This is an iHeart Podcast guaranteed human.
I'm Clayton Eckerd.
In 2022, I was the lead of ABC's The Bachelor.
But here's the thing.
Bachelor fans hated him.
If I could press a button and rewind it all, I would.
That's when his life took a disturbing turn.
A one-night stand would end in a courtroom.
The media is here.
This case has gone viral.
The dating contract. agree to date me, but I'm also suing you.
This is unlike anything I've ever seen before.
I'm Stephanie Young.
Listen to Love Trapped on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
I need to tell you something and it might frustrate you.
You have access to what is arguably the most powerful personal development tool ever created in human history.
It's sitting on your phone right now.
You probably used it this morning and you're using it to write emails, fix grammar and ask it what to make for dinner.
That's like being handed a private jet and using it to store luggage.
I'm talking about AI, ChatGPT, Claude, whatever you use.
And before you roll your eyes and think this is another 10 AI hacks to boost your productivity episode, it's not.
I'm not going to teach you how to automate your inbox or write better LinkedIn posts.
I'm going to show you how to use this tool to do something that no app, no course or no journal has ever been able to do at this speed.
Have an honest structured, zero judgment conversation with yourself about who you are, what you actually want, where you're stuck and what to do about it.
Because here's what nobody is talking about.
The most powerful use of AI is not productivity, it's self-awareness.
And self-awareness is the single skill that predicts success in relationships career, health and mental wellbeing.
More than IQ, more than talent, more than education, more than connections.
Dr Tasha Urich's research found that, although 95 of people believe they're self-aware, only about 10 to 15 of people actually are.
That gap between who you think you are and who you actually are is where most of your problems live.
And, for the first time in history, you have a tool that can help you close that gap on demand at midnight, without an appointment, without the fear of being judged, without the pride that keeps you from being honest with another human being.
Now, I do want to be really careful before I go on and say this.
AI is not a replacement for human connection.
If you try to do that, it will probably worsen your life, but it is a great place to reflect, to have deeper, more profound conversations with the people around you.
It is an incredible tool for self-awareness that you can use to then elevate and connect with other people around you.
Do not let AI replace humans in your life.
It won't serve you well.
And at the same time, don't forget that, even though it doesn't judge you, sometimes it does hype you up for no reason.
So you've got to be careful about that as well.
Today, I'm going to give you seven ways to use AI as the most powerful personal growth tool you've ever touched.
Not theory, exact prompts, exact frameworks.
Things you can do tonight that will show you parts of yourself you've been avoiding for years.
But first, I need to reframe what this tool actually is.
Because the way you think about it right now is the reason you're wasting it.
Most people think of ChatGPT as a search engine that talks back.
You ask it a question, it gives you an answer.
That's level one.
That's the luggage in the private jet.
Here's what ChatGPT actually is when you use it correctly.
It's an externalized thinking partner.
It's a mirror that talks.
It's the conversation you need to have with yourself, but can't.
Because when you try to think about your own life, your own patterns, your own blind spots, your brain does something incredibly unhelpful.
It protects you.
Psychologists call this the introspection illusion.
Dr Emily Pronin at Princeton has published research showing that when we look inward, we don't actually see ourselves clearly.
We see a curated, self-serving narrative.
We skip over the uncomfortable parts.
We rationalize.
We reframe failures as bad luck and successes as talent.
Not because we're dishonest, but because the brain's job is to maintain a coherent self-image.
And coherence requires editing.
This is why journaling often goes in circles.
This is why thinking about your problems at 2am makes them worse, not better.
This is why talking to yourself in your own head rarely produces breakthroughs.
Your brain is both the investigator and the suspect.
It can't interrogate itself honestly.
But when you type your thoughts into ChatGPT and ask it to reflect them back to you reorganized reframed challenged, you're doing something your brain can't always do alone.
You're creating cognitive distance.
You're externalizing the internal monologue so you can look at it instead of being trapped inside it.
Dr Ethan Cross at the University of Michigan, one of the leading researchers on self-talk and emotional regulation, has shown that even small acts of psychological distancing, like referring to yourself in the third person, dramatically improve your ability to reason about your own problems.
You gain clarity the moment you stop being inside the thought and start looking at it from the outside.
Chat GPT doesn't just give you distance, it gives you structured distance.
