is so amazing to hear and it's so inspiring.
And I want to be that person.
I want to be fearless and get on a plane and travel the world and not be so stuck in my routine and my comfort zone.
So before going on my cruise, that's the mindset that I'm trying to adapt.
But I also want to keep that mindset while I'm on the boat.
And again, if my anxiety comes up or I get scared or I feel lost.
I want to tap into her energy and be like okay what would she do in this situation?
How would she handle this?
Being able to tap into that mindset and shift my energy from anxious energy to excited energy has helped me so much.
I want to enjoy my alone time.
I don't want to fear it because at the end of the day, all we have is us.
Like the only solid thing you have is yourself.
So you shouldn't spend even one more day fearing the idea of being by yourself.
I just think it's so silly when you break it down that way.
You are the only constant thing in your life and you're trying to run away from it.
You can't escape yourself.
So why fear yourself?
Why spend even a second more of your time thinking that you're not the most enjoyable person to be around, that you're not super interesting to be around, that you're not cool to be around, that you're not safe to be around, that you're not trusting to be around?
Being your own best friend is the most valuable thing that you can do.
Stop waiting for someone to join your life and start living it by yourself.
With all that being said, I want to end today's episode with giving you a few quick solo activities that are realistic.
You know, I'm not going to say hop on a plane and go on a six night cruise like me.
Realistic. but actually fun.
I'm not gonna tell you to sit down and journal.
You all know I love journaling.
I think it's very valuable.
I think you can learn a lot about yourself.
I think it helps you regulate your emotions.
I think it helps you become a better communicator.
I think it does a handful of incredible things.
But when you first start spending time alone, you don't necessarily want to dive into the deep waters of your emotions.
You just want to be able to have a good time.
It's like going on a first date with someone.
You don't necessarily want to hear about their trauma.
You don't want them to trauma dump.
Maybe you do.
I kind of like that.
But like a first date, you just want to have a good time.
It's the same thing with yourself.
So here are just a few of my favorite things to do when you're just starting to hang out with yourself that are actually fun and aren't super hard to do.
First thing, solo shopping trips, specifically to stores that aren't chores like, not the grocery store stores that you actually want to shop at the mall, going to a bookstore, going to an antique shop, shopping for leisure, not for necessities.
It's a way to keep your mind busy and not be like, oh my god, who do I talk to?
What do I do?
Are people looking at me?
But also it's a way for you to pay attention to your interest and it's a form of quality time with yourself.
Going off of that solo shopping trips that are necessary, like running errands, going grocery shopping, returning clothes, dropping off donations at Goodwill or the women's shelter.
I am a firm believer that you can turn anything into a fun event.
You can romanticize quite literally anything instead of dreading running errands and being like, oh my God, I don't want to do this.
I wish I had someone to come with me.
Like I was saying before, make it a whole thing.
Make it a fun activity.
Put on a cute outfit.
Throw on a huge pair of sunglasses.
Whip out your favorite purse.
Get a really good coffee or a sweet treat for the road.
Put on your favorite music.
Take some really hot selfies in your car.
And while you're at the store...
Act like you're the main character act as if you're just like a mysterious protagonist in a movie.
It sounds stupid.
It sounds silly.
But I think it's so much more fun than just doing normal chores or errands and you get to do it by yourself in a fun way.
The next thing that you can do is take yourself out on a solo date.
Think about a date that you would appreciate if someone put together for you and then go off and do that for yourself.
Take yourself to the movies.
And instead of thinking, oh my God, I'm so embarrassed.
I don't have a date.
This is so stupid.
Romanticize it.
Wear...
A cute, comfy sweat set.
Throw on some fluffy socks and your Uggs.
Bring some of your favorite food.
Obviously, you have to sneak it in, but like bring some Taco Bell.
Or if it's in the morning, grab a coffee and some bagels to eat while you watch the movie.
Buy yourself a big bucket of popcorn and throw it at the movies.
And the best thing about going by yourself to the movies is you get to watch whatever you want.
You don't have to hear some guy complaining about how he doesn't want to see a chick flick, or that friend that hates horror movies.
You get to eat what you want, you get to watch what you want, and you get to exist.
Without someone nagging you.
Like how great is that?
Another fun and easy solo date could be taking yourself out on a picnic.
You can either grab some food from your favorite restaurant.
Or what I like to do is get a sandwich from Subway.
Or go to the store and make a sandwich.
Get some chips.
Get some potato salad.
Get some pickles.
Get a coffee.
Get some juice.
Just get all of your favorite food.
