We welcome you to What If World.
Hey there folks, and welcome back to What If World, the show where your questions and ideas inspire off-the-cuff stories.
I'm Mr Rourke, your host, and today I'm going to turn things over to Miss Lynn because we are doing another one of our short story specials.
Honestly, a lot of these end up being about as long as a regular episode.
What makes them so different is that Miss Lynn and I do not know the story going in.
We haven't discussed this at all.
I have not even heard these questions before.
And while Ms.
Lin has heard them because she had someone has to find the questions.
Right.
But that doesn't actually give her an advantage because she doesn't know what I'm going to say.
It might even make it harder because, you know, you might get these preconceived notions.
It's saying yes to each other's ideas.
It's just getting wacky and wild.
And who knows what's going to happen today?
Well, Miss Lynn, you at least know the question.
Or questions, dare I say?
I do.
We have two call-in questions.
The first one is from Carden.
Here's that question.
My name is Carden.
I really like hanging out with my cat and my what if?
World question is what if fred the dog went to the vet and they put him in a cone?
So alabaster zero tries to make him feel better by casting a magic spell, making everyone in a cone, and people keep crashing into walls and it's hard for everybody to do stuff.
And then we have another question from zoe.
Here's zoe.
Hi, my name is Zoe.
I'm six years old.
I love dogs.
And my what if question is, what if a dog named Basil fell down Mr. Eric's stairs?
Bye.
I love your show.
What if Fred went to the vet, got put in a cone and Alabaster cast a spell to make everyone in a cone plus a dog named Basil fell down Mr Eric's stairs.
Wow, Carden and Zoe.
Oh my goodness.
So have you ever, you know, had a dog and a cone, Miss Lynn?
Back when I was little and we had our cats spayed and neutered.
They didn't do the cones back in those.
That's how old I am.
They didn't do the cones back in those days.
And then, of course, we have a dog named Basil who falls down some stairs, and I am already feeling for this dog.
We take it for granted that young kids and young dogs have very little experience with this weird thing that we have made a part of everyday life and can be kind of treacherous if you're not familiar with them.
Um, so I really love the originality of that idea.
And then of course I just it being alabaster specifically, and not abacus, which is so funny, because I think Carden realizes how often I accidentally say the wrong name.
Uh, It is easy to do.
And in the early episodes, I've left them in.
I haven't changed this, even when I remastered them, because I made those mistakes, but people used to love calling me out on it.
And it was just a whole thing, and we'd have like a... Must be mistaken.
Must be mistaken.
He would come in and correct me.
Okay, so wonderful walk down memory lane.
Now, let's find out.
What if Fred the dog went to the vet and they put him in a cone?
So Alabaster not Abacus tried to make him feel better by putting everyone in a cone and everyone's crashing into walls and it's hard to do stuff.
And what if a dog named Basil fell down some stairs?
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Fred the Dog had been looking for new places to live, along with J.F.
Cat and Dancy Pansy.
Now, if you don't remember that...
Don't worry about it.
But Fred the Dog was lucky enough to find an excellent realtor, a dog named Basil.
Well, hello, Fred.
My name is Basil the Realtor.
Basil, you are such a really good realtor.
I actually don't know that.
It's just that you're the only dog realtor that I could find.
And, uh...
And that's just because all I was doing was sniffing around and asking dogs if they were realtors.
And you said yes.
Yes.
It is a very niche market.
I have a few places for us to work at today.
Whoa, that's wonderful.
This first place.
It looks and I don't mean to doubt your realtor abilities at all, but it does look like a hole dug into the ground near a hollow in a tree.
Yes, this is what we call a basement apartment.
Does it not suit your needs, a basement apartment?
Okay well, let's just, you know, let's just get down here and uh, you know, just see, hold on, the opening is a little too small.
Let me make it bigger.
Yeah, you gotta.
You gotta kind of nudge it.
Oh yeah, They put a really big wooden door that has a very sort of hobbit hobbled kind of feel.
It is naturally cool with no air conditioning.
Yeah.
No air of any kind, actually.
Okay.
Well, yeah, so let's just see.
Oh, it is a little dark down here.
Have you noticed?
I guess that basements are kind of dark.
Yes, it leaves a lot of room for you to make it your own with your accessories.
All I know is I want to go down here.
I want to check this out with my new realtor friend, Basil.
So here's what I'm going to do.
