This is an All Ears English podcast, episode 139 four lessons from Michelle's move to New York City.
Welcome to the All Ears English podcast where you'll finally get real native English conversation and fluency for business and life.
We believe in connection, not perfection when it comes to learning English.
Now, here are your hosts.
Lindsay McMahon, the English adventurer, and Michelle Kaplan, the New York radio girl, coming to you from Boston and New York City, USA.
In this episode, you will get to hear what Michelle learned through her move to New York City.
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Hey Lindsay, how are you?
Hey Michelle, I'm really excited to be here today.
How are you feeling?
I'm feeling good.
I'm feeling good.
I'm ready to give some wisdom today.
Oh my gosh guys.
On this show we are all about challenging experiences and learning from our lives.
Not just learning English, but learning how to live a better life.
And Michelle, I know you live in what I think is maybe the greatest city in the world.
One of them, New York City.
Now, how long have you been living in New York City?
Oh, many years now.
I'm over 10.
Okay.
So 10 years ago, you made the move to the big city, to New York City.
And in today's episode I would love to know your advice, like four lessons that you learned that our listeners could apply to their lives, their challenges, maybe even their English learning about your move, the things that you learned moving to the city.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
Oh, my gosh.
There's so much. that I learned from this experience.
I think it was one of the big things that shaped my entire life.
So yeah, four lessons that I learned from moving to New York City.
So guys, when I moved to New York, I knew just like a couple people.
Wow.
I moved in originally just with the idea of it being for the summer.
And I kind of like gave myself a deadline and see how it goes.
And if I don't get a job, I was temping while I was working.
And if I don't get a job by the end of the summer, I'll have to move home.
Oh, my gosh.
Temping must be hard, by the way.
Temping, seems really, because it seems like you have to learn everything about a new office all the time.
How did you do that?
One day I'll make a episode maybe about temping.
Yeah.
But I mean, I didn't like it.
I mean.
Well, I did have one really good experience where this was back in like the DC area and I was for a month.
I actually attempt for Goodwill.
Oh, interesting.
Okay.
And I did event planning and it was a whole month and I like really got close with my coworkers and it was really good.
But then I had when I moved to New York.
I had like one really bad experience with a large brand and I boycotted them ever since because they were very good to me.
Well, let's make sure our listeners know temping what that means exactly.
So what, what was?
What does it mean to temp, to be a temp or to temp as a verb?
To temp is like you become part of an agency and you like, have certain skills and then a company who maybe somebody's out on maternity leave, Maybe someone's just out for whatever, or they just need someone to help on a project.
Okay.
Right.
Like they'll like hire someone for like a few weeks or it could be there's also temp to perm.
Right.
So like some jobs are like, oh, you got like it's like starts out being like a one month job.
But then there's a possibility it will turn into a permanent job.
Interesting.
Okay.
So you were mostly in the corporate world doing this.
Yeah.
Or was it?
Yeah.
I haven't heard much about this.
Interesting.
Okay.
So Michelle, what would be the first lesson then from your, let's go back to New York City.
So All right.
I would love to talk about that another day, though, by the way.
Yeah, that would be really cool.
So let's go back to it.
So what would be the first lesson you learned moving to New York City that our listeners could apply to their lives, their challenges?
All right, so the first one is to take it one day at a time, right?
So know that okay, I mean, these are personal stories that I'm happy to share.
But I remember like being on the corner uh, like outside of my apartment, and i was on the phone with my brother and i was crying to him and i was like i made a mistake, like i like this is not good, and he was like and he said michelle, you have to like try it, like you got to do this for like a year, like you have to try it, and i was like a year and it felt like How can you say that to me?
It felt like there is no way I can do a year and now it's been like 10.
Oh, wow.
So take it one day at a time and know that it will take at least a year to really know how you feel about something.
Um, like don't.
But the other thing is like don't evaluate your feelings every day, don't be like like, because they could change.
Like one day you'll feel great, one day you'll feel terrible, and like if you, if you put too much stock on like every single day and like let it weigh too heavily, then it's gonna seem so extreme.