It can organize your chaos.
It can find the pattern in your rambling.
It can ask the follow-up question you'd never think to ask yourself because your ego is standing in the way.
That's what we're going to use it for today.
The seven uses.
Use number one, the life audit you've been avoiding.
Let's start with the thing most people will never do on their own, because it's too uncomfortable and too overwhelming.
Most people have never sat down and honestly evaluated where they actually stand across the major areas of their life.
Not where they think they stand, not where they tell people they stand where they actually stand.
Health, relationships, career, finances, mental state, personal growth, purpose.
The reason most people avoid this is simple.
Confronting the gap between where you are and where you want to be triggers what psychologists call cognitive dissonance the discomfort of holding two contradictory beliefs simultaneously.
I believe I'm someone who has their life together versus I haven't exercised in four months and I'm in debt.
The brain resolves this discomfort not by changing behavior, but by avoiding the information.
You don't look at your bank account.
You don't step on the scale.
You don't ask yourself hard questions, because not knowing is more comfortable than knowing and not acting.
ChatGPT eliminates the social cost of dishonesty.
There's no face on the other side.
No judgment, no pity, no one who will bring this up at dinner next week.
Here's the prompt, and I mean use this word for word.
I want to do an honest life audit.
I'm going to rate the following areas of my life from 1 to 10 and give you a brutally honest description of where I am in each one.
After I'm done, I want you to identify the patterns.
You see, the areas where I'm lying to myself and the one change in each area that would create the most momentum.
Be useful the areas of physical health, mental health, romantic relationship friendships, career fulfillment, finances and fun.
I'll go one at a time.
Then go through each one.
Don't perform.
Don't write what you tell someone you're trying to impress.
Write what's actually true.
The messier, the better.
What you'll get back will make you uncomfortable.
That's how you know it's working.
ChatGPT will find the thread between your three out of 10 in health and your four out of 10 in energy and your five out of 10 in career fulfillment and say something like the pattern here suggests that your physical neglect isn't separate from your professional stagnation.
They're feeding each other.
That's not a generic insight.
That's a connection your brain wouldn't make on its own, because it's been too busy keeping those categories in separate mental drawers so they don't confront each other.
Do this once, just once.
It will reorganize how you see your own life.
Use number two, reverse engineer your self-sabotage patterns.
This one's going to feel like being read by a psychic, except it's not psychic, it's pattern recognition.
And pattern recognition is what AI does better than any human on the planet.
Here's a truth most people resist.
You don't have a hundred problems.
You have two or three problems that are creating a hundred symptoms.
Let me say that again.
You don't have 100 problems.
You have two or three problems that are creating a hundred symptoms.
The person who can't commit in relationships is often the same person who can't finish projects at work and also can't stick with a workout program.
It's not three separate failures, it's one pattern likely a fear of completion, because completion invites judgment, expressing itself across multiple domains.
But you'll never see that pattern on your own, because from inside your life each problem looks separate.
Each failure has its own story, its own justification, its own, but that situation's different.
Here's the prompt.
I'm going to describe five situations where I felt stuck failed, self-sabotaged or quit something important.
I want you to analyze them not as separate events, but as expressions of a deeper pattern.
What am I actually afraid of?
What belief about myself is driving this?
What is the hidden payoff I'm getting from this pattern, the thing it protects me from?
Be direct, don't sugarcoat it.
Then describe five situations.
The relationship that didn't work out.
The job you quit right when it was getting good.
The goal you abandoned at 70.
The conversation you avoided, the opportunity you talked yourself out of.
What comes back will be uncomfortable because AI doesn't have a stake in your self-image.
It just sees the data and the data usually tells a story you've been avoiding.
I had someone tell me they did this and the response identified that every situation they described involved leaving before they could be evaluated.
Not failing, leaving.
Most of us leave something because of a fear of judgment before we ever fail.
Most of us don't start something because we're scared of judgment. before we even try.
Because somewhere deep in their operating system was the belief that being evaluated would reveal that we weren't enough.
So we built a life that looked like, I just haven't found my thing.
When the truth was, I keep quitting before anyone can grade my work.
That's not a productivity problem.
That's a core wound wearing a hundred different costumes.
And once you see it, you can't unsee it.
That's the beginning of change.
Use number three, build your personal operating system.