I'm going to hold on to you with my tongue.
And we're going to go side by side down the dark steps into the basement.
Because what could possibly go wrong, right?
I'm positive that nothing can go wrong.
Oh, no.
Something immediately went wrong.
Oh, my back.
Oh, my hind leg.
Oh, brother.
I think that is my hind leg.
Oh, my hind leg's on your hind leg and your other leg's on top of my leg.
And we're, this is a mess.
That is my other hind leg.
I think we need to call the vet.
Veterinarian here.
What seems to be the problem?
Dad, you're not a veterinarian.
You're Alabaster Zero.
I want to see your veterinarian license.
Oh, uh, yeah.
Let me just go ahead and...
Check that out.
It says that I am qualified to handle an emergency type situation with the jurisdiction of the legalities issued by the properties of What If World's almost possibly a registered trademark soon, but not quite yet.
That sounds pretty legit.
And so Alabaster Zero, shining a flashlight down, crawled into this little basement tree hollow and lifted up the wounded dogs, bringing them to an actual vet.
Welcome to the Cleo Castle.
I will be taking care of you today.
I've been around for a long time and I have studied many things, including how to care for dogs, even though sometimes they bother me.
I did notice that every one of your patients is in a cone.
We had the discussion on the way over here that no matter what happens, we don't want to go into a cone because it looks uncomfortable.
And it totally breaks my vibe.
I understand the importance of vibe, but you must understand the importance of...
Of working hips and legs.
She kind of got us there.
She makes a decent point.
My clients say that they're not going to get a cone no matter what.
And I, Alabaster Zero, have never lost or solved a mystery.
Have basically never made any mistake at all.
And we cut to Fred the Dog and Basil in a cone.
As well as Alabaster Zero.
I think I just had this coming.
That did not work out how I had hoped.
I mean, you tried to disagree with Cleocatra.
That was your first mistake.
Oh, man.
I can't live in a cone.
I normally like to pop my collar, but now it's like I don't have a choice to pop it back down.
It's just like my collar's permanently up.
Permanently popped, it is.
I didn't want a perma-pop.
If it's not optional, it's not cool.
It's not a choice.
Optional only.
I truly do not care.
That's normally kind of a hurtful thing to say to other people, but I respect your commitment to your vibe.
It is on brand.
All right, here's my plan.
We're going to sneak in to Abacus P Grumbler's office, grab a wand and get these cones off of all of us so that we feel better.
I like the idea, but I am a little bit dubious about the execution.
One thing you should realize about me, Alabaster Zero, is that I never mess up the execution.
I never fail.
I don't make mistakes.
And furthermore, once in a while, I do things even better than people ever expected me to do them in the first- And we cut to everyone in What If World, except for Cleocatra being in a cone.
That was about what I would have predicted.
Well, it's still making you feel better, right?
Because everybody's vibe has been ruined.
Everybody else has a cone too, yeah.
And the best of zero, I declare you to be... Don't say it, Fred.
No, come on.
Not always right.
Oh, it hurts!
This totally appropriate criticism is really hard to handle.
But you know what?
Right or wrong, we all make mistakes.
And what we really need to do is focus on finding an apartment for me.
So, now I'm hoping that we really can find one with a ramp.
Or get a ramp installed, right?
Because of our doggy wheelchairs.
And so accessibility is very important.
And also it would be nice if we had a big window so we could look out at everyone else being in cones and feel less bad about us also being in cones.
I'm still not really sure why that is supposed to make us feel better, but okay.
It's because if everyone else is suffering equally, uh...
You just heard yourself say it, didn't you?
No, I'm not wrong again.
I can't be wrong more than three times in an episode.
I'm pretty sure that's in my contract.
You might want to review your contract.
Yeah, Alabaster, I actually don't have contracts with any of my What If World characters.
You're pretty much free to do and say whatever you want.
Oh, well, then in that case...
Cranberry applesauce tartar breaking bread and farts.
Wow.
That was unexpected.
But, as you were doing, what I assume is some kind of profane detective talk.
Yeah, that's the lingo.
I'll catch you up on it later.
We finally got to the next potential home.
Could you describe it for us?
This is a beautiful one-room cabana next to the beach where people come to change into their swimming costumes whoa cabana.
Wait, does that mean that people are gonna be coming into our house all the time so that they can get changed into swimsuits?