Like take inventory of your feelings, like every couple months, like Just be like, just kind of look at it as like you're just, you're just along for the ride for those you know moments.
So it can be too nerve wracking if you evaluate it every day.
It's like it's like they say, don't weigh yourself.
You know, if you're on a weight loss plan or something.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like taking the temperature too often of something can make it too intense.
Okay.
So I think a lot of our listeners will really be able to use this tip if you guys have just moved to the US or another English speaking country.
It's lonely, right?
It's really hard at times when you've made that huge adjustment.
But this is good advice.
And I'm glad that your brother offered such good advice, you know, because he does.
He always gives good advice.
Yeah, that was really good advice.
And it's so true.
I totally agree.
You've got to give it time.
You should not make decisions based on snap emotions.
Never make a decision when you're crying or really happy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And look at me now.
Look at you now.
You've been able to do it, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Love it.
Yeah.
And then the next thing is to lean on your support system.
So make sure that you speak about your fears and your successes to a support system.
So for me, that day I called my brother when I was really sad.
It doesn't have to be a support system that's with you physically.
I did have a couple people that I knew, But it just you know someone who you check in with, like you know, just like lean on your family, like be honest about how you're feeling.
Like, but you know, sometimes just like getting those emotions out, or like if it's hard or whatever it is.
You know it's good to have that support system and know who those people are, know who you can talk to.
Oh my gosh, it's so true.
Don't pretend to be tough when you're not, you know what I mean?
Because we're not, we need to show emotion.
We need to work through things because if you have that moment to cry with someone, whether it's on the phone or in person, you know maybe you're lonely, you miss home then you will be able to separate the emotions from the reality, which is just that you're adjusting right.
It's not that the place is awful and you have to go home, it's you're adjusting to it.
It's such a big change yeah yeah, and i think it's interesting what you said about pretending to be tough, like i've always like had a hard time with that, like i'm not like one for that, but There are, you know.
It goes back to the whole like oh, how are you?
Oh, I'm good.
How are you?
I'm good.
Or like sometimes like yeah, sometimes like you like, like you look around and you think everyone's having a great time.
Yeah.
And everyone's adjusting easily but me.
But you don't know what's going on.
So it's like, yeah, no, you know, yeah, we never we only see the good stuff for people.
If we greet people that way, the way we do in American culture, we never really know.
So don't be afraid to cry to the right people.
Obviously don't cry to the wrong people like your boss or something you know like.
Imagine if you had like broken down in the middle of the office right when you're temping.
Maybe that happened.
I don't know.
Yeah, I didn't say it didn't.
No, I don't think it did um, but yeah, i have that support system.
Know who you know who that the people in that circle are.
Yeah, i love it.
What else, michelle?
The other one is anticipate the ups and downs.
So anticipate it, right?
Yeah.
Yes.
Yes.
Know that you will have bad days.
Know that things will be hard or something will be challenging to you, or frustrating or disappointed.
Yeah.
If you anticipate it and realize there will be ups and downs right, you'll be prepared and just you'll see them like from the outside, like from above, rather than being too inside yourself.
Just be like, yep, like I, you know, I know that this is going to happen.
Like I know that it'll be a hard day.
And when you get to that hard day, you'll be like, OK, here it is like.
Yeah.
And you can kind of look at it differently than just being like going into something and being like this is going to be awesome.
Like every second, you know.
Oh, my God.
It's so true.
And that really is mindfulness 101.
That's what that is.
Right.
Mindfulness is stepping back and looking at your mind from out, from another perspective, like being able to observe the mind is mindfulness.
So that's so healthy.
Right.
That, you know, it's not me that's doing it.
It's just an emotion I'm feeling at this moment.
Right.
It's not your whole being and your whole self all the time.
It's just how it feels now.
And then just like the ocean, it'll keep moving.
Right.
So the ups and downs.
And, you know, it doesn't mean that you can't be like optimistic.
Right.
And like be like, OK, maybe things will be great.
But like just like just be like, you know, I'm likely to have a hard day.
Yes.
Yeah.
