This is an All Ears English podcast, episode 58, The Unspoken Rules of Dating in English in America.
Welcome to the All Ears English podcast where you'll finally get real native English conversation and fluency for business and life.
We believe in connection, not perfection, when it comes to learning English.
Now here are your hosts Lindsay McMahon, the English adventurer, and Michelle Kaplan, the New York radio girl, coming to you from Boston and New York City, USA.
Today get three questions and three answers about dating in American culture.
Listen in for top insight into how Americans date.
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Hey, Lindsay, how are you?
Hey, Michelle, how's it going today?
Pretty good, pretty good.
Oh my gosh, today we're going to talk about a topic that I think people love to talk about.
Oh, people love to talk about dating, Michelle, because we've all got experience with this, right?
Dating.
Maybe we're dating someone, maybe we're already married, but we've experienced dating right.
And today we're talking about dating in America specifically.
Are you excited for this?
I am excited.
I love this topic.
Yes, Lindsay.
Today, we're going to ask each other questions about dating and go through it.
I'm going to ask you the first one.
Are you ready?
I'm ready.
I'm ready.
And actually, before we get into that, guys, we want to send you to episode 59.
If you're listening to this and episode 59 is already live, we know our next episode is going to be about three phrases to use when dating in America.
So go to that one and then come back to this one.
I'm ready for your question, Michelle.
Here we go.
All right.
Lindsay, how do you tell someone that you like them?
Oh man, this is such an art, right?
It's tricky.
So I actually think you would do it more through gestures, sometimes depending on their love language.
And we've talked about this on the show. gifts or maybe doing special tasks for someone.
But if you would just want to keep it simple, you could say something in English like I like spending time with you or I enjoy your company.
That sounds very formal though, Michelle, doesn't it?
I enjoy your company.
Yes, it does.
It's very fun.
But I like spending time with you, or Yeah, like oh, we have fun together, or you know things like that.
Yeah, we have fun together.
Yeah.
Or you could also talk about how you want to hang out next time.
Like, this is great.
We should do it again.
Yeah.
Things like that.
So...
I think when it comes to love and dating, it's more about what you do than what you say, right?
I agree.
I agree.
I think people can kind of tell there's a look on your face, a twinkle in your eye.
A twinkle in your eye.
I love that.
Michelle, I have a question for you now.
I have a question, right?
So how can you know if someone likes you romantically speaking?
What do you think?
I mean This can be very different across cultures, right?
Yeah, i mean it goes like to what we were saying, like there's kind of a look on their face, you know they.
Maybe you can tell they get nervous around you.
I mean this can be yeah like, very different in different cultures.
But in american culture, like i think, if somebody sends you a text message often or if like they well, this is tough because there's also the playing hard to get aspect right, like if somebody returns your text message quickly, I think you can pretty much think like oh, they might like you.
If they don't return it quickly, then it's a little bit more of a game.
Like, are they, do they like me and they're playing hard to get, or do they not like me?
So I can't.
I don't think that there's one easy answer for this.
I think if we Lindsay, if the two of us like like, gave the answer right today, I think we'd be very, very rich.
Like to know the answer to that question.
Yeah, I think it's.
I think in American culture a lot of it is about is about eye contact.
It's kind of a special, like you said, the twinkle it's.
It's kind of a special kind of way that someone looks at you.
If they like you romantically it's maybe slightly extended eye contact, more than you would normally look at, like a coworker or a friend, right?
A different kind of eye contact.
They pay attention to you more in a group.
Maybe they, like let's say you're in a group, right?
You're going out with a bunch of friends and someone likes you in that group.
When people are all looking at each other, they probably look to you a lot.
Like they look at you and your reactions.
I think I've read somewhere that that's a sign.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Body language situation.
Yeah, for sure.
And then if you're having coffee or dinner, if they invite you for coffee or dinner, that could be a sign.
And then what about in terms of who pays?
Could there be another sign here?
Yeah, maybe the person who likes the other person might offer to pay, but things are changing so much with that.
But if somebody like invites you and then they're like you know oh, like my treat, like you know, there's a chance.
There's a chance.
Yeah, there's a, yeah, for sure.
So you have to be careful these days.
But yeah, I think definitely another key sign guys, is when they pay attention very closely to what you say.
And then maybe let's say okay, let's say on a Friday you go out for a date or it's a date.
You're not sure if it's a date or not right,
You don't know if the person likes you.
And you happen to mention you have an interview on Wednesday.
Let's say you receive a text from that person Wednesday morning.
Hey, good luck on your interview.
There's probably a good chance that they're attracted to you.
Not necessarily.
It could just be a friend saying that.
But if you get that kind of thing repeatedly from them, What do you think, Michelle?
Do you agree?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think so.
I think so.
I think just like it's and then there's this just this feeling that you get like.
Yeah intangible right, michelle?
Yeah, i think there's a lot about a lot of that.
I mean, then there's always this question is this a date, is this not a date?
And you know things, things like that.
It's not.
There's no one easy answer.
But these are some clues.