This is where it goes from reflection to architecture.
Most people don't have a personal operating system.
They have a collection of reactions.
Something happens, they respond.
Someone says something, they react.
The day throws a problem at them, they scramble.
There's no underlying framework, no principles they've actually articulated, no rules of engagement with their own life.
They're improvising every day and wondering why they feel chaotic.
The most effective people in history operated from a small set of deliberately chosen principles that govern their decisions.
Not goals principles.
Ray Dalio built the world's largest hedge fund and credits his success almost entirely to what he calls his principles, a written operating system for decision-making.
The Stoics carried a small set of maxims.
They reviewed daily.
Benjamin Franklin tracked 13 virtues on a weekly scorecard.
You can build your own and ChatGPT can help you build it from your own experience instead of someone else's book.
Here's the prompt.
I want to build a personal operating system, a set of five to seven core principles that will guide my decisions, relationships and daily behavior.
But I don't want generic principles from a book.
I want you to help me extract them from my actual life.
I'm going to tell you about my biggest regrets, my proudest moments and the lessons I've learned the hard way.
From those I want you to distill the principles that are already inside me, the ones I discovered through experience but never formally articulated.
Then format them into a personal code I can review every morning.
Then give it the raw material.
Tell it about the time you said yes when you should have said no.
The moment you were proudest of yourself and why.
The relationship that taught you the most.
The failure that changed your trajectory.
The value you hold that you'd never compromise on.
What comes back is not a motivational poster.
It's a mirror of your own hard-won wisdom organized into a structure you can actually use.
Most people walk around carrying profound life lessons that are just floating in the back of their mind, unstructured and unused.
This process pulls them out, names them and turns them into a decision-making framework that is uniquely yours.
Print it, put it on your wall, put it as your phone's wallpaper, read it every morning.
Not because someone told you, but because these are the principles your own pain taught you.
You just never wrote them down.
I'm Clayton Eckerd, and in 2022, I was the lead of ABC's The Bachelor.
Unfortunately, it didn't go according to plan.
He became the first Bachelor to ever have his final rose rejected.
The internet turned on him.
If I could press a button and rewind it all, I would.
But what happened to Clayton after the show made even bigger headlines.
It began as a one-night stand and ended in a courtroom, with Clayton at the center of a very strange paternity scandal.
The media is here.
This case has gone viral.
The dating contract.
Agree to date me, but I'm also suing you.
Please search warrant.
This is unlike anything I've ever seen before.
I'm Stephanie Young.
This is Love Trapped.
This season an epic battle of he said, she said and the search for accountability in a sea of lies.
I have done nothing except get pregnant by the bachelors.
Listen to Love Trapped on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Use four, have the conversation you're afraid to have before you have it.
This is one of the most practically powerful uses of AI for personal growth, and almost nobody's doing it.
You have a conversation you're avoiding right now.
I know you do.
Maybe it's with your partner about something that's been bothering you for months.
Maybe it's with your boss about your role.
Maybe it's with a friend who crossed a boundary.
Maybe it's with a parent about something that happened years ago.
You're avoiding it for one of two reasons.
Either you don't know how to say what you feel without it going sideways, or you're afraid of the response you'll get.
Usually both.
Here's what most people do instead.
They rehearse the conversation in their head over and over, playing both parts, writing the other person's dialogue for them, based on their worst assumptions.
And by the time they've rehearsed it 40 times in the shower.
They've worked themselves into such an emotional state that either they explode when they finally have it or they've convinced themselves it's not worth having at all.
Dr James Penbaker's research at the University of Texas at Austin decades of work on expressive writing shows that the act of putting difficult emotions into structured language reduces their physiological impact.
Literally.
People who wrote about their deepest conflicts showed improved immune function, lower blood pressure and reduced anxiety, compared to people who kept those conflicts internal.
It's not the feeling that hurts you, it's the unstructured, unspoken feeling that hurts you.
ChatGPT lets you structure the unspoken.
Here's the prompt.
I need to have a difficult conversation with the person, their role, not their name.
Here's the situation.
Describe it honestly.
Here's what I feel about having said.
Get it all out.
Don't filter.
Here's what I'm afraid will happen if I say it.
Name the fear.
I want you to help me do three things.
First, help me clarify what I actually need from this conversation.