So.
I love that.
Yeah, that's what I would say.
All right.
I love it.
So those are the first three.
And guys, again, write these ideas down.
If you've just moved to the United States, or if you're planning a move, if you're attempting anything new where you're going to be outside of your comfort zone.
Let's get our fourth tip here from Michelle.
What is the fourth one?
All right, guys, put yourself out there.
Right.
So, you know, we talk about connection, not perfection on this show.
Connection.
Try to meet new people and make new friends.
When I first moved to New York, like I was living in so I was living in kind of a dorm.
And so I had a room.
It was it was gross.
But like I had a room to myself.
OK.
And then I shared like a bathroom on a floor outside.
And I would literally like in the beginning.
This is like such a sad, like I'm so pathetic on this episode.
But like I would literally go to like my temp job and then I would eat something and I would go up in my room and watch like Sex and the City on my computer all night.
Yeah.
Like, the whole evening.
And, like, you know, it was because I was sad.
Like, it was hard.
But I assume that our listeners might identify with doing this sometimes.
Like I mean, I just was talking with a student about oh, like it's so quiet and it's so hard to make friends and blah blah, blah.
Yeah.
And it is.
And but, but just like once I started, like it kind of like snowballs, like you meet one person, then you might meet one of their people.
Then you meet one of their people.
And, like all of a sudden, you're living in New York with your, with your husband and your child, and you don't know what happened.
Yeah.
And you're like, where did the time go?
And like, you know, so it's so it's just kind of funny is just like, put yourself out there.
And I mean my mom, always like would say like look at yourself as like you're a journalist or you're a scientist, like it's all an experiment and like just try new things.
Again, like find ways to like take yourself, like to get out of your head and just to be like okay, like you know, don't even think of yourself as yourself.
Be like, okay, I'm just like...
I'm just finding out information.
I'm just seeing, you know, what's happening.
I'm investigating.
But like, maybe try and remove yourself a little bit from like the pressure of like I have to meet my best friend right now.
Yeah, that's so good.
I feel like the theme here is mindfulness.
It's observing yourself not being so heavily rooted in Every single moment that it's letting.
It's knocking you down every time right.
Like the wind to a tree, like no, the tree comes back up and it stands tall.
Once that emotion moves past you right.
I can totally identify with this, Michelle.
Thanks for sharing that.
I mean, you're...
You know, going back home, watching Sex and the City.
I've been in that place before.
Absolutely.
You know, being abroad and being kind of like just overwhelmed, not feeling like going outside of my apartment, just feeling comfort in my iPad and a book and bringing my food home at like four back into my room.
Right.
You buy your dinner, a sandwich on the street, you bring it home, you don't have to go out again.
Absolutely.
I think our listeners are totally going to identify with this.
But there are things we can do, right, to help ourselves in these situations.
Yeah, exactly.
Exactly.
And I'll leave you with this quote that I may say on the show again.
And I don't know where I heard it.
I have no idea.
But your highs are never as high as you as you think they are.
And your lows are never as low as you think you are.
And somebody like brought that to my attention talking about New York and And I think it's true.
Like you know, don't get like too too psyched when everything is, you know perfect, and don't get too too down when you know like it's never.
Everything seems so much more extreme especially, I think, when moving to a new place, especially New York.
So yeah, 100%.
I love that.
Thanks for sharing this with us, Michelle.
I think a lot of our listeners are going to feel comfort in this.
And guys, if you are going through this right now, some kind of transition that's hitting you hard right in the heart, just know, as Michelle, just take these lessons.
Listen to this episode again right, Michelle?
Listen again, go through these lessons, write them down and follow this advice.
So good.
Definitely, guys.
Thanks for listening to my story.
And you're not alone.
And everybody goes through hard times.
And guys, you know, but you can do it.
Then, who knows, in 10 years, then you'll look back and you'll be, you know, telling these stories to someone else.
I love it.
So good.
All right.
Thanks, Michelle, for hanging out.
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Awesome.
I'll see you in the next one.
All right.
Bye, Lindsay.
Bye.
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