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Hello and welcome back to Business English Pod for today's lesson on English for socializing with colleagues.
Today we're going to look at how to build deeper conversations with colleagues you've met for the first time.
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When we meet a colleague for the first time, the conversation is usually pretty light.
We introduce ourselves, make small talk about the weather, sports or travel, and we try to build a bit of a connection with people.
Listen to a conversation like this and you'll notice that people keep their comments pretty short and don't spend too long talking about themselves.
Once you've established that initial connection, you have an opportunity to build rapport by deepening the conversation.
While you might talk a bit more personally than the initial conversation, it's still important to keep it light and you need to continue with a back and forth dance of a skilled conversationalist.
In this deepening conversation, you might make comments about the place you're in or the location.
Another easy way to get someone talking is to ask them a number-based question, like how long they've lived in a certain place, for example.
Skilled people also know how to turn the conversation back to the other person and find similarities to build rapport.
And once you have some rapport, you'll be able to contradict or disagree with people politely.
In today's dialogue we'll rejoin a pair of colleagues, Jen and Ryan, who've just met at a company retreat.
In our last lesson, we heard their very first conversation.
Now they're getting to know each other a bit better.
During a company social event at a bowling alley.
As you listen to the dialogue, try to answer the following questions.
1.
What number-based question does Jen ask Ryan to get him talking?
2.
What similarity in background or family situation does Ryan point out?
3.
What point does Jen make that Ryan disagrees with near the end of the dialogue?
Honestly, I don't think I've been bowling since I was ten.
Me neither.
And things have changed because, well, this is a pretty swanky bowling alley.
Never thought I'd be drinking a martini in bowling shoes.
It's a good look.
I was skeptical at first, but it's kind of a fun idea to get out of the business-slash-hotel vibe and into
Something a bit more relaxed?
Yeah, for sure.
Though this is the first of these I've attended.
How about you?
How long have you been with Century Health?
Seven years next Wednesday to the day, believe it or not.
Wow, you remember the actual date?
Happy early anniversary!
Well, thanks.
It's been interesting, to say the least.
Especially the move to Berlin.
I was in Florida before that, the epicenter of seniors' care, as we always joked.
I miss the sun, that's for sure.
Anyway, what about you?
You been with us long?
About three years.
I started off in hospitality, and then this opportunity at Century Health came up.
Smart move, if you don't mind me saying.
Yeah, I was really looking for a bit more meaning and purpose, to be honest.
And my dad was a doctor, treated a lot of older folks, so I grew up with a front row seat to all of that.
I so know what you mean.
My mom was a GP.
She didn't specialize in the elderly or anything, but yeah.
I think I got an idea of how important healthcare is and its shortcomings.
Tell me about it.
But from what I understand, it's a totally different story in Germany.
One of the best healthcare systems in the world, right?
Hmm.
I wish I could say things are amazing, but they're not.
Quite a bit of shady stuff going on to tell the truth.
Anyway, something to talk about another time perhaps.
I think it's almost your turn.
Now let's go through the dialogue again and look at the language and techniques Jen and Ryan used in their conversation.
We join them in a fancy or swanky bowling alley during a social event.
Honestly, I don't think I've been bowling since I was ten.
Me neither.
And things have changed because, well, this is a pretty swanky bowling alley.
Never thought I'd be drinking a martini in bowling shoes.
At the start of a casual conversation, it's good to have some things you can talk about that are safe and not too personal.
One of those topics is location or place.
Think about where you are, whether that's a particular building, city or region, and tell the other person your thoughts about it.
In this way, you're not asking a question, but just making a comment, which is an invitation for the other person to engage.
Let's run through some more ways of commenting on location or place in a casual conversation.
What a beautiful setting here overlooking the ocean.
This is quite the swanky place they've got here.
Very modern.
Nice they're holding this event downtown.
Makes it easy to get around.
It's my first time here in Boston, and I must say, I'm impressed.
Now let's hear how Ryan responds with his own comments about the place.
As we can hear, he was skeptical at first, which means he doubted whether it was a good choice of location.
It's a good look.
I was skeptical at first, but it's kind of a fun idea to get out of the business-slash-hotel vibe and into Something a bit more relaxed.
Yeah.
Yeah, for sure.
Though this is the first of these I've attended.
How about you?
How long have you been with Century Health?
Once Jen and Ryan have had some casual banter about the location, Jen is ready to engage more personally.
It can be difficult sometimes to know just what you should ask a person you've just met.
But one easy type of question is anything that has a number as an answer.
Jen asks how long Ryan has been with Century Health, the company they both work for.
Number-based questions can be about time, about travel distance, about the number of employees, anything that requires the number as an answer.
Just think about using how long or how many or how often, and you can easily think of some questions to ask.
Let's practice some of these ways of asking number-based questions when you're getting to know someone better.
You've got a cottage in the Ozarks?
How often do you go there?
What time did you fly in last night?
As you can hear, Jen's question and enthusiastic response encourages Ryan to talk more about his work experience.
Seven years next Wednesday to the day, believe it or not.
Wow, you remember the actual date?
Happy early anniversary!
Well, thanks.
It's been interesting, to say the least, especially the move to Berlin.
I was in Florida before that, the epicenter of seniors' care, as we always joked.
I miss the sun, that's for sure.
Anyway, what about you?
You been with us long?
Ryan talks about his time at the company and how he moved to Berlin from Florida, which he misses.
You can hear that each step or turn in the conversation is getting longer than in the initial conversation, when comments were quite brief.
It's good to explain and provide more detail like this, but you don't want to talk too much without giving the other person a chance to speak.