And then get a blanket, grab a book, bring some music, bring some arts and crafts and go somewhere relaxing.
One of my favorite places to go near me is this little pond situation.
It's like a little beach.
And there's rarely anyone there, especially during the spring.
It's honestly so peaceful.
And it's just a way to slow down with yourself and really focus on the things that you enjoy, that you don't always give yourself enough time to do, like sit down and read a book or do a coloring book.
And then the last idea is more out there.
And I want to say that you should do this on your first time spending time alone.
But if you've been spending time alone and you want to try something new, step out of your comfort zone.
I think a staycation, a weekend staycation, is a really great way to spend time by yourself.
I'm not saying to hop on a plane and go across the country like me.
Like I said, we're keeping it realistic.
But even somewhere in the town that you're living in, like staying at a local hotel in your city or somewhere near you.
For example, I live in Connecticut and there's this casino called Foxwoods.
If you're not familiar with the casinos,
And Foxwoods is a casino, but there's also hotels and there's spas.
But last year Josh and I stayed for my birthday and I spent the whole day by myself in the spa and it was just so relaxing.
I went in the sauna, I went in the jacuzzi, I went for a swim, I got my nails done.
It was so relaxing and I felt so safe because there's just so many women around you.
So I would love to do a solo staycation there.
I also love going to New York because it's only like two hours away from Connecticut.
It's not too hard for me to get there.
I just love being in hotel settings.
I love how luxurious they feel.
I love taking a really good shower and throwing on a robe, ordering room service or ordering DoorDash and just laying in bed and watching a movie.
It's nothing crazy, but it's still outside of my normal daily routine.
But it's still something that I like to do at home, but just elevated.
Spending time alone doesn't have to be extravagant.
Obviously, it's nice to take a staycation or be able to go on a long vacation with yourself.
But just being able to slow down and be with yourself.
Have a self-care night, lay in bed, watch your favorite movie, go for a coffee run, decide to get up and go to your local library, go down the street and take yourself out for lunch.
Those are all realistic and relatively easy things to do.
The hard part of it all is the mindset, having the courage to not care what people think about you, not being scared to do things solo, not being afraid of your own thoughts.
Spending time by yourself shouldn't feel like a chore.
You shouldn't feel forced to spend time with you, especially if you're someone who forces yourself to spend time with bad company.
Spending time by yourself and honoring your desires and needs is a million times better than being surrounded by people who don't do that for you.
So if you can make it through a bad friendship or a bad relationship out of fear of being alone, I can promise you a thousand percent you can get through and learn to enjoy being by yourself.
Because I know for a fact that you're better than the people that have treated you poorly.
Now, I don't know how this cruise will go.
I might get super homesick.
I might be scared, but I'm proud that I'm doing it, because once I do this, it'll open so many doors for me in my future.
I know that if I can make it through this week and actually enjoy my time, I'm going to end up traveling all over the world this year.
I just know it's going to unleash something in me, and i also know that i'm gonna have this moment of like.
I can't believe it took me so long to do this.
I can't believe it took me so long to get my passport to travel the world.
So i think i'm going to become addicted to it.
But we shall see.
The next time you hear from me, I actually won't be on the cruise yet.
I still have one pre-recorded episode before I come back from the cruise and record an episode updating you on everything.
But once I am back, I'll let you know how everything goes.
I'll fill you in on my solo trip.
But before I leave you for this episode, I want you to ask yourself these two questions.
When was the last time you actually enjoyed your own company and ask yourself why you're afraid to be alone?
After you write those down and answer those questions, I want you to channel the energy that you had the last time you enjoyed being by yourself.
Maybe it was going and getting yourself a coffee.
If it is that, go and revisit that.
Do that again, but spend a little more time on the activity.
And then, after you figure out why you're so afraid to be alone, work on the elements that are holding you back.
Maybe you're afraid to be alone because you have no one to talk to.
Dive into why that bothers you.
Why do you feel the need to talk to someone?
And then spend time in silence and show yourself that you can handle it.
If you do those, let me know how it goes.
Let me know if they helped you.
And, as always, if today's episode helped you at all or you liked today's episode, Make sure to let me know and also make sure to rate.
Try Not To Care on Spotify and Apple.
It helps me out and I appreciate it so much.
Also, make sure to follow me on social media.
My TikTok and my Instagram are in the show notes.
Merch is also still available.
That's in the show notes.
And that is everything for today's episode.
I hope you enjoyed it.
I hope you liked listening to me yap today.
And I hope you'll come back next Monday to hear me yap some more.
I will see you next Monday.
Bye!