That is why the rent is so cheap.
So, On the one hand, you're gonna get to meet a lot of people, and dogs don't really care when people get changed.
That's true, I don't know why everyone makes such a big a deal out of it.
Right, I'm naked all the time.
And on the other hand, uh, that is gonna be a lot of interruptions.
I know, but then people, and people sometimes have food, and sometimes they give you pets.
So, I don't know, this is looking like a pretty good one.
I think it is a win-win situation.
And most importantly, ramps and windows.
Yeah, I'm also wondering why this cabana has such a massive window.
I thought we could put the curtain over that.
The view is one of the biggest selling points.
Excuse me, everyone.
I must get into my swim trunks. says Cthunkle, squeezing his way into the cabana.
And, of course, being a colossal squidopus with an infinite number of arms and tentacles, he is uh taking up a lot of the space.
Hey, why are you still here?
I think we live here now.
That's why the rent is so cheap.
You cannot live in a place where I require privacy.
Just put your eyes up to the ceiling and pretend we are not even here.
Hey, Basil the dog, I have news for you, buddy.
That's not how privacy works.
This time, you're the one who's wrong.
Oh, I thought that would make me feel better, but it didn't.
See, I tried to tell you.
The end.
Oh wow, we almost did it.
We almost found them a place to live.
I really thought the cabana was going to be the winner until the whole people getting dressed thing.
And the giant picture window.
Yeah, sort of a giant picture window.
I mean, to be honest, I love seeing the ocean.
So it's like I would – everything except the people getting dressed.
There is a major selling point for me.
You know, the bay window, the location having a ramp making it accessible to all people uh lovely, lovely place.
I wish i could have had an apartment like that when i was living in new york on my own or, or you know, or when i first moved to la right, except for the people getting changed part right in new york or la you have to make concessions for to fit your budget.
I'm just saying and i think basil did a really nice job of illustrating how, um you're, it's gonna be a mixed experience.
Um, Even if you like your realtor, they might not really pair you with the best place for you.
Right, right.
The realtor's interests are not always the client's interests.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Just saying.
Miss Lynn, were there any moments in this improv that surprised you, or you were feeling flustered, or something sort of like came out of your mouth that you weren't expecting?
Anything like that?
Well, basil's voice.
I didn't really totally, totally.
I was thinking of that i saw.
I wish you could have seen this.
We're talking over zoom and lynn kind of just got this focused look on her face and she like turned away from the camera and sort of closed her eyes for a minute and like her whole body just invented this voice in one single beautiful moment and it was killing me.
The whole episode i laughed out loud so many times.
I'm probably gonna have to edit it out, but that's a really good tip.
It is actually okay, right before a scene starts, to take that moment for yourself.
Some people really want to be like big and flashy and sometimes you just have an idea instantly and that's great too.
But it's okay to just step out, Take that centering breath or close your eyes or look away or whatever you need to do in your mind and your body to give you just that little moment.
And every once in a while, slowing down like that is the biggest gift you can give to yourself and your scene partner.
I know I am always like yes and and like say the first thing, but just take the briefest of pauses.
And sometimes that can just kind of give the magic time to build within you and then jump right in, like Miss Lynn did.
And you might end up with a character like Basil.
The dog, who feels like Fred's long-lost cousin.
Yeah, the dog realtor.
Yeah, he's so great.
That was such a delight.
Folks at home.
When something bad happens to you, does it make you feel any better when bad things happen to other people?
Alabaster thought it might, but it never really did.
What's something good you can imagine happening to other people?
Would that make you feel happy, even if it didn't happen to you?
Talk it over with your grown-up, and maybe it'll inspire your next what-if question.
Fred the Dog here to shout out Oscar, aka Professor Oscar.
Oscar writes, and I quote, I am 10 years old.
I like Roblox, Minecraft, and Pokemon, and horseback riding and swimming.
My favorite what-if character is Fred the Dog.
I live in Sacramento, California.
My sister's name is Momo.
She is seven.
She likes cats and bunnies.
Thank you, Oscar and Momo.
Thank you, Carden and Zoe, for your wonderful questions.
I'd also like to thank Karen O'Keefe, our co-creator, Miss Lynn, my producer and special guest, Craig Martinson, for our theme song, and all you kids at home who know it's okay to be wrong.
And until we meet again, Basil, can you take it away?
Keep wandering.