Not what I want to say, but what outcome I need.
Second, help me find the words that are honest but not destructive.
Third, play the role of this person and respond the way they're most likely to respond, so I can practice navigating it.
That third part is where it gets transformational.
You can actually have the conversation with ChatGPT playing the other person.
Not in a manipulative give me the script to win way, but in a let me practice saying the truth out loud.
So it's not the first time these words leave my body way.
Athletes visualize before they compete.
They train too.
They train the exact ways and methods and strategies that they're going to play.
Surgeons rehearse before they operate.
Why would you go into the most important conversation of your year without a single practice rep?
And here's what happens that most people don't expect.
Often, in the process of writing out what you feel and what you need, you realize the conversation you thought you needed to have is not the conversation you actually need to have.
The real issue surfaces.
The real need clarifies.
And sometimes the conversation becomes unnecessary because the act of externalizing and structuring the feeling was itself the resolution.
Use five, build a custom accountability system that actually works.
Let me tell you why most accountability fails.
It fails because it's built on motivation.
And motivation is neurologically one of the least reliable systems in the human brain.
Motivation is governed largely by dopamine, and dopamine is not a reward chemical, it's an anticipation chemical.
Dr. Andrew Huberman, who we've had as a guest on the show, has explained this extensively.
Dopamine surges when you anticipate a reward, not when you receive it.
This means you get a rush of motivation when you set a goal, buy the gym membership, write the plan and then dopamine drops because the anticipation is over.
The actual work has no chemical reward attached to it.
This is why you have 11 and a half finished journals, four abandoned morning routines and a meditation app you haven't opened since January.
The solution isn't more motivation.
It's a system that doesn't require motivation.
And this is where ChatGPT becomes something no human accountability partner can be.
Here's the prompt.
I want you to be my accountability partner.
Here's the one habit I'm trying to build.
Name it.
Here's my history with it.
How many times I've tried and failed and why I think I keep failing.
Be honest.
Here's what my typical day looks like.
Describe it.
I want you to design a system for me that is so small I can't fail at the starting point.
If I make excuses, call me out.
Not harshly, but directly.
If I'm struggling, help me adjust the system, not abandon it.
Track my streak, celebrate the wins, and if I disappear for a few days, the first thing you should say when I come back is welcome back.
No judgment, let's start again.
The key here is so small I can't fail.
This is based on Dr. BJ Fogg's research at Stanford on behavior design.
Fogg's work, developed over decades and tested across thousands of participants, shows that the most effective way to build a habit is not to set ambitious targets.
It's to make the initial behavior so tiny that it requires almost zero motivation.
Want to meditate?
Start with one breath.
Want to exercise?
Start with putting your shoes on.
The behavior itself is almost irrelevant at the start.
What matters is the repetition, because repetition is what builds the neural pathway that eventually becomes automatic.
ChatGPT won't forget it.
It won't get tired of asking.
It won't judge you for failing on day three.
And, most importantly, it won't let you quietly abandon the commitment, the way you would if nobody was watching.
You're not weak for needing a system.
You're human.
Willpower is a finite neurochemical resource.
Systems are infinite.
Use number six, decode your emotional patterns in real time.
This one is closest to therapy, and I want to be clear.
ChatGPT is not a therapist.
It is not a replacement for professional mental health support.
If you're dealing with clinical depression, trauma, or crisis, please seek professional help.
But here's what ChatGPT can do that is genuinely transformative for the millions of people who aren't in crisis but are emotionally stuck.
Most people can describe what they feel.
Angry, sad, anxious, frustrated.
But almost nobody can explain why they feel it.
Not the surface reason, not the trigger, the real reason.
You think you're angry at your partner for not doing the dishes.
But the anger is disproportionate to the offense.
The real trigger is that the undone dishes activated a belief you've been carrying since earlier in your life that your needs don't matter, that you'll always be the one who has to carry things that no one shows up for you.
Dr Lisa Feldman Barrett, one of the most cited neuroscientists alive, has demonstrated through her research on constructed emotion that emotions are not hardwired reactions.
They are constructed by the brain using past experience, context, and prediction.
Your anger at the dishes is not about the dishes.
It's your brain constructing an emotional response based on a lifetime of similar patterns, but you'll never see that construction in real time, not without an outside perspective that can trace the thread.