But lindsey, here's the question is how do you know when someone is not interested in you romantically, i think?
I think I'm just saying this off the cuff.
I think one thing that's a clear sign and this is cultural.
So this is where our listeners are going to want to really listen up, guys.
If you, let's say, if you ask someone out, or if they ask you out, like there's an idea of going out together, and then they say hey, actually let's go out with my friends.
Let's all go together.
Right.
That's sometimes a way of them trying to diffuse the group and make it not be so one on one, not be so intense, and trying to blend you and just make you kind of one of their friends in a group.
The friend zone, the friend zone we could do a whole other episode Michelle, on the friend zone.
I think we probably should.
But but I know in Europe I think I've heard, like in Spain and guys you can correct us if we're wrong that often that's how people go on dates and like double, triple dates are very common.
So it could be really different between Europe and the US.
Very interesting.
Yeah, that's true.
I don't know.
But I think that's a good point, Lindsay.
Yeah, you got to be careful.
Anything else, Michelle, that you can think of that would be a sign someone's not interested?
Yeah, I mean, I think that they constantly make excuses for not wanting to hang out, right?
Like I think you know that they're always busy, or you know, if somebody likes you they will make the time for you.
I think I've shared this before on the podcast, probably.
But if not, you'll probably laugh at this.
So, you know, like the whole concept of the Sadie Hawkins dance.
Did you have that in school?
Sadie Hawkins?
I know the term, but I can't remember what it is.
Yeah, it means that the girl asked the guy.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
In the heterosexual world, right?
In high school, we had the Sadie Hawkins dance in my school in February.
And so that was my chance to ask a boy to the dance.
And I remember freshman year, sophomore year, There was this guy, his name was Nick, and I liked him.
I thought he was cute.
And I asked him to the Sadie Hawkins dance and his excuse that he couldn't go was that he had to have his blood thickened.
What?
Yeah, he couldn't go because he had to go to the doctors and have his blood thickened.
Oh, my gosh.
I mean, maybe it's true.
Like, he had a disease, an illness, and he had to go.
But that's such a weird thing to hear when you get your confidence up, you know?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, sorry.
It's just funny.
I don't know.
Yeah.
I think like if they if, like you know, you ask someone to do something and they have an excuse, but they don't like.
If they say like, oh, but can we do next week?
You know, like if they show that they still are interested, then you like know that like okay, it's actually an excuse.
Right.
It's just like oh no sorry, I can't, but you know another time.
You know like that sounds like somebody just being polite.
Just not interested.
Trying to not, Yeah.
There's that book.
He's just not that into you.
He's not that into you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Did you what did you read that book?
I didn't.
But like, I know the idea.
It's like I think I'm pretty sure the idea is just like you will know what the person likes you.
And if you have to ask and you have to like, really wonder, then he or she is just not that into you.
Exactly michelle, it's so interesting and there's a movie too.
That's really cute.
It's a cute movie.
I love it.
It's a really good movie.
It's a rom-com i'm surprised you haven't seen it.
A rom-com based in new york, i mean um, but it's great.
I'm like the rom-com girl.
I don't even, i'm not even like that, like okay okay, i got the wrong impression, all right.
I kind of like some rom-com bubble gum.
No, I'm just joking.
Like, but I do.
I mean, I do like a good rom-com from time to time.
You do like a good, well, check that one out.
Then next time you're watching Netflix or something.
It's cute, but it's so true, especially for guys.
Women, I think kind of...
Can play games a little more.
They can kind of make you wonder and make you guess.
But I think guys are very straightforward.
You know, if you're looking to date a guy and he, you know you ask him out, he doesn't suggest another time.
He doesn't like you.
He's just not interested.
So I think as we get older, it's good for us to kind of just take the hint and just respect ourselves and not try to keep coming after someone, right.
Who's clearly showing the signs of not being interested, right?
Right, right, right.
And Lindsay, there's one more tip, you know, we wanted to share.
Like you generally don't become boyfriend, girlfriend with those labels after just one date.
It usually takes a long time for people to date exclusively.
And yeah, but now there's like a whole thing about like when do you put a label on it, or are they important?
So, you know, a lot to discuss there.
Yeah, we'll probably talk about this more in the podcast, I'm sure.
But this is a great topic, right?
Because it's not like there's a set time in our culture where it's like okay, four months or three weeks or five dates right.
But it's usually, I feel like most people usually have the exclusive conversation, or between months, one or one to three, you think something like that.
Yeah, I think so.
Yeah.
But everyone's different.
And some people never go exclusive or take a lot more time to go exclusive.
So everyone kind of has their own idea.
And then there's culture baked in here.
So this is a great topic.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, good stuff.
I'm excited to talk more about that.
All right, Michelle.
So guys, if you love All Ears English, if you love this new way to learn English, where we focus on connection, not perfection, then hit follow.
Right, Michelle?
They got to hit follow.
Follow, follow, follow.
Yes.
All right.
Awesome.
Let's jump off the mic for today.
I'll see you in the next one.
I'm jumping.
Bye.
Bye.
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