That's why Ryan says, anyway, what about you?
He's turning Jen's question back to her to give her an opportunity to discuss her experience.
Let's try some more ways of turning the conversation back to the other person.
Anyway, enough about me.
How are things in the Lisbon office?
So, with such a busy home life, I don't get away much.
How about you, big family?
I actually studied history.
And you?
What did you study?
And what about you?
Have you been with the company long?
Now let's listen as Jen talks about her career progression and why she joined Century Health.
About three years.
I started off in hospitality and then this opportunity at Century Health came up.
Smart move, if you don't mind me saying.
Yeah, I was really looking for a bit more meaning and purpose, to be honest.
And my dad was a doctor, treated a lot of older folks, so I grew up with a front row seat to all of that.
Having a front row seat to something is like being in the front row at a performance, where you can see the performers in action very clearly.
Jan had a front row seat to seniors care because her father was a doctor.
At this point, Ryan is able to identify a personal similarity with Jen.
Let's listen.
Note that a GP is a general practitioner or family doctor.
I so know what you mean.
My mom was a GP.
She didn't specialize in the elderly or anything, but yeah.
I think I got an idea of how important health care is and its shortcomings.
Both Jan and Ryan has a parent who is a doctor.
Identifying this similarity helps to build rapport or a connection with the other person.
In a conversation you can listen for many different types of similarities to comment on and build a deeper connection.
Similarities could be in travel, family situation, education, or other experiences.
Let's try some more ways of identifying a similarity to build rapport.
No way.
I was just in Puerto Vallarta as well.
Yeah, I hear you.
I really didn't like the training program either.
That's so funny.
My son is really into hockey too.
Sure keeps us busy.
Seriously?
You went to Stanford?
I did my undergrad there.
When did you graduate?
One thing Ryan noted is that because his mother was a doctor, he could see the shortcomings or problems in health care.
This leads Jen to ask about Ryan's experience in Germany.
Tell me about it.
But from what I understand, it's a totally different story in Germany.
One of the best healthcare systems in the world, right?
Hmm.
I wish I could say things are amazing, but they're not.
Quite a bit of shady stuff going on to tell the truth.
Janice heard that Germany has a great healthcare system.
In fact Ryan doesn't agree with this idea, but he doesn't know Jen well and can't respond like we might with a close friend.
When we disagree with friends, we can be very direct, but with a colleague we're just getting to know we need to be more polite.
To politely disagree.
Ryan says I wish I could say things are amazing and ends his comment with to tell the truth.
These are ways of softening the ideas that contradict Jen's statement.
What are some other ways we can disagree politely with a colleague we're just getting to know?
Let's run through some more examples.
Note that we often start with a positive statement of understanding.
Well, I wish it was that simple.
I actually think the solution is to close the branch.
Yeah, I can see what you mean.
But I still think he's better than the other candidates.
I get that, for sure.
However, the research is telling us something different.
That's true for some companies.
For us, though, I don't think it would work.
Now let's hear Ryan's final comment in this part of the conversation.
Ryan has contradicted Jen, but he doesn't want to get into an argument or talk too much about things that are serious or complex.
They're at the bowling alley to have a bit of fun.
And so he closes this topic of conversation and redirects things back to the bowling game.
Now let's practice some of the language we learned in today's lesson.
Imagine you are at a social event during a company retreat.
You're talking with someone you've just recently met and getting to know them a bit better.
You'll hear a cue by the other person.
Then I'll give you a suggestion for what you can say in response.
We'll guide you through each step in the practice and provide an example answer for each response.
Ready?
Let's give it a go.
There sure are a lot of people here this evening.
Start by saying yes and commenting on how fantastic the venue is.
Answer.
Yes, there are.
And it's such a fantastic venue.
Yeah, it's definitely nicer than some of the other places we've used.
Now show interest and ask the person how long they've been with the company.
Answer.
Oh, I see.
And how long have you been with the company?
Ten years.
Feels longer.
How about you?
Now say you've been at the Seattle branch for 15 years.
Then ask her which branch she works at.
Answer.
Well, I've been at the Seattle branch for 15 years.
And you?
Which branch are you at?
I'm at the Buffalo office.
Born and raised in New York State and never really left.
Now say you grew up in New York as well, though you don't get back much.
Answer.
Oh, really?
I grew up in New York, though I don't get back much.
Well, nothing has really changed, so you're not missing anything.
Finally politely disagree by saying some things are maybe the same, but the last time you were there you saw a lot of changes.
Answer.
Well, some things may be the same, but the last time I was there, I saw a lot of changes.
Now let's practice some of the vocabulary we've covered in this lesson.
In a moment, you'll hear a series of sentences with a word replaced with a beep.
Repeat each sentence, including the missing word.
For example, if you hear...
You can say, Not sure I chose the right outfit for such a swanky restaurant.
After each response, we'll provide the correct answer.
Let's begin.
I think it was a smart...
Answer.
I think it was a smart move to hire Andy instead of Jeff.
I'm sorry, but I think there are some major... to our HR policies.
Answer.
I'm sorry, but I think there are some major shortcomings to our HR policies.
Hotels and other companies in the industry are having a hard time these days.
Answer.
Hotels and other companies in the hospitality industry are having a hard time these days.
Answer.
This September, I'm celebrating my 10th anniversary with the company.
We've reached the end of this lesson on deepening your connection with colleagues you've just met.
We've learned how to comment on places and ask number-based questions.
We've also looked at how to turn the conversation back to the other person, build rapport and politely disagree.
For more practice.
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Thanks for listening and see you again soon.