Here's the prompt.
I'm having a strong emotional reaction right now, and I want to understand it, not just feel it.
Here's what happened.
Describe the situation.
Here's what I feel.
Name the emotions.
Here's how intense it is on a scale of 1 to 10.
Rate it.
Now here's what I need you to do.
The intensity of my reaction probably doesn't match the size of the event.
That means this is triggering something deeper.
Ask me questions one at a time to help me trace this feeling back to its real source.
Not the surface trigger, the original wound.
Help me find the pattern and then let it ask you questions one at a time.
When was the first time you remember feeling this way?
Who in your early life made you feel like your needs were an inconvenience?
What would you need to hear right now from the person who originally made you feel this way?
This is essentially a guided emotional excavation, and it works because the AI has no agenda.
It's not going to redirect to its own problems.
It's not going to get uncomfortable.
It's not going to minimize what you're feeling because it has its own feelings about the situation.
It's just going to follow the thread.
Use this when you're triggered.
Use this when you have overreacted.
Use this when you're feeling something big and you don't understand why.
The pattern is always there.
You just need someone to help you dig.
Use seven, write the letter you'll never send.
This is the most emotionally powerful use on this list and it costs you nothing but honesty.
There's someone in your life, past or present, who you have unfinished business with.
Someone you never said the real thing to.
Maybe it's a parent who hurt you in ways they'll never understand.
Maybe it's a friend who betrayed you and you never confronted them.
Maybe it's a younger version of yourself that you've been punishing for years.
Maybe it's someone who died before you could tell them what they meant to you.
Dr James Penbaker, the same researcher I mentioned earlier, found that writing unsent letters to people who have hurt you, disappointed you or left your life produces measurable psychological and physiological healing.
Participants who engaged in expressive writing about their deepest relational wounds showed reduced depression, improved emotional regulation and even enhanced immune function effects that persisted for months after the writing.
The reason this works is that unresolved emotional business takes up active cognitive resources.
Dr. E.J.
Masicampo and Dr Roy Bomeister published research showing that unfulfilled goals and unresolved experiences occupy working memory, fragmenting attention and draining mental energy.
Your brain treats them like open browser tabs.
They're always running in the background, consuming resources even when you're not looking at them.
Writing the letter closes the tab, not because the person reads it, because your brain, through the act of structured expression, moves the experience from active processing into resolved memory.
Here's the prompt.
I need to write a letter I'm never going to send.
It's to describe the person in your relationship.
Here's everything I've been carrying that I never said.
Let it all out.
The anger, the grief, the love, the confusion, the hurt, whatever's real.
I want you to help me do two things.
First take what I've written and reflect back to me the core emotions and unmet needs underneath all of it.
What I was really asking for that I never received.
Second, help me write a final version of this letter that is completely honest, completely unfiltered, and says everything I need to say as if I had no fear of consequences.
Do not edit yourself when you write the raw version.
Don't make it fair.
Don't be balanced.
Don't consider their perspective.
That's not what this is for.
This is for you.
This is the thing you've been carrying in your chest for years that you've never put into language, because there was never a safe space to put it.
Here's what I want you to sit with.
You spend hours on your phone every day scrolling content that was engineered to hold your attention but not improve your life.
You consume other people's thoughts, other people's opinions, other people's arguments, other people's carefully curated highlight reels.
And, at the end of the day, you haven't spent a single minute in structured conversation with yourself.
You know yourself less at the end of the day than you did at the beginning, because every piece of external content you consumed pushed you further from your own signal and deeper into everyone else's noise.
The tool that could change that is already on your phone.
It's already free.
It's already available at midnight when you can't sleep because your brain won't stop running.
It's already there at 6am when you start staring at the ceiling wondering why you feel stuck.
All you need is 10 minutes.
Give it a go and let me know how it goes.
I wish you all the best and I can't wait to see you again.
Remember, I'm forever rooting for you and I'm always in your corner.
If this is the year you're finally ready to start that business, level up your goals or build real momentum in your life, you need to hear my conversation with Alex Hormozy.
I have a very simple framework that I encourage people who are starting out to follow, which I call CLOSER.
So C stands for clarify, which you begin the conversation like, hey, why'd you respond to my thing?
This is an iHeart podcast.
Guaranteed human.
